🗑️ Trashfire StyxHexenhammer666 / Tarl Warwick - Oddball Occultist Neckbeard (who can make some interesting content) + his many scorned exes

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Hi Tarl, it's me. The nation's favorite TV Dad, Bill Cosby.
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I heard you also like to give women potions? Heh heh heh heh heh! Anyway, as your court mandated parole officer, I wanted to offer you a choice of

🎇 :heart-full:2026 Tarl Resolutions: Choose Your Own Tarlventure :wow:🎆

Introduction: Tarlgenesis and Tarlexegesis
You look in the mirror, and see a balding, nearly 40 year old sidewalk impersonator of John Lennon (with a John Lennon sidewalk impersonator's money) squinting through the bloodshot haze of a white wine spritzer hangover. And you're hit with a double realization - the Super Nintendo came out 35 years ago and some of your pubes are gray. "Is this the Tarl I wanted to be?", you ask your Manson-bearded, smelly-looking reflection.
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I'm afraid it is true, you are Tarl Warwick.

Character name: Tarl Warwick
Class: Magic user
Level: 1
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Strength: 4
Intelligence: 17
Wisdom: 2
Dexterity: 11
Constitution: 11
Charisma: 14

Do you:

Choice A - STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY
Become a respected, non-spider-eating member of society and try to be in the life of your daughter somehow while these precious years slip past?
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TURN TO PAGE 232 FOR MORE HEARTWARMING STYXNANIGANS ✝️

Or, Choice B - KEEP DRINKING
"Bitches won't notice I'm bald and over 40 with a criminal record when I wear this badass pirate hat," thought Tarl as he slammed another white wine spritzer. "Hey, that silverfish looks crunchy,"
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TURN TO PAGE 666 TO READ HOW "OVER TIME, SEX WITH TARL BECAME... MORE PIRATEY" ⛧
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But heed me, young magewalker, only one path will grant you your heart's true desire!

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Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Other than my office, the only part of my home you have seen is a former garage. Damn right it's retarded. We use it mainly as storage space and the floor was degraded by salt damage. Retarded people would not understand how much damage can be done by road salt drippings in winter in Northern New England.
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Why is there a fireplace in a "former garage" turned "storage room?"
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Retarded people would not understand how much damage can be done by road salt
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Ain't been a car parked in that garage in decades. I'm not going to check but I'll take your word that the brickwork is the back side of a chimney. The little laundry room hallway would make sense, salt on unfinished concrete is an issue, but the way you're being so defensive about the dirt floor comments, instead of just saying "it's an old garage, live with it" makes me wonder.. and why don't you help your dad put pallets under all that stuff being stored out there, it's going to be ruined by moisture coming up thru the concrete!

When the weather is nicer maybe put down some concrete leveler, and put a polyurethane on it so that any albums or personal items stored there don't mold. I dunno, I'm not a wizard, cast a spell or something.
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Dylan is a piece of work. For a while I thought he was actually the aggrieved party. I realized he wasn't, and if I could personally apologize to Samantha for my lack of judgment, I would. Sadly, I can't even eat in a restaurant if she walks in. The legal system is a joke.
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You realized he wasn't when he ignored your requests to send him screenshots for his case against Samantha? Or when you were apologizing to him for being wrong about him during his time with Samantha? Or how bout when you reached out to him to tell him sam let her oldest son drown and you saved him?? Or was it when you were threatening to kill him over the phone??

Tell us which time it was you realized he wasn't aggrieved.
 
F95 said:
Why is there a fireplace in a "former garage" turned "storage room?"
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That is the back side of the chimney. The fireplace is in the living room. This is fairly common in older structures.
Leylon Sneed said:
When the weather is nicer maybe put down some concrete leveler, and put a polyurethane on it so that any albums or personal items stored there don't mold. I dunno, I'm not a wizard, cast a spell or something.
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I did repair it partly long ago. It was a garage until fairly recently. My grandfather used to park his Subaru in there. The front end got retrofitted.

I do want to completely re-do the floor. I am better at architectural drawing than actual repairs.

Open Book said:
You realized he wasn't when he ignored your requests to send him screenshots for his case against Samantha? Or when you were apologizing to him for being wrong about him during his time with Samantha? Or how bout when you reached out to him to tell him sam let her oldest drown and you saved him??

Tell us which time it was you realized he wasn't aggrieved.
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Hello Dylan. Referring to yourself in the third person is... odd.

I never indicated that she attempted to drown her son. I saved him because she was at that moment physically unable to do so. Your son is alive because I was there. I suggest giving a bit more respect to me given that circumstance.

I do not have any personal grudge against you though I do think this is all hilariously insane on every possible level. It's like being in the tenth sub-level of Hell only without the blackjack and women in spandex.
 
Laylithe said:
Because he was drunk. He accuses me of cheating on him with someone I didn't cheat on him with, and assaulted me over it.

If I want to show my ass, I will. I don't have to lie about the things I do. If it hurts all of the little boy feelings to see a picture of my bare ASS on the internet for all to see; good. Fuck you. I won't be fucking any of you anyway.
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Did you enjoy it? The beating that is.
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
Hello Dylan. Referring to yourself in the third person is... odd.

Your son is alive because I was there. I suggest giving a bit more respect to me given that circumstance.

I do not have any personal grudge against you
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You two thinking it's Dylan is odd.

According to Samantha if you weren't there he wouldn't be drowning in the first place. Since you also caused him to start drowning.

If you didn't his name would never have came out of your mouth/keyboard.
 
Styxhexenhammer666 said:
actual repairs.
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Okay, so I'll bullet point this as best I can:

- muriatic acid, apply this to the existing concrete first
- gauge the damage, if you only have sparring and chipping to about 1/2" then you can use sand and concrete finish to get it close to level (1 part sand, 1 part concrete finish)
- concrete leveler, you mix it up once you have everything pretty much flat, you mix it wet and finish with a squeegee
- once it's all flat you put a polyurethane or enamel finish on top to seal out any moisture coming in from underneath

Do you have French wells off the gutters, or just straight onto the dirt next to your foundation?

Edit
Pressure wash everything first!
 
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Ghostface Killah said:
Stockton ready to pull up LMAO. Check the homicide rates.
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STOCKTON, MY HOME! Stockton mentioned! My high school got closed down on the first day because a gang member pointed a gun at all the students as he rode by on his bike. It wasn’t the first time. My school was also right next to a lunatic asylum that had an escape every month or so. They didn’t even lock down the school after it happened enough, they just told you to avoid eye contact with the escapee or else “he might attack you, and that’d be a lot of paperwork”. I miss your bankrupt ass, Stockton!
 
I have a pretty good idea who OpenBook really is, but I won't speculate because I like their posts and want them to continue. I personally don't think it's Dylan, but it's foolish to assume either way.

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Styxhexenhammer666 said:
What level of autism am I witnessing here.
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I think you mean "genious". Your welcome :smug:

Styxhexenhammer666 said:
It's like being in the tenth sub-level of Hell only without the blackjack and women in spandex.
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No, stalker child. There's only 9 circles of Hell and streamers go to the really weird one.
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Red Dye #5 said:
YOU were the one accused of drowning the kid. Holy fuck Dylan, you are the luckiest guy alive. I would by a lottery ticket
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Dylan is real?
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Open Book said:
You two thinking it's Dylan is odd.

According to Samantha if you weren't there he wouldn't be drowning in the first place. Since you also caused him to start drowning.

If you didn't his name would never have came out of your mouth/keyboard.
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I am not going to say your child's name on a drama forum. I did not cause him to drown. As I have explained, he was perhaps ten or fifteen feet upriver and fell in. I was only aware of this when he floated by. I yanked him out because Samantha was busy wrangling your other son. What am I supposed to do, let a kid get flooded down the fucking river and drown?


Leylon Sneed said:
Okay, so I'll bullet point this as best I can:

- muriatic acid, apply this to the existing concrete first
- gauge the damage, if you only have sparring and chipping to about 1/2" then you can use sand and concrete finish to get it close to level (1 part sand, 1 part concrete finish)
- concrete leveler, you mix it up once you have everything pretty much flat, you mix it wet and finish with a squeegee
- once it's all flat you put a polyurethane or enamel finish on top to seal out any moisture coming in from underneath

Do you have French wells off the gutters, or just straight onto the dirt next to your foundation?

Edit
Pressure wash everything first!
Click to expand...
You know I think that might be why my grandpa had muriatic acid. I had no clue. Thanks!
 
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