Super Secret Reehouse - Don't tell the grown ups

[Prince Lotor]

I've been attempting to sabotage the Snort Fort (I figured now would be a good time to make it so there's not just one broken bathroom) but the blueprints I was provided by our contact at the HOA are no longer accurate and I am now completely lost.
Worse yet, the Goldfish crackers I brought with me to snack on have attracted all the creatures living within the house. I am currently being hunted by several birds and a cougar (I call him Alpha Jasper).
The mold has taken on a living form as well, much like the mold creatures from RE7, and they completely dominate the areas of the junglekhando that the animals do not. The mold is slowly encroaching on the local flora and fauna. Turf wars happen regularly and I am lucky if I do not get caught in the middle of their bitter tug of war in the absence of the King of the Jungle.

Requesting immediate extraction; I am currently hiding in Phil's closet as there is plenty of room in here now since it's been cleaned out so thoroughly. Recommending that further expeditions be done by no less than a 5 detractor squad, at least one armed with a chainsaw for the more dense areas of the junglekhando.

I applaud your quick thinking soldier, generally the prime subject is known to not interact with the closet domains for multiple years at a time and vehemently deny being in there.
We have reports from mid-2017 during the 'Alcoholic Shambling Mound' months that Burnell Prime had shed a particularly nasty fungaloid cast-off that we have been unable to locate. If you are encountering creatures controlled by a secondary infection you may be close to it's main nesting spot. If you encounter one of these Burnellian cast-offs I recommend getting as close to a corner as possible and potentially using your climbing spikes to get near the ceiling, then begin whispering things based on the psych profile of Burnell Prime. The cast-off will likely interpret you as a 'Corner Demon' and from there be open to instructions in line with the shared delusional miasma. Phrases like "go stretch your legs so you don't get blood clots" and "you need to go fill your 'water bottle'" can buy you enough time to quickly relocate.
Beware, if you are being stalked by the creature that Burnell Prime refers to as 'Jasper-kitty' DO NOT go in the upstairs hallway bathroom. That is the broken bathroom. I don't know where these erroneous reports that it is the Master bath that is broken are coming from. The creature has made that it's main lair and created a forest of mutated Tetsu-jin from the pipe cleaner twisties Burnell Prime drops to pacify him. At least the inaccurate recon didn't see you lost in the endless waste of the Great Pacific Northwest Garbage Patch. God save the poor souls we've lost investigating the spatially anomalous claims of Burnell Prime about the garbage hoard in there.
If you are near Burnell Prime's broadcast lair I have installed a seamless 1-way trapdoor in the ceiling around the hole he ripped in it in a fit of rage while attacking 'Ceiling Birds'. I will wait for you there to let you through. You can use your climbing spikes to get up there and I can repair the walls later from the piles of Temu 'soundproofing' patches and RGB littered around the broadcast lair. Once we make our way to my main Grow-op I can put you in a weed induced coma and have you airlifted out to Sea-Tac with one of the regular shipments. From there you will be flown to your debriefing location and put on psych leave with pay.

Godspeed soldier

 

[Beverly Sutphin]

Thanks to the detractors for the gate code. I was finally able to get Agent Jasper on my side with tuna and a few other treats I was able to nab from the kitchen. He has turned a corner and I am attempting to remove Jasper from the snortfort to get him that much needed bloodwork and return safe before Phil notices. Being stuck in this damn closet has been no fun, but it has been worth it, to get this much information.

I was able to get Jasper free when Phil is asleep, so Jasper can roam around the house. I was able to find out that Phil does talk in his sleep, and he has muttered things like "That black motherfucker, Tevin." and "I hate you, dad." and wishing he had Hulk Hogan's dick.

I have noticed Khat in her office sleeping, even I have heard crying from outside the door. There have been times where Phil has gone up in the middle of the night and I have had to hide in his mature adult office closet, as I've been covered in dust and other gamer shit. He went to grab more gin, as he keeps a handle of gin on his nightstand and I have heard sobbing and him sending out emails to known dents such as Jayde, Slayer, and OIC.

I plan on disabling the outdoor cameras, as Phil does monitor them constantly from his phone and laptop, and is extremely paranoid. His paranoia is getting out of hand and I request an extraction date stat. That and I think the mold from the bathroom is starting to spread outside of the bathroom and into other areas of the snortfort.

 

[Shocked and Horrified]

Corner Demon

I plan to dress like Chun Li, stand in the corner, and silently give Phail the look of complete disdain and contempt only a teenage girl can muster. Chun is noticably taller, but I think I can pull it off convincingly. Should I hold a panda stuffed animal, or is that too much? I will be the corner demon.

Thanks to Jasper for getting me in the Snort Fort. He gave all the information readily when I offered to rescue him.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Delta six niner please advise. We will have our next detractor meeting at the abandoned station at switch no. 17. The meeting will take place at XIX. I. MMXXVI. and the password to get in will be Ⱇⰵⰵⰴ ⱚⰵ Ⰱⰻⰳ Ⰱⰻⱅⱌⱒ.