When to Keep Your Mouth Shut - California News Times
I am a 40 year old gay man. I live in a dense area of a big city. During COVID, I was sitting at the kitchen table facing the large windows while working from home. Opposite the alley is an apartment with a deck. At one point, I noticed a cute, young, muscular man outside. …
californianewstimes.com
I am a 40 year old gay man. I live in a dense area of a big city. During COVID, I was sitting at the kitchen table facing the large windows while working from home. Opposite the alley is an apartment with a deck. At one point, I noticed a cute, young, muscular man outside. A few weeks later, I came across this guy at a local liquor store. Watching porn one night, I was surprised to find his nudity and a link to his OnlyFans. I subscribed immediately and went through everything including his gay sex video, and yeah, I came. I advised him and made some comments about what content he should put next. He accepted my suggestion and I advised him again. About a week ago he knocked on my door and asked me if I had a jumper cable. That night I found 6 packs of beer by the door and a note from him thanking him for his help. I went back to his page and came hard to drink his beer. I don’t want to have sex with this guy — he’s not really my type and he’s too young. I can pull up a photo of his penis at any time and get off knowing he’ll do anything for a few dollars. But I wonder if it’s crossing the line. He obviously doesn’t know that his neighbor is masturbating to him, and probably wants to separate his pornographic life from his private life. Should I feel gross about this?
— — Rear window
You know something about your neighbor that your neighbor doesn’t know what you know about him, RW, and knowledge is power, having power against someone may be sexy Hmm. Power imbalances are turn-on enough to manufacture them in the absence of people. For those with less power (or abandoning power), it’s a turn-on. For others who have more power (or are given more power), it’s a turn-on.Unless everything is agreed and no one is exploited Or Exploitative, RW, no one needs to feel exaggerated about it. (Note: Make sure no one is being abused during consensual power play Or During consensual sex in the presence of significant power imbalances, thoughtful self-scrutiny, solid communication skills, and willingness to negotiate and renegotiate are required. )
What you are doing is consensual and no one has been exploited. Your hot neighbor publishes his content for gay and bi men to enjoy-and straight and bi women too-and it’s always been a risk to be recognized by someone in a liquor store or on the street. It’s not a big deal to jack off to your neighbor’s video, enjoy the slightest power imbalance, and help him pay his bills in the process. It’s a modern porn business that works as intended.
But even if your hot neighbor doesn’t feel embarrassed about his work-and hope he doesn’t because there’s nothing shameful here-your hot neighbor is his neighbor You may not mind reminding him that he may be masturbating. (Or at least one has confirmed that it is.) If you get to know him better — I’m sure you’ll greet him the next time you meet him at a liquor store — and you To get acquainted and he raised what he is doing to earn a living, RW, you should tell him that you are a subscriber. But up to that point, there is a mistake on the side of closing the mouth and keeping the wallet open. You do not endorse or reinforce the shame of making porn by being cautious. Instead, you make reasonable assumptions about the boundaries that someone in his position is very likely to have, and respect those assumed boundaries.
And finally, RW, whether I believe you when you say this guy isn’t your type, given the number of loads you blew while watching his porn I do not know. And while he may be too young for you, and you can absolutely set the floor, it’s his call whether a man in his forties is too old for him.
My girlfriend gave me an instant blowjob on the way to the party. When we arrived, she kissed our host mutual (and vaccinated) friends with her lips. This friend gave my girlfriend a strange look. I practice good personal hygiene, but I’m sure our host can smell my penis to my girlfriend. Should she refrain from kissing her host? Did you make an excuse to wash your face first? What is the protocol here?
— — Where the mouth was
Kiss someone after giving a blow job to someone else — that’s the risk we all take when kissing people we’re not dating.Hell, that’s the risk some of us take when we kiss our people is Date. But as a courtesy to others, those who have just blown should go to the cheeks instead. Of course, unless they’re kissing that person, they’re just blowing. In that case, open your mouth wide with your tongue.
I am a new polyamory woman in her late 30s. I am a member of the triad. It’s so much fun and wonderful. I also have a boyfriend. That’s why my boyfriend is writing. We have some serious NREs and have spent a lot of time together. I recently met his girlfriend for 1.5 years, and it went crazy for me. He has shared every detail of our relationship with her. She knew a lot about me, all the private jokes we shared, and our intimacy, which made me incredibly uncomfortable. And I knew almost nothing about her, and it was pretty annoying to me. It turns out that this was a boundary I didn’t know I had. I feel betrayed and I feel like there was a secret voyeur in our relationship. I’m really crazy about this guy, but I don’t know how to move forward. How can we feel like we are sharing something special when he goes back to another partner and tells her everything? He said he could adjust his behavior, but I don’t want anyone to change and I don’t have to believe he didn’t report everything to her. Is this what I have to deal with in a polyamory relationship?
— — New poly problem
You don’t want your boyfriend to do anything different — you don’t want him to change — but you don’t want him to continue what he does. Sorry, NPP, but you have to choose one. He will change for you. That is, he “coordinates his behavior” and stops telling everything to other girlfriends, or you’re going to get over him without changing other girlfriends who know everything. Or, if the problem is that his other girlfriend knows nothing about you but knows everything about you, NPP, your boyfriend will now tell you everything about her “he”. You can “coordinate your behavior”, also known as “change”. Or the third option (or the fourth option? I got lost): You can throw him away. If you don’t want to change him and you don’t want him to keep doing what you’re doing, NPP, then let him do it for someone else.
If you want to be with me, is there a way to move forward? There may be. It will be helpful to know why he treated you differently. Did you ask? His other girlfriend may want to hear more about the other person he’s dating — when he hears the details she turns on and when he hears the details she’s safer You may feel, maybe a little bit of both — and he’s too thoughtless or too scared or too inexperienced to ask what you want. If he apologizes to you and explains a different treatment, and if the apology is honest and the explanation is satisfactory, you make him adjust his behavior to make you feel more comfortable, And you can give him enough time to prove that he has changed … you allow him to change.
And finally, NPP, this is what you have to get used to as you continue to explore polyamory. Most polyamory couples make mistakes in terms of sharing too much, not too little. Some Poly people only want a rough overview of their partners, other partners, and NPPs, but some want to hear all the last details. If you don’t want the person you’re dating to share intimate details with other partners, you should ask them not to share them.
