The Cole Smithey Thread

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I have a movie review blog I do in my spare time. I was able to get Twitter faves from the director and producers of Big Ass Spider! for a review I wrote (fun flick BTW). I guarantee this makes me more "in the know" than Coleslaw.

You're not a real reviewer unless you photograph yourself in front of books on Kurosawa and drink the right kinds of beer. If you don't play the part correctly, you'll never earn the respect of ironically conformist anti-establishment types who hate their families and secretly wish people loved them.

I assume Van Damme movies have the same cinema street cred as Kurosawa movies.

 

[telegramsamo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I think at this point he's just trying to get wider media attention.

Cole Smithey is available for speaking engagements, radio and television appearances, teaching opportunities, film festival juries, seminars, and other film related events.

 

[RP 520]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Coleslaw Smithey is available for speaking engagements, radio and television appearances, teaching opportunities, film festival juries, seminars, and other film related events.

The more I read these kinds of things from Coleslaw the more I think he's just as stupid as Chris with the only difference being he made one good decision in life (moved away from Borb).

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Coleslaw Smithey is available for speaking engagements, radio and television appearances, teaching opportunities, film festival juries, seminars, and other film related events.

The more I read these kinds of things from Coleslaw the more I think he's just as stupid as Chris with the only difference being he made one good decision in life (moved away from Borb).

I wish someone would hire him to speak, just so we could see what a gigantic ass he would make of himself. He's probably the kind of guy who would take no questions from audiences because he wouldn't be able to plan his pompous answers ahead of time.

 

[Bernd Lauert]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

No one cares who he is, what his opinions are on movies, or be stupid enough to spend $2.50 to have a drink with him, let alone $250.00. If i started a film review blog tomorrow, I'd be just as "successful" as him.

Well, seems like the good folks on this forum care about who he is, even if nobody else does.

But still, he doesn't stand out to me as being interesting or important. There's a gajillion of redundant douchy pseudo-intellectual media critics out there on the innernet and Coleslaw isn't any worse than the rest of them.

Leave him be, I say. He isn't really important for Christory. I'd be really interested in reading a report on his life and times with Borb from him but I can't be arsed to read even line one of his redundant movie bullshit. And judging from the hotbed of activity that is his website , nobody else can either.

 

[Uzumaki]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Out of all the people in the Chris Saga, Coleslaw annoys me the most. He's the most arrogant out of the bunch. Chris is no doubt an arrogant SOB, but he cant help it. Coleslaw is a prick by choice. Everyone has pointed out exactly what i wanted to say. He's a hipster douche 45+ year old who doesn't have a real job. No one cares who he is, what his opinions are on movies, or be stupid enough to spend $2.50 to have a drink with him, let alone $250.00. If i started a film review blog tomorrow, I'd be just as "successful" as him.

Actually, Cole's dumb ass is somehow on Rotten Tomatoes. As much as we don't want to admit it, he is actually taken semi-seriously as a movie critic. This is more a commentary on the state of modern criticism than a point in his favor, but the fact remains that he's a legitimate hack reviewer, rather than just a shitty amateur.

Edit: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/help_desk/critics.php

 

[PrimeCutDiggityDog]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Guess what Mr. Smithey got for Christmas... Kukuku...

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It's not actually hard to get on Rotten Tomatoes. Pretty much all you have to do is go 'Yeah, I'm a critic, totes'. They will accept anyone given that they have their own website with written reviews somewhere inside it.

 

[Roger Rabbit]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Oh, Coleslaw..... he makes Linkara look credible. That is all the compliments he deserves.


But seriously, his reviews aren't that good.

 

[simcut]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It's not actually hard to get on Rotten Tomatoes. Pretty much all you have to do is go 'Yeah, I'm a critic, totes'. They will accept anyone given that they have their own website with written reviews somewhere inside it.

Yes, probably having hundreds of "reviews" on his website (even if he hasn't even seen many of those movies) qualifies him. I don't think anyone takes him semi-seriously as a movie critic. I'm willing to bet that 90%+ of people who have heard of him only know of him because of CWC.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It's not actually hard to get on Rotten Tomatoes. Pretty much all you have to do is go 'Yeah, I'm a critic, totes'. They will accept anyone given that they have their own website with written reviews somewhere inside it.

Yes, probably having hundreds of "reviews" on his website (even if he hasn't even seen many of those movies) qualifies him. I don't think anyone takes him semi-seriously as a movie critic. I'm willing to bet that 90%+ of people who have heard of him only know of him because of CWC.

85% CWC
15% as "Oh yeah that one guy that gave Toy Story 3 a bad review"

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

It's not actually hard to get on Rotten Tomatoes. Pretty much all you have to do is go 'Yeah, I'm a critic, totes'. They will accept anyone given that they have their own website with written reviews somewhere inside it.

Yes, probably having hundreds of "reviews" on his website (even if he hasn't even seen many of those movies) qualifies him. I don't think anyone takes him semi-seriously as a movie critic. I'm willing to bet that 90%+ of people who have heard of him only know of him because of CWC.

85% CWC
15% as "Oh yeah that one guy that gave Toy Story 3 a bad review"

What about the 0.5% for the guy who called him the smartest critic?

 

[JeffGoldblumIRL]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

What about the 0.5% for the guy who called him the smartest critic?

What I don't understand about that byline is why he decided to run with it. I mean, I get that he has this schtick about being the "WORLD'S BEST CRITIC haha jk man" because he also subtitled his weekly show something like the "Pretentious Movie Review Show for Smart People". That's fine, but usually when someone plays that card they also have this persona to go along with it, in this case the host of said show for smart people should be a caricature of a haughty film buff... but it isn't. It's just Cole.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

What about the 0.5% for the guy who called him the smartest critic?

What I don't understand about that byline is why he decided to run with it. I mean, I get that he has this schtick about being the "WORLD'S BEST CRITIC haha jk man" because he also subtitled his weekly show something like the "Pretentious Movie Review Show for Smart People". That's fine, but usually when someone plays that card they also have this persona to go along with it, in this case the host of said show for smart people should be a caricature of a haughty film buff... but it isn't. It's just Coleslaw.

The Chandlers aren't known for their intelligence or ability to be clever.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

What about the 0.5% for the guy who called him the smartest critic?

What I don't understand about that byline is why he decided to run with it. I mean, I get that he has this schtick about being the "WORLD'S BEST CRITIC haha jk man" because he also subtitled his weekly show something like the "Pretentious Movie Review Show for Smart People". That's fine, but usually when someone plays that card they also have this persona to go along with it, in this case the host of said show for smart people should be a caricature of a haughty film buff... but it isn't. It's just Coleslaw.

The Chandlers aren't known for their intelligence or ability to be clever.

Or their honesty (to themselves, in Cole's case).

 

[Doge]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

What about the 0.5% for the guy who called him the smartest critic?

What I don't understand about that byline is why he decided to run with it. I mean, I get that he has this schtick about being the "WORLD'S BEST CRITIC haha jk man" because he also subtitled his weekly show something like the "Pretentious Movie Review Show for Smart People". That's fine, but usually when someone plays that card they also have this persona to go along with it, in this case the host of said show for smart people should be a caricature of a haughty film buff... but it isn't. It's just Coleslaw.

I think it applies to his ability to use the 'thesaurus' tool in his copy of MS Word.

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Coleslaw is a caricature of a haughty film critic. He's a pretender, taking the base elements of a cool reviewer guy and trying to assimilate. Obviously it's a failure since his opinions are just bullshit with little grounding. What do you read movie reviews for? Sometimes it's to get entertainment, as in bad movie reviews. Most of the time you read reviews to make an informed decision to help you with your viewing habits. Coleslaw doesn't provide there. He rattles off words and mentions inconsequential things that provide no entertainment per the review itself nor would it help you make an informed decision. It's like that time Chris dressed up in 'normal' clothes and tried to act his online presence was a huge ruse.

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

His family are a bunch of assholes who he hates. He has never known the true identity of his own father because Barb is a crazy bitch who holds onto the information either out of shame or just pure spite. I'm sorry for sounding so harsh, but you never let a guy go without knowing who his father is. Even if he's a terrible person.

 

[JeffGoldblumIRL]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

That man has failed his family. Up until now...he has been a freakshow off in his own world, having a semi- successful life (compared to Christian). That time has ended. He is now a selfish son of a gun who refuses to help his mother when her house burned down because he is too busy playing on the Internet and pretending to be a film critic. Grow up, Coleslaw! Barb Chandler is facing Hard Times, and Coleslaw needs to step up to the plate and show that he is a man.

Barb is an abusive cunt, I don't blame him one bit for packing it up and never looking back. In fact, I applaud him for that. Whether or not Coleslaw is an egotistic twat is moot, the fact that he acknowledged he was in an abusive situation (something most victims of abuse are unable or unwilling to see) and just got the hell out of it completely of his own volition is an amazing thing. He owes Barb, the woman who won't tell him who his real father is, exactly nothing.

The fact that he has an unwatchable movie review show is beside the point. For all we know maybe he heard loose talk from family that his real father, a man whom he never got to meet and whom he will probably never know the identity of, liked movies and this is his one way of futilely trying to connect to that. To be honest, I don't think that's too plausible; I think Coleslaw just saw one too many high-brow film review shows and clung to that idea and ran with it not unlike Chris did with Sonichu. Coleslaw may very well be autistic himself and he's obsessed with obscure foreign films instead of colorful building blocks and Pokemon.

edit: A childhood friend of mine had a rough family life. He made it "big time" (his words) making $40K or so a year at this job he nailed down. It's not a lot of money, nowhere near Coleslaw/NYC-level living, but it was to him. I vividly remember him explaining to me how he was so excited that he could just pack up his things and leave and leave his entire home life behind and start over. People who have the fortune to escape bad situations just do this. It's good for them. Same friend moved to a city a few hours away (where the job was) and threw a gigantic BBQ party for his coworkers and old friends. I never saw him as happy as I did when he was behind that barbecue pit.

 

[CatParty]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Let me tell you something, Mean Gene. It really gets me all riled up to think about that poseur Coleslaw SMithey. The son of gun refused to acknowledge Christian's plea for help with his mum's holey bum, and now he is off playing in dreamland, pretending to be a big bad, important critic, while in the meantime his mother's house has burned down. And where is he? Nowhere. It's Dusty Rhodes who is sending a money order to Barb, and the many fine people of this forum sending gift cards and other essentials to the Chandlers. Come out, come out, wherever you are, Coleslaw Smithey. The bastard needs to help his mother and not rely on f__king trolls to do it for him! If nobody wants to pay $200 to have a lunch with him, maybe he should man up, and ask his lawyer wife for some dollars bills he can send to his mother.

That man has failed his family. Up until now...he has been a freakshow off in his own world, having a semi- successful life (compared to Christian). That time has ended. He is now a selfish son of a gun who refuses to help his mother when her house burned down because he is too busy playing on the Internet and pretending to be a film critic. Grow up, Coleslaw! Barb Chandler is facing Hard Times, and Coleslaw needs to step up to the plate and show that he is a man.

you're an ass