😵‍💫 Skitzocow Taxman / Kyle Hawkins

[Wally Balljacker]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=3QZK8VKJs_ghttps://youtube.com/watch?v=v4LF5JqRJAohttps://youtube.com/watch?v=_mdifGWDo30https://youtube.com/watch?v=iliMjO33T5Qhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=laBT3uVXf_4

I love how these videos are lined up so that his hair gets longer and more unkempt as you scroll down and witness the chronicle of his drawn-out spiral into madness.

Somehow I doubt his planned trip to Whimsyshire involves ricin-laced 1961 Chateau Cheval Blanc. He seems like the type who would balk at any real suicide attempt.

I get the feeling he's genuinely trying to conjure some kind of mind portal, tupla-style. With people like this, I always wonder where things will look 20+ years down the line. I can imagine him living in a box behind a 7-11, ranting about the subtle notes in the various flavors of Mad Dog 20/20 and the impending Jewpacolypse/Latinspiracy/Islamageddon.

 

[Big Boss]

When I get drunk on wine, I usually throw up after a while. I don't get how people claim they can open a portal to magical cartoon worlds. What hallucinogen is he putting in it? Whatever it is, I want some of that shit.

 

[Linako 2.0]

the world is going to the Latinos

We can barley control our own countries, what makes him think we can control the world?

 

[Big Boss]

We can barley control our own countries, what makes him think we can control the world?

It's common among white nationalists to rail against anything south of the US border. Guy probably has a few Mexican neighbors and suddenly he thinks Hispanics are minutes away from performing a coup.

 

[Linako 2.0]

It's common among white nationalists to rail against anything south of the US border. Guy probably has a few Mexican neighbors and suddenly he thinks Hispanics are minutes away from performing a coup.

It's funny because in Mexico, I remember people being afraid Americans would invade and take over US.
anyways back to this guy, he looks like my aryan evil twin and I don't know how to process that right now.

 

[AN/ALR56]

We can barley control our own countries, what makes him think we can control the world?

With Brasil and México together,we can rule the world my friend.

It's funny because in Mexico, I remember people being afraid Americans would invade and take over US.
anyways back to this guy, he looks like my aryan evil twin and I don't know how to process that right now.

Same thing here,ultra nationalists thinks the US wants the amazon water and biodiversity for their biotechnology,our magnetic uranium enrichment centrifuges and the extreme left thinks the US is supplying opposition groups and media against our retarded socialist president.

On topic:will @Ronald Raygun be halal now?
This guy has some very suspicious similarities to raygun.

 

[Count groudon]

Man, how crazy is it that all these powerful complex entities that can manipulate his mind and love him also just happen to be stars of a cartoon for children made to sell toys?

 

[Bungleboy]

I'm pretty sure this shit right here is how suicide cults start.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Astral projecting out of his "meat casket" and into the world of Flash animated ponies. Oh yeah, this ends well.

 

[☻]

I checked his steam profile. We're both in Indiana. Yay.

 

[LurkerTheLurker]

I'm going to put all of my reply behind spoilers, because I don't want to take up a lot of room or let things get cluttered. It's not in any particular order, so view however you please.

Spoiler: Thanks for having me!

I was hoping @LurkerTheLurker would come visit and help verify some stories about him.

Yeah, yeah. I'm here. Damn, dude, you just barely made this thread and it already has a shitton of replies. What bait are you using on these poor, unsuspecting Kiwi folk? You know this bizarre stuff is addictive, right? It's gonna take a while to respond to the posts in this thread.

Spoiler: You can't do that on Kiwi!

I decided to make a thread dedicated to this guy and his escapades.

For those of you who don't know Taxman (powerword, Kyle Hawkins), he is an alcoholic racist who has the hopes to visit Equestria and meet the love of his life, Curio. His original waifu was Rarity, which is very prevalent in many of his accounts, but according to him, she left him. In the meantime, he's dropped a few hundred dollars on commissions of him and his partner, as well as other pony OCs. You can easily view these on his tumblr:
http://taxmanthegreat.tumblr.com/
Need I also mention he has a deviantart account as well:
http://bual.deviantart.com/
And here are links to his website, steam, and YouTube:
http://mylittlewaifu.com/index.php
https://m.youtube.com/user/yourFriendtheTaxman
http://steamcommunity.com/id/noradII

Uhh... doesn't this count as doxing? I'm not sure, but I think that's frowned upon around here.

Also, I didn't know half of these accounts. Wow.

Spoiler: Yaaaaaaaaaay!

YEESSS! He has his own thread! Hop on everyone this is a incredibly enjoyable ride and a highly recommend him.

Hell, it's about time. I didn't know he was so eagerly followed around here.

Spoiler: Definitely fire.

So after he broke up with his pony-waifu did he keep this shit or did he do what normal folks do with their girlfriends junk after a break up......Ebay/Fire

He's stated that he 'spent good money on commissions of Rarity and other assets he owns that're related to her,' and doesn't desire to give them up because he still 'enjoys' them.
...No double entendre intended.

Even though setting those things away in order to move on would be the normal thing to do. If your girlfriend found out you had pics of your exes all over the place, do you think she'd fail to at the very least question it?

Spoiler: Lmao

No. He still has his stuff. Cum-stained plush animals aren't fast sellers.

This made me laugh really hard. Had to say something about it.

Spoiler: Alcoholism.

Did all the wine drinking start before or after his waifu left him?

He started drinking long before then. I don't think his habits have changed regardless of the time we're talking about, here; he's always been one to get utterly smashed.

Spoiler: The plot thickens. No double entendre intended.

He is trying to gather a small following of people to lead to a promised land of talking ponies. He can do this because he is totally a wizard (he meditates and that's how he gained his wizard powers) Also the Jews have evil Hebrew magic that he must constantly battle against. They used this kosher wizardry to get him kicked out of his favorite pony thread. The crossing is nigh though, and so he must press on to open a trans-dimensional portal of equine pedophilia. His horse lover is also real and use telepathy to communicate with him on how to concoct a potion to hasten his emergence to pony world.

That's basically the situation as it stands, only the crossing is neigh, not nigh. I'm apparently the head Jew Wizard who cast a spell over all his former friends and made them turn against him. He's very mad at me. This is likely due to the fact that he refuses to accept that he's accountable for his own actions, and instead blames me for the way things are.

You can hear just how mad he is here:

Spoiler: Relevance? What's that?

@Zim also his videos usually start with him reviewing wine. Talking about vintage, acidity, Cask practices like a wine gourmet. Then goes into him being the last prophet of horse boning and leading his people across dimensions to live in harmony with a little girls cartoon. There is nothing that separates the two subjects whatsoever. It's honestly like...

"Ah yes you can tell by the strong aroma that this vintage was fostered in a vineyard that used non-organic fertilization and that has been popular over the last decade...now guys I almost have gathered enough magical power to fuck a horse and the voice in my head says I'm so close to finding that last ingredient to my elixir of multi-verse-stable-loving."

@DuckbilledPlaty hahaha holy shit you're right how there's like no transition. Holy shit. Each time he does it I have to take a pause to realize its actually happened because he does it so fluidly.

It's a "wait, what the fuck did he just say?" moment.

I wonder how many wine enthusiasts did that too thinking his video was a wine review.

If you think about it like he's talking about two hobbies of his, to him it seems totally normal. It's like saying, "Oh, yeah, I love that football game on the PS3. Did you know I play football IRL?" Except the topics he's talking about are completely unrelated, yet he still changes subjects in a heartbeat without any transition or anything, because... uhh.

Your guess is as good as mine.

Spoiler: Lost in translation.

The sad thing is he believes that the world is going to the Arabs, Jews, and Latinos, and that he'll avoid this apocalypse by going to ponyland.

Translated to logic, basically Tax is paranoid and anxious, thus he seeks refuge in delusion in order to avoid facing his problems. Just one of the many reasons to disencourage tulpamancing for the sake of coping with stress. Tulpae - and 'real ponies,' the notion of which I bring up to better understand why this is wrong from Tax' own perspective - are not therapists. They're not there to love one unconditionally, or help them through times of stress. They're thought constructs, with which you can achieve a profound, dynamic relationship with the self for any number of reasons. What he's doing, hypothetically speaking, is taking advantage of Curio by pleading to him for help. As some others stated down the line, what would an intelligent being who was born into what was supposedly written to be a perfect world have to do with an alcoholic, depressed, desperate conspiracy theorist with a wide array of problems that would surely interfere in a healthy relationship? Hell, what would any normal person do if someone so sick were to ask them out? Or they found out the person they had been dating a short while had this much baggage? How could anyone as supposedly busy and successful as Curio have the time, patience, and drive to help this deeply disturbed man? And yet, 'Curio' still says that he doesn't mind helping, because that's the purpose for which he was created. On the level of pure psychological delusion, that's unhealthy because it perpetuates the falsities Tax has convinced himself of. On the level of spirituality, it's unhealthy because he's strangling the personality of the tulpa he's attempting to create in order to suit his ends, even if he doesn't know it. Just like Jin. Taking this all as though it were actually real, it still doesn't make sense because on one end, a person's glee to escape the troubles he's perceived in his own life is amplified, further bringing him into a place of darkness, and on the other end, the entity has to put up with all of Tax's issues while being perfect and unconditionally loving to him in any way, so obviously something's wrong. It makes sense on no levels.

Spoiler: Shyamalan!

I agree. Imagine the look on his face when he gets to Equestria and finds out that it's already been conquered by the Arab-Jew-Latino conspiracy! Hohoho!

That's a fucking amazing thought. Kudos for a hilarious twist.

Spoiler: Pity me, I'm so tortured!

What I'm really interested in is Taxman's childhood. What could fuck someone up this badly? There are like, war refugees and kids who've been locked in cellars their whole lives who come out reasonably stable people. Who raised this man?

It's been stated in several places that he had a rough time in middle school. Then again, I can't really think of someone who didn't have shit flung at them in middle school here or there. Some more than others, sure, but it's still middle school.

Perhaps it was the army. He has expressed regret that he wasn't out on the field, fighting with his soldier friends and dying with them as well. He was assigned mostly office work, really, not a soldier, but an engineer of sorts. I don't remember for sure.

Spoiler: Autism awareness.

So is he confirmed for autism, or is it just a really likely assumption at this point? He can't even make eye contact with his fucking camera.

There is a tremendous amount of autism in the waifu community. It would be safe to assume that he is some degree of autistic.

Spoiler: Jew magic.

I heard that Kyle has accused him of using his Jew magic to ruin the forum. He and Lurker are basically Chris and Clyde.

That thing about the 'Jew magic accusations' is totally true. That thing about Clyde, though, is definitely not. I'm not a troll, Tax is just convinced I am one. He heard that I'd 'hung around 4chan at some point' and somehow arrived at the conclusion that I was a 4chan troll and editor for Encyclopedia Dramatica, and that I infiltrated the ponylove community to sabotage his love.

How does one make that assumption with such a small and casually stated piece of information? Well, my first guess is paranoia...

Spoiler: Nightmare fuel.

This guy looks like the type who has a hole or trap door somewhere in his house...

I can see a horror game being made about this. You're a sensationalist reporter who comes across a man rambling to himself in his car about portals and Jew magic, and you decide to follow him home because if you don't get something juicy, your boss is gonna fire your ass, or something else contrived like that to make the player character want to actually follow this guy. You go home, sneak in while he's away, and see that things seem deceptively normal, until you wander into a bedroom where an awful smell wafts out from under the bed and assaults your nostrils with rotten spaghetti and crusty socks. And, after moving the bed with a secret switch you find behind the altar to pony butt you discover in the closet, you find that there's a hole under the bed, and you must wade through the stuff you smelled to reach the basement, where only your deepest, darkest nightmares could describe for you what my words cannot say would be down there.

...I'd like to see any of you try to tell me you wouldn't cringe yourself into a nightmare-induced oblivion if you played a horror game like that.

Spoiler: Jin or Tax?

...Imo He's creepier than Jin. I didn't think it was possible.

I think they're both pretty off, but Jin takes the crazy cake for me. Tax can at least show compassion and not be a total dick to people, although he does have many, many problems which ruin the merit of being friends with him, several of which he has in common with Jin. In other words, he doesn't try to be a jerk, he just doesn't accept responsibility for his actions, instead blaming them on others, is racist and anti-semetic, and self-loathes constantly while also possessing a major victim complex. Somehow. "If I can't be king of the ponylovers, NO ONE can!"

Jin, on the other hand, is a guy who will not even entertain your words if you don't kiss his ass. Manipulative, selfish, egocentric, stubborn, ignorant, spiteful, delusional, dishonest, bigoted, and completely and utterly insane, is he, and far worse a person. Have you read up on him in the thread about him? All weird stuff aside, he's incredibly disagreeable and confrontational, very defensive, has a record of questionable actions around minors, such as getting little girls to come up and touch his plushie, or attacking their dolls and saying Twilight killed 'em. Etc.

I suppose on the level of 'the big picture,' Tax is more of a pain to listen to. He's got some warped views of reality and ideas of escaping it that can come off as incredibly creepy. Jin, on the individual, interpersonal relations level, is undoubtedly more painful. As strange as it sounds, I'm not one to think very big, so Jin strikes a worse chord with me.

Spoiler: Gayness.

So, this mean he's gay now? 'Cause last I checked, stallions were male horses.

That said, good lord. I'm not going to sift though all that jibber-jabber about how Rarity betrayed and dumped him. But he definitely feels like a true nutter.

He's just embracing the gayness now, yes. And, on a related note, I suspect I may have had something to do with Rarity 'turning her back on him.'

See, there was a time when, while he was with Rarity, he went off and had some gay fun with a male friend of his, and that worsened his self-loathing. I and another member of the community were friends with him at one point, and tried to help him accept his homosexuality so that he could stop torturing himself with these awful thoughts he was having. Of course he was responsible for being with Rarity when he knew he was homosexual, but homosexuality is completely natural, so as we tried to help him past his hatred for his cockhunger, the doubt he then possessed became Rarity's doubt, and then it basically fed itself until they broke it off.

I'd had conversations with friends in doubt about their issues with things they don't like about themselves all the time, including notions like homosexuality, and I always talk to people honestly, as a friend, with reason and evidence to support my claims, and thus them in their times of need, and not as a therapist. I never have tried to be a therapist, and I never will try to be a therapist, so when I say I tried to help him, I wasn't being an irresponsible person and making claims I wasn't qualified to make, I was being a friend. Tax thinks that he's entitled to help, and despite the assistance I tried to give him, he simply wouldn't try any of it or failed on every occasion. You can see it in the things he says: "I deserve to be a part of this community because I founded it!" "No one will recognize my overwhelming genius in the area of wine tasting, and offer me a better job! I shouldn't have to work for it!" "Lurker withheld the secrets of ponylove from me! That vile, conspiring Jew wizard!"

I've never seen a case so far-gone as Tax's. Except for Jin's, of course.

Tax has also stated before that he desires not to change. Not that he 'doesn't desire to change,' which would imply that he's content where he is, but that he 'desires not to change,' which is basically saying that he outright refuses to seek help. Bear that in mind, it's important.

Spoiler: eh, effort

You know you're fucked when your imaginary horse wife wants a divorce.

You'd think that goes without saying, but then you have people like Tax. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

...Except when it comes to putting effort into facing the realities of life or getting help, of course.

Spoiler: i c wat u did thar

I know @LurkerTheLurker knows Taxman on a personal account. I think most of Taxman's problems is that he seriously beLIEves that if he tries hard enough he can be a little pony.

he seriously beLIEves that

beLIEves

I get it.

Nah, his main problems stem from other things, for sure.

Spoiler: Ding, ding, ding! Winner!

It's weird that this guy had the self-awareness to wonder, even for a moment, why a magical pony from a land of talking rainbow wizard horses who save the world with friendship would choose to spend its time forced to inhabit a stuffed animal just to assume a physical form, in order to be with a miserable, lonely man who spends all his time in a colorless "prison" of a room drinking, masturbating and repressing his homosexuality.

At least it didn't seem to put much of a dent in his conviction that he has the True and Honest cartoon horse wife. Until he started fearing that he would be murdered by a cartoon pony spirit and coming out of pony possessions in a shower like he's in Paranormal Activity, I guess. The cripplingly low self-esteem of these people never makes them think "hey, I don't want to be around me and I am me, I guess an imaginary character probably wouldn't leave a life written to be perfect and fun and devoid of translucent nerds to hang out with me in my chamber of wineish sadness 24/7 either".

Give this guy a winner rating. He or she gets it.

That first paragraph is basically describing Jin. Are you sure you're in the right thread, guy?

To be fair, though, paranoia about hallucinations actually harming you is... difficult to get over. It is totally possible for a hallucination to indirectly harm you. For example, if you were driving and you saw a deer frozen in front of you, looking you dead in the eyes while standing there, still, you might slam on the brakes suddenly and without warning, causing the vehicle behind you to rear-end your car. It's also totally possible for a hallucination to apparently harm you, like cause you pain that isn't really there. That can be worrying and hurtful. Tax, though, was worried about actually being hurt by them, which of course can never happen.

Spoiler: To be, or not to be.

When I get drunk on wine, I usually throw up after a while. I don't get how people claim they can open a portal to magical cartoon worlds. What hallucinogen is he putting in it? Whatever it is, I want some of that shit.

Are you sure about that? You WANT to drink something that could potentially make you want to open portals to a magical world of rainbows and sunshine and fuck the talking ponies that live there?

Spoiler: Makes perfect sense.

Man, how crazy is it that all these powerful complex entities that can manipulate his mind and love him also just happen to be stars of a cartoom for children made to sell toys?

You missed a few spots.

Not only are the talking magical ponies real and totally different entities, with different minds and everything, but they can also read your mind for some reason, even though they're supposedly not a part of your mind, and despite being human, they still love you for some reason. Maybe they're all jealous of our hands. And, in a freaking unbelievable coincidence, they're all represented somehow very accurately in a cartoon show, which doesn't at all make the notions expressed here in complete seriousness any less credible. Oh, and despite several different, totally real ponies coming from the one and only real Equestria, across time and space, to give up any sort of relationship with another of their own species and live in a lifeless body that cannot even move on its own and indulge all the fetishes that their partner coincidentally likes because they're their favorite as well, their tales of that Equestria are completely and utterly different depending on who you ask. That's probably just a coincidence, though.

...ᴳᵒᵈ ᵈᵃᵐᶰ ᶦᵗ, ʷʰʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ᵃʳᵉ ᵖᵉᵒᵖᶫᵉ ˢᵒ ˢᵗᵘᵖᶦᵈ?

All of that being said... I need a drink. Buh-bye.

 

[Overchek]

I checked his steam profile. We're both in Indiana. Yay.

I know the feel. I could totally see this bastard living in Carmel.

 

[MasterDisaster]

I know the feel. I could totally see this bastard living in Carmel.

Holy shit how many Indy people are in this thread? I'm a hoosier as well.

 

[A.Shitposter]

You can't be a brony without having a shrine for your (ex-)pony waifu!

Spoiler: Shitposting

Those framed drawings and half of those plushies look pretty good, I'd probably offer to take them off his hands if he weren't the type of crazy weirdo who'd definitely jizz all over them.

This dude can go from being a knowledgeable wine taster to boot on head crazy in the matter of milliseconds and it is amazing.

 

[Roosechu]

He is bullshitting at wine tasting.
I know it because me and a friend did the same once at a wine-tasting pavillion.
The guy gets drunk after less than a liter of wine only, that is not much wine.

 

[A.Shitposter]

He is bullshitting at wine tasting.
I know it because me and a friend did the same once at a wine-tasting pavillion.
The guy gets drunk after less than a liter of wine only, that is not much wine.

I meant more that he knows more about wine history because he gets shitfaced after like a glass. I'm sure actual people would know more than him.

 

[deadson]

Well, he seems to know the basics of wine tasting history, but he's definitely not as professional as he says he is. Wonder if he ever shows up to work smashed from "tasting" the wines?

Edit to avoid double posting, derp.
@A.Shitposter He's missing the basics of tasting, different wines have different glasses made for that very purpose (in all of the vids posted so far, he's only used one glass, and it's the wrong glass for the reds. Reds usually get a stout glass while whites and some pinks get a wide flute). Plus, chilling a red is a bit of a no no, you want that as far from the fridge as possible especially before tasting it. Some reds might be made for chilling, but usually the merlots and cabernets are always kept at room temp. Also, not sure if they still do this since it's been years since the last tasting I was at but they usually have a glass of water or some fruits or cheese and bread to accompany it, just to cleanse the palate and slow the getting drunk level.
Last bit, who the fuck but a drunkard uses a BEER glass to taste wine?

 

[Roosechu]

Well, a beer glass can contain enough wine for him to go to ponyland for the night .

 

[Von Clausewitz]

He is no lolcow to me.
After reading over some of this he seems to be a highly intelligent individual, that suffers from schizophrenia, depression, insecurity etc. (*) and suffers from substance abuse which often accompanies these. That man needs therapy and a medication, yesterday.

(*) It is never good, if you have to end a list of someones psychological problems with "etc.".

 

[MasterDisaster]

A man doesn't sip. He chugs. Freakmeat here is nursing an addiction by trying to fucking drown it. I can imagine him getting shitfaced and then picking up a toy phone and just drunk calling his ex 'wife' at the amusement of his friends, or at the least fellow cultists.