First he tells me I have BPD, then he tells me I'm a narcissist.
I mean...I'm genuinely not trying to be an ass, and I'm not trying to armchair diagnose you, but you do actually show some signs of the first. Maybe not to the point of clinical significance, plenty of people have traits without meeting diagnostic criteria, and only an evaluation IRL could make that call or make differential diagnoses. Thinking that a young child hates you and feeling the need to continue ARGUING IN ALL CAPS in this thread would both be concerning, though. I'm sure that both Tarl and the courts noticed this. Tarl used it to fuck with your head, because that's what domestic abusers do. They rarely make shit up out of wholecloth, and the cases where that happens usually involve almost spectacular levels of manipulation and cruelty. Instead, they choose partners who actually do have mental health issues, whether that's consciously, subconsciously, or simply survivorship based on who ignores their obvious red flags, and use those issues to paint themselves as the victim and their partner as always being in the wrong. The courts used your obvious instability to decide that you could not - at least at that point in your life - safely care for a child. I'm sorry, but this was probably true. In my experience, courts don't show a maternal preference, but when they don't the default is joint custody unless one parent is very high risk. It's legitimately tragic, but they're very rarely wrong about this. It's much more common for them to err on the side of granting parental rights even when they shouldn't.
This is about as close as you're going to get to compassion, understanding, and validation, spewing your personal life on this site and claiming that you were a perfect angel fucked over by everyone around you. You have problems. The legal system seems to agree, so this isn't just coming from an abusive partner. You can either choose to seek help, or those problems will eventually kill you. Your choice.