Letter to American Airlines
On February 9, 2024, I was on American flight 1292 LAX to BNA. I want to share my experience on that flight and hope that by sharing, you can better serve your diverse customer base.
I am in the process of transitioning from male to female. I’ve been living as female for over a year and believe most people cannot determine my sex assigned at birth. I was on flight 1292 as female and had no other issues other than the one I’m sharing.
As you may know, the TSA has a policy that however a person presents to go through security (female/male), all agents are to assume the presented gender as valid. So, male agents cannot perform additional screening on me.
This actually happened earlier on this trip (PHX to LAX). I had a necklace on and it sounded the alarm. So a female agent performed the additional screening on me and I was on my way.
After takeoff and reaching altitude, flight attendants were starting to serve drinks. When asked what I’d like, I replied. As she was leaning down to get the ice and my soft drink, she asked if I preferred to be called ma’am. I was startled at the question as I was clearly presenting as female. Not sure how to reply, I said yes.
I know it can be confusing with pronouns and titles. But there are ways to avoid all of that based on the language used. I don’t a doubt that the flight attendant was trying to be respectful but she didn’t have to call me ma’am at all.
Happily, she asked in a tone that no one else heard, or at least I think not. But the awkwardness was apparent and I was very uncomfortable. Thinking maybe she knew my name based on the passenger list, I later asked her what gave me away. She didn’t mention the passenger list, she told me it was my height.
I don’t feel the need to share how I felt for the remainder of the flight but it was not pleasant. The conversation was not combative but very polite. But that didn’t change the experience for me.
I will share that being in the LQBTQ community is sometimes difficult. Especially in the current political environment. But this is not a new movement, it’s been around for centuries and while we don’t care if anyone likes or dislikes us based on THEIR perception, all people deserve respect.
My suggestion is that you adopt a policy similar to the TSA’s. Treat people as they present to you. If unsure, adopt a neutral approach.
I would be happy to have a discussion related to this and can be contacted at this email address.
