- Joined
- Aug 16, 2022
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Jealous of my (cis female) best friend for being more masculine than me
My best friend is a butch lesbian (cis) but is naturally so much more masculine than I am, when I'm trying so so so hard to pass she naturally gets mistaken for a guy when we're out together meanwhile I'm treated like a girl. Everything she does is really loud because she moves really noisily and strongly, and has a loud and commanding voice, both of which are very masculine and things she does naturally whilst I'm struggling to learn these habits my body. She has been raised a tomboy and given freedom, and is naturally masucline; whereas I am not naturally masculine and am havig to work and try really really hard to unlearn all the femininity I've been taught. She has naturally super wide shoulders and no hips which gives her a maculine body shape, and on top of that she goes to the gym a lot and talks all the time about benching and the gain in her biceps/shoulders, which makes me feel very emasculated (I unfortunately can't go to the gym with my dysphoria and I don't have enough money). I'm struggling to be around her when I'm so bitterly jealous of her, and I have to try hard to hide my sadness and frustration (even when I knwo half of it are things that aren't natural to her but are choices I could do, like going to the gym).
How do I get ovet this? I don't want to stop being friends with her as she's the cloest person in my life. I'm thinking I'll try and spend less time around her, espeically by not living with her as of summer, because that should ease things a bit. I would just like to get over myself because I know it's nothing to do with her and everything to do with my own insecurities.
I don't know what Pooner Hell looks like, but it might be this.
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