Something Awful and Friends - The roller-coaster train-wreck embarrassing downfall of a Web 1.0 giant and its tick offspring like from Cloverfield

[Blagher]

Tacking onto the list of "former goons that Lowtax failed to make a profit off of", along with Mega64, Yahtzee, etc, toss Chapo Trap House on the list, Felix Biedermann is a long-time goon, and I think the rest of them had accounts at one point too.

iirc Felix left for Twitter around the same time most of FYAD made the exodus from FYAD to Weird Twitter.

You got night vale, yogscast, total biscuit. LPing in general. That guy with the glasses was raking in hundreds of thousands a year by solely being the only real site dedicated to nostalgia reviews. SS could have had probably more than that

 

[Ghostse]

You got night vale, yogscast, total biscuit. LPing in general. That guy with the glasses was raking in hundreds of thousands a year by solely being the only real site dedicated to nostalgia reviews. SS could have had probably more than that

Who would have ever guessed TB would lose the 'Being the last to be consumed by their cancer' race with SomethingAwful.

 

[negativlad]

You got night vale, yogscast, total biscuit. LPing in general. That guy with the glasses was raking in hundreds of thousands a year by solely being the only real site dedicated to nostalgia reviews. SS could have had probably more than that

KC Green is/was also a full-time goon at least around the time he was making Anime Club and his highly autistic semi-autobiographical comic series. If lowtax had set up a storefront, the goons buying up This Is Fine dog and Dickbutt merchandise would probably pay for his forums AND he could upgrade to Carlos Rossi

 

[0 0]

THE SOMETHING AWFUL AD-POCALYPSE!

(NOTE: If you're a goon and you're reading this, just make an account and join in on the fun! Nobody hates you innately for being a goon, and we're just laughing at stupid goons with no sense of humor. If you're laughing with us, you might be a stupid goon, but at least you have a sense of humor!)

(ALSO NOTE: Unless you have an account, you'll be greeted with a loud video if you try to view a Something Awful direct link and are blocked by the paywall.)

LATEST UPDATE: The itty bitty baby meltdown and THE SUPER ULTRA-OMEGA FINAL (not final) MELTDOWN: TURBO EDITION

For the past decade or so, an old ad for the Goon sector of EVE Online had a spooky homophobic slur in it. Only recently did a goon actually notice it, and so they naturally posted a thread flipping out about it. Because the ads are integrated into the forum itself, they cannot be blocked by normal ad blockers unless each individual ad is manually blocked. Not only that, but both a moderator and an admin, in all their self-aware and tactful nature, inadvertently signaled for trolls by trying to appeal the screeching masses and revealing that they cannot identify who buys ads, nor could they remove them. Furthermore, it was revealed that only a down and dirty rewrite of the programming code for the forums would fix them not being able to do so, and if history has anything to show, that is certainly not going to happen.

As a response, an anonymous user added more offensive advertisements which linked back to the thread complaining about said advertisements. Despite it being blatantly obvious (and also conclusively proven) that the person buying the ads was listening, Goons continued to give the mysterious troll constant attention and hissy-fits. After about a week or so of tantrums, Lowtax stepped in to do about three minutes of work, deleted the ads, and disappeared off the forums again, and seems to be ignoring (or, more likely, obliviously unaware of) everyone's pleas. It's been theorized that he's struggling to choose between the now mutually exclusive choices of appeasing his userbase or appearing as a good advertiser.

Taking the opportunity, Kiwifarms is proud to announce our own new banner ad for Something Awful!

The best part? It's Lowtax approved! It doesn't violate any rules and, according to many complaining users, Lowtax refuses to remove the ad and will allow it to run until its completion!

Goons are now going into full meltdown and demanding the ad be removed, to no avail. Users are threatening to leave the site (some after over a decade of using it) because of this event.

TIMELINE OF EVENTS:

Spoiler: TIMELINE OF EVENTS

Meltdown #2:

It keeps on going.

Spoiler

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Ad Bundle #1:

"I'm glad they're using slurs that I'm desensitized to"
"WTF THINK OF ALL THE GAYS PEOPLE sorry uh I mean :notmad:"

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Meltdown #3:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=rbusENG6hCE
Here's the responses, but my favorite highlight is Botany still trying his best moderator impersonation.

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Spoiler

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(What the hell is Plant Monster even talking about?)

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Goons try to fight back:

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Somebody bought this ad to "combat" the other ones. I'm certain nothing negative will come from this, especially not even more ads with random racial slurs. Not in the slightest.

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Is Plant Monster just drunkposting?

Ad Bundle #2:

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hey look you called it

Goon Rage-Snark #1:

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Here's a little advice: if a guy keeps making ads linking to this thread complaining about racial slurs in the ads he makes linking to the thread, it means he's reading the thread, along with your hysterical reactions. So, maybe, don't hysterically react. Or at least don't do it in the thread.

Or don't. Whatever, it's entertainment for sane people.

I also like this guy's comment on "bigoted trolls." You don't have to be bigoted to troll someone who can't wait to fall for it. These people react so easily to blatant bait, even your elderly Catholic grandmother would feel tempted to try to set them off.

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Goon Rage-Snark #2:

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Oh man I sure love this forum I've been using for a decade and a half, spent nearly a hundred dollars for accounts with avatars, user titles, and possible unbans, but there's five ads each saying exactly one word a piece and now I think it's the time to call it in, boys.

Some other choice quotes:

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Lowtax does something (because it took minimal effort):

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View attachment 544505 "Success Story"

they had to move the thread to the private mod forum because apparently someone said something that'd get the website on an FBI watchlist

Kiwifarms takes in advertising space:

Lowtax didn't remove ads until he saw this coming on the rotation today lol

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(Edit: I'm mistaken, it's still in the rotation.)

Evidence:

Yessir.

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You can't browse all the ads anymore (hmm...) but that doesn't stop it from showing up in the rotation anyway!

Hello, SA Goons and potential posters! Enjoy your stay, however brief it may or may not be.

The first Kiwi Ad reactions:

While still on topic of the newly christened Kiwifarms SA ad, this is the thread to monitor for responses. It's meant for the ads people too dense to use adblock would see, but people have also been using it to whine about the banner ads as well.

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(Also reading this post reminded me how dated and grating Lowtax's sense of humor is...)

Aww, they're already talking about us! How sweet.

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I'm pretty sure Lowtax exiled himself from the here for being outed as a deceptive, technologically incompetent sleazebag, so good luck with him both A) posting here asking for us to stop and B) us listening. Or actually just C) doing anything in general.

Kiwi Ad Meltdown #1:

@Null Look what you did.

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"Why would SA advertise a forum for 'doxxing' people???"

[muffled noise of helldump thread in the distance]

Kiwi Ad Meltdown #2:

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THE FORBIDDEN FORUM

Also I was wondering why somebody whose post I documented earlier was probated in under an hour after I posted it and saw him last. Well, this is why.

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They love us, they really love us!

Goon Props:

Well, time to get two other pieces of cardboard scotch taped together and write "graphic design" on it, too.

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Kiwi Ad Meltdown #3

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"No, they don't have a thread about Something Awful." [shares information he'd only get from viewing the thread on Something Awful]

In other words, hi Eric.

Also, somebody has a special request:

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Post your Lowtax x Null fanfictions, everybody.

Pretty much half of the thread admits that they're reading this thread in one way or another, but none of them want to post here. Come on, talk to us! It's free!

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The thread complaining about Kiwifarms is locked now, but he's all the new posts.

Spoiler

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Market Research

The guy claiming 2 clicks per hour isn't good doesn't really have the insight to make a call like that.

I have very limited analytics because I use an open-source alternative to Google Analytics, but this is what I can see from the 17th onwards, which includes 3 days before I put in the ad. It should give you an idea of how it squares up.

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Sonichu.com is always the #1 referrer because of people new to Chris.
The msn.com one I don't actually know and it is anomalous: on one day we were apparently on the front page of msn.com.
8ch.net / 4chan.org / tumblr.com are linking to the threads we have on animal abuse.
Something Awful's paid-for traffic comes in under that.

So besides a very popular wiki discussing the most famous lolcow of all time, the frontpage of fucking Microsoft News, and organic traffic about what is probably the largest story we've had all year, the $30 advertisement I've gotten is the top referrer to the entire site.

Now it's worth noting that this tool can only monitor referrers that actually leave their referrer information in, and many, many privacy tools remove it. FireFox has a built in privacy feature that removes it. So the actual amount of traffic for these links and others is broadly unknown but chances are the percentage of people using privacy tools on 4chan and Something Awful are about the same..

At the current rate we can expect to see 1,900 visits from Something Awful resulting in 8,107 actions and 114 hours spent on the site as the result of $30 spent. Considering the target for that ad is this thread, we can assume those are Something Awful users spending 114 hours in the Something Awful thread. At least, based on what we know about it.

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Kiwi Ad Meltdown #4

It's all quiet for the moment. However, Botany took the time out of acting like he has actual authority and question if he has any actual authority.

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Kiwi Ad Meltdown #5

Mmm, yummy salt.

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Boy, these pixels at the bottom of the screen I have to scroll down to notice sure are making me upset.

Well, the answer is either no, or also no but a way to signal Lowtax exists, he just ignores it.

Also some more good stuff:

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Kiwi Ad Meltdown #6

Hey, remember when somebody said that they should stop responding to easy bait? They didn't listen.

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I do like how Botany talks down another person's baseless assumption but acts like their own baseless assumption is correct anyway.

Also, if I remember correctly, Null bought the Kiwifarms ad the same time the other ads were taking up space in the rotation. Lowtax just didn't care.

The Ads Are Here To Stay!

IT'S TIME FOR A MAJOR BOMBSHELL!

According to a user who privately messaged Lowtax, he confirmed that the Kiwifarms ad is here to stay!

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Thanks for the update, Manky!

Worth noting is voice of reason Bedlamdan actually giving good advice (read: stop taking easy bait that exists to bait you), but gets turned against immediately for having a semblance of logical thought.

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Full responses:

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Kiwi Ad Meltdown: Twitter Edition

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Those ads are paying for themselves.

The replies

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Kiwi Ad Mega Meltdown

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_B0CyOAO8y0
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Kormak didn't listen, as shown here:

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Despite the obvious finality of the situation, that doesn't stop some goons from whining anyway. Then again, maybe if they keep saying we make it a goal for people to commit suicide and that we all have kill counts next to our usernames, it'll come true one day.

Once again, you can tell when a goon is made because they stop capitalizing for no reason and use abbreviations in an attempt to come off as snarky.

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(This guy does have a point, it is indeed 2018.)

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(Atomicthumbs gets bonus points for being especially willfully ignorant, for those keeping score.)

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(However, Kormak gets the triple point bonus for consistent and indignant stupidity.)

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But, then again, some goons get it:

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Full responses:

Spoiler

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The Kiwi Ad Mega-Ultra Meltdown:

Mind dropping a link? I'd like to take a peak for myself, too.

Edit: Found it!

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3869869

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Special request.

Anyway, hi goons! I'm the one doing most of the screenshotting, you should try it, it's a blast!

Speaking of which:

Spoiler

Some of my highlights:

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"That's some pretty gross, weirdo behavior." [makes avatar cropped transgender video game porn]

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"mad"

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I know this was posted before, but this perfectly epitomizes this entire endeavor. The ads were bought for a very specific purpose. It's obvious that it has a very specific purpose. The very specific purpose itself is incredibly transparent. But people still fall for it, and no sensible person can tell that to people without them getting demonized for thinking. Not even a mod.

Q.E.D.:

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While you're here reading this, join in on the fun! It's freee-eee~!

(P.S. it's spelled "doxing.")

The itty bitty baby metldown:

Alright, time to take a look at the GBS thread--

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Oh christ. Well, let's start with just the mod feedback thread.

Speaking of which, uh-oh, somebody reads the thread:

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...But they didn't read me explaining that it's spelled "doxed." That's just lazy.

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I also have no idea what this person is implying. If they're talking about us, we're not really "pretending" to do anything, we just bought an ad.

Also, I have to say that Botany is probably my least favorite character. He needs to be written out of this show, because he's just insufferable to everybody:

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@Emperor Julian You've been noticed.

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Anyway, I'll be screenshotting the entire GBS thread in a separate post, since that'll be one heck of a doozy.

THE SUPER ULTRA-OMEGA FINAL (not final) MELTDOWN: TURBO EDITION:

Somebody in the GBS thread posted a gif of me seeing that our ad has inspired over 300 angry responses:

I will not tolerate being doxed so lightly.

From the GBS thread:

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The poster of the thread has now been branded as a heretic. Perhaps it was for spreading absolute lies about our perfectly civil forum for the discussion of kiwi crop yields.

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_________________________________

Special requests:

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*doxing

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Okay. But only since you said "please."

_________________________________

Reminder: when a goon stops capitalizing and speaks in abbreviations, it's an obvious tell that they're angry and trying to hide it through thinly-veiled snark:

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_________________________________

People being sensible (and most likely ignored or insulted immediately afterward):

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Other highlights:

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@MidUSA

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@Anime is Blood

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@northstar747 and @Ghostse

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@Secret Asshole

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@Ron /pol/

_________________________________

This guy whose username I already forgot also likes being doxed or something:

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_________________________________

This is the last post in the thread:

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Join usssssssss...

_________________________________

Full page screenshots:

Spoiler: Rest In Peace Phone Browsers

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_________________________________

Side conversation:

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Hello!

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Thanks for the advice. Gyazo is fast and I do generally use it, but Null says I have to do it this way. Oh well.

(link to original post with timeline)

Below is the original post which raised the attention of the initial SA ad incident.

These banner ads lead to this thread.
(edit: thread is now moved to mod-only forum (word of mouth is because somebody referenced child pornography...for some reason), but the whining has been relocated to this thread and this thread. The paywall is active, so both links need an account to see. Screenshots of the new threads are here).

Some guy is just complaining because this ad for Eve Online had a slur in it, because nobody has ever read this specific organization of six letters on the internet before:

Needless to say, the ads were made in spite of him.

According to thread favorite FAU, mods can't see who buys avatars, titles, or banner ads, so I guess if you ever want to upset an entire cavalcade of goons, buy a banner ad since you'll be completely invisible to them.

Furthermore, apparently not even an admin can remove banner ads:

So it looks like the website is so masterfully coded that the only person who can remove an offensive banner ad is the Low T himself, mods are helpless to identify the user doing it, and all the users can do is panic as their precious eyes are forced to read a word.

Anyway, here are the reactions to somebody doing just that and buying banner ads with these naughty, naughty words:

Spoiler

You can always identify when a goon is mad when they stop obsessing over proper capitalization and start using abbreviations for their pseudo-snarky responses. My personal favorite is Botany trying to backseat mod without a hint of self-awareness.

 

[Ghostse]

These faggots just don't understand that buying a banner add that just says "faggot" is really dumb and lame, but the reactions it gets from permatriggered losers makes it hilarious.

 

[repentance]

Realtalk from synthy in the faggot banner thread.

 

[DONGS.EXE]

Furthermore, apparently not even an admin can remove banner ads:

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So it looks like the website is so masterfully coded that the only person who can remove an offensive banner ad is the Low T himself, mods are helpless to identify the user doing it, and all the users can do is panic as their precious eyes are forced to read a word.

So.......the only one that can remove banners is LowTax? That MUST be true, because there's no way the Faggot ads would still be up otherwise.

Man, this little quirk could have been used pretty well for some good laughs, and some really creative content. Plus, unless I'm mistaken, it's only 8 bucks for a month long ad, so long as you're not selling anything.

Of course, the way things are now, the only thing needed is the word "Faggot" with a psychedelic backdrop to get people to make a thread and spaz out. Lame.

 

[0 0]

So.......the only one that can remove banners is LowTax? That MUST be true, because there's no way the Faggot ads would still be up otherwise.

Man, this little quirk could have been used pretty well for some good laughs, and some really creative content. Plus, unless I'm mistaken, it's only 8 bucks for a month long ad, so long as you're not selling anything.

Of course, the way things are now, the only thing needed is the word "Faggot" with a psychedelic backdrop to get people to make a thread and spaz out. Lame.

I wondered (read: not considered) what the reaction would be if somebody bought a banner ad that just led to this thread. I wouldn't advise it since it would cause more harm than good and this thread would become a mess, but I still like imagining people freaking out about it on Something Awful seeing as we're considered internet boogymen. Mods would probably panic-ban suspected Kiwis just out of a frenzy.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

Anti-tranny banner when?

 

[Anime is Blood]

Anti-tranny banner when?

I think if people started using the only part of the forum that is safe from thought policing to do things like that then something would definitely be done. The word "Faggot" is probably a low priority thing but if you make one that says "TRANSGENDER PEOPLE CAN BE MENTALLY ILL. GENDER DYSPHORIA IS A MENTAL ILLNESS" there would be so much screeching that Lowtax might pull himself out of the closet he is watching his wife get fucked from and actually do something.

 

[Poop A Loop]

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You can always identify when a goon is mad when they stop obsessing over proper capitalization and start using abbreviations for their pseudo-snarky responses. My personal favorite is Botany trying to backseat mod without a hint of self-awareness.

It's the funniest defensive behavior response to things they don't like. I can't help but lose my shit anytime I see someone on that forum types something up with no punctuation or capitalization like that because it's like some weird textual expression of a goon pouting. I wonder, do they type like that on their Facebook pages or to their families in text messages when they're triggered?

That strange behavior has to be one of the best examples of the cargo cult hugbox that SA has cultivated. Do that anywhere else and people would just think you're an idiot who failed English, but on SA it just means you're buttmad about something someone said.

 

[whatever I feel like]

So it looks like the website is so masterfully coded that the only person who can remove an offensive banner ad is the Low T himself, mods are helpless to identify the user doing it, and all the users can do is panic as their precious eyes are forced to read a word.

Well thats not too bad. All they have to do is wake Lowtax up, an easy task. Right?

 

[byuu]

Well thats not too bad. All they have to do is wake Lowtax up, an easy task. Right?

If he is smart finds a remaining brain cell he will just increase the price for banner ads to cash in on it.

 

[AmpleApricots]

I'm more surprised there are still people without adblockers, but on SA it's permanently 2008 I suppose. Also SA had tons of downright malicious (as in- tries to hijack your browser) Ads in the past and the general response to it was very slow and uncaring.

I could understand Lowtax taking out more offensive stuff, not because he cares (he doesn't care about anything besides his bloated ego) but because it could reduce his permatriggered userbase which he is very dependent on.

 

[robobobo]

No shit mods can't take down the ads, they're money for Lowtax. If anyone thought for a second that he'd have set things up to allow a mod to directly crimp the ambien money flow, well. Think again. Unfortunately for him, he didn't think ahead enough to realize that allowing the mods to chase off half the userbase is effectively also hurting his money flow.

 

[Ghostse]

I'm more surprised there are still people without adblockers, but on SA it's permanently 2008 I suppose. Also SA had tons of downright malicious (as in- tries to hijack your browser) Ads in the past and the general response to it was very slow and uncaring.

I could understand Lowtax taking out more offensive stuff, not because he cares (he doesn't care about anything besides his bloated ego) but because it could reduce his permatriggered userbase which he is very dependent on.

IIRC, you can block the shitty highjack-type ads with a forums upgrade (but lots of people leave them off, to 'support the forums') but the banner ads are just images and cannot be blocked. I don't think anyone's ever bothered trying to adblock them because they're completely innocuous. This latest bout of trolling might be having the easily triggered changing that.

 

[jace821]

Let’s dox goons with banner ads

 

[whatever I feel like]

Its been a year and a half now since the great Trooncaust. Shame that so many of those doxes were fake.

 

[repentance]

IIRC, you can block the shitty highjack-type ads with a forums upgrade (but lots of people leave them off, to 'support the forums') but the banner ads are just images and cannot be blocked. I don't think anyone's ever bothered trying to adblock them because they're completely innocuous. This latest bout of trolling might be having the easily triggered changing that.

I don't bother blocking the banner ads because they're so far down the page that you only see them occasionally by chance.

 

[Bees]

Ten years ago Lowtax personally approved and posted the banner ads. He's definitely too lazy and stupid to have automated that function, so I'm gonna guess he supports the faggot banner. Good on you, Lowtax ya loser.