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Dark Crisis #2: Or the Great Pussying Out.

They rip off a bit from Five Years Later Legion (Chameleon getting shit in the head only to survive by moving his brain to his stomach at the last minute) to keep Beast Boy alive though it's implied he's going to be irrevocably disfigured from being shot in the face by Deathstroke. Also, they chickenshit out on Chubacabra's death flat out ignoring the artwork from the first issue by saying Dick actually DID get the bomb off Chubacabra and throw it out of the way to avoid anyone getting hurt.

And the raid on the Titans Tower doesn't have any real casualties and Deathstroke gets his ass kicked by Nightwing, with John fighting Cyborg Superman (who gets kicked when he is down by Cyborg, complete with one-liner from Vic where he complains about having to share a name with Hank). Deathstroke is forced to abandon ship by Pariah, who states "he's not wanting to kill all of the heroes" just fuck their shit up.

Also, Pariah's plan to "restore the infinite multiverse" is mentioned again, though technically DC DID already do that with Death Metal; though Pariah got kind of screwed over in that his particular Earth didn't get brought back and the Great Darkness (controlling Deathstroke) exploiting this to destroy creation again because "reasons".

Also, Black Adam is a cunt to John and demanding to be made leader of the new Justice League and Deathstroke stating he's also gunning for Dr Light II, Supergirl, Blue Beetle Jamie Reyes, ethnically ambiguous new Wonder Woman, black gay Aqualad, Damien Wayne, and Firestorm apparently even though the image was of Ronnie not Jason.

Finally, Green Lantern gets a full on reset going on: the Corps are all alive and well and powered up with Jessica Cruz now with a Green Ring and Kyle Rayner back up and about. Sadly Joe Mullein gets shilled by Kyle. So most likely we are now decanonizing the abortion that is the Thorne GL series where he wiped out the Green Lantern Corps again.

Supposedly issue #4 of Dark Crisis is supposed to be a huge issue/turning point for DC continuity/canon with Hal and Pariah having a huge fight in #3-4. But by God the whole thing is such a nothing burger at this point.

Also, Amazing Spider-Man #5 tries to un-Mary Sue Tombstone by having Spidey team up with Digger (a gamma mutate from JMS's run) to fuck up Tombstones' new criminal empire and the implication that Black Cat is the only person Peter's still on good speaking terms with, at least before the finale pages where Aunt May takes Peter back after badmouthing him in the first issue of the new run.

Also, looking forward in a couple of weeks to the final (chronological) New Mutants Epic trade coming out. I have a big soft spot for the final three issues of New Mutants and the Kings of Pain crossover.
 
MirrorNoir said:
Firestorm apparently even though the image was of Ronnie not Jason.
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That makes me wonder what the status of Martin Stein is given his role in Superman Theory back in Doomsday Clock, which I assume is still canon. My best guess is that he is in custody, but that makes me wonder if Ronnie is going solo as Firestorm again or if someone else is in the passenger seat.

MirrorNoir said:
Finally, Green Lantern gets a full on reset going on: the Corps are all alive and well and powered up with Jessica Cruz now with a Green Ring and Kyle Rayner back up and about. Sadly Joe Mullein gets shilled by Kyle. So most likely we are now decanonizing the abortion that is the Thorne GL series where he wiped out the Green Lantern Corps again.
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It appears to be a selective retconning as John Stewart was still the Emerald Knight in Justice League #75.
 
This is a joke, right?
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RangerBoo said:
Not to sound like a self hating sexist but these comics and characters were made by women. Specifically white, college educated, upper middle class women whose only interaction with gay people is from binge watching RuPauls Drag Race and from living in places like Seattle, Portland or LA.
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Why is it always white college women who make characters and comics like this?
 
MirrorNoir said:
It's garbage; most notably embodied by the writers making Earth 3 Donna Troy instead of Wonder Woman or Lois Lane, so they can keep up the "Donna Troy: Mass Murderess" thing DiDio and the Finches seem to want to push to defile Donna like they did Wally.
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I read it, it wasn’t too bad. I don’t care about Wonder Woman’s dumb fetish-fuel characters and I have no idea who Donna is, so her being Superwoman meant nothing in the long run, I mean she’s literally the same-old Superwoman.

They should’ve focused more on the three characters people actually care about in the Crime Syndicate, Ultraman, Owlman and Superwoman. Emerald Knight was boring and Atomica without Johnny is irrelevant.
 
Kup said:
I read it, it wasn’t too bad. I don’t care about Wonder Woman’s dumb fetish-fuel characters and I have no idea who Donna is, so her being Superwoman meant nothing in the long run, I mean she’s literally the same-old Superwoman.
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It is just MirrorNoir being autistic. Somehow Lois is not defiled by being Superwoman, but Donna is.
 
Mr. Zed da Robot Poon Fed said:
YoungRippa's Rippaverse has been announced.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=3gW45amgwOA
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He's currently streaming live as of me posting my reply here. So far he's talking about the launch but not much about the actual content. Apparently, his artist is someone who worked for DC and Marvel. He keeps hyping up the Rippaverse as the killer of the Big Two and that's a big claim if I've ever heard one.

The characters and art in the trailers is nothing to write home about, to me at least. The launch title is 96 pages for $30.
 
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I have finally finished Swamp Thing Vol 5 and 6 here we go


Swamp Thing Vol 5 by Scoot Snyder: Like a lot of the New 52 the continuity here is way weirder then it needs to be. Swamp Thing is a very easy character to do a clean reboot for but instead Snyder opted to do some weird ass retcon where the Alan Moore Swamp Thing happened but it was a fake Swamp Thing and now Alec Holland is the real Swamp Thing because he has his actual human body under his swamp body, but then he looses that anyway at the end of the run and just ends up the same Swamp Thing as before. Really this a big dumb action movie. The art is good and the rot monsters are cool but this is just nonstop dumb action with very little in the way of plot or theme or character development. The writing here is all just Hollywood action cliché linked together and it seems like there is never enough time for anything to really sit or be unique enough so the whole thing just ends up a long series of very samey fight scenes.

Swamp Thing Vol 5 by Charles Soule: I was pleasantly surprised by this run. It is in many ways what I wanted Dough Wheelers run. It focuses heavily on the parliament of trees but does a better job giving them unique personalities and designs. Ontop of that the scenarios faced by Swamp Thing here are more varied then those in the Snyder issues. There really isnt much here beyond standard superhero action, but its all interesting enough. The major issue is here is just that it again feels a little too rushed where there are a lot of major status quo changes without time to really let any status quo to set for them to be meaningful.

Swamp Thing Vol 6 by Len Wein: Its cool that Len Wein was able to write Swampy one last time and I was interested in seeing how he would handle the changes made to the character in his absence. Its a shame then that this miniseries really isnt that good. Len Wein tries to split the difference between classic and modern Swamp thing by using the classic design and having him stalk the swamps for monsters, but also have vegetation powers and vaguely mention some modern developments like the parliament of trees. Writing wise it harkens back to the way comics were written in the 70s but not in a good way, The original Swamp Thing issues did a good job balancing what the writer needed to tell and what the writer could show whereas this miniseries just does the classic comic writing of over explaining what is visible from the page and trying to force uniqueness in the writing by explaining things in overly verbose ways which add nothing. Like one issue starts by describing how different writers imagined the end of the world versus how it was happening on page, while another asks "What is most strange on this page? The people tied up by vines or Swamp Thing being evil?" Its writing for the sake of padding a word count. It doesn't help too that 4 out of the 6 issues in this miniseries are dedicated to a very bland combination of the first Arcane story, Woodrue's attack, and Love and Death. None of this is helped by some very ugly and inconsistent art which does a bad job at building the atmosphere for this type of book.
 
Snyder's run is very funny to me due to what he did with Arcane. Moore's usage of Arcane is well know and I guess on paper it makes sense to build him up as the big bad of Swamp Thing. In an attempt to do that Snyder adds so much stuff to him that it all backfires and he becomes an irrelevant monster-man at the end. For me it was a perfect example of more is less. Soule managed to rebuild him a bit, but even then he was just a high profile henchman for a more interesting villain. Wiki says that he recently appeared in JLD issues, I wonder if they managed to do something decent with him there.

As for Wein, more time passes more I think that Wrightson did way more than just drew those first 10 (+ short story) issues. I remember that the last one credits him as co-plotter, but I'd guess that he likely plotted earlier issues as well.
 
ChampFantana said:
I've been re-reading Ennis' run on Punisher MAX, and man is that run one of the best things I've read in all of the funny picture books.
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It's remained in my top 10 ever since I got into it and it's easily Ennis' best work. It's a shame that Leandro Fernandez couldn't have drawn the whole book but there was some good art on there. I loved how Ennis didn't shy away from the fact that Frank is a monster who just happens to go after the right targets, but gave him enough humanity to not alienate the audience without making him too soft. Makes me wish that instead of something like The Boys or Crossed, he could just stick with serious, gritty crime dramas because when he's not trying to be offensive, he can make some pretty good stories.

Speaking of Ennis, The Pro is still to me the biggest waste of potential ever made. A hooker gets powers and instead of being a superhero she goes out to make as much cash as she can servicing johns? That could have been good. And instead he spends more times pissing on the Justice League than doing anything all that entertaining.
 
Arthur Morgan said:
It's remained in my top 10 ever since I got into it and it's easily Ennis' best work. It's a shame that Leandro Fernandez couldn't have drawn the whole book but there was some good art on there. I loved how Ennis didn't shy away from the fact that Frank is a monster who just happens to go after the right targets, but gave him enough humanity to not alienate the audience without making him too soft. Makes me wish that instead of something like The Boys or Crossed, he could just stick with serious, gritty crime dramas because when he's not trying to be offensive, he can make some pretty good stories.

Speaking of Ennis, The Pro is still to me the biggest waste of potential ever made. A hooker gets powers and instead of being a superhero she goes out to make as much cash as she can servicing johns? That could have been good. And instead he spends more times pissing on the Justice League than doing anything all that entertaining.
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I never did understand why Leandro didn't draw the whole thing. Goran Parlov's art is pretty bad, but at least it's not as bad as Howard Chaykin's.

I don't know what my Top Ten would be, but that Ennis run would definitely be in the top 3. I even like Preacher, even though I whole-heartedly disagree with it's theological stances. The Apocalypse War from Judge Dredd would also be on that list.
 
GranDuke said:
Snyder's run is very funny to me due to what he did with Arcane. Moore's usage of Arcane is well know and I guess on paper it makes sense to build him up as the big bad of Swamp Thing. In an attempt to do that Snyder adds so much stuff to him that it all backfires and he becomes an irrelevant monster-man at the end. For me it was a perfect example of more is less. Soule managed to rebuild him a bit, but even then he was just a high profile henchman for a more interesting villain. Wiki says that he recently appeared in JLD issues, I wonder if they managed to do something decent with him there.

As for Wein, more time passes more I think that Wrightson did way more than just drew those first 10 (+ short story) issues. I remember that the last one credits him as co-plotter, but I'd guess that he likely plotted earlier issues as well.
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Wrightson only did ST v1 #1-10 and the House of Secrets story. Len Wein lasted until around #14, which led to bit a trouble if you were collecting the original run as for YEARS DC refused to reprint the last four Wein issues and only reprinted the Wrightson drawn stuff.

As for Ennis and Punisher, I prefer to only acknowledge the original 12 issue mini (Welcome Back Frank) and the follow up mini, Punisher War Zone that came out in the late 00s. Ennis had no fucking clue what he was doing after the original mini and Detective Soap trauma conga line got tired real quick.

Also: spoilers for X-Men Hellfire Gala

Emma gets turned down by Mad Men's John Hamm, who goes off to flirt/dance with Jean Grey with Scott stating that he's given approval for Jean to fuck Hamm if she wants which is super odd to say the least since Jean was dead when Hamm got popular/Mad Men came out

Tony Stark finds out that Xavier/Magneto mind-wiped Reed so he can never make tech to mask mutant cloaking devices ever again. Emma finds out too and tells Scott, along with informing him about Moira and Xavier/Magneto being monsters who let everything bad happen to mutantkind. Scott in turn tells Emma that Mr Stasis is Mr Sinister but with a club on his forehead and the one running around on Krakoa and who fought the X-Men and fucked up countless lives like Scott's, is a fake.

Gwenpool appears in cameo along with Eddy, the mascot of Iron Maiden at the Gala.

Moira doesn't skin Mary Jane but puts a collar around her that lets her remote control her/put a hologram mask around Mary Jane's face to reveal herself to others. Moira basically pulls Proteus aside and tells him that she never fucking loved him, that he wasn't a product of rape (which was the big freudian excuse that made Proteus so eager to kill and harm others), and that she withheld treatment that could have preserved his original body to optimize his reality warping power so he could be part of the Five.

Cypher realizes MJ's being controlled and Moira escapes through a portal with Wolverine, Spider-Man, and Scalphunter in pursuit (with an editorial note stating we'll have to wait a couple of months to see how that plotline ends in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man). Moira reappears at the end of the issue with blood on her hands (most likely Scalphunter's given his random inclusion into this plotline) and hands over the names of all of the Five, who oversee the resurrection process, to the Eternals so they can massacre them.

Iceman invites Firestar to the party and it's implied that Emma, in spite of telling the world that resurrection tech isn't for humans, went out of her way to clone Firestar's dead horse Emma murdered as part of her plot to mindfuck Firestar to be her pet assassin. Wanda oversees the "election" of the new X-Men with Sunfire, Rogue, X23, and Polaris leaving and being replaced with Forge, Havok, Iceman, and Magik joining Jean, Scott, and Synch as the new X-Men. Oh and everyone one Krakoa hates Firestar, calling her a "cop" for being an Avenger and Scarlet Witch is the one who announces the new X-Men roster.

Oh and Forge hates Scott for snitching about mutant resurrection and won't tell him anything about his works since only Quiet Council folks have clearance to ask about what he's doing.

Emma also tells Clea to fuck off when she shows up to demand Dr Strange get resurrected. And Tony Stark flirts with an idea for an alliance with the Chinese guy who colonized the moon of Mars (who crashes the Gala) but seems to back out of the deal due to the the guy being a prick.

Oh and Orchis is filing appeals to get every mutant related murder conviction on the books overturned since mutants can't die now. And Dr Stasis and a bunch of robots secretly get access to Krakoa via Moira and looks like plant a ton of bombs somewhere, possibly the secret nursery where Krakoa is making the seeds for it's medicine. And there is a joke where Spider-Man tells Doctor Doom that Jimmy Hendrix and David Bowie are mutants and are going to be resurrected and Doom openly pondering whether or not Bowie was a mutant.

Then there is Immortal X-Men (which has to be read after the Gala), which I can officially say is probably THE main X-Men book at this point.

It's an Emma spotlight issue, going with the rumors that each of Gillen's 12 issues will focus on a single POV of a member of the Quiet Council

Emma is now sleeping in her diamond form to keep Xavier from probing her mind illegally.

The backlash against the X-Men hording resurrection tech begins as a woman who lost her husband in a recent boating accident throws blood on Emma near the end of the gala and Xavier informing the Quiet Council that a young man dosed himself with mutant growth hormone and killed himself thinking the X-Men would resurrect him .

Sinister wants to open back up his cloning farms for the elite with the bonus of secretly putting dead men switches in all of the new clones so they can kill world leaders on a whim. Emma responds by outing the fact that Doc Stasis is claiming to be the real Sinister and Sinister goes for a run and is about to save scum escape to stop Stasis when Destiny stops him by calling him coward .Sadly, Sinister gets vanished in a violent flash of light which Destiny indicates is first strike for the upcoming X-Men/Eternal war (Sinister being a prisoner of Eternals is confirmed in the prelude mini that came out this week too).

Oh and Sinister has save scummed already and stated that he doesn't survive the events of Judgement Day. And Emma again, privately regrets burning Firestar's horse alive but hinges it on a "but...." by claiming that Firestar was asking for it by giving the horse a basic bitch name like Butter Rum.
 
@MirrorNoir I don't know how they do it, but they make the X-Men bullshit so fucking boring. It's just constant smugness and setting up shit that won't happen. Either give them actual fucking conflict or don't. It's like reading a fucking Nation of Islam blog post where they go on about how great they are yet evil whitey hates them for no reason. Neo-Nazi ones are at least entertaining because they'll go off on the banking system and how they're paranoid as fuck about if their friends are feds.
 
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