The List of Lies Chris told in his OkCupid Profile.
While you raise a lot of valid points, some of Chris "lies" can be attributed to the multiple choice nature of OKCupid. I highlight some points where I think either clarification is useful or we might want to cut Chris some slack..
No Chris, you're a lesbian, remember? Lesbians are not 'straight'. You can't have your cake and eat it.
You can only list yourself as male or female. If you list yourself as a male, you have a series of sexualities to choose from. Straight, gay, bisexual, queer, etc. You pop up in other people's searches if you are a gender they are interested in and they are a gender you are interested in. So given that he listed himself as a male (which as you point out, doesn't reflect his current attitude), he should have listed himself as straight. Basically, given that he is interested in women only, his choices were straight male or gay female. Male lesbian is not an option.
Edit: Upon further inspection, I think I am wrong about some of the sexuality stuff. See my explanation a few posts down. Humble apologies and all that.
'Just as long as it's unhealthy, cheap, lazy and requires no effort in terms of preparation on my part'.
This was your response to Chris choosing "mostly anything" as his diet. The diet choices are "vegetarian", "vegan", "halal", "kosher" or "anything" so anything is clearly the option he should have taken. You can choose to modify your choice with "strictly" or "mostly". The logical thing would have been not to modify it, which is an option. All I can say is lots of people on OKCupid do this as well, whether as a joke or because they don't know they don't have to choose one.
This is simply false and nonsensical.
This was your response to "Pisces, and it's fun to think about". Chris is a Pisces. The other choices were "but it doesn't matter", "and it's fun to think about", and "and it matters a lot" or leaving it blank. So his response might be a little silly, but we should be aware he didn't have a ton of choices.
This one isn't a lie, I'm just wandering why he missed this opportunity to trumpet his HONOUR ROLL GRADES and how he made the Dean's List etc.
This was your response to "Graduated from two-year college". It was a multiple choice selection. He didn't have an option to elaborate.
I shouldn't have to explain this but I will anyway.
Sitting around with mommy at home playing video games and 'piddling' with building blocks sold to kiddies under the age of twelve whilst living off welfare is not, even in the loosest definitions of the word, a job.
Neither is making crappy medallions to sell to trolls, although admittedly that's the closest thing to a job he's had in years.
This was your response to "job: other". This was a multiple choice answer. "Unemployed" was an option, as was "Rather not say" and leaving it blank. He must be referring to his eBay business. I won't list all of the multiple choice options. There are a couple "Art/Music/Writing" and "Sales/Marketing" that probably describe it the best.
Technically a lie, as he (rather unusually) abstains from mentioning his tugboat. Maybe he's come to the realisation that leeching off the state at the age of 32 isn't a particularly attractive proposition to any potential suitors that he shouldn't really boast about.
This was your response to his leaving the income blank. This was a multiple choice question, where his only options were various income brackets. I have found that the majority of people leave it blank.
'Yeah I want a non-monogamous relationship, just as long as you don't go on a boat ride with a friend who isn't interested in you romantically because I consider that cheating.'
This was your response to "Relationship type:Non-monogamous". I agree with your criticism entirely. Just clarifying that this is multiple choice, and "monogamous" and "non-monogamous" are the two options.
The first proposition is mercifully true, but I'm calling bullshit on the second. Chris doesn't want kids. Not really. His inability and total unwillingness to even look after himself does not speak well of his theoretical capability and willingness as a father.
This was your response to "Doesn't have kids, but wants them". Once again, I agree entirely, but want to clarify that his options for the second clause were "but wants them", "and doesn't want any", and "and might want them".
I would dispute Chris's ability to speak English fluently given the content of his videos and writings. Also his Spanish sucks a fat one.
This was your response to "English:Fluently, Spanish
K". The options for each language are "fluently", "OK", and "Poorly". I agree that "poorly" should be his description of his Spanish. "OK" is probably the best description of his English, but that would be hard to ask him to put.
The rest of your comments are about questions where he was able to fill in "essays" or answer questions with whatever he wanted, so none of the silliness in those can be attributed to OKCupid.
"Ages 23–32"
OK, who told Chris about the half your age plus seven rule?
I find that amusing too. I think OKCupid might default to that. Or at least that 23 might be the default lower bound for a 32 year-old. Of course he could have raised it or lowered it, if he wanted. But he had to list a lower bound, and 23 seems like as good a one as any.
It's because in his own words, he's too shy to even ask a girl online. He doesn't know how to approach a girl properly anyways and will use a shitty pickup line in his greeting first followed by demands in pressuring the girl to be with him.
We all like to point out that Chris shyness is ridiculous and problematic. But it is also a massive blessing for anyone female in his vicinity. We know he is incapable of acting at all appropriately, so the only thing protecting passersby from an offensive and gross interaction with Chris is his shyness. After reading the description of Chris' date with Catie, I have decided never to criticize Chris for being shy ever again, because his shyness is truly one of the greatest blessings the ursine deity has bestowed on the people of Virginia.
