The Cole Smithey Thread

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If Cole's LinkedIn is any evidence, he would probably have way more success as a cameraman working for T.V. like one of the big news corps. in NYC, rather than trying to be a 50 year old hipster that writes "edgy" reviews.
 
Dark Mirror Hole said:
"Batman said something about balding being better than actually being bald since the person has something to work with"

Not really, I personally find chrome domes more aesthetically pleasing than bald patches (not to mention that toupees and comb-overs are awful).
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:bb:
 
EleSigma said:
If Cole's LinkedIn is any evidence, he would probably have way more success as a cameraman working for T.V. like one of the big news corps. in NYC, rather than trying to be a 50 year old hipster that writes "edgy" reviews.
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Tech guys can always get more work more consistently than the talent. With vocational jobs, they don't give a shit about how you look when you come to work or how much the market cares about you. They just care about results. Even guys on the creative side of things (like a director of photography) have only their reel to show for it, and nobody cares about how much you look like a mutated chipmunk or how well you can publicly speak.
 
Well, now his title makes sense. When you're writing reviews for people who still use sippy cups, you really are the smartest critic in the world in their eyes.

Maybe he can get a job at McDonald's putting together Happy Meals so he can the best chef in the world too.
 
There are two things that irritate me about Cole's reviews. A good critic doesn't just summarize the plot and tell you if he liked it. A good critic contextualizes the film, and teaches the reader something about filmmaking or film viewing. Cole has an extremely limited idea about what makes a movie good. Of course, Fellini, Scorsese, and Ingmar Bergman are great directors, but film can be good in many different ways. How good is the story? How good is the acting? How fun is the movie? How pretty are the shots? Does the film make a meaningful or relatable concept? Did I feel how the movie wanted me to feel?

Film is subjective, but I feel like all his reviews can be boiled down to:

A. "I like -insert dead/obscure filmmaker, cinematic classic, or slowly-paced film- because of the realistic mise-en-scène and highbrow pretentious artistic concerns."
B. "I don't like -insert summer blockbuster- because 3D and simpler conceptual concerns."
 
RogerRabbit1988 said:
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.....

By that, I mean most of Chris' relatives are idiots.
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But the only relatives we know really anything about are Chris, Cole, Barb and Bob.

Speaking of which, I wonder if the rest of the Weston and Chandler family have their ties cut with Cole like they have with Charb? What is Cole's view on the rest of the family and does he hate them as much as he does Chris, Bob and Barb?
 
I AM THE CREASE DANGER said:
There are two things that irritate me about Cole's reviews. A good critic doesn't just summarize the plot and tell you if he liked it. A good critic contextualizes the film, and teaches the reader something about filmmaking or film viewing. Cole has an extremely limited idea about what makes a movie good. Of course, Fellini, Scorsese, and Ingmar Bergman are great directors, but film can be good in many different ways. How good is the story? How good is the acting? How fun is the movie? How pretty are the shots? Does the film make a meaningful or relatable concept? Did I feel how the movie wanted me to feel?

Film is subjective, but I feel like all his reviews can be boiled down to:

A. "I like -insert dead/obscure filmmaker, cinematic classic, or slowly-paced film- because of the realistic mise-en-scène and highbrow pretentious artistic concerns."
B. "I don't like -insert summer blockbuster- because 3D and simpler conceptual concerns."
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That's what a lot of "amateur" movie reviewers say. Though agian... Cole is Chris's half brother. So what are we expecting of him? He earns a living, which is an achievement considering his brother and what we know of genetics.
 
yea, Cole at least did something with his life, sure he childhood sucked, but he did better than Chris, but with ll that may have happened with his childhood sucked, perhaps it might be PTSD that he might suffer from because of the ebay auctions he did, like it is kind of sad he doesn't have a good relationship with Barb, or Bob, or that one guy that Barb was with, and Barb hiding the true identity of his father.

A friend of mine has it and he absolutely hates having it.
 
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My parents played a lot of records when I was a tot. I remember jumping around to Sam Cook’s greatest hits and Harry Belafonte records. My dad was a professional magician in Richmond, Va., where we lived. He was friends with a bunch of musicians around town. I always begged for a drum kit, and although my parents promised to buy one for me, they never did. They did however set me up with drum lessons when I was 12 with a drummer named Bob Antonelli — he played for a band called “The Good Humor Band.” I spent a lot of time playing on a practice pad with my Franz metronome ticking away.
My dad was also friends with actors such as Celeste Holm and Ethel Merman. So I got to meet those great ladies when I was a kid. My dad was a movie fan, and took me to the movies a lot. He took me to see my first R-rated movie “Fists of Fury” when I was eight. He also took me to see “The Exorcist” a couple of years later when I was 10. Those aren’t exactly the kinds of movies most little kids can handle, but I’d been prepped for what to expect. As a boy, I had a lot of respect for the power of cinema as something very complex and sophisticated. I always aspired to really understand movies.
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So are these the "bizarre scenarios" that his "dad" Jack Smithey and Barb forced on him?
 
People are willing to pay $200 for his retarded half brother's doodles and yet nobody wants to hang with Cole and buy him beer.

I love it.
 
Butta Face Lopez said:
People are willing to pay $200 for his retarded half brother's doodles and yet nobody wants to hang with Cole and buy him beer.

I love it.
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Because Cole hasn't drawn one of , if not, the greatest webcomics known to mankind. When he does that then I'll go drinking with him.
 
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