🗑️ Trashfire StyxHexenhammer666 / Tarl Warwick - Oddball Occultist Neckbeard (who can make some interesting content) + his many scorned exes

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TerminalBlueIce said:
State governments with any inkling of integrity will typically require their counties with jails to post a spreadsheet of their commissary items and prices so that totally assed out indigent inmates can have family order soap and toothpaste for them. The fact that they just make families cast money into this murky hole of third party jail banking companies without any transparency is going to rustle Styx's jimmies when all of his benefactors are asking why they have to install the shadiest unreliable Chinesium apps on their phone to talk with him in jail.
I hope you're reading this Styx. The commissary drop deadline day in Orleans Parish is on Wednesday so book yourself no later than Friday so you can spend your mandatory 72 hours in the drunk tank cells up front before they issue you your flippy floppies and laundry bag full of your spare onesie, towel, washcloth, and tiny Bob Barker soap and tootpaste and four inch toothbrush. If you ask guards nicely they will give you a shitty romance novel to read and a pen and paper (the pen is just a disassembled ballpoint tube only that you'll have to wrap the paper around so you you can use it with your hand and not just your fingertips). You'll need that to fill out your commissary order as you punch it in item by item in the pod phone. Don't be surprised if they fuck up your order.
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That reminds me! Tarl is going to get to take a nice 72 hour nap next to the shitter again!

Forget about him getting jailhouse ROCKED, he's going to get jailhouse DUMPED. Just imagine that he's finally dozing off to sleep, all of his lovely basketball american inmates have tuckered themselves out and have stopped screaming at each other. Any moment it'll be off to dream of Stolas and retard pussy and when he awakes Jeremy will have bailed him out again.

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* sucks teeth *

Aight we got some fresh chicken. Don't struggle owl boy else I finna tear yo ass!"
 
Mr. Manchester said:
That reminds me! Tarl is going to get to take a nice 72 hour nap next to the shitter again!

Forget about him getting jailhouse ROCKED, he's going to get jailhouse DUMPED. Just imagine that he's finally dozing off to sleep, all of his lovely basketball american inmates have tuckered themselves out and have stopped screaming at each other. Any moment it'll be off to dream of Stolas and retard pussy and when he awakes Jeremy will have bailed him out again.

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According to the guy in the interview I posted, the toilets in the jail he's going to are even more fucked. The cells are setup with two toilets and two sinks since they house so many guys per cell. To have any inkling of privacy you have to not only hang a blanket, but ask the guys on the top bunks nearest the shitters to get down while you go otherwise they can see over the top.
 
IT'S A CONSPIRACY! THE (((RUTLAND MEDIA))) ARE TRYING TO GET HIM PUT AWAY! HE KNOWS TOO MUCH! HE KNOWS WHERE THE TREASURE IS BURIED! UNDERNEATH THREE TALL TREES TO THE RIGHT OF SKELETON ISLAND, UP FROM SPY-GLASS SHOULDER! ARRRGH!

Fifteen men on the dead man's chest—
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for Styxhex —
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

"Shenanigans afoot; my legal counsel was apparently unable to attend the zoom call. Meanwhile the Vermont legacy media was there. The plot thickens."

(Isn't his "legal counsel" his mom?)

 
Locust Day said:
Isn't his "legal counsel" his mom?
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His lawyer was a guy named Jerry, or Jared. It was probably a public defender appointed for his case with Sam(I actually don't know if he was appointed counsel or Jeremy hired him). He doesn't realize that his PD was done with his case when he entered his plea. Any trouble he gets into on probation is separate from his criminal charges. A violation is a lower burden of proof for the state, so hiring, or at least consulting a lawyer would be the smart thing, but from the notes on his appearance it didn't sound like he brought up that he had an attorney who wasn't present.
 
Stinkum said:
Tarl: (speaking over the judge) May I... May I speak?!
Tarl: (speaking over judge) May I speak before the court please?
Tarl: May I speak before the court briefly please?, just for a moment.
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What I would give to hear the actual audio from this. I'm sure it was in the same whining voice as "Awww my hat, can I pwease keep that on?" 😁



Nig Nog Neanderthal said:
My money's on the hat trick.
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Not just any old regular hat trick... the elusive Tricorn Pirate Hat Trick! :punished:🏴‍☠️
 
break these cuffs said:
Some more research material for Tarl about his soon to be peers. Here's an interview with a guy from Brooklyn who did a year in the parish jail. According to this guy they had 10 man cells and shit there is so wild dudes had handguns on em.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=q9Zm4yaN2uE
He needs to kiester his glock or at least a blunderbuss.
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For those not in the US, to put this in perspective: Tharl is from a remote state that is almost all white and semi-rural, with an exceedingly low crime rate. The type of place where you might run into a dindu once a year at a truck stop. He has been living in Mother's hovel there as a shut-in, and is about as street smart as an inbred pedigreed housecat.

New Orleans prison and jail system, where he is wanted, has some of the nastiest dindu criminals in the country, with a sky-high murder rate. The place is literally filled with the offspring of freed slaves brought over from stone-age mud huts in Africa just a few generations ago, who have evolved in the US into multi-generational criminals. I am talking about guys who have been street brawling and committing armed robberies since age 11 on the streets. Hardened sociopaths and psychopaths.

This whole internet larp he has been doing all these years, acting like the smartest guy and the tough guy who walks around limp-wristed carrying a sword, is over. The time to FAFO irl has come. We have arrived at the FO chapter.

This video about the prisons in NOLA is no joke. Sthhhtyx announced to us that he is the incarnation of Satan while laughing and taunting us about burning with him there; well, he is about to experience the Hell realm that exists right here on earth. Welcome to the prison system in NOLA.
 
Is Ignatius J. Reilly more appropriate of a moniker at this point?
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