Shoplifting Tumblrinas

[wardrobeϟmalfunction]

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

#stolecandyfromababy #yolo #swag #2easy4u #easymoney #stickyfingers

 

[Cosmos]

So I just went through some of the shoplifting tags on Tumblr. It was like being in a fucking fever dream. Post after post of justifications, tons of pictures of stolen merchandise proudly displayed (which were referred to as "hauls"), lists of said stolen merchandise followed by a total "saved" number... I literally felt my brain melt out of my ears. It was that bad.

Anyway, here's a haul of my own. And good news! I didn't steal any of it because stupidity is priceless.

Spoiler: This one almost gave me an aneurysm

This is the one that pissed me off the most because LOOK AT ALL OF THAT FUCKING STUFF, SERIOUSLY. @littlebiscuits mentioned this earlier in the thread and I agree with her; people who steal multiple copies of something "just because they can" are fucking infuriating. This bitch stole THIRTY FOUR copic markers, tons of oil color brushes, and 12 facial masks. I know I shouldn't get worked up about these idiots but this post makes it kind of hard not to.

Spoiler: DOWN WITH CAPITALISM

"YEAH, LET'S TEAR DOWN CAPITALISM BY STEALING MAKEUP AND THEN BRAGGING ABOUT IT ON A VERY PUBLIC WEBSITE!!! WE'RE SO BADASS!"

Spoiler: This one is so stupid it's a miracle the person who wrote it even knows how to type

I... I don't even know what to say about this one. No words in the English language can accurately capture how stupid this person is. They're literally trying to paint law-abiding citizens- who, while admittedly not having a lot of evidence, are at least trying to do the right thing and stop these shoplifters from continuing to steal thousands of dollars worth of merchandise- as petty, jealous meanies who are wasting the valuable time of the police officers who protect and serve the public. Oh, no, it's not the shoplifters who are the bad guys, it's those vigilantes who keep trying to make them accountable for their actions! What losers! Don't they know what they're doing is wrong?!

Also, I love that last-minute mention of Ferguson (or some other similar incident). Where the hell did that come from?

Spoiler: It's amazing how Tumblr this post is

The craziest thing about this one is that the reblogs are full of people going "omg that's SO ME!!!" or "THIS IS SO ACCURATE LOL"

Again, going through this tag was like experiencing a fever dream.

Spoiler: I'm clearly the one in the right here

I don't ever encourage or condone death threats, suicide encouragement, or doxxing, but really? The vast majority of the people who think that shoplifting is bad and all of the Tumblrinas who do it are horrible people don't do any of that. Also, I love how OP couldn't help but throw in a "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS" line.

Also, when going through the tag, I noticed that the vast majority of stolen merchandise (like, easily 80-85%) were cosmetics/beauty products, especially high-end ones; hardly anything that anyone actually "needs" or "deserves." It also confirms that literally all of these shoplifters are white teenaged girls.

 

[creamyfanta]

I admit the size and frequency of these hauls has surprised me. This is some proper klepto shit, here.

I would like to give a golfclap to the exceptional individual who advised that she goes lifting in her school uniform, though. During school hours.

A tumblr blog against them actually disproved that they had kleptomania and showed that they are just entitled little shits.

Kleptos steal anything and can't control what they take, and then have no use for it later. They don't preplan their hauls and then go brag about them later. And they also usually have extreme depression and anxiety because they have this compulsion that disrupts their life that they can't control.

This bitches are just bitches

 

[kuniqs]

Who needs drugs when there's Tumblr for free?

 

[kuniqs]

CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER

CHOOSE DIFFICULTY SETTING

EASY​

- Lift cosmetics
- Plead mental illness when caught
- Small town: -40% cops speed, -30% cops perception, +50% chance for first offender bail
- +50% profits on ebay

MEDIUM​

- Lift books, electronics
- Plead racism when caught
- Average size town: +30% better chance to pawn item at set price
- +10% sneak, +10% hide in shadows

HARD​

- Lift cars, plasmas, trademark jewelry
- No pleading when caught!
- Capital: +25% chance to run into drug dep cops, +30% bribe cost, +50% chance to end in federal prison
- +30% meld in crowd, +20% experience gained, +25% better chance to find a thieves' guild

INSANE​

- Smuggle alcohol, slaves and illegal weapons
- 1 maximum hit points - instant death when caught!
- Saudi Arabia: +50% more opportunities for bribing, Much worse repercussions if starting religion is not Muslim, +20% general penalty if Woman
- +30% Conceal Item when wearing burqua, +30% Reaction when Male

 

[autisticdragonkin]

#stoleyourhiggsboson #thatswhyyoucanneverfindit #alsostoleyourgravitons #haul #mybosonnow #liftinglikeapro #fivefingerdiscount

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

So I just went through some of the shoplifting tags on Tumblr. It was like being in a fucking fever dream. Post after post of justifications, tons of pictures of stolen merchandise proudly displayed (which were referred to as "hauls"), lists of said stolen merchandise followed by a total "saved" number... I literally felt my brain melt out of my ears. It was that bad.

Anyway, here's a haul of my own. And good news! I didn't steal any of it because stupidity is priceless.

Spoiler: This one almost gave me an aneurysm

This is the one that pissed me off the most because LOOK AT ALL OF THAT FUCKING STUFF, SERIOUSLY. @littlebiscuits mentioned this earlier in the thread and I agree with her; people who steal multiple copies of something "just because they can" are fucking infuriating. This bitch stole THIRTY FOUR copic markers, tons of oil color brushes, and 12 facial masks. I know I shouldn't get worked up about these idiots but this post makes it kind of hard not to.

Spoiler: DOWN WITH CAPITALISM

"YEAH, LET'S TEAR DOWN CAPITALISM BY STEALING MAKEUP AND THEN BRAGGING ABOUT IT ON A VERY PUBLIC WEBSITE!!! WE'RE SO BADASS!"

Spoiler: This one is so stupid it's a miracle the person who wrote it even knows how to type

I... I don't even know what to say about this one. No words in the English language can accurately capture how stupid this person is. They're literally trying to paint law-abiding citizens- who, while admittedly not having a lot of evidence, are at least trying to do the right thing and stop these shoplifters from continuing to steal thousands of dollars worth of merchandise- as petty, jealous meanies who are wasting the valuable time of the police officers who protect and serve the public. Oh, no, it's not the shoplifters who are the bad guys, it's those vigilantes who keep trying to make them accountable for their actions! What losers! Don't they know what they're doing is wrong?!

Also, I love that last-minute mention of Ferguson (or some other similar incident). Where the hell did that come from?

Spoiler: It's amazing how Tumblr this post is

The craziest thing about this one is that the reblogs are full of people going "omg that's SO ME!!!" or "THIS IS SO ACCURATE LOL"

Again, going through this tag was like experiencing a fever dream.

Spoiler: I'm clearly the one in the right here

I don't ever encourage or condone death threats, suicide encouragement, or doxxing, but really? The vast majority of the people who think that shoplifting is bad and all of the Tumblrinas who do it are horrible people don't do any of that. Also, I love how OP couldn't help but throw in a "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS" line.

Also, when going through the tag, I noticed that the vast majority of stolen merchandise (like, easily 80-85%) were cosmetics/beauty products, especially high-end ones; hardly anything that anyone actually "needs" or "deserves." It also confirms that literally all of these shoplifters are white teenaged girls.

So wait, let me see if I have this straight:
We aren't allowed to call the police, because we'd just be needlessly bothering law enforcement. As though tumblrfags have ever had an issue with that. If we don't know their real name or details, it's a waste of police time, so we can't do it. If we try to get their details in order to alert law enforcement to the illegal activity they are bragging about on a public site, we're doxxing assholes. If we say that posting evidence of illegal activity on said public site is really stupid, we're just haters. And if we claim that they are stealing shit because they're greedy, entitled fuckwits, we just don't understand their protest against capitalism.
That's a pretty complex narrative they've built themselves there.

 

[Splendid]

Normally I'm not really in to doxing or anything like that, but I would really, really, love to see the look on these peoples' faces when if they got doxed.
Watching someone Chris Hanson a bunch of losers would be funny.

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

Spoiler: At least it's a happy end

So we got caught Friday and it wasn’t our fault, we concealed in all blind spots like no one was onto us. After we had everything and more in our bags and we were leaving the mall, I saw 10 mall security following us so I stopped and they asked about our bags and asked why I’m selling things at school and then I looked at my partner and they yelled at me for looking at her and took all my info. After that they said they won’t put it on my record if I go back to every store that we stole from and return everything (btw the mall was filled with 20+ people who knew who we are) and then one of the cops told me that someone ratted us from my school and that it was a teacher. That’s when I realized that my history/religion teachers son was one of the cops. And that I talked about selling sephora things in her class. They let me go but idk if I’ll ever lift again but I’m gonna stay with the tumblr community and I’ll still reblog lifting things and help with tips. Everyone at my school is now gonna know that I shoplifted cause I was balling in the mall while being surrounded by cops. The cops were so rude to us too, they literally laughed in our faces and they stopped at KFC and all ordered drinks in the middle of the food court to embarrass us. They also kept lying to me to try to scare me like the yw would say “all these stores have lp they are good at their job” but I know for a fact none of the stores in my mall, but the bay has lp in stores. They aren’t charging me but I can’t go to the mall for 2 years, great. If anyone wants further details please ask ill answer anything!!

I want to give those cops a high five
I hope this dosn't come off as a-logging but I just love it when everyone finds out the truth and they get all upset for getting caught, as if shoplifting 1000+ dollars worth of money is completely innocent

 

[Chubby_Penguin]

I gotta wonder what most of these brats' parents would do if they found out about their lifting hobby. If I had done something like that when I was 16 like these kids do, I wouldn't have ever lived it down. There's no excuse for wealthy teens to be doing any of this.

This is why parents should check their little angel's internet history and accounts more often. (It's not like these girls are good at hiding evidence!)

 

[LordCustos3]

I'm too much of a puss to steal. I blame my Catholic upbringing.
This one time I was in Wal Mart because I needed a bag of cat food and a bubble stone for my fish. I didn't use a cart and the cat food was heavy so I put the bubble stone in my hoodie pouch so i wouldn't drop it. When I checked out and went home I was sitting on my couch while getting super high. I felt something weird in my hoodie pouch and pulled out the bubble stone, the bubble stone I DIDNT PAY FOR...
https://youtube.com/watch?v=bW7Op86ox9gSo what does my weed addled brain do? Forget about it because it's an honest mistake and bubble stones cost $1.50? Of course not! So I grab 8 quarters out of my laundry fund and return to Wal Mart. I walk around the store (it's like 1am at this point) and leave a quarter in various locations (I had a reason why I couldn't leave them all in one place, but I don't remember.) Then, my weed paranoia sets in and I'm afraid I'm going to be caught loitering the Wal Mart at 1am, so I buy like 5 frozen pizzas and some brownie mix to avoid suspicion.

Total stolen: $1.50
Total spent to make up for the total stolen: ~$40

God I'm lame.

Nah, man, you paid back your karma 40-fold. You are spiritually in the clear.
Besides, brownie mix and pizza are perfect cures for your condition.
Here: as a pick me up, a musical interlude!


I was gonna feed my fish until I got high
I gonna get come kitty litter for the cat but then I got high
My head is still messed up and I know why
'Cause I got high
'Cause I got high
'Cause I got hiiiiiigh

I was gonna go pay for that bubble rock before I got high
I coulda paid like sane and normal folks but I got high
Now I'm walking 'round Walmart and I know why
'Cause I got high
'Cause I got high
'Cause I got hiiiiiigh


Anyhow, back to the tumberlinas:
Ya never see them trying to smuggle out frozen pizzas and brownie mix, because they don't have ambition. You tumberlinas want to impress us: Shoplift something that would take SKILL to steal.
Walk in with nothing. Walk out with a 12 foot curtain rod, a stereo rack unit, a set of hubcaps and a fucking forklift.
THEN I'll be impressed.

 

[melty]

Here's something:

The Tumblrinas got pretty upset about my fake blog. There was a big warning post about how I was trying to lure them into getting caught (not sure how) so "stay safe." Someone also accused me of making threats because I said I'd make another blog, lol.

 

[AnOminous]

Walk in with nothing. Walk out with a 12 foot curtain rod, a stereo rack unit, a set of hubcaps and a fucking forklift.
THEN I'll be impressed.

I used to know a junkie who would walk into a big box store, grab a high ticket item, take it directly to the service desk, and get a "refund" for it. This was a while ago, though, and for good reason, many stores that used to do this now have a no exceptions receipt policy. It helped that he was white and could look affluent (even though he wasn't).

 

[XYZpdq]

I gotta wonder what most of these brats' parents would do if they found out about their lifting hobby.

"Oh no, not my kid. There must be some misunderstanding!"

 

[kuniqs]

When I was around 15 I made lockpicks in my basement with a simple file, from high quality sawing blades. Boy, was that hardcore. ~1 hour of filling to make one.

I was then breaking into other people's basements, stealing few minor things like cigarettes, books or metal tools (I had no money to buy them and really wanted to craft with them), or not stealing leaving the place intact. Just to see what's inside.

One Sunday I was out of igniting tools and desperately in need for a smoke. So I broke into my neighbour's place after his matches. Too bad I timed it so badly he almost caught me during the act. I left without a word, with unlocked padlock and confused neighbour.

I narrowly avoided getting punched in the face

 

[wardrobeϟmalfunction]

I narrowly avoided getting punched in the face

I think after being caught red-handed breaking in using self-made lockpicks ought to have put you in trouble much worse than getting punched...

 

[kuniqs]

I think after being caught red-handed breaking in using self-made lockpicks ought to have put you in trouble much worse than getting punched...

Hell yes, I had a 'talk' with the police (they lazily searched my house to make sure I'm not dabbling with it anymore). Nobody bothered to actually call the police on me, through.
If there's gonna be a lockpick break in the hood then I'm the first on the list of suspects, anyway, so I guess it is a good way to scare away potential thieves.

 

[Megahertz]

also lol at "total saved", as if they would have bought all that stuff anyway. This isn't coupon-clipping or deal-hunting, Everybody knows that makeup is that kind of thing where you own fucktons of it but only use maybe 20%. I'm a huge minimalist so I view that as inefficient as hell, and the out-of-control thieving of makeup just makes some of these girls' pile of uselessness grow larger.

 

[Splendid]

Just a few days ago, if someone asked me if I lifted, I'd think they were asking me about what I do at the gym.
Now...