The Cole Smithey Thread

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It doesn't mention the part where they rip him, but this is from marksfriggin.com:

"Howard took a call from a guy who said he read a story the other day about a game show where a gay guy has 40 minutes to blow a straight guy. Howard said he's seen it. Howard said it's a great show. He said they put the straight guy in a box and the tell the straight guy that he's going to have a gay guy come in and blow him. Howard said they put the guy in a box so you see his face and waist. Howard said that the straight guy says he's getting hard and he wins money if he doesn't cum. The caller said the greatest part is when this fat guy walks in and he's the gay guy. Howard said the guy thins he won't cum but then he's done. Howard said it's such a great game show. Howard said he's sure he could win this game show. Howard said he knows he wouldn't cum when some guy like that blows him. Howard said he should play with Fred. Fred said no way. Howard said when George Takei comes in they'll do that.

The caller said he got cut off last week when he brought up the movie ''Contracted.'' He said that his point was that he's in a film critic group and they get to see these things. He said that they sent that movie out for awards consideration. Howard said maybe they can talk about this on another channel. Howard let the guy go after that."
 
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

JustaCarrot said:
Makes sense that he likes Freddy Got Fingered, haha. A lot of parallels there for his life, especially having a younger brother who gets more attention and lots of daddy issues. I bet Chris would love the movie too. A strange guy doing whatever he wants, somehow manages to get away with it all, and gets the attention of a hot girl who's obsessed with sex. Truly the dream life.
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The title of the film alone is enough to put Chris off.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

DrChristianTroy said:
Anyone else still baffled that Howard Stern is still a thing?
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Are you suggesting that "look, I've got lesbians" gets old after 35 years? How silly.
 
So if the Howard Stern caller is actually Chris then it's pretty much confirmed that Cole is about as about as terrible and desperate as Chris when it comes to trying to get famous?
 
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

DH3000 said:
The caller said he got cut off last week when he brought up the movie ''Contracted.'' He said that his point was that he's in a film critic group and they get to see these things. He said that they sent that movie out for awards consideration. Howard said maybe they can talk about this on another channel. Howard let the guy go after that."
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Ummm Contracted is a horror film with, from what I've seen, has mediocre reviews. Not to say that horror movies are without merit but it isn't like this is Silence of the Lambs we're talking about. Considering the good year it has been for horror this seems like a poor choice. Oh well reach for the stars or whatever.

Also the fact that Cole gets screeners is irritating as fuck. When was the last time he had credentials? When were his reviews read by non Chris-followers to ridicule? Indie movie theaters are wasted on goofs like him. *Insert A-logiest A-log to ever A-log*
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

There's also this review added to "Contracted" on the IMDb by a new account. Everything about it screams Cole.

I think what is significant with Contracted is the fact that, independent of genre, Eric England is finding a new grammar of film-making. The very one that Steven Soderbergh speaks of (vulture.com/2013/01/steven-soderbergh-in-conversation.html). The very same one that he says to be leaving cinema to paint for.

Contracted is getting play globally because for my .02 it's representative of the mutation and viral nature of the film industry itself. It's fresh and innovative, shot with a fraction of the budget with films it's staging with and crossing boundaries because there is Dialogue going on. Love it or not you are here reading this because the film is clever.

What is breakthrough is in the same ways Sex, Lies and Videotape was significant so is Contracted. It's reaching a national stage whereupon everyone is chiming in; the "Cinerati", the genre (uber) aficionados, the trolls, people 'who don't care for horror films'; everyone.

The very ugliest manifestation of the metamorphosis of Samantha (Najarra Townsend) makes no problem to Riley ( Matt Mercer ). In LA, when it's your turn you don't mind a little tingle.

Bottom line: Eric England is a triple threat: A writer/director with a degree in Cinematography. With these tuned in paintbrushes he can paint a large scale canvas with subterranean context and surreal metaphors. Contracted speaks a new grammar, one that has subtext that stick like Velcro.
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Francine StripeCheer said:
There's also this review added to "Contracted" on the IMDb by a new account. Everything about it screams Coleslaw.

I think what is significant with Contracted is the fact that, independent of genre, Eric England is finding a new grammar of film-making. The very one that Steven Soderbergh speaks of (vulture.com/2013/01/steven-soderbergh-in-conversation.html). The very same one that he says to be leaving cinema to paint for.

Contracted is getting play globally because for my .02 it's representative of the mutation and viral nature of the film industry itself. It's fresh and innovative, shot with a fraction of the budget with films it's staging with and crossing boundaries because there is Dialogue going on. Love it or not you are here reading this because the film is clever.

What is breakthrough is in the same ways Sex, Lies and Videotape was significant so is Contracted. It's reaching a national stage whereupon everyone is chiming in; the "Cinerati", the genre (uber) aficionados, the trolls, people 'who don't care for horror films'; everyone.

The very ugliest manifestation of the metamorphosis of Samantha (Najarra Townsend) makes no problem to Riley ( Matt Mercer ). In LA, when it's your turn you don't mind a little tingle.

Bottom line: Eric England is a triple threat: A writer/director with a degree in Cinematography. With these tuned in paintbrushes he can paint a large scale canvas with subterranean context and surreal metaphors. Contracted speaks a new grammar, one that has subtext that stick like Velcro.
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It may or may not be Cole, but the reviewer uses "$.02" instead of "two cents," which annoys me to no end for no real reason.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Bottom line: Eric England is a triple threat: A writer/director with a degree in Cinematography. With these tuned in paintbrushes he can paint a large scale canvas with subterranean context and surreal metaphors. Contracted speaks a new grammar, one that has subtext that stick like Velcro.
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It might not be Coolslaw. IIRC, he's expressed the thought that college was a big expensive waste of time. Unless he considers Cinematography an exception to that.
 
Francine StripeCheer said:
There's also this review added to "Contracted" on the IMDb by a new account. Everything about it screams Coleslaw.

What is breakthrough is in the same ways Sex, Lies and Videotape was significant so is Contracted. It's reaching a national stage whereupon everyone is chiming in; the "Cinerati", the genre (uber) aficionados, the trolls, people 'who don't care for horror films'; everyone.
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Well that's a crock of shit.

Matt Deonato- 3 1/2 out of 5.
DreadCentral- 2 1/2 out of 5
WhatCulture- 2/5

Yeah. Genre fans are absolutely adoring this movie. Also 54% on Rotten Tomatoes. 48% on Metacritic (personally find this more accurate). I shouldn't judge since I haven't seen it but this doesn't paint a good picture.

EDIT- And lets say this isn't Cole. Its still an IMDB review which is hardly something to be taken seriously.
 
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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Coleslaw commonly rates movies everyone else hates as good. That's something to keep in mind. I suppose he does it to seem cool and anti-popular opinion but it really does just give the impression that he wait a for other reviews so he can make a complete opposite opinion. He does the same thing with good movies too.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

The thing is it isn't like its hated. This is more "meh." Your point still stands but this is hardly a Freddy Got Fingered he's defending. This would be like defending Expendables 2 hardcore. Sure some disliked it but not like it'll make any lists of worst ever.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Cole Smithey's top Google searches

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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

DrChristianTroy said:
Ja'mie said:
DrChristianTroy said:
What stuck out to me about Coleslaw's review of Toy Story 3 was him talking about how Andy came off as a loser for getting sentimental about his toys in the end. Did I miss the part where it was implied that Andy was cool to begin with? He isn't developed enough for it to matter in the first place. Just because he wants to forget his childhood doesn't mean everyone does.
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Whoa. Projecting much, dude? We know, having a :snorlax: mom is hard. But how was the movie, really?
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Well it had moments where things weren't sunshine and lollipops and actual drama. Way too scary for kids. This is where a smiley of Coleslaw would go but lets be real, not really worth making.
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I bet Cole would freak if someone ever showed him Secret of NIMH, or An American Tail, or the Land Before Time. Maybe I'm biased because these were among (or were) my favorite movies as a kid, and they had way more drama! and darkness! than Toy Story 3. I have to wonder what he does find acceptable for kids.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

MysticMisty said:
I bet Coleslaw would freak if someone ever showed him Secret of NIMH, or An American Tail, or the Land Before Time. Maybe I'm biased because these were among (or were) my favorite movies as a kid, and they had way more drama! and darkness! than Toy Story 3. I have to wonder what he does find acceptable for kids.
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Probably some dreck like Shrek The Third. Or perhaps he thinks that adults should show them R-rated films (or at the very least, movies outside the child's age range).
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Just a friendly reminder that Cole is a 50 year old man who will never get over his mommy issues and makes everyone hate him due to his unfounded and illogical opinions. Cole is essentially Chris without the autism.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

You guys shouldn't be so hard on Cole, even for the Toy Story 3 review. Remember that he's been severely depressed about the fact that his brother didn't win Chop Chop Master Onion's Rap Showdown.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

A-Stump said:
Dr. Cuddlebug said:
Coleslaw Smithey's top Google searches

http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/673/6jmc.png
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It's bad when his first results almost certainly correlate to CWC. It must feel kind of bad to be the 'smartest critic alive' and be outshined in notoriety by your retarded half brother.
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Do that to anybody within the Chris legend and their association with him always comes up first. For Cole, it's pretty funny. For the rest, not so much.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

drmccoy said:
A-Stump said:
Dr. Cuddlebug said:
Coleslaw Smithey's top Google searches

http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/673/6jmc.png
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It's bad when his first results almost certainly correlate to CWC. It must feel kind of bad to be the 'smartest critic alive' and be outshined in notoriety by your retarded half brother.
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Do that to anybody within the Chris legend and their association with him always comes up first. For Coleslaw, it's pretty funny. For the rest, not so much.
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this is true. it's really hilarious because cole is such a smug hipster douche that the schadenfreude is undeniable
 
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