The Writing Thread

[Wodanaz]

Yvq vvqn't vnderstand, it's fanservice

please study english more before writing, or posting for that matter

 

[ADOLFHEILKANYE]

i am writing a small story to put aside verdus 13. take little bite of it

Spoiler: The roads i take

The birds flew over the capital of Krocja, krasto, up there in the tower,amongst the empty yet warm small city, the newly appointed emperor of the empire planned his next scheme while eating the schewinschnitzel. that scheme is to conquer three left out of the five nations of the east while also try to manage the white queen’s pesky “negotiation” and “defense aids” that she called upon those nation. It makes his blood boil of her sanctimoniousness even during house meetings when he was his teen, worse still he was forced to exposed to even more of her rhetoric and ideology, how he HATES IT. anyways enough of rambling, what shall we do next on how to mobilize the next troop. first and second nation, leygask and tavrim.leygask is a nation that could be convinced to join and fight alongside the krasto empire as because of compatible culture and somewhat similar ethnic population. Tavrim however resist but easily conquered due to combined force, as if an empire's military prowess isn't enough.

Spoiler: continuiation

Either way let’s hear.

“Dear brother, there’s going to be a negotiation for the holding of maykos in the city of parties, suit up and dress your best if you want to, the only thing that matters is your mask and your safety. So, speaking for safety, I have set up praetorian soldiers to guard you and set up snipers in case of ambush and of course spies just in case to report any suspicious activities”
“Say,if i wanted the crimson dancer to do some ritual dance so as to say… introduce our culture to the other nations…”
“I could BUT… this is a negotiation, beside pakos, the nation ruled by your sweetheart, has some,let’s say tendency to do dirty deeds and, beside, they hated our family after all”
Holding in the urge to smack him in the face about the white queen being his crush (well, only because not only she has somewhat meat on her bones but her tits looks like they could feed an entire village and she has a face so beautiful she could’ve been camelia, because her face looks like something to wage war for,beside cherry on top is her monotone voice and that undeathly pale white skin and hair), he asked a question “what do we done anything bad to them?” his brother frowned as if he had skipped history class in favor of the gladiatorial ring and helping construction workers with… construction (which is true by the way). “The laitos massacre, the enslavement of their people and the conquering of the land, do you even attend?”

 

[Orphaned Punk]

To those familiar with line edits and critiques, does generative AI match the quality of human analysis?

 

[Cat Funt]

No it do not

 

[Birthday Balloon]

To those familiar with line edits and critiques, does generative AI match the quality of human analysis?

Not even close. It tries to approximate workshop-level feedback but you have to really baby the AI to say anything specific or of substance. It quickly becomes apparent that you're better off putting in the effort of writing the feedback yourself since you'll be spending the same amount of energy unfucking GPT or whatever you're using.

Edit:

I've been struggling to write my book for years. I finally have point A established. An author takes a critical fall and goes from literary golden boy to pariah. Drug addiction and divorce are ruining him, and at his lowest he decides to take a break from everything and restart. Using the alias of his deceased Uncle, he moved to Florida for a retreat where he's isolated in the Everglades, where he'll be forced to write.

Instead he's getting harassed by cryptids and drugs. I wanted to make a novel length version of the scary stories I read on X and forums.


Sorry if this is retarded I'm drunk and rambling.

I honestly would love to read this.

I'm writing a novel-in-stories right now, set in 2010-2011 Boston, about an alcoholic veteran who fails out of graduate school, squats in his dorm, and tries to get sober. There's a parallel plot about him going on this quixotic one-man crusade against a superchurch preacher who is poaching his friends from AA. "It just works!" It's going well but it's been a long time coming. Hoping to eventually publish it as an MFA thesis.

 

[Pomniman]

I honestly would love to read this.

I'm writing a novel-in-stories right now, set in 2010-2011 Boston, about an alcoholic veteran who fails out of graduate school, squats in his dorm, and tries to get sober. There's a parallel plot about him going on this quixotic one-man crusade against a superchurch preacher who is poaching his friends from AA. "It just works!" It's going well but it's been a long time coming. Hoping to eventually publish it as an MFA thesis.

I've been struggling to write my book for years. I finally have point A established. An author takes a critical fall and goes from literary golden boy to pariah. Drug addiction and divorce are ruining him, and at his lowest he decides to take a break from everything and restart. Using the alias of his deceased Uncle, he moved to Florida for a retreat where he's isolated in the Everglades, where he'll be forced to write.

Instead he's getting harassed by cryptids and drugs. I wanted to make a novel length version of the scary stories I read on X and forums.


Sorry if this is retarded I'm drunk and rambling.

These can work, but focusing too much on alcoholism or addiction in your protagonist is kind of a trap in that every writer is fixated on something or addicted to some substance or act and eventually gets the masturbatory impulse to write about writing/their hobbies/their booze/their drug habit in their novel. So proceed with caution unless you want to be like the washed up hack version of Stephen King as opposed to the slightly more tolerable early phase of his career.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Another update on my end; lots of news, some bad, mostly good admittedly.

Gonna start with the good news first, since there's a lot more going on. To summarize:

Spoiler: Good news!

As mentioned, the story I've been working on is essentially taking the piss out of the current year obsession with nihilism/deconstructionism; for the actual world, I made what is basically an urban/post-apocalyptic fantasy setting. Was originally going to create a strictly urban/modern fantasy plot akin to the World of Darkness, but I found everything naturally drifting towards a post-collapse state... and I love it, personally, apocalypse plots are my jam. Plus, it was surprisingly easy making a lighter-hearted plot with this, what with how suicidally stupid and self-destructive the whole "nihilism" ideology is, and how resilient humanity can be.

I've got pretty much the entire plotline more-or-less mapped out; there's a few details that I've yet to work out just yet, but it's all going fantastically. IRL still takes up most of my free time these days, but I'm still making plenty of progress that I'm happy with, and the overall plot is one that makes me legit satisfied. It definitely went in different directions that when I started it all off, but I'm not exactly complaining; the eventual sci-fi and space travel ideas are something that I genuinely looking forward to making, and this is coming from someone who usually is pretty leery with that. It's all going great!

So... what's the bad news? Well...

Spoiler: The literal single issue...

It's the character design issue again; as mentioned previously, I found a way to combine the designs I had all into one, but I got stuck while cooking up an introduction. I found that I was going to need to spread some ideas out and actually advance the plot a bit before I could properly combine everything; think of it like a starting class/build in a video game, basically. I've got the choices narrowed down to two options; first one is extremely versatile but I can't figure out how to intro it, the other is extremely easy to make and create but misses out on some plot homages that I was working on. Couple of people I talked to suggested the first option, but...

Currently working on both designs, seeing if I can either get a proper intro for the first one, and/or figure out how to put in the wanted plot homages for the second.

That is... literally my only issue with my writing at this point, aside from a lack of time; plot development is coming along great, and once I get this last issue figured out, I'm golden.

EDIT: Grammar.

 

[JavaScript Nationalist]

Wyrm
The Steeple was left campanile.
The church long ago rotted away.
The bell rang out as it does every day.
Out from the forest came a wyrm.
It wrapped upward, with every shift the tower swayed.
The man inside the tower would come to bear the weight of the cross.
Along with the rest of the tower’s weight.

Draugr
Tradition said a Draugr could be stopped with needles driven into its feet.
Yet as we leave the burial mound behind I could hear its wretched scream,
and see its shadow against the sky atop the mound’s peak.
I told them we only needed the sword, yet leaden with treasure we leave.

Feedback would be appreciated.

 

[ADOLFHEILKANYE]

continuation of story from #1262

“Oh yeah, that’s bad” he said looking surprised “can’t say i’m surprised, it’s their propaganda, not really history too much” he gives a curious glance “unless, what i think it’s perhaps half truths most of the time, as they have their own agenda and they are attempting to legitimize themself.”

Rises from the chair, he stands up anticipating yet frowning. “I’ll prepare wearing the helmet-mask and armor while you’ll prepare that bandage face covering thing you had” then his brother says “got it.”
And so coming out of the office and downstairs to a personal armory full of weapons…. And the ceremony mask is gone meanwhile for the personal war armor, still intact, what happened here?
Either ways, there’s always a backup plan… and that is the bronze mask, one of which looks decrepit but it’s his, his own creation. Though it looked of decrepit and screams “ i am a butcher of the innocents”
Thus he wears the armor, gaudy but not too much, practical and thick ( no blade could easily go through it lessening the chance for death). Then prepared himself going downstair, and then his brother coming out wearing that bandage face and hair covering thing alongside with the suit-robe.
Both of then comes down to the armory room, coming inside, there’s him, gary lang, the empire’s favorite arms dealer….at least according to cyrus. preparin
“Ae , greeting emperor and informant, I see that your normal ceremonial mask is gone and that you are wearing the homemade one of yours”
“Well, it was the most fanciest and impressive of all ones, I’m sure grandpa and father would agree” said cyrus
He scoffs. “As if your father and grandfather would wear that let alone a mask, i know him personally, said that only spineless cowards wears it, i’d add that it lessens the humanity of the empire, would say that only make it looks like an empire of demons…” he then realized the potentiality of a masked emperor “though i give you some credit, it is intimidating and no assassins would ever knew what the emperor’s face looked like”
“Anyways, I have settled your rifleman with a new firearm. Introducing the ravendive…ones of which i am sure have great potential to further the military prowess of the krocjian empire. Barrel’s rifled with eight deep grooves, slow twist. Ball leaves at twice the speed of any smoothbore in the empire. At two hundred paces it’ll punch through a cuirass front and back and still have breath to kill the horse. At four hundred it’ll take an eye you can’t even see.”
“Anyways, council has just decided to instead of a punitive punishment for criminals and such alike, they decide for a corrective action as they believe criminals are just as much of citizen of the empire as the blokes selling bread or a father protecting his family. On a side note, here’s the target practice.” He unveils the curtain. “3 pederast and 2 slaverers of which i am sure one of them may be worse than the one.”
“Enjoy testing, lads. A’zar protects” Gary lang says as he patted both lads back And leaned on the wall
“Well, not going to waste my time.” Cyrus picked up one of the rifle and ready his aimed at one of the 3 targest which is the pederast. But first he played psychological warfare. “Rene mery finey” he picked aimlessly until he targeted the fat necked one “you won’t be missed.” He then fired. His hand felt slight recoil and a bit shaky but as for the result… it speaks for itself. The shot strikes through the head. Leaving a mild size carter in the head. As for the rifle itself. Can’t say for sure, it jams and took certain minutes before it’s able to reload
“Well, he didn’t say anything about that part didn’t he” caylin, pointing at the rifle qualities.
Cyrus, groaning in disappointment, worked the mechanism with practiced fury, dumping the fouled pans, repriming, ramming fresh charges down the four dead barrels. Caylin counted under his breath—twenty-eight seconds before the ravendive was ready again.
“Ready for your death, scums?” cyrus said as he picked off random, the pederast on the further left, the less worse slaverer then the pederast and now for the worst slaverer. Cyrus aim down the rifle until.
CLICK
It jams. Son of a BITCH. It jams
Cyrus then slams down the rifle.
“Well, son, at least you’ve done good.” gary snarks “those were just experiments, any other gun designs i’ve done in the past were pretty successful, this one is just an experiment, hell, even i think this one down the line could be a design for a far ranged rifle. But who am i to say, after all a brother to an emperor has to be not only smart but humble too, they must know that they are just that, human. nothing more nothing less.”

 

[Stephanides]

a poem about opsec

Spoiler

enter tyler,
a man who is unable
to pick up social cues

so he spends all day
on the internet,
acting like a muse

tyler posts about himself
being very illiterate
over again, day to day

his dick pics were leaked
family issues unveiled
now everybody knows his name

 

[Shaneequa]

To those familiar with line edits and critiques, does generative AI match the quality of human analysis?

As a certified AI-glazer, I gotta say it's baaaad at critiquing. I'm sure it varies on the specific model but I have yet to find an LLM capable of not being a total ass-kisser. Even if you get it to stop being sycophantic its insights are usually shallow. Like everything else AI-related it requires at least the same amount of effort to decide if its feedback makes sense as it would take to just do it manually.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Wyrm
The Steeple was left campanile.
The church long ago rotted away.
The bell rang out as it does every day.
Out from the forest came a wyrm.
It wrapped upward, with every shift the tower swayed.
The man inside the tower would come to bear the weight of the cross.

Draugr
Tradition said a Draugr could be stopped with needles driven into its feet.
Yet as we leave the burial mound behind I could hear its wretched scream,
and see its shadow against the sky atop the mound’s peak.

Feedback would be appreciated.

I like the poems.
My only feedback is that I'd get rid of the last sentence on each of the poems (as I did in the quoted text). It reads a bit better in my humble opinion

 

[ADOLFHEILKANYE]

yes, any question? @Shaneequa

 

[Stephanides]

i am the jester
dressed in unpleasant colors
i am the fool
shrouded in false wonder

i am the beggar
ridden head to toe with maladies
i am the hood rat
whose life begins in tragedy

i am the whore
craving for vast desires
i am the masochist
who set myself on fire

i am the jokester
and i would perish with a smile
i am the idiot
and i am swimming in denial

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Anyone else ever have issues with finalizing a character design? Like, you get stuck between two designs because of inherit flaws with both of them, and you're stuck trying to figure a way out?

 

[Commissar Fuklaw]

Scream. Mate. It's been months. Please flip a coin and just go with the result. For your family. They're hungry and miss you.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Scream. Mate. It's been months. Please flip a coin and just go with the result. For your family. They're hungry and miss you.

Not me this time, lad; I got my character down already. I'm asking you guys; sorry for the confusion, it's been a LONG day on my end. Just want to talk, really.

EDIT: I'll ask again for clarity's sake; for those that have struggles with writing/designing characters, what's the parts that always got you hung up? Names, gearsets, personality traits, etc.?

Me, personally, I admit that I like to tweak and really work to make a character fit a story/group; bigger details such as nationality and physical appearance, type of equipment, backstory, I find them all important, and it's honestly a ton of fun just coming up with concepts. In fact, I actually came up with many of my favorite characters while trying to figure out the exact details for others; sometimes something just doesn't work, but you hold onto the notes until it works out, that sort of thing.

I find that writing some short stories tend to really help with getting a character fleshed out; even something as small as a few paragraphs can really help flesh out a character concept and get the creative blood flowing. Likewise, looking into certain pieces of a character's backstory can help generate new ideas; the prior design that I was stuck on for months, accidently gave Mr. Fuklaw above a cause for concern, I got lined out thanks to some Germanic Fairy Tales, of all things. Inspiration can come from just about anywhere, from my experience; don't be afraid to get creative!

 

[Grand Duke Snowfall]

Anyone else ever have issues with finalizing a character design? Like, you get stuck between two designs because of inherit flaws with both of them, and you're stuck trying to figure a way out?

Yeah, I’m going through something like that right now. Got a character who’s a fairy dragon and I am struggling with the design of her wings (I just know that I want them to be butterfly wings).

 

[Humble Architect]

Anyone else ever have issues with finalizing a character design? Like, you get stuck between two designs because of inherit flaws with both of them, and you're stuck trying to figure a way out?

Yes. I flip a coin if I’m indecisive, use the lesser design for someone else.

I’ve been building a world bible for my venture into capeshit while nursing this fucked up leg and the designs for my nine super-powered nuts? The unused are saved.

Because creativity is a gift and every drop of it can be saved and refined.

 

[Scream Aim Fire]

Yeah, I’m going through something like that right now. Got a character who’s a fairy dragon and I am struggling with the design of her wings (I just know that I want them to be butterfly wings).

Would you like to share with the rest of us? Sometimes, talking something out-loud/ writing to an audience can help. I can sperg about the shit that I was working on the past several months, even, if it might help.

Yes. I flip a coin if I’m indecisive, use the lesser design for someone else.

God, I wish it was that simple for me; seriously, my brain is fucked.