Super Secret Reehouse - Don't tell the grown ups

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Agent CTE calling all other agents. It's been a while since we stopped being grounded and we still didn't have a secret meeting. A lot has happened and we need to discuss that, plus we need to plan new ops.

The meeting will be held ante diem V Kalendas Octobribus MMDCCLXXV AUC. I think that meridies would be a good time of day. Also make sure to wear the secret detractor talisman and remember the password for entering the reehouse, for this meeting it will be Ⱁⰱⰲⰻⱁⱆⱄⰾy Ⰻ ⱀⰵⰵⰴ ⱅⰻⱂⱄ

Strength and Honor.

PS: Can Agent Joi please return my copy of SoulCalibur II? You've had it for 3 months already.
 
Big Brown Schlub said:
Agent CTE calling all other agents. It's been a while since we stopped being grounded and we still didn't have a secret meeting. A lot has happened and we need to discuss that, plus we need to plan new ops.

The meeting will be held ante diem V Kalendas Octobribus MMDCCLXXV AUC. I think that meridies would be a good time of day. Also make sure to wear the secret detractor talisman and remember the password for entering the reehouse, for this meeting it will be Ⱁⰱⰲⰻⱁⱆⱄⰾy Ⰻ ⱀⰵⰵⰴ ⱅⰻⱂⱄ

Strength and Honor.

PS: Can Agent Joi please return my copy of SoulCalibur II? You've had it for 3 months already.
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We’re meeting at the abandoned Rax restaurant, on the right side parking lot. Nobody at the weed next door shop notices anything, it’s cool mah dood.

My dad works for McDonald’s corporate and we’ve got advance merch of Street Fighter Happy meals. I’ll give everyone one if they bring snacks and beverages, bitch mommy only has Cherry Bubly cans and no amount of Mio makes them taste any better.
 
Agent Jasper has successfully neutralized Phil's capture card and is awaiting new orders. Meeting will be at the old place during the next full moon. We need to find a volunteer who will pass new orders to Agent Fly on the Wall (still can't believe DSP hasn't caught him hiding under his work shoes) so he can in turn give Agent Jasper his new target. Recommendations for new targets is welcome, the Snort Fort is a target rich environment after all.
 
Big Brown Schlub said:
Agent Jasper has successfully neutralized Phil's capture card and is awaiting new orders. Meeting will be at the old place during the next full moon. We need to find a volunteer who will pass new orders to Agent Fly on the Wall (still can't believe DSP hasn't caught him hiding under his work shoes) so he can in turn give Agent Jasper his new target. Recommendations for new targets is welcome, the Snort Fort is a target rich environment after all.
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Get him to piss on that noisemaker. I don't think that even counts as trolling, because breaking that thing would be making the world a better place.
 
Hey guise, my gaming studio “Bonerjams” has almost finished “Hulk Hogans taint tapper”, a easy clicker game. We’re gonna invite Phil to try out the alpha version before release. It even has a Bluetooth realistic hulk torso where the boner throbs when you buy a lootbox
 
Quantum Diabetes said:
Hey guise, my gaming studio “Bonerjams” has almost finished “Hulk Hogans taint tapper”, a easy clicker game. We’re gonna invite Phil to try out the alpha version before release. It even has a Bluetooth realistic hulk torso where the boner throbs when you buy a lootbox
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That's great and all, but you need a "Boner Pass" with the tiers: Jobber Hogan, Semi Hogan, and Hollywood Hard Hogan. To really bring the whales in.
 
Agent Proper said:
That's great and all, but you need a "Boner Pass" with the tiers: Jobber Hogan, Semi Hogan, and Hollywood Hard Hogan. To really bring the whales in.
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The top tier is Taintmaster pro throb ultra. When you achieve that the title screen gets a interactive pulsating yellow speedo which you can manipulate like Mario’s face in Super Mario 64
 
Quantum Diabetes said:
Hey guise, my gaming studio “Bonerjams” has almost finished “Hulk Hogans taint tapper”, a easy clicker game. We’re gonna invite Phil to try out the alpha version before release. It even has a Bluetooth realistic hulk torso where the boner throbs when you buy a lootbox
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We’ve added a collectible “Skylanders” type of component to the game, by placing different speedos on the portal you can unlock new boner attacks
 
Secret reehouse is apparently open again because DSP claims he has no cameras around his property (contradicting the testimony of a police officer that visited his house) and his previous claims that he does have cameras and a panic button because people were plotting to invade his khando the last time he went to CT to definitely not get married.

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neger psykolog said:
Secret reehouse is apparently open again because DSP claims he has no cameras around his property (contradicting the testimony of a police officer that visited his house) and his previous claims that he does have cameras and a panic button because people were plotting to invade his khando the last time he went to CT to definitely not get married.

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Oh, shit! Did the cops see all the pinhole cameras I put up in Phil's condo? Thank GodBear Phil is such a weird paranoid fucko they thought they were his and just labeled it a mental illness call.
That lady cop's instincts were good, but I'm glad she didn't find the grow op I set up in the walls between Phil and his neighbor's units. That's actually why it's always so hot in Phil's office, I have grow lights running just on the other side of the wall in there.
I actually rerouted the water from the hall bathroom's shower head to water my plants and I jammed the handle open from the other side so he can't turn it off and my plants get a continuous slow drip of water. It actually took months before either of them noticed the shower didn't work and Phil just blamed it on his fat wife lol I was beginning to wonder if they'd ever notice it with how little they shower and Kat barely being able to make it up the stairs.
Lmao at least now I know that if Phil ever calls the cops about "people crawling around inside the walls" they already have a 220 call on record about him. That plus the thick black plastic trash bags he taped up over the whole shower, the blackout curtain he nailed in to the wall, the hole in his ceiling with the exposed wires he ripped out, the cat shit & Styrofoam garbage hoard in the garage, and the ant infestation I probably don't ever have to worry about the cops taking him seriously.
 
Agent 00 here, I've put on my embroidened jacket and am back on duty, sir! I have disabled the cameras with that one pistol attachment from Splinter Cell Chaos Theory that disables cameras and have sussessfully infiltrated the Snort Fort. I have taken a picture of what seems to be the Khet's room and found this weird construction on the floor of the room. Any intel specialist please identify, over.

Pig-Trough(12).webp
 
East Coast saboteurs reporting in, since Phil may be in Connecticut we have decided to re-activate deep cover agent Dindu Nuffins and spring him from prison. He fucked up years ago when he bumped off Tee Carter instead of Phil, but he promises he'll get the right guy this time!

TO DSP OR ANY OF HIS DICKRIDERS THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE NONE OF US WANT HIM KILLED JUST FORCED TO INTERACT WITH NIGGERS
 
Don't fucking disturb any of my weed plants in the walls!!! If anyone needs any Pre-, Operational, or Post- therapeutic weed due to the horrors that may be encountered in the Snort Fort fill out a request form and get it to your commanding officer. That is all. Over.
 
I've been attempting to sabotage the Snort Fort (I figured now would be a good time to make it so there's not just one broken bathroom) but the blueprints I was provided by our contact at the HOA are no longer accurate and I am now completely lost.
Worse yet, the Goldfish crackers I brought with me to snack on have attracted all the creatures living within the house. I am currently being hunted by several birds and a cougar (I call him Alpha Jasper).
The mold has taken on a living form as well, much like the mold creatures from RE7, and they completely dominate the areas of the junglekhando that the animals do not. The mold is slowly encroaching on the local flora and fauna. Turf wars happen regularly and I am lucky if I do not get caught in the middle of their bitter tug of war in the absence of the King of the Jungle.

Requesting immediate extraction; I am currently hiding in Phil's closet as there is plenty of room in here now since it's been cleaned out so thoroughly. Recommending that further expeditions be done by no less than a 5 detractor squad, at least one armed with a chainsaw for the more dense areas of the junglekhando.
 
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