The Dumbest Articles on Cracked

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Cracked became a shithole shortly before they turned all SJW.
They had those "harsh truths" articles which were all about how you should feel like shit and only feel good when you act like how a Cracked writer tells you to act.
The comment section was pure autism, filled with fanboys of Wong and Cheese who would tear anyone who disagreed with them to pieces.
They pushed this weird kind of philosophy where you should feel good for functioning in society, watching old movies adn cartoons, and trying retarded life hacks so chicks may like you.
It was like if that cynical, stoner loser guy started a religion. All based around clickbait articles.
 
Who was it that wrote articles about growing up poor? I remember liking those (then again I'm a poorfag myself so).
 
Ugh. I used to follow Cracked in the just-after-highschool years, just because it was something funny to read in the morning, and they reliably pushed out at least one readable article a day.

Over the course of those years, I watched as they shifted slowly towards obvious clickbait headlines, to the point where just skimming the number titles gave you everything you needed to know about the article. I also noticed they would frequently posted incredibly contradictory articles close to each other (X Reasons The Zombie Apocalypse Could Happen Any Moment/X Reasons Why The Zombie Apocalypse Is Bullshit).

On top of that, people tend to take their word as gospel just because their articles have citations[1] in them, but oftentimes if you actually clicked the links, you would be taken to something vaguely related that either doesn't mention anything relevant, the direct opposite of what you read on the article, or some scanned book on Google that they expect you to sift through because they can't link it properly.

I'm actually shocked that they still allow Seanbaby to get away with having words like "pussy", "fag", and "sissy" all over his articles, especially since his articles could be right next to something like "Why Using 'Pussy', 'Fag', And 'Sissy' Makes You Literally Hitler".

  • David Wong was alright until he wrote that one book, and every article since then was an excuse to pimp it out at every opportunity. I hear the movie's good, though.
  • Seanbaby is based. 'Nuff said.
  • Daniel O'Brien needs to stop thinking about Back to the Future. His obsession is rather unhealthy.
  • Luke McKinney isn't too bad. I'm sure if he ever leaves the site, I Fucking Love Science would gladly scoop him up.
  • Cody is by far the most divisive person on the site. Popular opinion is that he straight-up isn't funny, and most of his supporters are the Tim & Eric "It's funny because it's not funny" crowd. He also makes unfunny videos.
  • Christina H is the second most divisive. People were really quick to hate her until some people latched on the the idea that all of her articles are "ironic", and that gave her a whole new audience. Take that as you will.
  • Gladstone is boring. Just, boring. His video show Hate By Numbers was canceled because it was so terribly boring. After that, all he wrote were articles like "Why These Great Artists Are Secretly Terrible", "Why This Really Shitty Artist Is Secretly A Genius", and "Why I Am So Much Fucking Smarter Than You". After David Wongs Book exploded in popularity, Gladstone tried to hop on that train by writing his incredibly cringeworthy fanfiction about him surviving in a world that mysteriously lost the internet. He never managed to find a publisher willing to turn his several-articles-long story into a proper novel.
  • John Cheese was pretty good until all of his articles regressed into "Have I Mentioned Today That I Quit Drinking?" and "Have I Mentioned Today That I Quit Smoking?" and turned into the biggest wet blanket on Earth.
  • Chris Bucholz appeals heavily to the "lol so random!!!1 ^_^" crowd. I'll let that speak for itself.
  • Adam Tom Brown seems to be somewhat devisive as well, but I usually just skim through his articles anyways, so I can't comment to much on him.

[1]Nope
 
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I only have one minor, possibly autistic complaint about Cracked. Every Saturday they give an article to a photoshopper names Auntie Meme. I don't have an issue with that, but they didn't bother to change the fucking template from the photoshop contests they have a few times a week. It's just fucking lazy that they can't remove one fucking line that says "Congratulations, Auntie Meme, you win the money!".

Occasionally they put out good articles from time to time but they're mostly shit these days.
 
Android raptor said:
Has he been sucked into the SJW bullshit or is he still decent?
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His articles are okay I guess, but they're all the same, so I don't read his new ones.

Kusottare said:
Everyone who isn't Seanbaby is shit.


Also:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-groups-who-shouldnt-be-sexual-punchlines/

#5 is furries
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So Cracked, which has depended on making fun of people with weird sexual interests for years, is suddenly taking a moral high ground on this issue? Such progressive, much social justice!

The author is such a wet paper bag that he's the main punchline of the article. I'm pretty sure he thinks the only good jokes are about fuckboys and white men who wear fedoras, nothing else.
 
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Kusottare said:
Everyone who isn't Seanbaby is shit.


Also:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-groups-who-shouldnt-be-sexual-punchlines/

#5 is furries
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I wonder if he realizes a huge part of why flurries are punchlines isn't just because of all the bizarre fetishes they often have, but also because they've historically been super easy to troll and have some of the most bullshittery and drama of any subculture.

BTW he says trans-anything shouldnt be a punchline, but what about transabled or transracial fuckasses? If nothing else those two groups should be laughed out of society.
 
These came out a few months ago, but I've been going through the Gamergate thread, and it led me to some lovely material from J.F. Sargent:

6 Ways Critics of Political Correctness Have It Backwards

J.F. Sargent said:
So even if diversity is good, that's not just what political correctness is about, right? It's also about limiting what words people are allowed to use in polite company, and that makes comedy impossible, as illustrated by this comic, which exploded on Reddit a while back:

440828_v1.jpg


I don't know if this is intentional, but this comic perfectly illustrates the backward thinking of people who are anti-politically correct: They're mad because they can't keep telling the same damn jokes we've already heard. People don't tell "a [race] guy, a [different race] guy, and a [third goddamn race] guy walk into a bar" jokes anymore because they're played out and racial stereotypes are terrible. That's not just one example, by the way -- whenever I hear someone getting defensive about jokes and political correctness, they're defending really crappy jokes.
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Got it. We now live in a world where if you laugh at this joke, this joke, or this joke, you're basically Hitler.

J.F. Sargent said:
People act like comedy exists in a bubble that's independent of reality and context, which is amazing because it manages to misunderstand jokes, the human brain, and all of society all at once. Jokes live and die on the preconceptions you bring to them as a human being. Imagine trying to browse Cracked with no understanding of who Batman is -- 50 percent of our content would be complete gibberish."]
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And the context of jokes apparently doesn't count as context when the joke is about something someone finds offensive. Good thing every person in the world is only ever offended by something for a good reason and behaves in an entirely rational manner when such an event occurs!

J.F. Sargent said:
Let's talk about video games for a minute, because who doesn't love that shit? As we've covered before, the "gamer" community hates political correctness more than any other group that exists does aside from, like, actual neo-Nazis.
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Wow. Unironic violation of Godwin's law is now totally okay in SJW circles?

Cool! All this time I've been busy doing shit like checking to see if someone is actually a natsoc before I call them a natsoc. Who knew it'd be so easy to save time by just saying whatever I liked at any time with no proof whatsoever!

J.F. Sargent said:
A great example is that time Anita Sarkeesian once mentioned video games in passing to a friend and immediately unseated Jesus Christ and Bono to become the most famous human being who has ever existed. Or something.
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Raising 160k for a series that requires no work to film but standing in front of a green screen and grooming yourself in a respectable manner is now "mentioning something to a friend in passing"? I didn't know J.F. Sargent had recently won the lottery!

J.F. Sargent said:
Anyway, gamers often insist that, yes, while every video game character that has ever existed is a straight white male, this is only true because there are no women or black people who play video games, because women and black people are imaginary (you can tell because they never appear in video games). Except no part of that is true.
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Bold words, J.F.. Good thing we don't live in a world where some of the biggest game ever made, including the biggest game of all time, star women or minorities. Good thing we don't live in a world where gay romance is now a relatively common feature of video games. If that was true, you'd have a lot of egg on your face, wouldn't you?

Any way, here's the next article:

* * * * *

How Casual Racism Ruined Free Speech Forever

J.F. Sargent said:
There's a loose rule in comedy that says you shouldn't "punch down." The simplest explanation of this rule is that it's less funny to mock someone who's beneath you than it is to mock someone above you -- mocking a powerful, wealthy politician is going to get more laughs than mocking a child who was just diagnosed with leukemia (unless you're going for shock humor, in which case the joke is actually how horrible you, the comedian, are).
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Ah, the "punching down" defense. That never has any holes in its logic!

I'm kinda cheating here, because "either everything is OK, or nothing is" is a paraphrase from an old episode of South Park where they argue that they should be allowed to make fun of Mohammed or, ya know, "the terrorists win." Except terrorism kills eight times as many Muslims as non-Muslims, so Trey Parker and Matt Stone were really just defending their right to say things that were going to piss off, hurt, and kill other people, far away, that they were never going to have to see or deal with or care about. And they were making themselves seem like heroes for being so brave. Here's that clip.
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Wow. Comedians making fun of religious fascists who come from a less fortunate part of the world is punching down, but said fascists retaliating by killing people of lower social standing or with less access to weaponry is just those poor minorities being triggered and we should respect their feelings?

Good thing Cracked provides all its readers with a strong dose of concentrated SJW thought modification solution! Otherwise, those two statements side by side would be unforgivably evil, tantamount to morally blackmailing people into caving into the whims of the most retrograde people on the planet by burdening us with the sin of the crimes committed by religious fascists, and the only way J.F. Sargent could repent would be by crawling into the fetal position and aborting himself!
 
Didn't you know? Utopia was abolished by Executive Order in 1972...... it's been nothing but downhill since! (Though the legalized hunting of unicorns before that was widely seen as the beginning of the fall, that just confirmed it)
 
*Asterisk* said:
These came out a few months ago, but I've been going through the Gamergate thread, and it led me to some lovely material from J.F. Sargent:

6 Ways Critics of Political Correctness Have It Backwards


Got it. We now live in a world where if you laugh at this joke, this joke, or this joke, you're basically Hitler.


And the context of jokes apparently doesn't count as context when the joke is about something someone finds offensive. Good thing every person in the world is only ever offended by something for a good reason and behaves in an entirely rational manner when such an event occurs!


Wow. Unironic violation of Godwin's law is now totally okay in SJW circles?

Cool! All this time I've been busy doing shit like checking to see if someone is actually a natsoc before I call them a natsoc. Who knew it'd be so easy to save time by just saying whatever I liked at any time with no proof whatsoever!


Raising 160k for a series that requires no work to film but standing in front of a green screen and grooming yourself in a respectable manner is now "mentioning something to a friend in passing"? I didn't know J.F. Sargent had recently won the lottery!


Bold words, J.F.. Good thing we don't live in a world where some of the biggest game ever made, including the biggest game of all time, star women or minorities. Good thing we don't live in a world where gay romance is now a relatively common feature of video games. If that was true, you'd have a lot of egg on your face, wouldn't you?

Any way, here's the next article:

* * * * *

How Casual Racism Ruined Free Speech Forever


Ah, the "punching down" defense. That never has any holes in its logic!


Wow. Comedians making fun of religious fascists who come from a less fortunate part of the world is punching down, but said fascists retaliating by killing people of lower social standing or with less access to weaponry is just those poor minorities being triggered and we should respect their feelings?

Good thing Cracked provides all its readers with a strong dose of concentrated SJW thought modification solution! Otherwise, those two statements side by side would be unforgivably evil, tantamount to morally blackmailing people into caving into the whims of the most retrograde people on the planet by burdening us with the sin of the crimes committed by religious fascists, and the only way J.F. Sargent could repent would be by crawling into the fetal position and aborting himself!
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Apparently ol' JF is so obnoxious even the hardcore Wongtards can't stand him.
And I think he was responsible for that "the Ebola panic is secretly racist!" article I mentioned in another thread.
 
I'm surprised this article hasn't come up yet. This, I think, was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was poorly written, poorly researched, and was probably one of the worst-received articles Cracked put out. Plus it has a confounding definition of rape culture (second quote).
"Cracked Staff' said:
"Rape culture" is the normalization of sexual violence against women, treating it like something that just happens and blaming or shaming the victims.
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Fair enough. If you believe it exists, I suppose that's a sane way of explaining it. But then...

"Cracked Staff" said:
You see it in the news: If you can replace "rape" with "rain" and the story still works, that's rape culture.
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:story:

Really, I think Cracked just doesn't deliver as well as it used to.

Prior to about mid-2013, I actually liked reading the site. There was consistently at least one funny/informative article a day that would make me laugh, or read to my dad and we'd both have a laugh. I liked the "insider look" articles, because they had some interesting viewpoints and info. It was once a pretty decent site.

Then articles like the one I linked started to crop up, articles that were really funny became harder to find, and then by the time the article I linked came up, I just decided, "Fuck this shit, I'm out." Frankly, I'm glad to see I haven't missed much on that site.

Except Seanbaby, who is my hero now and forever. Praise be unto him.
 
Eh. I still like Cracked. Some of the non-columnists can be funny and informative (there was one pretty good high school kid who wrote a few articles), and it's always fun to dislike Adam Tod Brown (I mean, look at these two pieces of clickbait). However, the best part would have to be the videos these days-I pretty much solely watch After Hours and the short video serieses (like the Stumbling Dead or Jedi Academy).
 
Steamboat_Bill said:
Cracked in print form was the poor man's MAD, I have to mention. Few people remember that it started out as a magazine back in the 50s.
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Sad that the files to their pre-2002 issues were lost in the Anthrax scare. But if vintange copies of all the back-issues exist in the hands of collectors, could they scan them all, and put them on a DVD-ROM like Mad did? I'd buy that in a heartbeat.

Funny that back in the day, Spider-Man co-creator Steve Ditko worked for Cracked. Being a staunch Objectivist, I doubt he would approve of what Cracked is now (FYI, he's still alive, but very private).
 
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