The Cole Smithey Thread

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Alec Benson Leary said:
No idea if that's true. Personally, I think that's just a lie Barb made up so she doesn't have to think of a more realistic explanation for why Cole won't talk to her.
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Of course it's not true. Cole would be a lot more than mentally disabled if he got hit by a bus.

I was reading the other day about this guy, Bill Mantlo. Wrote for Marvel Comics in the 70s and 80s. Very prolific. His work depended on him being able to use his mind. Around 1992 he got hit by a car and took a huge blow to the head, squishing his brain against his skull and severing his brain stem. His injuries are so severe that not only can he not write any more but he cannot take care of himself and has to be in a nursing home for the rest of his life.

I know that not all accidents are the same but I think if Cole got hit by a bus he'd be exactly like that, if not worse. Now we know Cole's writing is awful, but it's not brain damage awful. More like pompous prick awful.

It seems that making up stories about each other that could not possibly have happened is a Weston family trait. (see: Cole's gun story)
 
>>Of course it's not true. Cole would be a lot more than mentally disabled if he got hit by a bus. <<

I think Chris said that someone slammed cole against a bus. Not that he was hit by a bus.
 
WiseOldBadger said:
I wonder what he does for a living, since it is unlikely he makes much money from his film critic job.

It could be has the position that Chris always coveted: A pampered house husband!
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Cole's reviews were apparently syndicated in small-town newspapers that were too cheap to pay for their own critics as recently as 2007, if his e-mails to Chris are to be believed. It's possible that's still his primary income source, and his website and YouTube channel are just comically unsuccessful attempts to further increase his exposure.

I remember it also being claimed a while back that he used to teach at a film school or two in the NYC area, which would presumably give him enough income to subsidize the whole film critic schtick, though I don't think anything's ever been proven with regard to that.
 
The World's Smartest Film Critic said:
Beatty's wolf-in-sheep's-clothing character poses the film's most egregious rendering of a two-faced character who charms the new toys before showing his determinedly dastardly intentions against Buzz Lightyear after buttering up the sometimes heroic astronaut.
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The construction of this sentence is downright Chris-like. Phrases that might sound fine in isolation are tacked together without any regard for how they interact with each other.
 
I keep thinking of Chris' dumbfounded reaction in the recently uncovered video. "No response, no respooonse!"

I fucking wonder why.
 
HarryHowler said:
Cole's reviews were apparently syndicated in small-town newspapers that were too cheap to pay for their own critics as recently as 2007, if his e-mails to Chris are to be believed. It's possible that's still his primary income source, and his website and YouTube channel are just comically unsuccessful attempts to further increase his exposure.

I remember it also being claimed a while back that he used to teach at a film school or two in the NYC area, which would presumably give him enough income to subsidize the whole film critic schtick, though I don't think anything's ever been proven with regard to that.
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Cole teaching a film class? I highly doubt it. Even rinky-dink schools expect you to have *some* credentials, and to the best of our knowledge, Cole has none aside from his ego. Also, in any class there is usually one student who challenges the teacher, and I doubt Cole could deal with an intellectual confrontation, even from a college freshman.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Cole teaching a film class? I highly doubt it. Even rinky-dink schools expect you to have *some* credentials, and to the best of our knowledge, Cole has none aside from his ego. Also, in any class there is usually one student who challenges the teacher, and I doubt Cole could deal with an intellectual confrontation, even from a college freshman.
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If he has a Master's in something related he probably was able to adjunct at a Community College or something. It's pretty easy to get in if you have a MFA or something similar and they need somebody to teach the course. I could see a small school hiring him because of his education and column, especially if he has a portfolio of his work.
 
Ca Ira said:
The construction of this sentence is downright Chris-like. Phrases that might sound fine in isolation are tacked together without any regard for how they interact with each other.
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I was just noticing that. Cole seems to string together industry "buzz words." They're fine every once in a while--but when half of your review is filled with adjectives, maybe you should focus on generating more content.

It's almost like he's trying to reach a minimum word count or something.
 
Da Pickle Monsta said:
I was just noticing that. Cole seems to string together industry "buzz words." They're fine every once in a while--but when half of your review is filled with adjectives, maybe you should focus on generating more content.

It's almost like he's trying to reach a minimum word count or something.
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Or try to sound like he's a genius and highly educated compared to the "sheeple" who he pretends reads his reviews and takes them seriously.
 
drmccoy said:
If he has a Master's in something related he probably was able to adjunct at a Community College or something. It's pretty easy to get in if you have a MFA or something similar and they need somebody to teach the course. I could see a small school hiring him because of his education and column, especially if he has a portfolio of his work.
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I don't think he has a masters degree, or has taught film class. If he did, with an ego his size, every chance he would get he would mention in his reviews that he has a masters degree and once taught at an arts school. I'm sticking with that he has no accomplishments of note other than escaping Borb and pissing off enough Toy Story 3 fans to get mentioned by some famous magazines.
 
EleSigma said:
I don't think he has a masters degree, or has taught film class. If he did, with an ego his size, every chance he would get he would mention in his reviews that he has a masters degree and once taught at an arts school. I'm sticking with that he has no accomplishments of note other than escaping Borb and pissing off enough Toy Story 3 fans to get mentioned by some famous magazines.
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If anything, he may have been asked to serve as a guest lecturer at a community college before. But anybody can be a guest lecturer at a college provided you know the professor in a slight capacity and they ask you to come in; educational credentials aren't really necessary. I've seen fast food workers with GEDs give Q&As for business management classes.
 
Francine StripeCheer said:
Cole's LinkedIn page:
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/cole-smithey/a/125/9aa
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So his primary experience writing film reviews was from the Kidsville News? Really?! Really?!

http://www.kidsvillenews.com/

Cole's hard hitting former employer. Because Kidsville Kids are Cool

http://www.kidsvillenews.com/articl...flick_picks_with_truman_and_cole_smithey.aspx

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just type "movie review" into their search bar. Cole should be honored that he shares his reputation with an anamorphic dragon with a beanie.
 
I like how he has the most endorsements for television (which he barely mentions at all in his summary) yet the things he does mention as his specialties, (Film criticism, public speaking, radio and how he's in a bunch of magazines) his enendorsements drop off the face of the earth with film criticism only have two endorsements despite that being his primary line of work he advertises.
 
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