Let's Sperg Two Retards Play Advance Wars An Interactive Lets Sperg - "It is Better to live one day a Chain Chomp, than a hundred a Goomba" - Generalissimo Mario Mario

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June 31st-July 6th​
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Link declares operation Calamity, launching Six attacks at once. today we will be convering the world eight battle starring @BanquetMegaBowl and @FunPosting101
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Spurdo on the western front, and Banq on the eastern front. They are expected to halt a flanking maneuver to cut off first army. Spurdo opts to draw the Hylians in before destroying them in detail. Banq wants to hold them at a choking point, maybe sent the anti-tank units around the mountain to hit their rear at some point.
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The enemy meets them on the field, the western flank sending a canary manages to spot the front guard and stops before the ravine, the eastern front can be seen ferrying a Rocket Artillery to the front. Having the trap found Spurdo decides to that he is going to have to slug it out.
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Having no choice but to attack Banq quickly tears though the light tanks, leaving the rear artillery open to the Tanks, Mido is seen taking a jeep back to field command after this occurs, while his contemporary on the western front, Colin, planned on sending in the his units one at a time (I have no idea why he thought this was a good idea, he should have had his recon take the punishment while holding his heavy hitters back or have them go around).
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Colin attempts to have a contingent assault from another flank, while marching his recon down the front. Spurdo having been presented with overwhelming force decides that a delaying action is what is needed to prevent a collapse as he lacks the power needed to neutralize the threats before him, with things going so well in the east, renforcements can be either lopsided, or if the enemy abandons the eastern front, we can move banqs army to relieve Spurdo.
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Spurdo delays the hylians while sniping their Tank units, the plan is to render their heavy firepower in operable before having the rest cleaned up by incoming cavalry next week. on the eastern front a planned flank is discovered while the artillery and rear guard get slaughtered. Banq off loads command to his attendant Colonel @Blackhole as he prepares his speech to give the brass after they promote him again.
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Having his artillery hit by an ambushing light tank, Blackhole keeps composure and moves along with operations as planned, he is going to have the Tank units deal with the surviving guard outside of the artilleries range, while marching a large force of infantry north to overwhelm the base with a combined arms assault. Spurdo is able to line up a conclusive victory over the front line of attack, while the flanking attack is continually frustrated, Spurdo has ensured a stalemate on the western front.
[twenty-two screenshots of battle where I forget to screen cap the map to show how Spurdo and Banq had won the day handily]
With all the Tank units on the western front destroyed, the light tanks and recon taking cover in the forest, Spurdo has bought himself enough time for fresh troops to come in and restore his force to battle ready, Blackhole conversely takes unexpected casualties, but manages to capture Mido and his staffers. (due to events in the next part, Hyrule would opt to pull out of 8-3 in to divert resources to more important fronts).
Next time, Mario takes command
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June 31st-July 6th 2002​
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To avoid assaulting Whomp fortress a second time, Link has Kefei march one of the three grand army through Big Big mountain to assault Peach's Castle, meeting him in the field is the Generalissimo, in his tent is every officer of importance in the Pasta empire save world 8. @Randall Fragg @Zaryiu2 and @BONE_Buddy count themselves among the present.
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Controlling more than half of the deployed troops Mario has Luigi in charge of the battle, Luigi puts his right hand man Green toad in charge of the eastern troops, having the western troops co-led by Prince Noah & Robert II. Noah taking three brigades 11th Artillery, 56th Infantry, and 13th Motorcade. Robert with the center of the army; 9th Armor brigade, 12th Artillery, 57th Infantry, 58th Infantry, and 59th Infantry. Green Toad would take 60th Infantry, 61st Infantry, and 62nd Infantry. Since this is going to be the battle that basically decides if Mario get to stay in power (me continuing to play as Hispania anyway) Luigi opts to have the men hug forest and deploy conservatively, since an outright victory is probably impossible, they plan to drag this out as long as they can, and take as much material and man while they do it.
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The fighting intensifies as the armies meet, Noah marches basically unopposed, as Robert forces the Hylians to fall back, Green Toad on the other hand is held at the line, and loses a lot of men he really did not have to. The goal for next week is to have Noah swing around and force Kefei to ball up his forces, Zaryiu suggest requesting more Artillery to make a kill zone out of the opening south of Kefei's camp and inching them back. (not a lot this first match, but things should defiantly pick up next week)
next time @AntiSchwuletteAktion has gets sea water in his mouth
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June 31st- July 6th 2002
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Inheriting a navy from Sarasaland, we opt to aid Kraig in his defense of those shitty small islands of the mainland. We are now entering a period in which navies and air forces will be produced, god save my wallet.
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Aktion finds himself left in charge of a refueling base after being the probable father of Peach's soon to be Great Nephew/Niece. Needless to say, Mario did not want to deal with this guy right now, as court marshalling him would make the illegitimacy of the child public knowledge.
antiatkion.png "Jeez, when I got this post I was kind of siked, because I heard that female space pirates give fellatio for cigs and poppy seed muffins"
toad-mario-kart-64-52_thumb.jpg "no fucking way man, that has to be some sort of money paws, plus arent these guys like bugs, their women have got to be just as ugly"
antiatkion.png" naw man, they be premium box, look at this photo"
Kane lives.jpg
toad-mario-kart-64-52_thumb.jpg "have you met her yet?"
antiatkion.png "I was kind of hopping to"
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Aktion is hit with the realization that he is the main target, not the Pirate fleet, he has his guns fire on some ships, the Naval Commander, Commodore fugus begins to creep his subs around the sides of the island.
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Aktion taking a submarine leaves the island, frustrated with the incompetency of his men, he has no fun Lt. who he quarreled with earlier take the blame as a sabator who doomed the defense in his report.
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In short order, Fugus sinks the transports, the men put up a decent defense, Kraig dips after losing his screening vessels. the subs escape, but the men throw up the white flag.
(BrGen)Banq:011/25
(MajorGen)Bob II:02/30
(Col)Zary II:19/20
(Col)Aktion:18/20
(BrGen)Fun:14/25
(Col)BlackHole:11/20
(Col)Bone buddy:06/20
 
July 7th-14th 2002​
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As Hyrule continues to fight on two fronts at once, I am able to organize a counter attack in 8-1 and 3-1, while @BanquetMegaBowl and @FunPosting101 are on route Jew Wario and Toad of Color are commanding the advances. @AntiSchwuletteAktion had a chance to help the space pirates with the defence of their costal city, Phobos, but he felt it was a really good way to lose our sub fleet and declined.
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@Randall Fragg is leading the middle group, Green toad the right, and Prince Noah the left. Robert II has a meeting with his three staffers colonels @Zaryiu2 @BONE_Buddy and @Blackhole
movie bob.jpg "Men today we are going to be preforming a delaying action to cover the Left Flank, Zaryiu my friend, I leave this task to you"
zarys.jpg "I will stop them dead"
movie bob.jpg "Blackhole, I am going to have you pull our Light Tanks over to the Left Flank, Noahhas been tasked with the critical role of completely destroying the enemies right flank and hopefully getting a surround on the enemy"
blackhole.jpg "Alright Ladies you heard the man, Mountup"
do the evolution.jpg "and me sir?"
movie bob.jpg "You are going to take our reinforcements and hide in the woods"
do the evolution.jpg "uh?, yes sir"
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Noah starts us off by aggressively pushing past the forest and hills, Zaryiu II decides that holding the corridor north of lake Pyra is his best bet with his skeleton force, and green toad opts to try and hold out while the armor sweeps in from the far right. The Colonels and Generals are still adapting to Infantry based combat instead of Motorized doctrine that was the style of the post Koopa Era. As seen above, two 3000 coin Anti-Tank units managed to completely wipe out a 7000 Coin (they paid in Rupees) Light Tank Brigade.
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Kefei strikes back hard, basically destroying my right flank, and losing us five units.
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The fighting continues, the plan is still in motion, once we take the left flank, we can place artillery on the curve on the lake and allow us to hold the left with less men. Zaryiu surprisingly is facing the harshest push by the Hylians, Green Toad has fallen back to the last defensive line, Noah likewise needs to deal with the Hylian Light Tanks before he can secure the Flank.
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Green Toad continues to screw the pooch with him never seeing a retreat he did not like. Bone is forced to grind his men to give Zaryiu the leeway to shell the Hylians, and Noah hopes to envelop the Hylian Armor units for a total victory. Bob has the Majority of his forces aiding Noah's push, Blackhole included.
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Cornered, Bob sends Blackhole on a rush mission to capture the Command post where Kefei and his staff are, they should have the element of surprise.
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Mario orders the reserve forces shore up Zariu, Green Toad is asked to Just hold for 34 more hours, and Blackhole is spotted.
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Green Toad buys the farm, as do most his men, But is an upset, Kefei and the ENTIRE officer core of Hyrule's Termina Army is captured he rolled a nat 1 for officers captured lol
Army Marshall Kefei De Termina
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Lt.General Viscen d'Hubert
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Major General Mutoh Feraud
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Major General Lynyrd Synyrd
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and five colonels, including Colin who was defeated by Spurdo and Banq last week.
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With everybody over the rank of colonel captured by Blackhole, they decide to retreat. Robert II has been given the commission to attack their rear,
next time...
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July 7th-14th 2002​
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While @Randall Fragg @Zaryiu2 @BONE_Buddy and @Blackhole are winning the center, we cut to Jew Wario and his work on the western front. His 6th army has been split in two and is attacking the budge on both sides. Against him stands Colonel Manny commander of the Hateno Division. Jew Wario a Lt. General will be made Power Star General (four star general) if he is able to route the Hylians.
JewWario_1.jpg "oh how I will enjoy this victory, NOSTALGIA GIRL bring me my wine glass"
jew wario assistant..png "yes sir"
Jew Wario is her slave master, its ok because criticizing him would constitute another
Shoah, plus the aryan people are monsters

Jew Wario wants to have the armor go in first and soften them up before having an infantry assault to cover the artillery. He figures that the enemy has his men positioned on both sides of the bridge.
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Meeting the enemy, Jew Wario directly targets one unit with half of his tanks while the other half hides, seeing a mostly infantry army, he decides that he should pull his tanks back and fight him with the boots on the ground.
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Jew Wario loses both Motorized units and two Tank units. @BanquetMegaBowl arrives at the scene on the twelfth, he has the men pull back for regrouping for a second attack.
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banqs.jpg "alright men, we have reached an impasse, we have no idea what they have deployed, but they know exactly what we have brought to the field, we are going to have to have the infantry lead the push"
JewWario_1.jpg "Banq! I am the superior officer here, if I say we send in the motorized and cavalry first we send them first"
banqs.jpg "listen here toad cutter, I ain't asking, me and Mario go waaaaay back. And I know some dreidel playing dairy dodger is not going to come between us"
this argument would go on until the 15th when Jew Wario was recalled to help with an up coming landing into Koholint Island (@AntiSchwuletteAktion )
Over on the eastern front Brigadier General DeToad Washington is leading the other half of sixth army, International pressure had Mario Mario rapidly promote Washington despite being illiterate.
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niggertoad.png "SHEEEIT man they done let us cross this Caynyon"
The Jubilant started to loudly play his favorite track, "twerk that thang" a rap mp4 file he has on his phone where a melinated fungi paid destitute Archanean women in swimsuits to shake their plump bodies like coonettes. His Speakers are loud enough that the enemy commander, Lt. Colonel Hoz of the army of the Akkala, the man in charge of funneling reinforcements to Big Big Mountain is able to hear the approaching army.
Hoz.jpg "who the fuck is playing that shit so loudly, Francias and Gerald go have your units force that monkey shit off"
Expecting a few unorganized militia men at most, Gerald is surprised when the opposition does not crumble in all of ten minutes.
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Expecting a small force intended on only stopping reinforcing the primary front, Hoz loses the choke point to Detoad, Hoz ends up forced to hold the motorized brigade he was meant to send south to hold the supply base at Arietha.
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The plan is to have @FunPosting101 attack from the south while Washington continues to grind men at the cities gates. next week

(we have finished the campaign, but I was waiting till the site was more stable to start posting again)
 

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July 15th-21st 2002​
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As the ball starts to roll, the city of Ruto is captured and looted by the Space Pirates. The Hylians are forced to defend seven locations this week, @Randall Fragg @BONE_Buddy and @Blackhole prepare for an offensive on the center and hopefully the collapse of the Hylians in the Mushroom front.
@BanquetMegaBowl arrives properly with two brigades, Neither Banq nor Wario had any real experience with large scale infantry fronts. The plan is to inch forward until meeting the enemy line and having the remaining tanks of 9th Cavalry & reinforcing 16th Cavalry to push through the front line and harassing them from behind.
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banqs.jpg "ok, so we are stopped at the crossing, we should deal with their anti-tank units before moving in the Cavalry"
JewWario_1.jpg "I think combined arms is still how we are going to roll, deploy the Cavalry"
The Hylians manage to pull off the first strike with a massive counter offensive, victory this week is lost, but Jew Wario thinks that if he could hold the line and deal with the light tank unit, the 16th Cavalry can cause enough damage to stop Hateno division in their tracks.
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After a failed push, Manny hits Wario hard and desomates another light tank unit and pushes the frontline west. Getting desprate, Wario opts to have the artillery be the main killing force on his side and try to hold out for the light tanks.
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Banq arriving with the Cavalry is able to change the winds of favor into wario's direction, Banqs suggest pulling back and fighting in the fields where the armor and artillery will have a greater advantage and force the Hylians to either let them regroup or thin their supply lines pursing, Jew Wario sees that their frontline is thinning out and wants Banq to make a hard push through the center on the 19th.
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Finally reveling his hands Manny has the reserve forces spring an assault, Jew Wario orders a fall back to the town of Garnet, although it was probably a day too late.
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A little push back was given to give the illusion that this was a trap, it allows for the armor and artillery to fall back, Jew Wario and most of the men are captured while Banqs opts to set up a new defensive line. No use crying over spilt milk.
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JewWario_1.jpg "you have captured me, you will not remove a single finger nail if you were smart"
Manny-Breath-of-the-Wild.jpg "Smart, throw this rat in the oven boy"
Wario screams and struggles as he is thrown into a burning building, Link had given orders for the final solution to the child rapist question.
jew wario assistant..png "Thank you for saving me"
Things were going a lot different on the eastern front, @FunPosting101 had his men march north from recently liberated big big mountain flank the defending force of Lt. Colonel Hoz. Detoad Washington is to shell the city and cut off the route of escape for the army of Akkala.
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In a single push Hoz had loss control of the small ring of land around Arietha, Detoad fails to cut off the escape route, but most of the hard power has been evaporated.
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To Spurdo's and Washington's surprise Hoz did not order a full retreat and instead told his men to hold the city for the relief force that was coming. Admirable but not something you say on unencrypted lines.
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In the end we are able to force them out of the city and the army of Akkala disperses. Detoad and Spurdo are expected to get great marks for this victory. Hoz is captured on the 17th, and the plan is to have Wasington-Spurdo lead a wing in a pincer of the remains of the Termina army and the Armies of Lanayru.
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On the Island of Koholint @AntiSchwuletteAktion is having a polite conversation with the village beauty of Mabe where his men landed
antiatkion.png "Why hello honey haired maiden, may I have thine hand for a moment"
LA_Marin_Artwork.png "Y-yes sir, we want no trouble here"
antiatkion.png "why ma'am it hurts me to hear that you think I wish to cause you trouble"
LA_Marin_Artwork.png "please sir, forgive my tongue"
antiatkion.png "baby I just wanted to have a taste of that tongue"
*SLAP*
LA_Marin_Artwork.png "My beloved Prince Richard will deliver me from your clutches yet"
The plan is quite simple, Aktion is visible deployed to the south west of Castle Kanalet the islands capital. While Phantoon attacks from north east, meaning Prince Richard and Vice Admiral Linebeck will have to split their attention on two fronts, hopefully allowing Phantoon to have an advantage in numbers to pull off a sickle stroke like capture of the castle. Linebeck has the ships to swat the helicopters out of the sky, so we have to buy an opening for them, as Prince Richard has almost certainly organized his men counter a naval landing with artillery and infantry.
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The dance of the dolphines begin with the direct hit on one of the Mushroom Destroyers, this evolved into the capital ships of both sides striking the destroyers, with the last strike sinking the ship carring Vice Admiral fugus, Making Aktion the head of the attache to the Space Pirates. Vice Admiral Linebeck decides to pull out after helicopters are seen crossing the strait onto the main island. Prince Richard having no means of defending himself surrenders.
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Oh boy was that a chapter
(BrGen)Banq:018/25
(MajorGen)Bob II:14/30
(BrGen)Zary II:06/25
(BrGen)Aktion:10/25
(BrGen)Fun:16/25
(Col)BlackHole:19/20
(Col)Bone buddy:18/20
Aktion and Zary finally made Brigader General
 

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Ad lasd, gondinued viggdory for deh mushroom gangdom and a dead child rapist too! : DDDD
Vodga, energy drangks and adult prosdidutes for errybody! : DDDD
 
July 22nd 2002​
The first round of peace negotiations
Held in Mute City, the delegates of each nation have come together to try and end the fighting.
We open by making a demand that should these peace talks not conclude the war, the Space Pirates will take East Lanayru, the Islands of Koholint, and the City of Ruto. We will take Ikana Canyon.
round one Allied Demands if no truce is made by october .png
Link replies by drawing up his own threatening list of demands should WE not accept this gracious proposal. The Establishment of an independent Midgard, the Return of Ruto, the seizure of the Zebes island, and the Phobos heights.
Round one Links Threat .png
With the swords rattled, we present our proposal. Space Pirates demand the Island of Koholint and the city of Ruto.
round one Allied prop.png
Link wants the establishment of an independent Sarasaland. Allowing Mario to keep a northern portion and the southern coast.
round one Links prop.png
The UN also had a proposal, Space Pirates will receive the island of Koholint and Hyrule north Yoshi island. Both sides reject such a proposal.
round one UN Prop.png
We decide to fight another week before making a decision.
 
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