The Cole Smithey Thread

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Super Collie said:
If you remove Chris from the equation, Cole boils down to a living caricature of the "hipster movie critic". He writes pretentious reviews that nobody really reads, funnels an inordinate amount of time into a YouTube show that gets double digit views on a good day .
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I'm honestly impressed with Cole's persistence that he's still posting videos he knows are getting like 3 views.

Also I'm not sure if l8 but Cole finally released his Black Panther review and it's pretty negative. I went ahead and archived it so you guys don't have to give him clicks if you don't want. http://archive.is/6p3tc

I honestly still think he's going for an Armond White thing.
 
What's all this "Smart New Media®" stuff on Cole's site?
Oh. He plays it off as some sort of big name company in the world of film-related shit, but it's actually his own set-up made only for his site. What a surprise.
 
Orkeosaurus said:
Also I'm not sure if l8 but Cole finally released his Black Panther review and it's pretty negative. I went ahead and archived it so you guys don't have to give him clicks if you don't want. http://archive.is/6p3tc
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I haven't seen the movie (and have no desire to do so) but, even by Cole's low standards, that is a terrible review. He doesn't discuss the script, the acting, the costumes, or the cinematography. Instead, he rants about capitalist exploitation, Hollywood's desire to profit by marketing violence to kids, and the wrongful act of the movie producers (you know, the guys who put up the money and assumed all of the risk) for failing to share the movie's profits with the actors.

The review literally gives you no idea what the movie is about, except that it is an extended commercial designed to sell merchandise.

:stress:
 
Muscle Bra said:
I haven't seen the movie (and have no desire to do so) but, even by Cole's low standards, that is a terrible review. He doesn't discuss the script, the acting, the costumes, or the cinematography. Instead, he rants about capitalist exploitation, Hollywood's desire to profit by marketing violence to kids, and the wrongful act of the movie producers (you know, the guys who put up the money and assumed all of the risk) for failing to share the movie's profits with the actors.

The review literally gives you no idea what the movie is about, except that it is an extended commercial designed to sell merchandise.

:stress:
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I haven't seen the movie either but I would not be at all surprised to find out that Cole doesn't really know what it's about. He probably spent his time in the cinema with half his attention on the film and half of it on thinking of scathing criticisms of Hollywood.
 
I have seen the movie, and I can confirm that Cole has no fucking idea what he's talking about. It's a prime example of "I'm so smart, everything except my tiny hipster taste in movies is automatically wrong and if anyone disagrees they are too". He's just making a ad review for attention, and it's even better that, besides people on here, he isn't really getting any.

Narcissism must be a Chandler trait.
 
Muscle Bra said:
I haven't seen the movie (and have no desire to do so) but, even by Cole's low standards, that is a terrible review. He doesn't discuss the script, the acting, the costumes, or the cinematography. Instead, he rants about capitalist exploitation, Hollywood's desire to profit by marketing violence to kids, and the wrongful act of the movie producers (you know, the guys who put up the money and assumed all of the risk) for failing to share the movie's profits with the actors.

The review literally gives you no idea what the movie is about, except that it is an extended commercial designed to sell merchandise.

:stress:
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It's people like Cole that made people vote for Trump
 
Muscle Bra said:
I haven't seen the movie (and have no desire to do so) but, even by Cole's low standards, that is a terrible review. He doesn't discuss the script, the acting, the costumes, or the cinematography. Instead, he rants about capitalist exploitation, Hollywood's desire to profit by marketing violence to kids, and the wrongful act of the movie producers (you know, the guys who put up the money and assumed all of the risk) for failing to share the movie's profits with the actors.

The review literally gives you no idea what the movie is about, except that it is an extended commercial designed to sell merchandise.

:stress:
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I honestly had no desire to see the movie before reading his review just now. The dumb ass just made me curious.
Great job. He's a moron.
 
Onewittyuser said:
I have seen the movie, and I can confirm that Cole has no fucking idea what he's talking about. It's a prime example of "I'm so smart, everything except my tiny hipster taste in movies is automatically wrong and if anyone disagrees they are too". He's just making a ad review for attention, and it's even better that, besides people on here, he isn't really getting any.

Narcissism must be a Chandler trait.
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I hope to God there wasn't any salt about him giving it one. He doesn't deserve that attention again.

And what the hell is with him reviewing movies more than a month after they're released?
 
Manly-Chicken said:
He isn't a cow, but his douchebag hipster contrarian movie critic personality is fun to laugh at.
Plus, Chris hasn't been doing much lately.
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Call me nuts but I can sorta understand why people would be a bit peeved by his Lady Bird review. Giving a "rotten" review to the most well reviewed movie on Rotten Tomatos three months after it came out made him look like a spiteful jackass who wanted to rouse people up. It wasn't just a matter of "this guy doesn't like what I like." I'm fairly certain half of the people screaming bloody murder about it didn't see the movie. They just wanted a perfect movie.

Granted their reactions were fucking hilarious.
 
Scratch This Nut said:
Call me nuts but I can sorta understand why people would be a bit peeved by his Lady Bird review. Giving a "rotten" review to the most well reviewed movie on Rotten Tomatos three months after it came out made him look like a spiteful jackass who wanted to rouse people up. It wasn't just a matter of "this guy doesn't like what I like." I'm fairly certain half of the people screaming bloody murder about it didn't see the movie. They just wanted a perfect movie.

Granted their reactions were fucking hilarious.
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That's another thing, his contrarian hipster douche opinions combined with the fact he's a certified critic on Rotten Tomatoes means he's always doing shit which pisses off people who care about what score movies get on Rotten Tomatoes, and their sperging is also funny.
 
There should be a way for people to have figured out by now that Cole smithy is not real and shouldn’t be allowed to be a critic on rotten tomatoes. He is only doing it to get attention and fame, the fact that he is called a asshole don’t bother him because of the fame, but someone needs to stand up against him and take away his rotten tomatoes access. Having him giving out negative ratings just for the hell of it is destroying the integrity of rotten tomatoes itself.
 
Shiversblood said:
There should be a way for people to have figured out by now that Cole smithy is not real and shouldn’t be allowed to be a critic on rotten tomatoes. He is only doing it to get attention and fame, the fact that he is called a asshole don’t bother him because of the fame, but someone needs to stand up against him and take away his rotten tomatoes access. Having him giving out negative ratings just for the hell of it is destroying the integrity of rotten tomatoes itself.
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I agree, Cole should be taken off Rotten Tomatoes; he's leagues above any of the other "critics" whose scores are aggregated by the site. Cole is a deeply intelligent and insightful critic who understands film perhaps more than anyone else who has ever lived. So-called "film lovers" lured into a fake Hollywood world of glitz and glamour - of course they'd be bitter about the influence of a real and genuine critic on the archaic "Rotten Tomatoes" scoring system. Cole dares to go against the grain and speak his mind in a world of consumerist drones. Of course those very same consumerist drones would clap back at him when he doesn't like a film with a perfect score. "Everyone loves it" is much more palpable to the masses than "everyone loves it except the world's smartest film critic".
 
Cole smithy should be arrested for fraud for giving out fake ratings on rotten Tomatoes, giving out a negative review just because everyone else gave it a positive review, in the eyes of the law that could be considered fraud, and I want him procesecuted once and for all after all these years of jerking the system. Someone needs to put this man in his place, wipe that smug smile off his face. A small town red neck playing dress up as a Emo big city hipster.
 
Shiversblood said:
Cole smithy should be arrested for fraud for giving out fake ratings on rotten Tomatoes, giving out a negative review just because everyone else gave it a positive review, in the eyes of the law that could be considered fraud, and I want him procesecuted once and for all after all these years of jerking the system. Someone needs to put this man in his place, wipe that smug smile off his face. A small town red neck playing dress up as a Emo big city hipster.
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He's dealt with enough without this kind of commentary thrown at him. Shame.
 
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