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What is toxic masculinity? During the initial months of the COVID pandemic, I wrote an article about the right-wing’s cowardly opposition to mask mandates. My argument then, and an argument to which I still hold, is that what is labeled “toxic masculinity” is that some insecure men fear appearing vulnerable and act up to mask that fear.
Though a useful concept in its proper context, toxic masculinity is best understood as an expression of an underlying sense of identity clung to by some males. It is this juvenile, testosterone-fueled identity that is at the base of so much man-child behavior. To describe that identity, I will adopt a term that most people will have heard, but that is underutilized — “the bros.”
A. They’re all bros.
What exactly are bros?
The foundation of the bro phenomenon is the peer pressure that leads some men to have a dread fear of appearing weak. Fear is also the root of bigotry, and that is significant here in the bro phenomenon.
Men know how to behave because they care about other people. Bros care much less, if at all, about how their actions affect other people. When they do care, it is for a particular audience.
Being a bro is a performance. Bros act as bros for other bros. It’s a tough-guy act, a performance of uncouth and obnoxious brohaviors to display to the world a stoic “I am unaffected” front. Obliviousness masquerading as power.
Bros shout at each other at bars and night clubs. They don’t care if they irritate other people, though many bros are deluded in believing that women are impressed by their brohaviors.
Bros act like spoiled rich kids, whether or not they are actually rich. Whatever bros want, they believe they should get. The world is there to serve their wants.
Bros pretend they know everything, and anything they don’t know is stupid and not worth knowing. That’s especially the case if you aren’t impressed by the bros — you must be weak and stupid.
Bros act tough, both emotionally and physically. Emotionally, bros are too cool to care. Physically, bros will chest bump and roughhouse each other and try to outconsume each other in food and drink.
Bros mistake anger for masculinity. Everything and anything to appease the fear of appearing weak.
Most of all, bros immerse themselves in obliviousness. They have their world, and you are either there to facilitate them or you are nothing.
Those are a few of the general brohaviors typical of bros. Let’s move to a roll call or, broll call, of some of the various subspecies of bros. If you know of other subspecies I don’t list, please let me know and I will add to our broiary.
Elon Musk is a tech bro. Few can name anything Elon has done, only that he’s a tech bro. In this, he is the quintessential bro — detached, arrogant, stoic, and a spoiled rich kid in all ways so superior to all other life forms. But Elon is just the poster child for a legion of geeks projecting obliviousness as power.
Tech bro brohavior isn’t physical (though yelling with beer in hand is not out of the question). Tech bros crush tech rather than beer cans. A classic example of the tech bros attitude came from former Web site Klout.com who once advertised for brogrammers with the tag line: “Want to bro down and crush some code? Klout is hiring.”
Klout.com went bankrupt a few years ago. Like most tech bro ventures, it failed from its hubris and other excesses. Big Tech is brohavior raised to the level of a business model. Social Media Today described it well, using Klout.com as an example.
Sam Bankman-Fried is the face of this subspecies of bro. He pretended he knew more than the rest of us and stole a ton of money from the gullible. He was a con artist — a crook. The con worked. Crypto bro Sam even conned some major politi bros.
He justified the scam with the ultimate bro excuse — his libertarian warped perversion of effective altruism. In short, the bro version of effective altruism is the idea that we should want a tech or crypto bro to make scads of money so they can be altruistic with their insane amounts of money. The problem is the bros aren’t doing good in the world with their money. That’s not what bros do. They pocket it, because, to them, selfish obliviousness is power. But remember, the crypto bros still expect us to be grateful to them.
Did he really make millions? Probably not, though he probably made some money selling get-rich-quick scams. The biz bro is the oblivious tough guy version of the fluffpreneur.
Then there are sports fans. Some of the worst bros are sports fans. The more benign sports bros just whoop and high-five each other when their team scores, as if they were the ones who accomplished something. The more malicious sports bros get into physical fights with sports bros of the other team. Usually, sports bros just go online and shitpost.
Sports radio and television are manned by sports bros who cater to sports bros. It’s a large ecosystem of brohavior, fueled by more trash talk than ever occurs on the field or court. The sports bro pretends he knows more about the game than the people who do it for a living. Sure, everyone's entitled to their opinion, but the crotch grabbing declaiming of the sports bros is silly. The entitled, spoiled-child anger and uncouth brohavior of sports bros is inexcusable.
Living Colour, one the best bands of the '80s, took down the club bros with their song “Glamour Boys.” I ain't no glamour boy (bro).
A healthy man or woman in such a situation would look at themselves to understand why they are undesirable and then take steps to correct their shortcomings. The INCEL bros blame women, deliberately oblivious to the reality that women are under no obligation to give them sex. From that obliviousness, the INCEL bros spew uncouth brohaviors from shitposting online to physical acts of violence against women.
Are all of these brohaviors “toxic masculinity?” One could say so. I say that that none of this is part of being a man. Being a bro isn’t being manly, it’s denying what makes us human — recognizing other people as valuable and accepting one’s responsibility to other people.
The Problem Isn’t Men, It’s Bros
A recent exposé of the male-only Garrick Club in London has shone a light on an age-old feature of human society. People will understandably zero in on Garrick’s male-only membership, but I argue that the issue is less that it is a group restricted to males than it is that it is restricted to a particular type of male. What do I mean? The Garrick Club, the epitome of the Old Boy’s Network since its founding in 1831, is the upper-class twit pinnacle of the phenomenon of “the bros.”Toxic Masculinity?
A term bandied about lately is “toxic masculinity.” The basic idea is obvious — that some men are so fixated on demonstrating how “manly” they are that they harm themselves and others in the process. I tend to frown on the use of labels, and like most labels, “toxic masculinity” points to something real and serious, but does not illuminate what lies beneath the surface.What is toxic masculinity? During the initial months of the COVID pandemic, I wrote an article about the right-wing’s cowardly opposition to mask mandates. My argument then, and an argument to which I still hold, is that what is labeled “toxic masculinity” is that some insecure men fear appearing vulnerable and act up to mask that fear.
Though a useful concept in its proper context, toxic masculinity is best understood as an expression of an underlying sense of identity clung to by some males. It is this juvenile, testosterone-fueled identity that is at the base of so much man-child behavior. To describe that identity, I will adopt a term that most people will have heard, but that is underutilized — “the bros.”
The Bros
Q. What do the following males have in common: Elon Musk, Andrew Tate, Sam Bankman-Fried, Donald Trump, and those guys who were so obnoxious at the bar last Saturday night?A. They’re all bros.
What exactly are bros?
Yes, obliviousness masquerading as power is the key attribute of a bro. Men are socialized to be bold, even brash, and to act strong and even cold. Society teaches men both a sense of constant insecurity and how to bluster to cover up those fears. We all suffer from these social norms that pressure men to be unemotional and distant, but when that pressure persuades some men to overdo it, we all suffer even more from the bros.Bros — men who act out in blatant and often deliberately uncouth ways to express obliviousness as power.
The foundation of the bro phenomenon is the peer pressure that leads some men to have a dread fear of appearing weak. Fear is also the root of bigotry, and that is significant here in the bro phenomenon.
Typical Brohaviors
What separates the men from the bros? Men behave; bros brohave.Men know how to behave because they care about other people. Bros care much less, if at all, about how their actions affect other people. When they do care, it is for a particular audience.
Being a bro is a performance. Bros act as bros for other bros. It’s a tough-guy act, a performance of uncouth and obnoxious brohaviors to display to the world a stoic “I am unaffected” front. Obliviousness masquerading as power.
Bros shout at each other at bars and night clubs. They don’t care if they irritate other people, though many bros are deluded in believing that women are impressed by their brohaviors.
Bros act like spoiled rich kids, whether or not they are actually rich. Whatever bros want, they believe they should get. The world is there to serve their wants.
Bros pretend they know everything, and anything they don’t know is stupid and not worth knowing. That’s especially the case if you aren’t impressed by the bros — you must be weak and stupid.
Bros act tough, both emotionally and physically. Emotionally, bros are too cool to care. Physically, bros will chest bump and roughhouse each other and try to outconsume each other in food and drink.
Bros mistake anger for masculinity. Everything and anything to appease the fear of appearing weak.
Most of all, bros immerse themselves in obliviousness. They have their world, and you are either there to facilitate them or you are nothing.
Those are a few of the general brohaviors typical of bros. Let’s move to a roll call or, broll call, of some of the various subspecies of bros. If you know of other subspecies I don’t list, please let me know and I will add to our broiary.
Broll Call — Tech Bros
Not all bros are yelling in bars while drinking cheap beer. Some bros code, or at least hire others to code for them.Elon Musk is a tech bro. Few can name anything Elon has done, only that he’s a tech bro. In this, he is the quintessential bro — detached, arrogant, stoic, and a spoiled rich kid in all ways so superior to all other life forms. But Elon is just the poster child for a legion of geeks projecting obliviousness as power.
Tech bro brohavior isn’t physical (though yelling with beer in hand is not out of the question). Tech bros crush tech rather than beer cans. A classic example of the tech bros attitude came from former Web site Klout.com who once advertised for brogrammers with the tag line: “Want to bro down and crush some code? Klout is hiring.”
Klout.com went bankrupt a few years ago. Like most tech bro ventures, it failed from its hubris and other excesses. Big Tech is brohavior raised to the level of a business model. Social Media Today described it well, using Klout.com as an example.
The fundamental evil of Klout is that it’s a venture capital-backed company looking to leverage into a big IPO payday and the only value proposition they offer is their ability to identify, train and exploit people they can sell to advertisers as “key influencers,” in a taxonomy of business interests. (Source)
Broll Call — Crypto Bros
The crytpo bros know more than you because they are already living in the future. Or so they pretend. The crypto bros are deliberately oblivious to how economics works because they are creating their own little world — a brotopia with its own currency. “The money game is rigged against you,” the crypto bros say, and try to con you into buying into their ponzi scheme — where their money game is rigged against you.Sam Bankman-Fried is the face of this subspecies of bro. He pretended he knew more than the rest of us and stole a ton of money from the gullible. He was a con artist — a crook. The con worked. Crypto bro Sam even conned some major politi bros.
He justified the scam with the ultimate bro excuse — his libertarian warped perversion of effective altruism. In short, the bro version of effective altruism is the idea that we should want a tech or crypto bro to make scads of money so they can be altruistic with their insane amounts of money. The problem is the bros aren’t doing good in the world with their money. That’s not what bros do. They pocket it, because, to them, selfish obliviousness is power. But remember, the crypto bros still expect us to be grateful to them.
Broll Call — Biz Bros
This type of bro has a typical bro story. He claims to be a whizz kid who made his first million at age 22 or was the youngest to ever make it to the C-Level of a Fortune 500 company. Or maybe he was a super trader who had a breakdown, went to Thailand for a year to find himself, and meditated with monks until he found “the secret” to manifesting great wealth. Now, he sells books and courses on how you can do it, too.Did he really make millions? Probably not, though he probably made some money selling get-rich-quick scams. The biz bro is the oblivious tough guy version of the fluffpreneur.
Broll Call — Sports Bros
Sports can bring out the best in athletes. It also seems to bring out the worst in some men. Legitimate athletes, men and women, deserve respect for their dedication to their craft. Especially cyclists, the greatest athletes in the world.Then there are sports fans. Some of the worst bros are sports fans. The more benign sports bros just whoop and high-five each other when their team scores, as if they were the ones who accomplished something. The more malicious sports bros get into physical fights with sports bros of the other team. Usually, sports bros just go online and shitpost.
Sports radio and television are manned by sports bros who cater to sports bros. It’s a large ecosystem of brohavior, fueled by more trash talk than ever occurs on the field or court. The sports bro pretends he knows more about the game than the people who do it for a living. Sure, everyone's entitled to their opinion, but the crotch grabbing declaiming of the sports bros is silly. The entitled, spoiled-child anger and uncouth brohavior of sports bros is inexcusable.
Broll Call — Club Bros
They think they're sexy. They think they’re cool. They think that wearing fancy outfits in posh clubs and loud uncouth brohavior is power. They're full of dren. That doesn’t stop them from their club bro performances of being all so superior to everyone else.Living Colour, one the best bands of the '80s, took down the club bros with their song “Glamour Boys.” I ain't no glamour boy (bro).
Broll Call — Politi Bros
Bill Clinton is a bro. Boris Johnson is a bro. Donald Trump is a bro. JD Vance is a bro. Matt Gaetz is a bro. To name just a few of the politi bros. The obliviousness and empty bravado of right-wing politics fits perfectly with broness.Broll Call — Incel Bros
The broiest and most potentially violent of the bros are this lot. “INCEL” means “involuntarily celibate,” as in “I want sex, but no one will give it to me.”A healthy man or woman in such a situation would look at themselves to understand why they are undesirable and then take steps to correct their shortcomings. The INCEL bros blame women, deliberately oblivious to the reality that women are under no obligation to give them sex. From that obliviousness, the INCEL bros spew uncouth brohaviors from shitposting online to physical acts of violence against women.
Summation
All bros are capable of violating the rights of others. The damage bros cause is usually out of their obliviousness, but in their efforts to manufacture an appearance and sense of power, bros too often will deliberately harm others.Are all of these brohaviors “toxic masculinity?” One could say so. I say that that none of this is part of being a man. Being a bro isn’t being manly, it’s denying what makes us human — recognizing other people as valuable and accepting one’s responsibility to other people.
