Hi everyone. This is a new account because my husband knows my old account.
Let me first provide a little bit of backstory. My husband, 27M, and I, 26FtM, have been together since we were about 15/16. We were best friends throughout school and ended up dating just to test it out. We got married right after high school and then popped out 2 kids. Having children came with a lot of bad medical problems on my end, and it took years for me to fully recover. I have struggled with my mental health for basically my entire life, and he's had hard times as well, but we have always been there for each other. When Covid hit, I downloaded TikTok and learned so much about the transgender community. We are from the South and both grew up very religiously repressed with heavily conservative parents. 2 years ago, I came out as nonbinary and he was immediately supportive, he already knew that I was queer and he told me it wasn't much of a surprise. However, I then realized about a year later that I was a man, not nonbinary, and that I had kinda just been testing the waters, so to speak. (I am not devaluing non-binary or non-binary people, just saying my experience.)
So, in September of 2022, I came out as a transgender man and in February of '23, I started HRT. I have now been on T for about 9 months. My husband is incredibly supportive and loves that basically for the first time in my life, my mental health issues are damn near fixed, I have friends, I am confident, I am happy, etc... He is incredibly supportive. We make a fantastic team and are thriving as a family more now than we have ever been. We are doing well financially, we have great careers that have set us on a great path, we have friends, we are great parents and have amazing children, things are great.
In the beginning of my transition, the relationship-y parts were great. We were intimate often, more than we had been in a long time because I finally felt good and confident. But about 3 months into my transition, that stuff started to slow down. And now 9 months on testosterone, physical intimacy is gone.
We celebrated my birthday with our friends on Friday with a small get together of dinner and then bowling after. We went with our couple friend and they are new in their relationship with a lot of cuddling and small little acts of affection and intimacy often. It got me thinking and made me realize that that never happens for us anymore. The next day, yesterday, I asked him outright if he was attracted me still and if there was anything that still got him excited about me in that way. He basically said that while he loves me very much and he loves our life and our family, he isn't and can't be attracted to men. He said he has tried but the more and more masculine I become, the more he feels not like himself to have sex with me. He was very kind and gentle, but basically said he can't make himself be attracted to men. I completely understand that, I can't force him to be gay essentially. I also love our family and our life very much and in no way have we talked about or considered separating. He told me he understands that I need physical intimacy and affection, but he isn't interested in it. He said he wouldn't be mad or hurt if I dated and he laid down some ground rules that he said we can talk more about later, if the time comes essentially.
We have been together for 11 years, married for 8. He was my first everything. I have never dated anyone else, kissed anyone else, nothing. I am selfish, and if he changed his mind and decided he wanted to date someone else, it would absolutely kill me. I am so sad, and I cried a lot yesterday. I feel like for the first I have pretty much everything I want and am very happy, but now I don't know how to feel about what he said. And, I'm not stupid, I knew it was coming eventually, but I guess I had hoped it would be a little bit longer before I lost that part of him. He has made it very very clear that he still very much loves me and is 100% supportive, but he can't kiss or have sex with me anymore.
Have any of you gone through something similar? Did y'all stay married? Do you date? Does your partner date? What do I do...?
Also, I feel like I have left stuff out because my brain is going a million miles an hour, so if you need clarification or have questions, shoot.
TL;DR: I've been married for 8 years to my high school sweetheart, together for 11. I recently came out as a transgender man. After nine months on testosterone, the physical intimacy is gone. My husband admitted he can't be attracted to men. While he's supportive, he suggested I explore dating. but he has no interest in dating anyone else. I'm torn and seeking advice from those who have gone through something similar.
