"That guy" tabletop stories

[SteelPlatedHeart]

I remember those vids. Even though spoony has completely gone off the rails (to be fair, he was always a little cowish, but now he's not even making content) and purely confined to insanely ranting on twitter nowadays, I still enjoy some of his stuff and listen to the Counter Monkey videos when I need myself some background noise. Some of the videos dealing with "that guy"s in particular are:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ut8TBd4Mr_w
If his rambling is too much for you, he talks about this pompous vegan guy who would game with him and his friends. Spoony, who was DMing, had the players try to find a genie to remove their curse. Once they found the genie, who could only grant one wish btw, Vegan Steve immediately asked for a deck of many things. You basically draw a random card, and you get what's on it, whether it be good or bad. There's a finite amount of good and bad things, and Steve chose to draw an amount of cards that was the exact same number of good cards. Unless he got it perfect, he would've run into at least one bad thing. The last card he drew killed him, while all the other cards were good cards.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=MeSVjfYaMGk
In this one, Spoony talks about Gary. Gary would arrive hours late to every D&D session, unless it was at his house. At one point, he said that he was late because he forgot to bring his pants.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=p-TWXdSQYxU
This one has him discussing the topic of "that guy" in general.

I remember there was also a video where he talked about guys who tried to sneak rocket launchers and other stupid shit in Call Of Cthulu. I don't remember which one it is tho.

This one?

 

[Mcniggered]

I only ever did a handful of DnD 3e, the CoC tabletop game, a few sessions with 40k, and one or two pathfinder games in college. I tried to do a few pug games about a good year or two back since the comic book shop up the road from my place would host them. There was one in particular I still remember because of how stupid it got.

Spoiler: Some real thirst

It was a quickie sess of 3.5e for DnD, I'm not much for originality but I always enjoyed playing flawed characters so I rolled a half orc monk just for the hell of it. The group consisted of me, two other guys, and a girl, the one other guy who wasn't a DM played a human warrior while the chick played a elf cleric. Everything seemed cool starting out, we had just left from a town and picked up a quest to clear out a cave of kobolds, seemed simple enough right? Well not really, turns out the girl was literally just there and had never played before and the guy playing the warrior was just a dude bro who was there to pick up chicks. Neither of them really knew how to play their classes or anything like that (which I should have guessed because I had to help them with their character sheets.) On top of that fun fact, the DM also really was wanting to get in this girls pants even though he was like a 300+ pound hambeast of a guy. As soon as we got into combat I would end up taking the initiative roll and doing quite a bit of damage and clearing some kobold out but both the warrior and cleric didn't really know how their classes worked so we got wiped out pretty bad. Thankfully because the DM was so fucking thirsty he let us do the encounter over since we "didn't have a fighting chance". The second time around he made sure me and the warrior were basically given shitty rolls and basically handed a free roll to the chick, at this point it wasn't hard to tell what was going on, least if you're not stupid anyways. I called the DM on how easy he was going on the girl and that realistically a DM shouldn't be that forgiving, he made this really weird noise that was a mix of a really autistic laugh and heavy breathing/coughing, saying that I shouldn't tell him how to run the game since he was a DM. Not long after that I ended up purposely getting myself killed in the next encounter so I wouldn't have to deal with this garbage and left the table. Ended up going to the clerk and thanking him for the invite but also complaining about the DM to which he said something along the lines of "well he's one of our most valued customers so deal with it dumbass". On my way out the chick ended up coming up to me and giving me her number which I acted like I'd totally call her (spoilers I didn't.)

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

I've been really lucky. I've played with some major stereotypes and they've usually managed to break past them. I've had the smelly, sweaty, fat guy who always plays a Chaotic Stupid barbarian and upon finding out that people were getting sick of his rancid odor, he cleaned himself up and started showering regularly. He also toned down the Chaotic Stupid when he found out people weren't finding it fun.

I joined one group that had a guy who always played a Kitsune rogue and he played pretty decently. Most of us forgot that he was playing a furry character until he used his racial powers, upon which we'd make a crack about him being a furry and he'd laugh it off. He most definitely was one and was almost certainly playing his fursona, but he wasn't obnoxious about it and we were usually pretty tolerant of non-core races, so he was fine.

There was only one guy who we had to kick out. He was a roommate of one of the players, so we hesitated for a bit, but eventually had no choice. He would show up late with a big bag of McDonalds take-out that he would then noisily chew with his mouth open, sometimes sending flecks of burger onto the map. He would constantly interrupt any attempt at role-playing by trying to kill someone randomly. He showed no signs of wanting to improve and we had to kick him out.

A friend of a friend had a story about a really creepy That Guy. There were a bunch of things that he did wrong in the full story, but I can't remember it, so I'll just share the thing that broke up the group: he showed up at the friend of a friend's house one day and asked if he could play a session with just her. At this point, I should mention that their group played online and This Guy lived on the other side of the country.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

Once agreed to DM a D&D campaign for a group of total beginners (all four of them my friends). Three of the four at least had an inkling of how D&D was meant to work but the last guy couldn't quite grasp that the objective isn't to 'beat' the DM. He wasn't malicious about it and he wasn't one of those morons who like to deliberately derail shit to piss off the DM, he just didn't like the fact that as DM I occasionally flexed the rules and dissalowed certain things in order to drive the narrative. He also had a huge problem with the fact that I used my own high level D&D character as an NPC because he picked a fight with him and got completely rinsed. To him it seemed like I was cheating. The other problem was he couldn't quite get his head around the fact that I was playing characters (I'm good at voices and accents and I love to ham up my DM-ing). His fighter got busted trying to force open a chest in a shop and the shop keep went ape at him and he ended up getting super IRL offended when I called him a Thieving, pox rotted son of a whore. The game eventually petered out on the third session because he was uncomfortable with his character having to sleep with a hooker for info who was voiced by me.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=MeSVjfYaMGk
In this one, Spoony talks about Gary. Gary would arrive hours late to every D&D session, unless it was at his house. At one point, he said that he was late because he forgot to bring his pants.
.

I watched this well before I ever played DnD, since even though I didn't know the rules it was still something I could see happening. I still think this is one of Spoony's funnier Counter Monkey videos, right up there with the Toilet Pizza.

 

[Bassomatic]

I'm playing a new game with a friend, who always asks what you do for skill checks.
He's played before for some reason this dude who's other wise harmless and chill doesn't get on D&D5 skills are a 1d20 roll, period, then add modifiers.

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

>Female Space Marines mucking up the manliest homoerotic RPG
>Allowing women to share the holy genetics of our God-Emperor

View attachment 559492

Smh. Women ruin everything. Also how does he account for the gene seed not flat out killing women? They don't have the technology to make any new ones either...And it relies on testerone.

He was stubborn. It wasn't political though, he's a hardcore Trump supporter. It boiled down to his liking female marines. This is why he pissed everyone off. He didn't say the woke things so he angered the danger hairs. He also liked to write a lot of fan fiction, fan rules, etc., so he also ticked off the (generally) more conservative fluff neckbeards. He then pissed off the gamers who don't care much about the fluff by constantly railing against 8th edition and before that 7th edition.

He only started championing 7th once 8th edition dropped and he got schooled in a game. Rather than learning the new rules and mechanics, he went on an autistic crusade against 8th edition.

 

[Sun Shihong]

I haven't met much of the "that guy" types in tabletops. I almost ended up being one because autism kicking in hard and lack of experience in the craft.
One Piece roleplay, my character ended up rolling a near critical failure and nearly died. I wanted to make a "hey, I'm fine" scene with the slapstick factor of passing out shortly after. Ended up looking like a god-modder. And ended up stuck in my cabin creating headcanons that never made any sense in the setting.
But then I've realized that the best course of action was to leave the campaign, and offer the group a true and honest apologize. Thankfully, they accepted and I started reading stuff in the internet to get more familiarized with how it works.

But in Instant messaging and play by posts, hoo boy.
Once decided to make a fun-loving martial artist girl who's a specialist in kicks (Like Harpy from Closers or Linkle from Hyrule Warriors). She wasn't meant for erotic roleplays, so I kept that clear with everyone that asked me to play. Until that guy appeared. First thing he does after checking all information about my character? He asks to roleplay as a god-modding Zombie who wanted to make my character his sex slave. Didn't say anything, I closed the window and left him alone. And his grammar was abysmal, the fucktard couldn't even use proper punctuation and casing.

Is there any of the "this guy" threads too? I think we should also have one for showcasing all of the awesome players.

 

[Rumpled Foreskin]

@Randall Fragg , @Dunsparce , or @Adamska would any of you like to share how the first cursed player item of the Temple was had?

 

[Johnson's Member]

I knew a guy in high school who wanted to be the alpha nerd. This guy would go around to the smaller friend groups of nerds and constantly pester us to play D&D during free time. I didn't like the guy on sight because he had the stink of stupid about him. One day I decided, "what the hell, let's see if this dumbass can run a game", so I decided to roll a character that day. I went in thinking that it should be a fun time. This guy had all the new books, figures, and a brand new mat. When his guy proceeded to draw on his new mat with a sharpie and when I told him it would not wash off he said, "I use certain parts of the mat for different areas in the campaign." I know, WHAT? I spent the rest of this session correcting his math, lore knowledge, and constant off topic crap. Also, he made up stuff on the fly constantly (and poorly).

A year passed. I invited him to a game because a friend said he had gotten better and I spent the entire game trying to keep his arrogance in check while failing to keep him focused. Eventually all my friends got tired of his annoying character (a female elf that tried to seduce people constantly, especially hard when it didn't make sense) and they chopped him to bits willingly without any prodding or debate from me. He called me an asshole for not stepping in and I said, "well, autism IS unstoppable". He screamed at that point and ran out of the empty classroom we used.

At this point, I'm not sure if I was more "that guy" or he was.

Learned later his parents bought him a new mat when he used it up or changed campaigns.

 

[Sable]

@Randall Fragg , @Dunsparce , or @Adamska would any of you like to share how the first cursed player item of the Temple was had?

The story of that player is far wider than just the Temple game.

Probably best to start with the Cursed Mask of the Weeb.

 

[Rumpled Foreskin]

The story of that player is far wider than just the Temple game.

Probably best to start with the Cursed Mask of the Weeb.

That ones already been posted, though.

 

[Sable]

That ones already been posted, though.

It was? I looked but didn't immediately see it.

One of those other users should probably explain things in better depth (*cough cough*) , but basically, the Temple game was being run by @Rumpled Foreskin and had several characters at its inception.

Now, the That Guy in this situation was playing a Bard. I clearly remember this because he was being incredibly vocal about how useless bards were, and how much he hated it*. This was probably because in most of the combats said bard got into they simply shot at enemies with a hand crossbow and did very little else.

His RP of the character was that the character was kind of abrasive and crude, which normally would be fine except for the fact it wasn't really RP at all and it was just him being him.

Now, a lot of the problems with his character came when he completely ignored what other characters were doing when it came to things like observations or skill rolls. One of the others will explain when they start the tale proper, but lets just say he ignored rolls by the wizard and rogue to find spells and traps respectively.

I'll leave rest for one of the others to continue , @Adamska might be best as he's the one that's told the story the most times and I don't remember whether the sandwich explosions or the failed barbarian lockpicking came first, though they were both in quick succession.

*This bard sperging also plays a part in something that happened in one of the other games he was in, but I wasn't in that one and I'll let someone else explain.

 

[Starscreams Cape]

I DM'd a game at Gencon a few years ago. It was a Conan-esque 5th edition game. I believe in lots of action and letting the players roll lots of dice for con games I run. Generally everyone was having a ball, but I had an autistic (genuine) 17 year old in the group. It took a lot of fucking energy to wrangle him. He would go off on tangents every 15 minutes or so. In the middle of a heated battle he'd start telling me about his favorite shows, his games "back home", his friend, his mother, etc. I resisted the urge to yell at him, I didn't want to create a scene and ruin the other players time. But if I let him go unhindered he would have ruined it all the same. I settled for a couple of well placed, stern, "MY man! You've got to let me do my job, okay?" That seemed to do the job.

I was able to bring things home and two dudes who stuck around to help me clean up said I handled him just right. The velvet fist approach.

 

[J A N D E K]

Good lord. All these horror stories. I started with Basic D&D, then Expert, and finally on to AD&D back in the early ‘80’s. I played with my 5 closest friends for a decade and it was incredible... never any ridiculous drama. A couple weeks ago I dug out my dice and all my old books. It has been about 20 years since I have played and I was overwhelmed with nostalgia going through my DMs Guide, Monster Manual, Players Handbook, etc. I was seriously contemplating playing again, but I have no one to play with, so I would have to hook up with strangers. I think I’ll pass after hearing these nightmares. I’ll just flip through my Fiend Folio and remember the good old days.

 

[vertexwindi]

The worst I ever had was a dude who kept trying to get into every NPC's pants for "humour". The DM shut it down constantly for obvious reasons. Another player pushed his character down a cliff when no one (IC) saw and he just laughed it off so eh. Perfectly fine guy to shoot the shit with aside from that.

 

[Starscreams Cape]

The worst I ever had was a dude who kept trying to get into every NPC's pants for "humour". The DM shut it down constantly for obvious reasons. Another player pushed his character down a cliff when no one (IC) saw and he just laughed it off so eh. Perfectly fine guy to shoot the shit with aside from that.

In my early twenties I learned the "fade to black" approach for RPG sex scenes was by far the best. No detail, everyone knows what happened and move on.

 

[Hummingbird]

That Guy was actually the DM. You see, my party and I were to help this Sorcerer prince and his three pals out in a quest only to realize that we were just the barely competent sidekicks that were made to take a backseat to the DM's main character in all of his glory. We were put against monsters that were at least two levels higher than us so we hardly did any damage (my battle mage was the only one that really could) so we had to rely on the NPCs to bail us out. It was just all about the prince and not really us and since Sorcerers are persecuted (the prince wrote a tell all book about the subject), my character had the chance to turn him in.

I admited that my character was tempted to lie about helping him only to set up a trap. (I critically failed my will save after reading the book.) The DM told me it was a good thing since the prince has a magic eye that can find out if she was lying and would instantly kill her. The PCs and I stopped playing after that. The one good thing was the "sparkle cookies" incident which involved me playing a baker (the DM had me play the females for him) who sold the party some cookies that fell on the ground and had stuff on them.