The Golden Knight - General Thread

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Burned Man said:
I surprised he didn't write Heather out of the story, and how the hell does Lily know what console commands are?
Question: aren't you supposed to start a new paragraph each time a character speaks? I'm not trying to shit on GK but I am curious.
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I don't even know where to start in critiquing it, it's just so full of mistakes. I'm sure I'm going to have nightmares about it.
 
Burned Man said:
Question: aren't you supposed to start a new paragraph each time a character speaks? I'm not trying to shit on GK but I am curious.
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From what little I know about writing, generally, if you're writing an action a character does before they speak, it's generally acceptable to keep it in the same paragraph. For example:

Burned Man walked over to the dresser and picked up the piece of paper. He looked at SparksterSanjulo. "Did you write this?" he stated.

If one person talks and then the other talks right after, then yeah, you should break up the paragraphs...

"No, I didn't write that," SparksterSanjulo stated. He looked back at Burned Man.

"Well, who did then?" Burned Man retorted back.

Also, GK has no idea how to use commas or write sentences. My eyes bled from the constant statements like "She droned, 'What is this place?'" That's not how commas work.

EDIT: Anyone who knows writing should correct me if I'm wrong. :tomgirl:
 
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SparksterSanjulo said:
From what little I know about writing, generally, if you're writing an action a character does before they speak, it's generally acceptable to keep it in the same paragraph. For example:

Burned Man walked over to the dresser and picked up the piece of paper. He looked at SparksterSanjulo. "Did you write this?" he stated.

If one person talks and then the other talks right after, then yeah, you should break up the paragraphs...

"No, I didn't write that," SparksterSanjulo stated. He looked back at Burned Man.

"Well, who did then?" Burned Man retorted back.

Also, GK has no idea how to use commas or write sentences. My eyes bled from the constant statements like "She droned, 'What is this place?'" That's not how commas work.

EDIT: Anyone who knows writing should correct me if I'm wrong. :tomgirl:
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Well, you're not wrong about the comas, it's just his way of using words and his construction is completely backwards. He doesn't know half of what he's writing, and what's semi understandable is at best what a 2nd grader would write. He switches tenses multiple times, and the actions of his characters are abnormal.

On another note his writing is insanely similar to the way hentai works; makes no sense whatsoever, the main protag is instantly nothing more than fan service, and the fact that he considers himself a talented writer and butchers his own English is a joke. I'd go more into it, but where to start would be an issue and a novel in itself.
 
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His comic is shit, and when he goes around to conventions showing it off the only thing he accomplishes is embarrassing himself.
 
Dean Ween said:
His comic is shit, and when he goes around to conventions showing it off the only thing he accomplishes is embarrassing himself.
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How could a 21-year-old man possibly embarrass himself with a sales pitch like this one?!

"HI! Would you like to take a look at my book? I made it all by myself! It debuted right here at Comic Con! If you like what you see and/or you want to support an upstart indie, you can buy one *HERE* for 4 dollars. With that, I will sign it and we'll take a picture of you!"
 
I only make fun of him for his grammar because he makes such a big deal out of it for others. In truth my grammar is deplorable and I have no leg to stand on.
 
Absinthe said:
How could a 21-year-old man possibly embarrass himself with a sales pitch like this one?!

"HI! Would you like to take a look at my book? I made it all by myself! It debuted right here at Comic Con! If you like what you see and/or you want to support an upstart indie, you can buy one *HERE* for 4 dollars. With that, I will sign it and we'll take a picture of you!"
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You forgot the best part about his selling spiel -
The Golden Knight said:
And as I also say below, at the time I did *NOT* know that "upstart" meant something completely negative. Good thing I made it sound like it was a *good* thing.
giggle.gif
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