Decided to read myself some modern Spidey. Like most people, I dipped on Spider-Man during the clone saga. I never got back into because every time someone would mention Spider-Man, it was in relation to how fucking bad it was. But I was thinking, why not at least give it a shot?
Coming Home contains two big storylines. The first is Spidey's battle with Morlun. Morlun is this vampire dude who drains the life force from 'totems' in order to survive. Spidey is warned of Morlun's coming by Ezekial, a guy with spider powers who has one of the most obnoxious first appearances in comics' history.
Ezekial: "Peter, I am about to blow your mind with what I'm about to say!"
Peter: "I hear that all the time."
Ezekial: "Did the spider bite you because its a spider or did the radiation give it the power to bite you?"
Peter:
Okay, so I figured out right away that JMS is one of those writers who thinks he's a lot smarter than he actually is.
After getting his mind blown by Ezekial, Pete does a little soulsearching and winds up at his old high school. While there, he notices that its gone in the shitter and decides to become a teacher to protect the white nerd getting bullied by a bunch of black kids. Next issue, JMS pulls an UNO REVERSE CARD with a school shooter who turns out to be a white nerd!
So, anyway, Ezekial donates a bunch of money to the school on Peter's behalf, Peter turns down his offer of assistance, and Morlun attacks. JMS, in addition to being the smartest man alive, is also the funniest. Before Morlun attacks Spidey, he spends five issues dicking around New York buying clothes, eating chocolate sundaes. He cracks wise about outfits making his butt look fat and other similarly lame jokes you might see in a Cathy strip. JMS doesn't treat his villains seriously. He can't help but give his villains witty one-liners that aren't funny and undercut the seriousness of the threat they allegedly pose. Its not just Morlun, but also a villain who goes by the name of Carlyle later in the book.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with a bad guy having a sense of humor. But a character's sense of humor should match the character's personality and their role in the story. Morlun quipping like Carrie from Sex and the City doesn't make sense for an ancient, mass murdering monster.
Morlun fights Spidey for about two issues. JRJR really shines here. Romita as an artist tends to half-ass the talking scenes. His action scenes, however, are next level. There's a lot of energy and power in the art which really brings the fight to life in a way that's so rare in modern comics.
Spidey eventually wins by giving himself radiation poisoning. You see, it all goes back to Ezekial's original question of whether the spider bit Peter because its a spider or because the radiation gave it.. you know what, fuck it. I still have no idea what kind of monstrously retarded point JMS was trying to make with that spider thing.
After killing Morlun, Peter goes home and passes out on his bed. Aunt May shows up and sees Peter's suit on the floor. She figures out he's Spider---OMG ITS 9/11 WE NEED TO DEVOTE AN ISSUE TO HOW MUSLIMS AREN'T AT FAULT AND HOW CHRISTIAN PREACHERS ARE JUST AS BAD AS BIN LADEN---Man and confronts him with the revelation. They then talk it out in a boring, terribly written issue. Just to be clear, I have no issue with how Aunt May and Peter are portrayed here. I just think its overwritten and needed a few more drafts. Like, imagine you're JMS and you're drafting this conversation between two characters 40 years in the making. You write down everything you want them to say to each other. Then, if you were a better writer than JMS, you would craft the dialogue so the characters would convey their point of view in their individual voice. If you're JMS, you're just going to say "fuck it" and make your notes the dialogue.
Finally, we get an arc about Peter apologizing to Mary Jane, but its so fucking boring and Peter just comes off like a huge cuck I'm not gonna talk about it.
Overall, its not great. Peter is starting to lose his edge and turn into his modern cuck self. Its not quite there yet, but its still painful to read. The Morlun fight was fun, I guess.
Rating: 7/10 (purely for JRJR's art)