The Cole Smithey Thread

[Mrs Paul]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm patiently waiting for the day that Coleslaw writes 'Want Woman' on his muscle bra.

Nah. He wouldn't write "Want Woman" on it.
He'd write "Want Cult of Admirers that Take Me Seriously...."
(preferably one larger than my eedjit half-brothers.)

Forget it folks, as long as he is married, marginally employed, and can produce things others like (music, in his case), he'll only ever bear a slight (at best) resemblance to Chris. Really, for all his pretentious silliness, he's achieved in one lifetime what Chris couldn't accomplish in 1000

Talk about damning with faint praise!

 

[Carlson]

Re: Never noticed this before:

Also wasn't it discussed in the past that there's a possibility that he doesn't really even watch the movies he reviews and seems to make reviews that would imply he got his information from previews, wiki summaries and commercials?

I wouldn't be surprised. He obviously wasn't paying attention during Toy Story 3 because he said that Andy was still playing with his toys even as he was about to start college when in fact he hadn't played with them in many years.

And he made it out like Andy's mother was intentionally throwing away the toys (rather than it being a garbage bag mix-up) to try and force him to stop playing with them. He turned the story of a kid reaching adulthood and bequeathing what made his childhood special onto a young girl into the story of a mentally disturbed manchild being forced away from his toys by his mother.

Which really says a lot when you consider Cole's family.

 

[Varis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It's been mentioned a few times that Cole's wife might be a lawyer. Where did this information come from?

 

[mk_ultrafun]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I can really see the ghost of Chris when he smiles. The bald head, 90s frames and goatee can't disguise those genes, or the hints of that virginia accent.

 

[WiseOldBadger]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I for one would love it, if someone would take up Cole's offer of a $250 night on the town for a beer.

Then he really would be a captive audience for anyone who wanted to ask his opinion on the cinematography of "Flying Elephants" the underlying themes of unrequited love in "For Julaaaayy's Eyes Only" and the stunning, bold, controversial drama of "CakeFarts!"

 

[Batman]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would pay $250 for Cole's company. Much like Chris trying to sell his porn for $1000, Cole would find it difficult to give his company away.

 

[Alec Benson Leary]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would pay $250 for Cole's company. Much like Chris trying to sell his porn for $1000, Cole would find it difficult to give his company away.

I never thought about that, but it's funny how both brothers have an equally bad understanding of supply and demand.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

I just actually saw Toy Story 3 not too long ago and have an opinion I share with Coleslaw in that I didn't like it. I don't even think as a kid I would have liked it. The movie had a sort of nasty message about it which just set a sour tone. Not to sperg but okay, a little, even though the bear thing was an asshole what had happened at the end to it was just a little too mean spirited.

Kids need to learn the world isn't sunshine and lollipops and be scared/sad once in awhile. If it comes from funny toys, even better.

It's not about 'being scared' (the conveyor belt leading into the furnace). I'm going to break down this character for you. It was a teddy bear that was once kind and loving and became twisted by hate once it was lost and it's owner completely forgot about it. Instead of the character finding some sort of redemption or at least having a way to realize the hate it felt was because of a feeling of abandonment, it instead gets tied to a garbage truck in a scene that says 'haha, he totally deserved that, what a dick'. It's just not a good thing considering the character's backstory, it just feels bitter and overtly merciless.

But he did deserve it. Lotso was a douche. He had his chance for redemption, didn't take it, suffers for it. Hell I vote he should have gotten worse. Should have shown him getting burned alive and screaming.

Never noticed this before:
According to Rottentomatoes.com, Coleslaw "Agrees with the Tomatometer 78% of the time."
Hmmmmn.....does this mean....
1) His attempts at being an edgy contrarian fail to make him stand out from the pack....or....
2) Is the mediocrity of modern media so pervasive that even a hack pretending to be an edgy contrarian just gets lost in the statistical noise?

3) He's really pretentious and believes he has opinions that make him stand out from the crowd, when in reality he just agrees with popular opinion and his analysis is always half baked.

The thing is his "out there" reviews are very much in the minority. We talk about Avengers or Toy Story 3 but these are only two of hundreds of shitty reviews of his. For the most part he less has opinions and more has the opinions of a snotty film student.

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would pay $250 for Cole's company. Much like Chris trying to sell his porn for $1000, Cole would find it difficult to give his company away.

Honestly I'm a bit surprised no ween has put in the money to meet Cole and talk Chris.

 

[Varis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

http://i.imgur.com/tCBhp4s.png

Nice to see that Cole likes his own posts, too.

Katherine is cuuuuuute.

 

[Marvin]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who would pay $250 for Cole's company. Much like Chris trying to sell his porn for $1000, Cole would find it difficult to give his company away.

Honestly I'm a bit surprised no ween has put in the money to meet Coleslaw and talk Chris.

I don't know, weens that retarded certainly do exist, but you'll have to count the ones just within traveling distance of Cole. That number might be close to (or actually be) zero.

I for one would love it, if someone would take up Coleslaw's offer of a $250 night on the town for a beer.

Then he really would be a captive audience for anyone who wanted to ask his opinion on the cinematography of "Flying Elephants" the underlying themes of unrequited love in "For Julaaaayy's Eyes Only" and the stunning, BOLDY!, controversial drama of "CakeFarts!"

I wouldn't be surprised if Cole got cranky enough just to walk out on them if they tried that, and justify it with some bullshit like "that's not what we came here to talk about!!!" or something. OR Cole might stew in his seat the whole night, feeling smug that his discussion partner is the loser for pissing away $250 to talk about his retarded brother.

 

[cypocryphy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Hypothetically, if I ever did see cole somewhere I would totally yell "JULAY!"

 

[Doge]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

http://i.imgur.com/tCBhp4s.png

Nice to see that Coleslaw likes his own posts, too.

Katherine is cuuuuuute.

Not to defend him, but I'd probably Like a picture I myself posted if someone I loved was also in it.

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Does he really have to look like such a douchebag while having his photo taken with his wife?

Come on, Coleslaw, you're not even trying anymore.

 

[Varis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

http://i.imgur.com/tCBhp4s.png

Nice to see that Coleslaw likes his own posts, too.

Katherine is cuuuuuute.

Not to defend him, but I'd probably Like a picture I myself posted if someone I loved was also in it.

Fair enough. I certainly don't blame him for Liking the picture of his(?) cat.

 

[Wall of Originals]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Maybe if I hit the lottery I will let Cole grace me with his presence I would bring something to record the entire night. I would be honest talking about some of my favorite films, like the original 1978 Superman and the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I want to hear his reasons for not liking them and saying I have shit taste to my face. I'm just a masochist I guess. I know I have crappy taste, but I can hear it from the Great Movie Reviewer Cole!

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

To really punish Cole I'd pay for the night of drinking and give the privilege to Chris

 

[Varis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

If he didn't want to talk about Chris, I'd listen to any dirt about Borb too.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

http://i.imgur.com/tCBhp4s.png

Nice to see that Coleslaw likes his own posts, too.

Katherine is cuuuuuute.

Not to defend him, but I'd probably Like a picture I myself posted if someone I loved was also in it.

Really? The fact that you posted it implies that you like it already. IDK I just find it to be stupid.

 

[HarryHowler]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I doubt Cole knows much about Bob

The only thing of any interest he might know about Bob is how and when his first marriage broke down. But even assuming he does, Cõle isn't Chris; he won't just blurt out the details of a man's private life to any random stranger who asks over the internets.

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

http://i.imgur.com/tCBhp4s.png

Nice to see that Coleslaw likes his own posts, too.

Katherine is cuuuuuute.

Katherine was the only person to win Cole's eBay auction.