The Cole Smithey Thread

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AnOminous said:
He's trying to recapture his brief moment of relevance when he panned Toy Story 3.
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I am not sure that's what he wants.
lets say cole becomes a famous or well known movie reviewer/critic.
what do you thinks going to happen?
no doubt the people from channel awesome would send him an invitation
if he gives any TV interviews, no doubt a provocateur will ask him about chris.
you thought weens were bad, just wait until he has to deal with paparazzi, tabloid media and TMZ.
 
The Dude said:
The gun story is pretty suspect. Unless they were living in a ground floor apartment with concrete floors, there is virtually no chance of a ricochet like Cole describes. The bullet would have likely either lodged itself into, or gone through a wood floor. Same thing with a sheetrock or plasterboard wall. Depending on how old the, I assume, revolver was, it may have fired with the hammer partially pulled back and slipping from under Barb's thumb, but typically not. Even older revolvers made before transfer bar safeties typically are timed so that the next chamber doesn't advance fully to the firing position until the hammer is fully to the rear either by thumbing the hammer back, or by fully pulling the trigger to the rear on a double-action/single-action revolver. Now, if it was an automatic with a round in the chamber that would be more plausible, especially with an older auto with fewer safety features. But I'm guessing that if the situation actually happened then Cole is either embellishing, or remembers it wrong.
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I thought it ricocheted off a steel door? I know a lot of apartments in that part of the state are built with these thick, heavy steel front doors.
 
Hogar Grupal said:
I don't know if this was already brought up, but seeing that Fox News and Cole reside in NYC, I'm surprised Tucker Carlson didn't send out people to find him for extra views.
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Tucker has already forgotten about Chris’s existence and Cole is way too boring to stalk.
 
Ophelia said:
Tucker has already forgotten about Chris’s existence and Cole is way too boring to stalk.
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This is something people seem to forget about Cole in this thread, beyond Chris, he's just another film guy who doesn't like his family. Without the connection he would barely be interesting enough to randomly find on rotten tomatoes, Tucker doesn't care enough beyond yelling about trans people for 10 seconds and unless Cole called in it wouldn't be worth the free interns time
 
www.thepetitionsite.com

Sign Petition: Ban critic Cole Smithey from Rotten Tomatoes for abuse of the system.

Until December 10, 2017 the movie Ladybird had a perfect score of 100% making it one of the highest rated movies on the website. However, notorious film critic
www.thepetitionsite.com

this is pretty sad.

has cole reviewed spider-man no way home yet? i want to deconstruct it but its not on his website. the funniest thing is that his rotten tomatos site has a lack of Capeshit movies. joker is the only one i could find.
he posts reviews sporadically as well. there is like a 5 month gap between "No Time To Die" and "Rembrandt's Jaccuse."
 

Cole Smithey - Reviews: JOKER

“Joker” is a cinematic dead end. An exploitation movie without a sense of humor, a satire without a point, a hollow story with no empathic protagonist, and a shallow rip-off Martin Scorsese’s “King of Comedy” and “Taxi Driver" put together, here is a movie that doesn’t begin to meet the criteria...
www.colesmithey.com www.colesmithey.com
“Joker” is a cinematic dead end. An exploitation movie without a sense of humor, a satire without a point, a hollow story with no empathic protagonist, and a shallow rip-off of Martin Scorsese’s “King of Comedy” and “Taxi Driver" put together, here is a movie that doesn’t begin to meet the criteria of meaningful art.
Holy run on sentence batman. do you want to add any more adjectives to describe this movie, Cole? also, if the movie is that bad, you wouldn't need to work that hard to convince the audience of that. it should speak for itself.
Casting Robert De Niro as a television talk show host à la Jerry Lewis in “King of Comedy” comes across as a cheap stunt — a really cheap bit.
did he just repeat himself for emphasis? "it references an older movie, it's therefore bad." what?
Set in an early ‘80s era that never happened, the film follows mentally ill Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix).
that's debatable. 80's chicago, detroit, certain sections of new york and new jersey weren't too far off from what's depicted in Joker.
i'll finish it later.
 
Holdek said:
What’s more likely: that Cole decided to send his estranged mother flowers out of the blue, or that a troll sent them claiming to be Cole?
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Wait, where are the records saying taht he had sent her flowers, that’s almost certainly a lie, Cole has proven beyond any doubt he doesn’t want anything to do with his family at all and has had no interaction with them since maybe the late 2000s, why would he suddenly do a kind gesture towards the very woman he despises so’s much out of the blue? This smells of a troll.
 
thegooddoctor said:
Wait, where are the records saying taht he had sent her flowers, that’s almost certainly a lie, Cole has proven beyond any doubt he doesn’t want anything to do with his family at all and has had no interaction with them since maybe the late 2000s, why would he suddenly do a kind gesture towards the very woman he despises so’s much out of the blue? This smells of a troll.
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It was a troll.
 
Michael Janke said:
www.thepetitionsite.com

Sign Petition: Ban critic Cole Smithey from Rotten Tomatoes for abuse of the system.

Until December 10, 2017 the movie Ladybird had a perfect score of 100% making it one of the highest rated movies on the website. However, notorious film critic
www.thepetitionsite.com

this is pretty sad.

has cole reviewed spider-man no way home yet? i want to deconstruct it but its not on his website. the funniest thing is that his rotten tomatos site has a lack of Capeshit movies. joker is the only one i could find.
he posts reviews sporadically as well. there is like a 5 month gap between "No Time To Die" and "Rembrandt's Jaccuse."
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Holy shit, I am no fan of Cole Smithey for a variety of reasons, but imagine being so assblasted by an attention seeking contrarian critic shit-rating a movie that you try to have him thrown off RT. "But muh perfect record." Kill yourself, not everyone likes what you like.
Michael Janke said:
“Joker” is a cinematic dead end. An exploitation movie without a sense of humor, a satire without a point, a hollow story with no empathic protagonist, and a shallow rip-off of Martin Scorsese’s “King of Comedy” and “Taxi Driver" put together, here is a movie that doesn’t begin to meet the criteria of meaningful art.
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I like how this brain-dead hipster asshole thinks it's somehow a huge insight to point out the obvious fact that Joker was inspired heavily by King of Comedy and Taxi Driver, as if this is news to anyone. Minus Joaquin Phoenix's performance, it would be vastly inferior to either, and this is also not news, but as the derivative media of Current Year goes, it was actually really good. Thank Joaquin Phoenix for that.

Also I just looked it up, the fact it was heavily inspired by King of Comedy and Taxi Driver is literally in its Wikipedia article. That's what deep lore Cole is delivering. Eat a dick, Cole. I wouldn't pay to drink a craft beer with this asshole, but I'd pay a buck or two to watch him drink a bottle of craft PISS.
 
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Hogar Grupal said:
I don't know if this was already brought up, but seeing that Fox News and Cole reside in NYC, I'm surprised Tucker Carlson didn't send out people to find him for extra views.
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I doubt anyone at Fox even dug far enough to know about Cole Smithey. There's no way in hell they spent more than 5 minutes reading up on Chris before they aired their piece on him. If I remember correctly they couldn't even get his name right.
 
thegooddoctor said:
Wait, where are the records saying taht he had sent her flowers, that’s almost certainly a lie, Cole has proven beyond any doubt he doesn’t want anything to do with his family at all and has had no interaction with them since maybe the late 2000s, why would he suddenly do a kind gesture towards the very woman he despises so’s much out of the blue? This smells of a troll.
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Smells like troll spirit.

Available in no shit and of course it was a lie you dumbass fragrances.
 
Glassshardballpit said:
Smells like troll spirit.

Available in no shit and of course it was a lie you dumbass fragrances.
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Lol don’t get so mad, I knew it was almost certainly a troll I was ajusté checking cause I’d never even heard of it happening up until now
 
AnOminous said:
Holy shit, I am no fan of Cole Smithey for a variety of reasons, but imagine being so assblasted by an attention seeking contrarian critic shit-rating a movie that you try to have him thrown off RT. "But muh perfect record." Kill yourself, not everyone likes what you like.
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Rotten Tomatoes is garbage anyway. The fact that they have to artificially distort audience ratings indicates that there's a huge disconnect with the voices the promote and that actual sentiment.

AnOminous said:
Also I just looked it up, the fact it was heavily inspired by King of Comedy and Taxi Driver is literally in its Wikipedia article. That's what deep lore Cole is delivering. Eat a dick, Cole. I wouldn't pay to drink a craft beer with this asshole, but I'd pay a buck or two to watch him drink a bottle of craft PISS.
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I think KoC and TD provided the setting and tone. The actual plot only had shades of those. Phoenix' portrayal was phenomenal, but the story went its own way, and would have worked just fine with any competent lead actor, and would also have been fine removing the homages.
 
Plot twist: Cole Smithey is this universe's version of Alex yiik and the most important person of this reality, Chris getting a messiah complex is just the result of entities reaching for the wrong brother
 
AnOminous said:
Holy shit, I am no fan of Cole Smithey for a variety of reasons, but imagine being so assblasted by an attention seeking contrarian critic shit-rating a movie that you try to have him thrown off RT. "But muh perfect record." Kill yourself, not everyone likes what you like.

I like how this brain-dead hipster asshole thinks it's somehow a huge insight to point out the obvious fact that Joker was inspired heavily by King of Comedy and Taxi Driver, as if this is news to anyone. Minus Joaquin Phoenix's performance, it would be vastly inferior to either, and this is also not news, but as the derivative media of Current Year goes, it was actually really good. Thank Joaquin Phoenix for that.

Also I just looked it up, the fact it was heavily inspired by King of Comedy and Taxi Driver is literally in its Wikipedia article. That's what deep lore Cole is delivering. Eat a dick, Cole. I wouldn't pay to drink a craft beer with this asshole, but I'd pay a buck or two to watch him drink a bottle of craft PISS.
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Shitting all over insanely popular and well-reviewed movies is what Cole does. He's just like his brother in that he's desperate for attention, but unlike his brother there's absolutely nothing interesting or special about him, despite the niche he's attempted to carve out by giving negative reviews to good films.
 
People who can’t gain attention from creating things sometimes resort to destroying the creations of others. Or trying to, anyway.
 
Ophelia said:
Most people don’t want to know about Chris.
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We seemed to get an influx of new users here when Chris went mainstream for doing the unholy deed(s). People in general love hearing stories of human depravity. But unfortunately for Chris, he lacks the charisma of most famous serial killers, so...
 
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