Something Awful and Friends - The roller-coaster train-wreck embarrassing downfall of a Web 1.0 giant and its tick offspring like from Cloverfield

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
DONGS.EXE said:
"Bias with regards to sexual orientation shouldn't count towards or against anything!"

".....unless we're discussing positions of 'authority'. Then if you're not part of the '90% gay/trans userbase', then you're not fit to moderate it!"

Something like that. Funny thing about that is........if that statistic were flipped, and only 10% or whatever were homo/trans, then they'd just flip their argument and say they need the trans mod because they're under represented. Basically, sexual orientation bias is only a good thing when it benefits them, and they can degrade the straights.
Click to expand...

Why is everyone obsessed with telling everyone who/what they are fucking?
 
Identity Politics is for people so boring and narcissistic that they think everyone else should be as worked up about what they jack off to as they are. If they didn't have their unique specialgenders then they might have to face up to the fact that their lives are dull and failure-ridden because they are boring failures, not because they are oppressed by a vague imaginary platonic ideal of straight white men.
 
The whole genderthing is stupid Clown world shit. Only 2 genders exist..You either have a penis or a vagina. Everything else is role-playing or fantasy. Problem is nobody is around anymore to tell people they are fucking idiots.

Nigga...you were not born to inhale dogfarts. Its not a gender.
 
FAU give the official party line

FAUSUXKSA.jpg



This was in a GBS thread talking about the goon who wanted to walk across of the country for attention/mental illiness reasons
 
Yeah FAU is prone to edgy "kill whitey" shit, with just enough irony for plausible deniability if called out. At least Guyovitch lays his tankie cards on the table.
 
Spunt said:
Yeah FAU is prone to edgy "kill whitey" shit, with just enough irony for plausible deniability if called out. At least Guyovitch lays his tankie cards on the table.
Click to expand...

the tankie shit is wierd cause Communism/socialism is basically dead china vietnam north korea cuba i doubt any of those states would pass a purity test or tankies would just fess up that capitalism gives them a better standard of living than those places
 
Damn you know I popped into the venezuela thread now and again and its weird how they openly talk about the venezuela goons butting heads with tankies or their supporters and talking around how the mods let them thread shit.

I cant decide if the internet help s or hurts these people like once they get into their hug boxes telling them its all someone else s fault vs learning how to deal with their problems one step at a time
 
northstar747 said:
tankies would just fess up that capitalism gives them a better standard of living than those places
Click to expand...

Getting a dyed-in-the-wool commie to admit capitalism is in any way shape or form a good thing is less likely than getting hit by lightning while riding a shark whilst fucking a bear in the ass.
 
These tankies also think posting on SA in TYOOL 2018 is good and fun so their critical thinking skills probably just simply aren't the best.
 
Honestly I was thinking it would be something funny, I didnt read it because of how over-stuffed the OP is with shitty "edgy" jokes, but I just glanced over it and it actually kind of seems like he's in the right.

It seems like basically the internet lawyer equivalent of those companies that go around copyright striking random youtube videos just because they can, hoping that the person will either pay up out of fear or back down and let them have it.
 
Blagher said:
What is lowtax doing now anyways? I thought he needed money so he would be streaming more
Click to expand...

Treating his facebook account like it's twitter since he's banned from the later. Almost every time I actually log onto FB these days at least a half dozen of the updates are from him being "wacky and zany".
 
I thought only his personal account was banned and he was still using the official SA account as a substitute?
 
Ebonic Tutor said:
Treating his facebook account like it's twitter since he's banned from the later. Almost every time I actually log onto FB these days at least a half dozen of the updates are from him being "wacky and zany".
Click to expand...

The Adventures of Lowtax:2050

"Ok Mr. Kyanaka, time for your meds and check up." The nurse says.

"El Oh El, ok whatever grandma." Lowtax says from the hospital bed, opening his eyes.

"Mr. Kyanka, are you going behave for me or do I need to go get Jerry again?" The nurse chides, handing Lowtax the paper cup with the pills and a cup of water.

"Jesus, I'm a fucking jokemaster and sexhaver not a medical man." Lowtax grumbles, shifting the pills in the cup. "Where's my ambien?"

"You ask that every time Mr. Kyanka, and you know you have never been prescribed Ambien while you've been here." The nurse says.

"I am an important person on the internet. Everyone started on my site. We made P-P-P-Powerbook. We made Smashmouth eat the eggs for gods sake. You think that would get a jokeman an ambien or two." Lowtax says, digging in his heels, but the nurse has the 'I'm calling Jerry' look on her face, and he resigns himself, dumping the pills in his mouth. He doesn't even need the water, having had lots of experience swallowing random pills on his path to this place, but they make him drink it anyway, so he does so. He also opens his mouth and does the humilating tongue waggle so the nurse can see he actually swallowed them.

"That's good. See? Not so hard to follow instructions." The Nurse said, checking off the boxes on her clipboard.

"That's what I used to tell them." Lowtax says, "Just follow the damn rules and you won't get banned. Then you never tell them what rule they actually broke, just reply with a gif of a sassy black woman. And if they managed to follow the rules but pissed off a moderator, then you just comb their post history and ban them for forgetting a peroid 5 years ago. That'll teach them for being a gooftroop. " Lowtax chuckles, his laugh turning into a deep cough.

"Calm down, Mr. Kyanka." The nurse said, putting on the blood pressure cuff.

"Of course you could do that when search history worked. Fucking Radium." Lowtax said as the squeak squeak of the bulb timed with tightening sensation on his arm.

The nurse put her stethoscope to the artery and slowly released the pressure.

"Slenderman used to kill people with a stethoscope. We invented Slenderman. We never got any royalties. That girl who killed her friend never even had an account, where's my ten bucks?" Lowtax said.

"Mmm hmmm, that's nice." The Nurse said, having learned long ago to tune out the stories.

"That was back when I had the office." Lowtax said. "Back when I was a big youtube star. I made a video where I broke a zune. That really showed those fucking gooftroops."

"Hmmm mmm...deep breath...and hold...." The Nurse said, moving the stethoscope to Lowtax's sunken chest.

"My wife will get jealous if you keep that up. I had to ban home groan I was gettign so much curvy goonette porn in my inbox."

"Which one is that? Interger?" The nurse asks.

"Integral...no not her. The other one. Umm..she was...um..." Lowtax was lost. Completely perplexed. Like he was searching for a post and it just wasn't returning any results. His face screwed up, and he changed tack. "Look I'm just going to ban you if keep talking about my kids."

"No need to do that, Mr. Kyanka. We're all done." The Nurse said. "Why don't you go down to the common area? You could have lunch in the cafeteria. Won't that be better than eating here alone?"

"Fucking SASS... no one knows how hard it is...managing those people, all the posts...all the complaining." Lowtax muttered.

"Ok, let's get up." The nurse said, taking Lowtax's arm and helping manuveur him out of bed to his feet.

"I mean if you didn't want to look at beecock, you just don't be a bad poster." Lowtax muttered and began shuffling to the common area, muttering about shark week.

The nurse gave a small sigh.This wasn't what she envisioned doing with her life when she went to nursing school, but a paycheck was a paycheck.
She checked her schedule. Next was Mr. Luziore... Mr. Luziore was infamous on the ward for relentlessly trying, and often succeeding in grabbing the ass of the nurse who was checking up on him. Male, Female... even Jerry, it didn't matter. No one was safe from Mr. Luziore's groping hands.
He would be a welcome step up from the patient she'd just seen.

-----

Lowtax looks around the nursing home's common area. Two dozen people sit or slowly shuffle about, all of awaiting the their turn for death to finish off the slowly process they've endured in the most cost effective manner that doesn't descend to actual torture. Some of the staff still try to liven up their slow trip to their final destination, but one can only do so much for those who's senses are muffled in wool and who's minds have dulled to kindergarten safety scissors. One of the non-medical care staff helps one of the more alert residents with a jigsaw puzzle - her mind is alert enough to reassemble the image, but her fingers no longer have the dexterity to put them together and needs the staffer to do it. Some of the other residents are napping, others look like they wish they were able to nap and never wake up again.

Lowtax glances around the antiseptic purgatory that is the rest of his life, full of minds and bodies slowly decaying with age, with both patient and doctor resigned to the knowledge that the final collapse of either or both is simply a matter of time.

"Well, this is still better than the last goon meet." Lowtax muses to himself before shitting his pants.

Epilogue: One of the other residents pushes their walker past as they enter the common area, avoiding the pool of urine and liquified feces spreading around Lowtax. They pause only long enough to croak out, in a whisper laden with emphysema, "Unban keep it real".

Lotax looks down at the pool of shit and piss trailing down his leg, yells "Shmorky", then dies.

(I had a thought about doing this with Lowtax's dialogue being made up nothing but actual twitter/facebook book posts, but then realized that would require actually reading them, and fuck that. No point in looking for posts on SA, no one posts there anymore.)
 
Last edited:
Ghostse said:
The Adventures of Lowtax:2050

"Ok Mr. Kyanaka, time for your meds and check up." The nurse says.

"El Oh El, ok whatever grandma." Lowtax says from the hospital bed, opening his eyes.

"Mr. Kyanka, are you going behave for me or do I need to go get Jerry again?" The nurse chides, handing Lowtax the paper cup with the pills and a cup of water.

"Jesus, I'm a fucking jokemaster and sexhaver not a medical man." Lowtax grumbles, shifting the pills in the cup. "Where's my ambien?"

"You ask that every time Mr. Kyanka, and you know you have never been prescribed Ambien while you've been here." The nurse says.

"I am an important person on the internet. Everyone started on my site. We made P-P-P-Powerbook. We made Smashmouth eat the eggs for gods sake. You think that would get a jokeman an ambien or two." Lowtax says, digging in his heels, but the nurse has the 'I'm calling Jerry' look on her face, and he resigns himself, dumping the pills in his mouth. He doesn't even need the water, having had lots of experience swallowing random pills on his path to this place, but they make him drink it anyway, so he does so. He also opens his mouth and does the humilating tongue waggle so the nurse can see he actually swallowed them.

"That's good. See? Not so hard to follow instructions." The Nurse said, checking off the boxes on her clipboard.

"That's what I used to tell them." Lowtax says, "Just follow the damn rules and you won't get banned. Then you never tell them what rule they actually broke, just reply with a gif of a sassy black woman. And if they managed to follow the rules but pissed off a moderator, then you just comb their post history and ban them for forgetting a peroid 5 years ago. That'll teach them for being a gooftroop. " Lowtax chuckles, his laugh turning into a deep cough.

"Calm down, Mr. Kyanka." The nurse said, putting on the blood pressure cuff.

"Of course you could do that when search history worked. Fucking Radium." Lowtax said as the squeak squeak of the bulb timed with tightening sensation on his arm.

The nurse put her stethoscope to the artery and slowly released the pressure.

"Slenderman used to kill people with a stethoscope. We invented Slenderman. We never got any royalties. That girl who killed her friend never even had an account, where's my ten bucks?" Lowtax said.

"Mmm hmmm, that's nice." The Nurse said, having learned long ago to tune out the stories.

"That was back when I had the office." Lowtax said. "Back when I was a big youtube star. I made a video where I broke a zune. That really showed those fucking gooftroops."

"Hmmm mmm...deep breath...and hold...." The Nurse said, moving the stethoscope to Lowtax's sunken chest.

"My wife will get jealous if you keep that up. I had to ban home groan I was gettign so much curvy goonette porn in my inbox."

"Which one is that? Interger?" The nurse asks.

"Integral...no not her. The other one. Umm..she was...um..." Lowtax was lost. Completely perplexed. Like he was searching for a post and it just wasn't returning any results. His face screwed up, and he changed tack. "Look I'm just going to ban you if keep talking about my kids."

"No need to do that, Mr. Kyanka. We're all done." The Nurse said. "Why don't you go down to the common area? You could have lunch in the cafeteria. Won't that be better than eating here alone?"

"Fucking SASS... no one knows how hard it is...managing those people, all the posts...all the complaining." Lowtax muttered.

"Ok, let's get up." The nurse said, taking Lowtax's arm and helping manuveur him out of bed to his feet.

"I mean if you didn't want to look at beecock, you just don't be a bad poster." Lowtax muttered and began shuffling to the common area, muttering about shark week.

The nurse gave a small sigh.This wasn't what she envisioned doing with her life when she went to nursing school, but a paycheck was a paycheck.
She checked her schedule. Next was Mr. Luziore... Mr. Luziore was infamous on the ward for relentlessly trying, and often succeeding in grabbing the ass of the nurse who was checking up on him. Male, Female... even Jerry, it didn't matter. No one was safe from Mr. Luziore's groping hands.
He would be a welcome step up from the patient she'd just seen.

-----

Lowtax looks around the nursing home's common area. Two dozen people sit or slowly shuffle about, all of awaiting the their turn for death to finish off the slowly process they've endured in the most cost effective manner that doesn't descend to actual torture. Some of the staff still try to liven up their slow trip to their final destination, but one can only do so much for those who's senses are muffled in wool and who's minds have dulled to kindergarten safety scissors. One of the non-medical care staff helps one of the more alert residents with a jigsaw puzzle - her mind is alert enough to reassemble the image, but her fingers no longer have the dexterity to put them together and needs the staffer to do it. Some of the other residents are napping, others look like they wish they were able to nap and never wake up again.

Lowtax glances around the antiseptic purgatory that is the rest of his life, full of minds and bodies slowly decaying with age, with both patient and doctor resigned to the knowledge that the final collapse of either is simply a matter of time.

"Well, it is still better than the last goon meet." Lowtax muses to himself before shitting his pants.

Epilogue: One of the other residents pushes their walker past as they enter the common area, avoiding the pool of urine and liquified feces spreading around Lowtax. They pause only long enough to croak out, in a whisper laden with emphysema, "Unban keep it real".

Lotax looks down at the pool of shit and piss trailing down his leg, yells "Shmorky", then dies.

(I had a thought about doing this with Lowtax's dialogue being made up nothing but actual twitter/facebook book posts, but then realized that would require actually reading them, and fuck that. No point in looking for posts on SA, no one posts there anymore.)
Click to expand...

This autistic role playing shit is so fucking cringy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom