The Cole Smithey Thread

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He had one job.

One Job.

And that was to be the one giving Black Panther less than 100% review on Rotten Tomatoes, and he didn't do it. Instead someone called Ed.
 
So according to rotten tomatoes one of his favorite movies is Come and See, which I also liked because I have a hardon for Soviet cinema. Does this mean I'm a hipster faggot?
 
odius said:
So according to rotten tomatoes one of his favorite movies is Come and See, which I also liked because I have a hardon for Soviet cinema. Does this mean I'm a hipster faggot?
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Have a look at Cole's review of it. Does any of this sound like something you'd say? Probably not, because the whole thing is a shining example of the kind of hipster faggotry you get from people who like the idea of being a "film guy" more than they actually like films.
 
I've always wondered precisely what it was that Bob did to Cole that made him promise to dance on his grave. I'm not saying our beloved internet lumberjack was a perfect parent given how Chris turned out, but the kind of hatred Cole has (or had, idk if he still has the grudge) is something that doesn't come about overnight.
 
welcometotherock said:
I've always wondered precisely what it was that Bob did to Cole that made him promise to dance on his grave. I'm not saying our beloved internet lumberjack was a perfect parent given how Chris turned out, but the kind of hatred Cole has (or had, idk if he still has the grudge) is something that doesn't come about overnight.
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I know the reasons he wants nothing to do with Barb, but I'm not sure why he disliked Bob other than step-parent disdain that seems somewhat common in people like Cole who got stepparents during their mid-late teen years just not going away.

Maybe an christorian such as @Marvin has a better answer for this?
 
odius said:
So according to rotten tomatoes one of his favorite movies is Come and See, which I also liked because I have a hardon for Soviet cinema. Does this mean I'm a hipster faggot?
Click to expand...
Now I am imagining the ending sequence with various photos of Chris standing in for the still frame shots of Hitler
 
Feline Darkmage said:
I know the reasons he wants nothing to do with Barb, but I'm not sure why he disliked Bob other than step-parent disdain that seems somewhat common in people like Cole who got stepparents during their mid-late teen years just not going away.

Maybe an christorian such as @Marvin has a better answer for this?
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Pretty much what you said. Cole barely knew Bob. They lived together for about a year before Cole left.
 
I should have known Cole would be into things such as furry, and furdom. People with autism gene 9 out of 10 times want to be a fury. I think Cole is undiagnosed autustic. He likes to speed about movies. He was never tested for autism, I think Cole should be tested for it. Chris Chan transforming into a hedgehog is basically his furry. Cole wanting to be a cat in a furry manner.
 
odius said:
So according to rotten tomatoes one of his favorite movies is Come and See, which I also liked because I have a hardon for Soviet cinema. Does this mean I'm a hipster faggot?
Click to expand...
"Come and See" is a brilliant, brutal, carefully made movie. It's also an uncomfortable, not-too-well-known foreign movie. You're only like Cole if you like it purely for the latter reasons.
 
Orkeosaurus said:
I still can't figure out Cole's reviewing policy besides "be contarian". His whole review of Logan boiled down to denouncing the violence in an R movie like a pearl clutching grandmother while he loved Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

still, him and Armond White might be the only ones willing to shit on Black Panther
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Black Panther needs shitting on if only for the one reason that it is yet another unoriginal popcorn superhero movie, I love those trashy movies but lets not pretend they are perfect.
 
I hope Cole does shit on Black Panther. Looks pretty boring and generic judging by the trailers. The only thing it has going for it is the African culture aspect of it, which is immediately invalidated by the fact that it takes place in a technologically-advanced fictional kingdom.
 
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