🗑️ Trashfire StyxHexenhammer666 / Tarl Warwick - Oddball Occultist Neckbeard (who can make some interesting content) + his many scorned exes

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alan thicke said:
“Their crops are moldy and dead”

Sam. You are the crops. Clean your room.
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Paul Revere Pantry Raider said:
@mickrussom You're good with autism inspired lyrics -how about Coward of the County for Nikki?
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Coward of the County Rutland

Everyone considered him the coward of the county
He'd never stood one single time to prove the county wrong
His mama named him Tardy, but folks just called him yellow
Something always told me they were reading Tardy wrong

He was only ten years old when his daddy checked out
I tried to help Tardy 'cause he was my brother's son
I still recall the final words my brother said to Tardy
"Son, my life is over, but yours has just begun"

Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done
Walk away from trouble if you can
Now it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
I hope you're old enough to understand
Son, you don't have to fight women to be a man

There's someone for everyone, and Tardy's love was Sammy
In her arms he didn't have to prove he was barely a man
One day while he was drifting, the Walmart boys came calling
They took turns at Sammy, and there was three of them

Tardy opened up the door and saw his Sammy crying
The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand
He reached above the fireplace, took down his daddys picture
As a tear fell on his daddy's face, he heard these words again

Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done
Walk away from trouble if you can
Now it won't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
I hope you're old enough to understand
Son, you don't have to beat on women to be a man

The Walmart boys just laughed at him
When he walked into the barroom
One of them got up and met him halfway 'cross the floor
Tardy turned around, they said, 'Hey look, old yella's leavin''
But you could've heard a pin drop
When Tardy stopped and unlocked the door

Twenty years of booze was bottled up inside him
He wasn't holding nothing back, he let 'em have it all
When Tardy left the barroom, not a tallboy was standing
He said, "This one's for Sammy" as he watched the last one fall
And I heard him say

I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you've done
I avoided every job whenever I can
Now please don't think I'm weak, I turned the other cheek and ran
And Papa, I sure hope you understand
Sometimes you gotta fight women when you're a man

Everyone considered him the coward of the county


(This was more of a scalpel change than a chainsaw)
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Nikki Turkevich assaulted me today, and no my to left front tooth is hanging by a thread. Attachhed is the bloodstains left by her almost breaking my nose.

She did this for no legitimate reason, is in jail, and will be facing both assault charges and civil ones.

And to think retards thought her the sane one.

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Not so fun when they get sick of your inane babble and swing back is it fagpire?

You look like the cover for an album titled "Sex Boogers Blood magic".
 
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Keggo said:
Apologies for invoking the Mutt's Law, but what if it was one of his ex-cellmates that punched him? Stynx didn't specify what kind of ex he mentioned in his xeet.
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He fucked with a sleeping Nikki, she complained about his morning routine for several days, dancing jigs, talking to her while sleeping, loudly talking to cats, staying up till wee hours writing pee pee poo poo menus while she worked for the beer/booze/cig/weed/food money while also paying mother Pam $400/month in rent (she has every right to be there).
I think she was half asleep and lightly tapped him and Tard spent hours constructing this narrative that he was savagely beaten and saved one barely dripped on bloody paper towel as evidence and probably tried to pull his own tooth out to look more battered. I think Tard was trying to provoke an attack because he didnt want a squatter situation.
 
mickrussom said:
I think Tard was trying to provoke an attack because he didnt want a squatter.
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I slightly disagree. He loved to lord over her and kept trying to throw her out, but he couldn't, because she was a paying renter. I think the crux of this was less that he wanted her out (because hell she'd fuck him and keep him stoned), but he couldn't handle that insubordinate way she kept coming back here and telling us all of the stupid teenager girl drama bullshit he was up to.
 
To borrow from a comedian, What did you say?

Like with a woman, that's a risky joke.

Thanks for not wearing the hat. A bandana would suit your pirate rank better.

But hey, we've got clarity, even if we've lost our field reporter.

Styx, all you need to do to be "The captain" is find a shitbox apartment and pay for it yourself.
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Nikki Turkevich assaulted me today, and no my to left front tooth is hanging by a thread. Attachhed is the bloodstains left by her almost breaking my nose.

She did this for no legitimate reason, is in jail, and will be facing both assault charges and civil ones.

And to think retards thought her the sane one.

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Captain Retarl sir sorry to hear, but you are being demoted in light of current events. Turn in your hat, saber, gold tooth, and flintlock pistol to new Captain Nikki. Just how it works around here. Join me in the kitchen. Plenty of potatoes to peel aka smaller versions of your head.
 
Pathetic. You get punched in the face by your abused girlfriend and you complain here as a pussy. You probably don't remember what you did to her to provoke her to punch you as you're an end-stage alcoholic with diminishing mental capacity.
You even fail as a lolcow, Turkey Tom beats you by going scorched earth on his exes and revealing damning chatlogs so his thread is beating yours, AGAIN. Keep losing.
 
Soapmore said:
It's due to your humiliation fetish that you love it.
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Well, tbf, that image IS really great. I mean, look at it, it's got everything.

Paul Revere Pantry Raider said:
I slightly disagree. He loved to lord over her and kept trying to throw her out, but he couldn't, because she was a paying renter. I think the crux of this was less that he wanted her out (because hell she'd fuck him and keep him stoned), but he couldn't handle that insubordinate way she kept coming back here and telling us all of the stupid teenager girl drama bullshit he was up to.
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I don't think he's capable of planning ahead far enough to set up an anti-squatting strategy. I think he's just a dick. He was being a dick because Nikki had JUST tried to talk to him about letting her sleep, and he got up the next day and did the exact things she asked him not to do because he's a spoiled child. So she clocked him. Maybe he got up in her face when she was sleeping and she took a nightmare swing.
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
This is honestly one of the best things I ever saw lol
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@Styxhexenhammer666 - yeah, the Ai didnt do an accurate job, your Ai avatard isnt missing teeth, and your Ai teeth arent yellow, your Ai hair looks too washed, your Ai avatard is missing the grease smudged aviators and have instead round less cringe glasses, your Ai avatard is way too healthy and muscled, your Ai avatard doesnt have temu tricorn gay pirate hat and your Ai avatard jewelry doesnt look like for-women hot topic style. So I get why you think its the best because the Ai did way too much to make you look good.
 
Paul Revere Pantry Raider said:
I slightly disagree. He loved to lord over her and kept trying to throw her out, but he couldn't, because she was a paying renter. I think the crux of this was less that he wanted her out (because hell she'd fuck him and keep him stoned), but he couldn't handle that insubordinate way she kept coming back here and telling us all of the stupid teenager girl drama bullshit he was up to.
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She was also exposing his "I'm dying" grift as the fabrication of a wet-brained cobra rip off.

Shame she didn't uppercut him to Davey Jones' locker.
 
Zemblan Physics said:
Lord, I can’t believe my own two eyes. So. Much. Retardation.

There should be a sea shanty about this thread.
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Yo ho, yo ho,
A victim's life for me
Yo ho, yo ho,
A victim's life for me

I rose out of bed early one morn,
I woke up my dame and was met with her scorn,
I ran my mouth when she told me to zip,
Now I'm picking up teeth and sucking my lip!

Yo ho, yo ho,
A victim's life for me
Yo ho, yo ho,
A victim's life for me
 
...Don't mind me, I'm just here to do my usual thing. Styx's March, April & May 2024 superchats are now fully logged! View the full sheet here!


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FYI, he made more in the first half of 2024 than he did the entire fiscal year of 2025. Talk about a total collapse...

2025 (100%)/2024 (50%)
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Archeopthryx said:
Why would he self-report instead of committing seppuku? Why would he try so hard to live in disgrace?
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No one sabotages their reputation in the public eye by prancing around in pirate cosplay and proclaiming themself a forever child if they aren't harboring a strong humiliation fetish.
 
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