Article / Archive
I empathize with those who have difficulty living their true, authentic lives.
I am a bold person. I make no apologies about who I am, or what I stand for. I proudly put my authentic self out there daily in my writing, for all to see. I don’t give a damn what anyone negative has to say about it.
But I wasn’t always this way.
I used to hide aspects of my life from my pastor father and my mother, growing up. Around the time I became a junior high student, I started doubting Christianity. I stopped wanting to go to church three times a week. I didn’t believe many of the things I was being sold in every sermon.
I got tired of hearing that gay people were going to burn in Hell. Fuck that noise.
I didn’t think I knew anyone gay at this stage of life, but I did. I can think of several kids I knew as far back as 5th grade who I later discovered were out as gay men and women as adults. It made me wonder what things were like for them when they decided to come out.
I love the TV series Schitt’s Creek. We rewatch it every year or two. I adore Eugene Levy’s son Daniel Levy who plays David Rose. He’s a bisexual, fashionable, hilarious character who finds love during the series with a kind, wonderful man named Patrick
A recent episode dealt with Patrick coming out to his family. By all accounts, he had a wonderful upbringing with parents who loved him and supported him throughout life. There was no logical reason why he should have been scared about coming out to them.
But he was. Terribly so, in fact. It hurt my heart to see that storyline developing.
That’s the reality for many LGBTQ citizens, in this shitty, judgmental world we live in. The progress the United States has made over the years toward its lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community has been set back by a surge in anti-LGBTQ bills and laws being passed. Due to the political beliefs of the far right and the religious bigotry of many, it’s scary to be a queer person in America.
Especially with Donald Trump taking office again in just three days.
LGBTQ folks have to worry about their clubs or bars being targets of mass shootings. It happened in Orlando, where 50 people were killed by a bigot with an assault rifle. A similar mass shooting happened in Colorado Springs, Colorado. And there are still countries in our world where being gay is a crime, punishable by death.
Imagine trying to justify to yourself being true to who you are, and debating whether or not to come out of the closet. Knowing that you’ll likely open yourself up to bullying, hate crimes, or even risking your life to be out and proud. One of the scariest prospects of all is knowing that the people who gave you life, raised you, and loved you may suddenly reject you.
All in the name of religion or personal bigotry. That’s fucking disgusting and wrong.
It’s scary enough navigating those difficult junior high to high school years. Most of us yearn for acceptance and kindness. We attempt to find kids who have similar interests we do. Having a group of supportive friends makes it easier to thrive in a setting where others can be unkind or cruel at times.
Coming out at that age is courageous. It’s safer to stay in the closet that protects us rather than facing ridicule, judgment, and bullying. Especially when it comes from your own family and friends. I’d never judge someone closeted for not coming out, especially in the difficult times we live in.
I’ve written about my gay friend MJ, who I adore. He’s a young 30s man who’s living in the Deep South with his bigoted, Evangelical mother. Due to health issues, he cannot work full-time and has no way to escape living with this woman who berates him constantly.
She knows he’s gay, but refuses to accept it. She makes comments constantly how she’ll never accept him as a gay man. She puts pressure on him to find a good Christian woman and start a family. I hear these stories and my heart breaks for him.
Can you imagine living with that kind of pressure? Having a parent who will kick you out of their home if you lived your most authentic life? If he suddenly decided to officially come out as a gay man, he’d be homeless. So he stays closeted and has to accept her bullshit bigotry.
Self-preservation is a trait that most closeted LGBTQ people know well. It’s tragic when they don’t have a solid support team in their corner. If parents, extended family, and close friends reject them for being queer, it can be devastating.
The suicide rate among LGBTQ teens and young adults is roughly four times that of straight people in the same age group. The fear of being rejected by their parents or family causes enough anxiety and desperation to make an irreversible, tragic decision. I’ve known people who have lost their gay children to suicide.
My daughter came out as a lesbian shortly before her 13th birthday. Even with four of the most loving, accepting parents and step-parents, she still cried at the dinner table when she told her mother. Mom let me know and we were ready to congratulate and support her fully when she came over soon after.
If my wonderful gay daughter struggled this much with her coming out, what do young people with deeply religious, conservative families do? They hear the bigoted fuckery of Fox News in their parents’ homes, and Mom and Dad constantly blasting the gay community. When they’re talking about the “woke” movement, and how teachers are indoctrinating kids to be gay pedophiles, how is that ignorance and bigotry supposed to make them feel?
Horrible. Hopeless. Despondent. And likely to stay in that closet, with the door barricaded shut. Alone with their thoughts of self-loathing, sadness, and despair.
I’d never presume to tell every LGBTQ person that they should burst right out of the closet, kicking down the door, and shouting their truth for the world to hear. Though I’d love for that to be every person’s reality. We all have the right to live our lives as we see fit, being our most authentic selves.
But it’s simply not safe for all of our queer brothers and sisters yet. It may never be. Though bigotry is a sickening, strong presence here in America, it’s even worse in other countries worldwide.
Do what’s best for you, my closeted friends. Don’t do anything that jeopardizes your safety and well-being. Formulate a plan to have a safe, secure home to live in and surround yourself with good people. The best family is often the one you choose yourself, people who are worthy of your love and friendship.
That closet door will open when the timing is right. We all are on different paths in life. I love and respect you all, and trust that you know what’s right for your own unique situation. You’ve got a friend and ally in me.
I empathize with those who have difficulty living their true, authentic lives.
I am a bold person. I make no apologies about who I am, or what I stand for. I proudly put my authentic self out there daily in my writing, for all to see. I don’t give a damn what anyone negative has to say about it.
But I wasn’t always this way.
I used to hide aspects of my life from my pastor father and my mother, growing up. Around the time I became a junior high student, I started doubting Christianity. I stopped wanting to go to church three times a week. I didn’t believe many of the things I was being sold in every sermon.
I got tired of hearing that gay people were going to burn in Hell. Fuck that noise.
I didn’t think I knew anyone gay at this stage of life, but I did. I can think of several kids I knew as far back as 5th grade who I later discovered were out as gay men and women as adults. It made me wonder what things were like for them when they decided to come out.
I love the TV series Schitt’s Creek. We rewatch it every year or two. I adore Eugene Levy’s son Daniel Levy who plays David Rose. He’s a bisexual, fashionable, hilarious character who finds love during the series with a kind, wonderful man named Patrick
A recent episode dealt with Patrick coming out to his family. By all accounts, he had a wonderful upbringing with parents who loved him and supported him throughout life. There was no logical reason why he should have been scared about coming out to them.
But he was. Terribly so, in fact. It hurt my heart to see that storyline developing.
That’s the reality for many LGBTQ citizens, in this shitty, judgmental world we live in. The progress the United States has made over the years toward its lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer community has been set back by a surge in anti-LGBTQ bills and laws being passed. Due to the political beliefs of the far right and the religious bigotry of many, it’s scary to be a queer person in America.
Especially with Donald Trump taking office again in just three days.
LGBTQ folks have to worry about their clubs or bars being targets of mass shootings. It happened in Orlando, where 50 people were killed by a bigot with an assault rifle. A similar mass shooting happened in Colorado Springs, Colorado. And there are still countries in our world where being gay is a crime, punishable by death.
Imagine trying to justify to yourself being true to who you are, and debating whether or not to come out of the closet. Knowing that you’ll likely open yourself up to bullying, hate crimes, or even risking your life to be out and proud. One of the scariest prospects of all is knowing that the people who gave you life, raised you, and loved you may suddenly reject you.
All in the name of religion or personal bigotry. That’s fucking disgusting and wrong.
It’s scary enough navigating those difficult junior high to high school years. Most of us yearn for acceptance and kindness. We attempt to find kids who have similar interests we do. Having a group of supportive friends makes it easier to thrive in a setting where others can be unkind or cruel at times.
Coming out at that age is courageous. It’s safer to stay in the closet that protects us rather than facing ridicule, judgment, and bullying. Especially when it comes from your own family and friends. I’d never judge someone closeted for not coming out, especially in the difficult times we live in.
I’ve written about my gay friend MJ, who I adore. He’s a young 30s man who’s living in the Deep South with his bigoted, Evangelical mother. Due to health issues, he cannot work full-time and has no way to escape living with this woman who berates him constantly.
She knows he’s gay, but refuses to accept it. She makes comments constantly how she’ll never accept him as a gay man. She puts pressure on him to find a good Christian woman and start a family. I hear these stories and my heart breaks for him.
Can you imagine living with that kind of pressure? Having a parent who will kick you out of their home if you lived your most authentic life? If he suddenly decided to officially come out as a gay man, he’d be homeless. So he stays closeted and has to accept her bullshit bigotry.
Self-preservation is a trait that most closeted LGBTQ people know well. It’s tragic when they don’t have a solid support team in their corner. If parents, extended family, and close friends reject them for being queer, it can be devastating.
The suicide rate among LGBTQ teens and young adults is roughly four times that of straight people in the same age group. The fear of being rejected by their parents or family causes enough anxiety and desperation to make an irreversible, tragic decision. I’ve known people who have lost their gay children to suicide.
My daughter came out as a lesbian shortly before her 13th birthday. Even with four of the most loving, accepting parents and step-parents, she still cried at the dinner table when she told her mother. Mom let me know and we were ready to congratulate and support her fully when she came over soon after.
If my wonderful gay daughter struggled this much with her coming out, what do young people with deeply religious, conservative families do? They hear the bigoted fuckery of Fox News in their parents’ homes, and Mom and Dad constantly blasting the gay community. When they’re talking about the “woke” movement, and how teachers are indoctrinating kids to be gay pedophiles, how is that ignorance and bigotry supposed to make them feel?
Horrible. Hopeless. Despondent. And likely to stay in that closet, with the door barricaded shut. Alone with their thoughts of self-loathing, sadness, and despair.
I’d never presume to tell every LGBTQ person that they should burst right out of the closet, kicking down the door, and shouting their truth for the world to hear. Though I’d love for that to be every person’s reality. We all have the right to live our lives as we see fit, being our most authentic selves.
But it’s simply not safe for all of our queer brothers and sisters yet. It may never be. Though bigotry is a sickening, strong presence here in America, it’s even worse in other countries worldwide.
Do what’s best for you, my closeted friends. Don’t do anything that jeopardizes your safety and well-being. Formulate a plan to have a safe, secure home to live in and surround yourself with good people. The best family is often the one you choose yourself, people who are worthy of your love and friendship.
That closet door will open when the timing is right. We all are on different paths in life. I love and respect you all, and trust that you know what’s right for your own unique situation. You’ve got a friend and ally in me.
