The Cole Smithey Thread

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AnOminous said:
The Guggenheim. I wonder what specific thing he was there for. The picture is too blurry for me to recognize.
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There are a few more pictures of him in and around the Guggenheim wearing the exact same outfit:

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I can't say for certain, but I speculate it's related to his walking tours:

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Blarmed&Dangerous said:
I'm always genuinely surprised no one has been able to subsume their spergery sufficiently to get one of these tours and report back.
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Sure, but how many people want to spend $125 to be in the presence of someone arguably as self-absorbed as Chris for 95 minutes?

What really surprises me is that it hasn't been a target for weens. Seems like it would be a magnet for that shit.
 
SigueSigueSpergnik said:
Sure, but how many people want to spend $125 to be in the presence of someone arguably as self-absorbed as Chris for 95 minutes?

What really surprises me is that it hasn't been a target for weens. Seems like it would be a magnet for that shit.
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Cole is so boring and unlikable that not even weens want to deal with him
 
Vibralldo said:
Cole is so boring and unlikable that not even weens want to deal with him
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I think why Cole remains a low-key lolcow despite having done his best to disassociate himself from Chris, Blarb, Bob, whatever, is that his arrogance, his dumb insistence that he's the smartest movie critic ever, whatever, that he subsists off his wife despite his only actual income comes from him walking people around New York, makes him look utterly absurd.

I mean, if I wanted to go to the Guggenheim and just look at whatever they were exhibiting, I'd, like, go to the Guggenheim, walk in, buy my ticket or whatever, and then walk around. Why would I want to pay a spastic to walk around and tell me what I already knew or could find out by looking at the little text explanations that are always next to every painting or other object?

I don't need someone even more retarded than I am to explain it to me.

And I certainly don't want to have a craft beer with him. If I want that, I'll drink it with someone I actually like.
 
Vibralldo said:
Cole is so boring and unlikable that not even weens want to deal with him
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Tbh Cole is so sad and pathetic that it isn’t even worth a-logging him.

He’s just some mediocre guy in his 60s living in an over-priced hovel in NYC with a life that has nothing of note except a bad attention-seeking movie review from a decade ago and a fat stinking tranny rapist retard of a brother.
 
AnOminous said:
I think why Cole remains a low-key lolcow despite having done his best to disassociate himself from Chris, Blarb, Bob, whatever, is that his arrogance, his dumb insistence that he's the smartest movie critic ever, whatever, that he subsists off his wife despite his only actual income comes from him walking people around New York, makes him look utterly absurd.

I mean, if I wanted to go to the Guggenheim and just look at whatever they were exhibiting, I'd, like, go to the Guggenheim, walk in, buy my ticket or whatever, and then walk around. Why would I want to pay a spastic to walk around and tell me what I already knew or could find out by looking at the little text explanations that are always next to every painting or other object?

I don't need someone even more retarded than I am to explain it to me.

And I certainly don't want to have a craft beer with him. If I want that, I'll drink it with someone I actually like.
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Cole is useful for one thing and one thing only: being Chris minus the autism - or, at least, the same level of autism. In that regard, he's invaluable as proof that the apple doesn't fall far from the Barb. As a human being, though, he's pretty much pointless.
 
The possibility of Cole telling Chris to repent is as high as him reminding Barb of his love and taking advice from Sonichu is Chris body.
 
The Polaroid Man said:
He’s just some mediocre guy in his 60s living in an over-priced hovel in NYC with a life that has nothing of note except a bad attention-seeking movie review from a decade ago and a fat stinking tranny rapist retard of a brother.
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His first hit on Google is his own site, so okay, decent SEO, his second is his rottentomatoes page, good job getting in on the ground floor of that one as a Tomatometer critic and keeping it, but his third is sonichu.com.

That's gotta sting.

I was also going to question the 60s thing but he is in fact 61. And this is his life. I'm not quite that old and am really in no position to question his existence, but I also don't call myself the smartest anything in the world.
 
AnOminous said:
but I also don't call myself the smartest anything in the world.
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From his Sonichu page (https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey):

Cole occasionally hosts eBay auctions for the winning bidder to spend a night with him drinking craft beer at his wife's bar and talking about film, proving that, despite one half-brother being a pretentious wannabe hipster douchebag and the other being a socially-stunted mentally-ill manchild, they both share the same bloated ego.
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JT Marlin said:
From his Sonichu page (https://sonichu.com/cwcki/Cole_Smithey):
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I've read his opinions. If I wanted opinions of similar quality, I'd pretend to be gay, go to a community college, hit on the dude who taught whatever film course they had, and get the same midwit opinions for free. Then I wouldn't blow him.

You don't need to go to NYC to get midwit film opinions from some retard who thinks he's the smartest film critic of all time despite never having had an original opinion in his life.
 
Cole is balling the fuck out at the Guggenheim on his rich wife’s money and the brokies ITT are absolutely seething. SAD!
 
AnOminous said:
You don't need to go to NYC to get midwit film opinions from some retard who thinks he's the smartest film critic of all time despite never having had an original opinion in his life.
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Speaking of original opinions: I fucking love this photo of Cole, largely because he doesn't know how much of a stereotype he is:

Cole Smithey, tourist douchebag.webp

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the douchebag (usually) American tourist who is attempting to show the enlightened Europeans just how much he's unlike other Americans. The dead giveaway: the Bernie Sanders T-shirt, as worn at the Cannes Film Festival in 2016.

The type has existed long before that, but these are the people who go to Europe and whine to everyone within earshot about how crap America is and how much better everything is in whatever country it is that they're currently visiting, thinking that this is absolutely the path to acceptance amongst the locals. The reality is that Europeans generally don't give a flying fuck, at least in the necks of the woods I've lived in. Sure, they may have a common like or dislike of specific political personalities and / or policies, but when you live in, say, Estonia, Bernie Sanders means jack-shit to your daily life because you don't live in America. It is a good way to bore everyone around you to death, however.

This is basically the easiest way to paint a target on yourself that says two things: one, I know nothing about the culture, customs, history, language, or people of the country I'm visiting, but I'm totes one of you guys because I'm such an Alternative American; two, mug me and take everything I have.

Don't be like Cole.
 
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