Me: Speaking of vaccines, have you ever gotten the one for HPV yet since we talked about that stuff?
Vinny: No. I haven’t.
Vinny: We didn’t- we didn’t use protection- and that was, like, kind of both of our fault and I’ll even take the credit
for that one. Y’know, like I’m- I will apologize again for that, um, I should’ve been more like ‘Okay listen, we
should, y’know, we should do this’, and we then- It’s just um, not an easy decision to make when you’re both-
like, naked.
Vinny: And I have to say it is very flattering to me that you still want to talk to me like, after all the stuff and
y’know, everything that goes on and- the STD put a damper on the whole thing.
Vinny: You didn’t get, um… weird with me. You were never like, overly clingy. But my limit is so low, that I just
kinda, y’know I just back away. And then y’know someone else shows me interest and then I start thinking about
that.
Vinny: Y’know it does hurt to go back and think about if I- y’know, upset you or hurt you or anyone in general
because that was never my intent, ever? But it just kinda happens that way, and part of it is the status thing of
the, y’know, being the streamer, and the worst part is I still don’t feel that way. You know how fucking celebrity
worship culture can be. You write a couple good songs and suddenly you have the answer to everything.
Vinny: It’s been a slow process but let’s just say there’s a lot of stuff that makes me not happy about myself.
Where… y’know it seems perfectly fine, and it’s perfectly consensual, and then it turns into a huge source of
guilt. And so I just want to get past that in my life.
Vinny: I mean the attraction like I said was definitely real. And- y’know when I saw you at that first convention,
that was- y’know it was there immediately. Um, but I mean the conversation about whether or not what we did
was appropriate, I don’t think it’s anybody’s business except ours. The STD thing was so fucking stupid and I-I
beat myself about that because it’s like ‘well how? Y’know, how did that happen?’ I don’t- I don’t know how that
happened. And I feel bad it was to a nice person? That it happened to you? It’s like, so that bothers me. But um.
Vinny: Like, there are things that I have regrets about and I think about that make me upset and in some ways
sex is a way to forget about it. But at the same time, it doesn’t make it feel any better if someone you like
pushes you away, or like hides a bit, and that’s just who I am. Add to that, that you’re a member of like, a
community or you’re watching my streams and it just becomes more complicated. So- not good. Um, I get it. I
do.
Vinny: I’ll be honest, don’t take this the wrong way, I am- I feel shame- about the fact that I fucked fans. There’s
a great deal of shame. That I have- sometimes it keeps me up at night and I’m not happy about myself.
Me: Mhm.
Vinny: So I want you to be aware that that is not anything to do with you on a personal level. It’s- the aspect that I
could lose my career, or people view me a certain way. Ross views me a certain way. How would he view me if
he knew? Even though he’s fucked fans too. [laughs]
Me: Oh, spicy.
Vinny: Everyone has. Dude, when he and Holly broke up, y’know he went through a hard time. Um, Danny.
Y’know from the Game Grumps. Uh, but the point is this is something I think a lot of people do because it is,
y’know such a new medium and, y’know, when a video game nerd who’s not popular gets famous on the internet,
that’s not an easy thing- Like no [sighs] like there’s no rule book. Um.
Vinny: I can promise you that never in a conversation casually with any other person has it randomly popped
up. Like ‘oh, that person? Yeah I fucked that person.’ Or like ‘oh yeah, no we talk.’ That’s the first way to fucking
ruin your career, a., and b. I don’t like people knowing my business, and c. when people do connect dots or
whenever there’s some weird accusation, I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I get really fucked up. So, uh yeah, that
wouldn’t come from me.
Me: I mean, I-I know I’m not the only person you did stuff with. I know. I’m not dumb. But…
Vinny: Yeah.
Me: I feel like it could be helpful for you to have a similar conversation just so you feel more at ease and less
bad about it. Y’know?
Vinny: May I ask with whom?
Me: Um, I know [redacted].
Vinny: Well-
Me: I know she would message me sometimes like ‘hey, has Vinny talked to you? Cuz he stopped talking to
me.’ And I didn’t really give her an answer. Just afraid of her messaging me again.
Vinny: I mean if she does, I guess you have the option of not responding, but uh. Or you can just say we
haven’t spoke. ‘Yeah me and Vin don’t really- y’know, he’s a good dude, we don’t really- we’ve gone our separate
ways.’ Um, whatever you think is best. I don’t know. But um, I plan on just kinda telling her that ‘listen, I’m in a-
I’m trying to be in a different place. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to be more of whatever you want me to be.’ I
just think she’s a very lonely weird person that is going through tough times. She got a little bit of happiness
because the favorite streamer dude that’s good-looking got in touch with her. I get how that can be a
psychological thing. Because this is pretty much what she told me. [laughs] I get it. But, y’know I can’t have her-
like, we talk once every three months maybe, but I-I just can’t really have her digging into my life and I really do
not plan on hanging out with her or anything. I would prefer if she just kind of found a boyfriend or something and
moved on.
Vinny: And the thing about that is, I’m a dumbass guy. And I made stupid decisions where, I was at my lowest
point, many times, I would open up my email and suddenly here’s this girl who’s interested in me with similar
interests, and then suddenly here’s this really nice picture. And- I have a hard time with that because I couldn’t
refuse that for a while. That’s why I’m getting my emails completely vetted, because [sighs] I’ll be honest and it
sounds kinda lame but I don’t trust myself.
Vinny: So, yeah I fucked around a little bit but it’s not anyone’s business. The only reason it’s people’s business
is because y’know I’m more public online, and it just feels bad. Honestly, she doesn’t deserve that information,
because when you have an interpersonal relationship with another human being, usually the best way to have
that is to talk to them.
Vinny: So I guess your best bet maybe is just to say, y’know we kinda just don’t talk. We’re just like, y’know.