Should I cut off RubinRemus' balls?

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I'm not afraid to use my cheese-grater if necessary.
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Rubin's testicles are so small and atrophied that it'd be a thorough waste of your time trying to cut them off. You'd waste all afternoon just trying to find one of them, and God forbid you let go of it for a second, you'd have to go looking for it all over again. I have a better idea, you should tie him down and lather up his crotch with birdfeed. The unceasing sensation of his testicles being pecked at will be a constant reminder that he will never be a woman, and if you're lucky one of the birds may just rip his balls off for you. Two stones, one bird.
 
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That emu already ate them, clearly, so you wouldn't need to do any cutting of him to take possession of them...but I'm not sure that waiting for them to come out the other end of the emu will be any more pleasant.
 
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