The Cole Smithey Thread

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Marvin said:
Ok, every time Cole puts out a movie review, we need to get Chris to make a video reviewing the same movie. Every time.
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So does that mean we're going to need to get CWC to watch movies that aren't made for 10-YO's, or is ColeSlaw going to start reviewing My Little Pony movies? ("Friendship is Magic points out the dichotomies inherent to a male-dominated society while simultaneously lampooning the emerging inequalities of a social strata in which one's value is directly related to a permanent mark displayed on one's buttocks.")
 
Muscle Bra said:
So does that mean we're going to need to get CWC to watch movies that aren't made for 10-YO's, or is ColeSlaw going to start reviewing My Little Pony movies? ("Friendship is Magic points out the dichotomies inherent to a male-dominated society while simultaneously lampooning the emerging inequalities of a social strata in which one's value is directly related to a permanent mark displayed on one's buttocks.")
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Neither. We'll get Chris to review movies by watching the trailers, and guessing whether they'll be any good.
 
Muscle Bra said:
So does that mean we're going to need to get CWC to watch movies that aren't made for 10-YO's, or is ColeSlaw going to start reviewing My Little Pony movies? ("Friendship is Magic points out the dichotomies inherent to a male-dominated society while simultaneously lampooning the emerging inequalities of a social strata in which one's value is directly related to a permanent mark displayed on one's buttocks.")
Click to expand...
Chris' tastes in media can be pretty diverse. He loved the Saw series, along with Frasier and Seinfeld. He's got random access tastes.
 
Cole Smithey sounds like a seventy year old war veterans name, then again serving the military would be more commendable than just conveniently hating every mainstream film to date.
 
Cole is typical of the Internet reviewer wannabe. He tries to hide his douchebag persona with a veneer of false education; Red Letter Media is similar to this.

The connection to Chris just compounds the horror of it: it's like seeing Mirror Universe Chris because Cole is a functioning adult with the same fucking unearned ego and narccicsm his more famous and successful autistic brother has.
 
Cole Smitheys are a dime a dozen. Extra pretentious, Middle America-originating hipsters who are bitter they weren't born and raised on the Left Coast.

They've invaded my city and I can spot them from a mile away
 
Marvin said:
Ok, every time Cole puts out a movie review, we need to get Chris to make a video reviewing the same movie. Every time.
Click to expand...

Such a double-edged sword, Chris's void of self-awareness. If he had a little he'd realise the best way to get back at his JERK BRO is by eclipsing his view counts with his own masterful critiques. Someone spread him the fact! It's even somewhat true! :asperchu:

Imagine Chris smiting his windbag brother with customary terseness...

rAjPd2w.gif


BOOM! Take that, cinemafags!
 
Everyone hates Cole. I don't understand why.
He's a largely unsuccessful film critic who lives off his wife. On that note, he's middle-aged, happily married, and lives pretty well.
He's somewhat unlikeable at worst. Plenty of people are mildly annoying hipsters and Cole doesn't have some kind of god complex, like people here seem to believe.
I understand having any connection to Chris is worse than what Saddam did in the gulf, but it seems like people here are attacking Cole for no good reason.
 
unfer said:
Such a double-edged sword, Chris's void of self-awareness. If he had a little he'd realise the best way to get back at his JERK BRO is by eclipsing his view counts with his own masterful critiques. Someone spread him the fact! It's even somewhat true! :asperchu:

Imagine Chris smiting his windbag brother with customary terseness...

rAjPd2w.gif


BOOM! Take that, cinemafags!
Click to expand...

I can never get used to his lip licking. Every time he does it while he talks creeps me out. For some reason they are more eerie than all the other disturbed shit he does.
 
Billy of Hills said:
Everyone hates Cole. I don't understand why.
He's a largely unsuccessful film critic who lives off his wife. On that note, he's middle-aged, happily married, and lives pretty well.
He's somewhat unlikeable at worst. Plenty of people are mildly annoying hipsters and Cole doesn't have some kind of god complex, like people here seem to believe.
I understand having any connection to Chris is worse than what Saddam did in the gulf, but it seems like people here are attacking Cole for no good reason.
Click to expand...
Does he have a normal job? What does his wife do for a living?
 
Billy of Hills said:
Everyone hates Cole. I don't understand why.
He's a largely unsuccessful film critic who lives off his wife. On that note, he's middle-aged, happily married, and lives pretty well.
He's somewhat unlikeable at worst. Plenty of people are mildly annoying hipsters and Cole doesn't have some kind of god complex, like people here seem to believe.
I understand having any connection to Chris is worse than what Saddam did in the gulf, but it seems like people here are attacking Cole for no good reason.
Click to expand...
It's mostly a "the straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Cole's just kind of built up reasons to dislike him over the years.
DragoonSierra said:
Does he have a normal job?
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I don't believe Cole has a normal job.
 
Why dislike Cole? Well, as a movie critic, every one of his reviews ends up telling you nothing about the movie and a great deal about him (albeit unintentionally). That makes him a colossal failure as a crtitic.

I don't care to extend my dislike of him to his personal life. Cole's failure as a hack writer (already a low bar to set) is distasteful enough as it is.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
I don't care to extend my dislike of him to his personal life. Cole's failure as a hack writer (already a low bar to set) is distasteful enough as it is.
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There's plenty of reasons to dislike Cole personally. His political views are absolutely abhorent, he's endorsed trutherism, he named his own "company" Smart New Media, and he charges hundreds of dollars for people to go out for a beer with him.

I don't blame him for leaving Barb and Chris. The Chandlers treated him like shit, never even had the courtesy to tell him who his real father is, and the only reason Chris ever wanted to resume contact with him was to unload Livia Soprano Snorlax on someone else's ass without having to pay a nursing home.

He has an excuse to be disfunctional, but that doesn't pardon being an absolute cunt.
 
Marvin said:
Ok, every time Cole puts out a movie review, we need to get Chris to make a video reviewing the same movie. Every time.
Click to expand...
This would be a fucking dream come true.
Is there any possibility to do that?
(Perhaps telling him that's his ticket to get closer to his brother and thus getting Cole to take care of Barb?)
 
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