The Guntography - The Trials And Tribulations Of Ethan Ralph

[Big Al's Famous Pork]

Ethan Ralph is teasing the idea of writing his life story, despite Meigh making fun of him for not actually being a real writer.
What stories should be told in Ethan Ralph's memoirs?

 

[Pit Viper Salesman]

Obviously the heroic feat of fighting off four giant Portuguese robbers while protecting some 14 year old girls. He fought them all off single handedly, barely taking any damage and was rewarded with a night of passion from each of the girls even though he heavily protested they were too young. The next morning the Mayor gave him the key to the city and pronounced he was a big fan of the Killstream.

 

[SpergioLeonne]

I want to know how hard he got bullied in elementary school

 

[AltisticRight]

It'll be a tribunal to Joshua Conner Moon's penis.

 

[Retarded Fuckpuppet]

Ralph farted, better make a thread on it

 

[Rattus Ebrius]

Ideally, it'd be the same as the contents of this book: just a complete catalogue of Ralph's fuckups in life so far.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

The sex tape, fighting at Digibro's domain, and his misadventures outside the United States.

 

[GamerGateSurvivor]

Spoiler: An Exclusive Excerpt from Ralph's Book

If you're reading this, it's because you know who the fuck I am.

I'm the King of the livestreaming sektur. That's right, me! It's all fuckin' me! It's not that pedafile Jawsh Moon and his Broke Dick Farms! It's not Nick Rekeita and his baldo sack! And it sure as shit ain't Cancer Man Metokur and his greasy Korean whore of a wife! It's all fuckin' me, baby!

Now sit down and get comfortable with a bottle or two of tequila because I'mma fixnin' to tell you all about my path to greatness. I'mma tell you the truth about the dog that hung itself off the back of that chair and how my daddy Ronnie put them puppies in the oven. Then I'mma tell you how I beat the shit out that cop who tried to fuck with the Ralphamale and how that led to me being the most respected convict in my local jail. Then I'mma tell you how I single-handedly won GamerGate and beat the SJWs. Then I'mma tell you how I single handedly exposed Mundane Matt live on my show and single handedly made Tonkasaw my bitch after he challenged ME to a fight. Then I'mma tell you how I exposed Jawsh Moon as the broke dick kid diddler he is, how the mother of my first born son is a whore who begged me to stick my thumb up her ass, how I exposed every livestreamer I ever met for the frauds they are, and how I fought and beat the shit out of a house full of ugly tranny faggots to rescue my sometimes whore wife Pantsu, who happens to be the mother of my daughter.

Now sit back, relax, and hear the story of how Ethan Oliver Ralph became the Ralphamale.

 

[Deezy]

A transcript of the Mundane Matt stream. Maybe a URL to the archived stream, too, just to be safe.

 

[libRT]

He could just use chatGPT to crawl this site and reword it nicely and fill it out

 

[MeltyTW]

I actually really really want to hear how ethan would characterize the events of his shitshow of a life. i wonder wtf the donga arc will be like, hes already claimed credit for finding donga and messing with him ..... despite it taking months of people he said were just drama stirring haters until he finally relented and covered donga because he said something mean and then jim gave the go ahead and then everyone other than ralph accepted it. fuck i wonder how hell characterize people saying hes fat since he tried to make finger guns out into some death threat mass shooting

 

[AltisticRight]

Ralph farted, better make a thread on it

Yes.

We also need another thread on Tucker Carlson.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

Ralph has teased this for literal years, it won't happen because it takes both effort and lucidity. He cannot maintain either for any significant amount of time.

I actually really really want to hear how ethan would characterize the events of his shitshow of a life. i wonder wtf the donga arc will be like, hes already claimed credit for finding donga and messing with him ..... despite it taking months of people he said were just drama stirring haters until he finally relented and covered donga because he said something mean and then jim gave the go ahead and then everyone other than ralph accepted it. fuck i wonder how hell characterize people saying hes fat since he tried to make finger guns out into some death threat mass shooting

Ralph is an unreliable narrator at the best of times, but writing his own book? Man, it'll be whacko.

I want to know about his pre-GamerGate stuff, and I will bet you anything he skips over 10 years of his life like it never happened. Fat lazy scab.

 

[Procrastinhater]

I actually really really want to hear how ethan would characterize the events of his shitshow of a life. i wonder wtf the donga arc will be like, hes already claimed credit for finding donga and messing with him ..... despite it taking months of people he said were just drama stirring haters until he finally relented and covered donga because he said something mean and then jim gave the go ahead and then everyone other than ralph accepted it. fuck i wonder how hell characterize people saying hes fat since he tried to make finger guns out into some death threat mass shooting

Tbh I would read a Ralphabiography.
Probably better if he got someone to ghost write it, but I'd be interested in reading the complete Guntistory from Ralphs point of view, you know he's gonna aggrandize all his actions and minimize and blame others for the bad parts, it might very well end up worthless as an historical acount of the real facts, but I have no doubt it would be hillarious to read along and compare how Ralph saw things with what objectively happened.

 

[Elmo]

I'm sure he has a lot to say but cannot because of his on-going court shit (not that that problem has ever stopped him before) but maybe one day.

 

[SpergioLeonne]

Tbh I would read a Ralphabiography.
Probably better if he got someone to ghost write it, but I'd be interested in reading the complete Guntistory from Ralphs point of view, you know he's gonna aggrandize all his actions and minimize and blame others for the bad parts, it might very well end up worthless as an historical acount of the real facts, but I have no doubt it would be hillarious to read along and compare how Ralph saw things with what objectively happened.

I don’t know that I’d READ it, but I might listen to the audiobook in the car

 

[Elmo]

I don’t know that I’d READ it, but I might listen to the audiobook in the car

This is the kind of shit he would actually be compelled to do for $$$ since he can hardly be bothered to even write blog posts. I agree with @Procrastinhater that a ghost writer would probably be the more realistic option.

 

[Procrastinhater]

I don’t know that I’d READ it, but I might listen to the audiobook in the car

Actually thats a great idea, especially if Ralph narrated it. You could intercut clips from some of the highlights (the infamous Mundane Matt confession, the Pillstream, Ralph and Jim on Mundane Matts show etc) thats if Ralph let it happen, he's kinda sensitive about some of that but it would help flesh it out. I think he should do it, or at least get someone to do it for him.

 

[SpergioLeonne]

Actually thats a great idea, especially if Ralph narrated it. You could intercut clips from some of the highlights (the infamous Mundane Matt confession, the Pillstream, Ralph and Jim on Mundane Matts show etc) thats if Ralph let it happen, he's kinda sensitive about some of that but it would help flesh it out. I think he should do it, or at least get someone to do it for him.

Ralph would basically HAVE to narrate or nobody would understand what hollerin’ means

 

[MeltyTW]

Tbh I would read a Ralphabiography.
Probably better if he got someone to ghost write it, but I'd be interested in reading the complete Guntistory from Ralphs point of view, you know he's gonna aggrandize all his actions and minimize and blame others for the bad parts, it might very well end up worthless as an historical acount of the real facts, but I have no doubt it would be hillarious to read along and compare how Ralph saw things with what objectively happened.

oh for sure, id love to see how he characterizes being an obscure gg laughing stock as being some bold crusader who was at the center of political intrigue that rocked a nation, how hell have a mein kampf tier prison story and how actually he went on years long drug benders and lost most of his memory of the killstream golden age all as part of an overarching cause he pulls out of his ass.

id encourage ethan to actually write, lets be honest, it doesnt need to be pro quality, it might be worth more being very poorly written to us and his fans wont really pickup on it (im being neutral ralph might say its because they dont care about writing as much we might say theyre idiots, he might also say his story is so interesting it can afford to take some bumps in presentation which i guess id have to agree with. and he can make money. id buy a copy 100 percent.