Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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AnOminous said:
5th edition literally will cause you to become possessed by demons and turn into a demon with unnaturally colored hair and maybe even a troon.
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I can't stand 5e simply due to the type of people I see playing it. From what I've read, the mechanics seem decent enough, but it really seems to have been infested by dangerhairs and SJW types.
 
I've got stories about my inner-city school and my poor family status but I'm a lazy fuck to write pages:
  • Due to an incident in my first-grade class, my older brother had to fight someone else's older brother. (The Incident itself was over pencils and arts, To this very day my parents retell this story once in a while.)
  • In First or Second grade, my parents took me to a doctor due to them noticing some motor tics, I was diagnosed with Anxiety disorder which looking back now, isn't all that far-fetch. Anyways, the school took note of my motor tics and believe I had Head lice (due to me scratching my head frantically) and pretty much kick me out of the school until I clear them. My parents tried to explain it, but the school didn't care, so my parents agreed with them. My parents didn't take me to school for the final week since they refuse to spend money on something that I didn't have.
  • I would get shit tons of detentions for doing absolutely nothing. I sit quietly in class? Detention. I sneeze? Detention. I acted like any other boy in my class? detention. I broke my nail in her class, and the bitch refuses to send me to the nurse's office. Fuck me, had to spend the school day the rest of the school day holding back tears. Anyways, my mother and her got in constant arguments, she did not like me. Got my revenge, though. Beat the shit out of her son when he tried to start a fight.
  • Born in a shitty neighborhood, I could not go out and play even if I wanted too. The few times I did go out and play only reinforce this and if it weren't for my older brother I would have smoked my first blunt. God bless him, don't know what I would have turned out if it weren't for him.
  • One night throwing out the garbage, I notice a fine young black gentleman inside my dad's car. Don't know what he's doing, but I go inside and tell my dad and my uncle who then proceed to beat him until he's black and blue, they even sneak in some punches even as the cops are there.
  • I got in a fight with a girl in my block, shit was lit. And it felt liberating to fight back after being bullied, even as I was a pariah for hitting women, different from my parents who believe me. who were proud of me standing up for myself. Bitch left scars in my face. The glorious thing about it, the bitch always thought of herself as this tough-ass bitch, so getting beat by me was humiliating. She's a single mother with different baby daddies.
  • In high school, Almost all but two of my teachers acted no different than the students they reprimanded, despite being in their late 30's early 40's they acted like manchildren. They frequently used class time to instill their liberal beliefs on us and told us to vote democrats. Was disgusted by their actions that I went right, a bit far-right if I'm being honest with myself. But right nonetheless, got into frequent arguments with them, mostly between race relations between Blacks and Hispanics, and how both of us should unite under one banner against the whites (but not them, they were the good ones). I told them, "I would sooner trust the white man than a nigger." Thinking back on it, I never realize Asians were excluded in their speeches.
  • Race war between the Mexican gangs and black gangs.
  • Family decides to move out of that shitty neighboorhood and into a quiet middle-class suburb
  • TFW my family achieve the American Dream.jpg

738975
 
Pepito said:
I used to play that game a lot when I was a kid. We drove the entire neighborhood crazy by doing it during siesta hours.

I have a few stories about the place I went for my first and second year of high school. I guess you have your own versions of it, it was an "Engineering-oriented" high school; like a regular high school but with 6 extra courses: Tin and Steel Workshop, Carpentry, Electrics and Electronics Workshop, Forging, Technical Drawing and Programming. It wasn't a private institute but you needed certain grades and technical inclinations to apply. As you may have guessed, back in the early 90s, it was a total sausage fest. Let's call it The "Lord of the Flies" Institute for Mentally Fucked Teenagers (The LFIMFT).

Problem was, the place wasn't male exclusive. They were girls alright... a whole 6 of them. Among 1494 students. Why is this important? Well, if you go to a prison and just add a handful of girls among inmates, things will get very nasty, very soon... and that's exactly what happened. Nothing like modern sexual harassment or anything like that (back then we called that "roughing up") but the few courses that had a girl felt the need to prove themselves among their peers. let me snipe a few stories:

We had a game called "Caño la Liga", roughly translated to "Nutmeg, you get it". Nutmeg or "Panna" is a soccer move in which you manage a pass by kicking the ball in between the other player's legs. The idea here was to use a squashed soda can as an improvised hockey puck, kick it around and "score" a point by making a successful "nutmeg" on another player. They were no teams, it worked more on a "deathmatch" set of rules. If you succeeded with a nutmeg, all the other players ought to chase and throw the "fragged" guy to the ground and kick him repeatedly in the butt for 10 seconds straight. Given that a healthy Caño la Liga game consisted of 30 players or more, the receiving end of the butt-kicking ended up with somewhere around 90 kicks per score. Some misguided feet ended up in the poor guy's groin or guts but we always tried to make them half force for "safety". If some asshole got to it with extra strength, the "team" the victim belonged to (it was the dude's class, usually) could jump in and call a "fault" by the act of group brawling or gang banging. Of course, all this was just a big excuse to kick the living shit out of eachother's butts and pass it as a friendly game. What was the prize? well, remember those 6 girls I mentioned? They watched the game like fucking Caesars and that drove us absolutely nuts. I got my share of ass-kicking, same as most of the guys playing this... whatever it was.

At the begging of the first year, in Steel and Tin Workshop, we were introduced to this fellow:

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That's a counter-weighted tin and steel sheet guillotine for girths up to 1.5 mms. It cuts through metal sheets like nobody's business and just as well through human flesh and bone. This machine was supposed to be operated by 12 to 17 year old teenagers on a daily basis. Let that sink in. On the first day (and I remember this to the detail) our teacher told us "This is the guillotine. By the end of the year, someone will lose a finger to it. Let's make sure is not any of you. You got to respect it, love it and take care of it like it is your dying mother". Of course, we all thought it was bullshit. I mean yeah, the thing was sharp as hell and well preserved, we all used it to cut metal sheets at some point but after a few months there were no accidents and we got comfortable with it. Until we saw the fingers fly.
Yeap, one of my fellow students got two fingers cut off right next to me. He was doing his stuff when all of a sudden someone bumped him from behind, made his hand slide through the smooth tin and that was it. He was wearing hard gloves but it didn't matter, his fingers flew 2 feet when the blade went all the way down. The teacher was swearing like a sailor but acted quickly. He recovered the missing fingers and got the kid all bandaged in less than a minute. We never saw the guy again.

Ok, I have a few more but I don't want to make this a long ass post. Let me know if you like my ranting.
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The cutter, it didn't have any safety features? I used to work at a place that had this big machine that cut paper, it could cut a 1500-2000 page stack like a hot knife through butter. It had a laser line that showed where the cut would be made so it was easy to line up and the blade was angled so that it didn't move the stack by having the sloped edge on the side of what was cut away, it looked like magic. To operate it there where two buttons under the table, maybe four feet apart, one on each side of your body. Both needed to be hold down and then the cut was done by stepping on a pedal. It was well thought out.

Back in junior high someone lost a finger every semester. I knew someone that was blind in one eye and due to the layout and safety features of a particular saw she, for some reason I don't remember, had to stand in a position that required her to cross her forearms to operate it. Right hand on the left, left hand on the right, then push the wood through the saw. Otherwise she couldn't really see what was going on and that was obviously unsafe. It worked but after the saw gripped and thrashed around a piece of wood after running into a particularly dense knot she realized "oooh, this is a really bad idea".

We also played a game that could be described as "knuckle". The game was about putting both hands knuckle down on a table, like a gorilla that walks on his knuckles, then the other player had a 1 kroner coin that was ~1"/2.5cm across, put the coin flat on the table then pressed the index and middle finger down on it and shot it like a hockey puck and as hard ass possible into the other persons knuckles. Then they switched, the other person shot the coin at the other guy.

It was not a fun game but it was popular. I might just be imagining it but the bones in my knuckles still feel a bit bumpy.
 
My high school physics teacher used to leave class at the beginning of the period a lot to "make copies." He'd leave and return without any papers, reeked of smoke and had numerous paper cups of coffee in his hands when he returned. He was a weird guy but incredible at math. After a while he stopped collecting homework and we just got to watch videos in class or just talk quietly. At one point he brought an old VHS from home and it was like 20 minutes of a movie then he'd flip channels and a different movie was recorded so it was kind of like a peek into his mind. At one point there as like two seconds of a porno between movie clips and it was when he was out of the room allegedly making copies, so one of the guys got up and kept rewinding it and everyone was laughing.

Aside from his impressive math skills he was kind of a joke and everyone assumed he smoked way too much weed. A few years after I graduated he was in a car accident (but apparently not hurt,) and the cops asked if he was high and he said no but there was literally a syringe of heroin in the seat next to him. He went to jail.
 
Well it’s something that happened after I graduated, but I’m posting it here because rules are gay.

Turns out these two brothers who were the most popular kids in my high school are now scrawny ghoulish crackheads who are both dating the same scrawny ghoulish crackhead girl, and the younger of the two nearly died a few months back because he tried to break into somebody’s house high as a kite on the mountaintops trying to get a Gatorade, and the family who was home shot him after he smashed their window in.

Never particularly liked either of them, they were arrogant cunts, but seeing somebody my age end up like that is depressing.
 
A kid in sixth grade got a 67 on test. The teacher let him retake the test and he got an F, no number score.
He did worse on the retest and that was the only time I saw someone not get a number score on a test until high school.

A kid in my high school got expelled when we were freshmen because he would steal kids' calculators and sell them. They also found weed in his locker.

A senior I was in band class with when I was a freshman annoyed my teacher to no end and would often leave the room to which my teacher theorized he was doing drugs do to his behavior. Years later my teacher was conducting a band at the university that kid went to. After the show was over he found my teacher and handed to him all the sheet music he was supposed to have returned at the end of every school year in high school.

During my junior year, a kid used Grindr and got statutorily raped. A joke around my school after that "Go easy on me I'm only 16." which he supposedly said during the encounter.

A Spanish teacher when I was a senior got fired midway through the year. I never really found out why but the general consensus was students found nude photos of her.
 
"R. B. A. That's where I spent my days. I learned about God's love for me, and how he died to set me free.
R. B. A. You showed me the way. I love you, R. B. A."
We had to sing this, the national anthem AND songs for three different branches of the military BEFORE announcements and BEFORE we could even go to class. Then, before class could even start we had to memorize one bible verse EVERY DAY. I'm still amazed at how much of Psalms I can remember.
 
Successfully pulled off a round of pocket rocket during last period debate class in 9th grade and no one found out. Guess you can call me the master debater.
 
I always had summer jobs but there was one time it didn't sit well with me. Normally the jobs were doing something new in a new place, but one summer my job was at the school I was attending and would continue to attend when the summer ended. As a janitorial assistant. I was gypped!

There isn't much to do as a janitor in an empty building, it was mostly unpacking books and putting them in the right classrooms and there really wasn't enough books to go around to fill all that time, conveniently enough there was also a 3-4 hour window with no supervision at all. The janitor, our "boss", had a lunch period that involved him chugging a bottle of cognac and taking a 3 hour nap on the couch in his office, every day.
Me and another kid worked there that year and with all that downtime we tried to figure out how to play backgammon with an incomplete instruction manual and what I now know was the wrong dice. Having a set of master keys we explored everything, including tons of lockers, cabinets, teachers lounges, offices, weird shit in the cellar, bomb shelter etc. That part wasn't so bad.
We even went into the mythical principals office, the one we sometimes heard about but had never seen, whose job was unknown, the only thing we as students knew about her was that the schools meager spending budget went into buying her a $6k Macintosh so she wouldn't suffer from "computer stress".


AnOminous said:
Wouldn't they just have to beat him blue?
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"I don't get black eyes, because I'm black" - Rampage Jackson
 
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In my freshman year during my shop class, one of the seniors showed up to class black out drunk, sobbing uncontrollably because his girlfriend broke up with him after he texted her saying that he was cheating on her over the weekend whilst still in bed with the thot he was cheating on her with. The fact that she didn’t want to stay with him for some weird reason after that fiasco apparently really got to him, and after spending the first 30 minutes of class crying and explaining everything to the whole class even though nobody asked, he promptly pissed himself and passed out asleep on one of the workbenches in the back. The old man teaching the class looked on with the most disappointed and pitiful expression humanly imaginable, and simply covered the boy with his jacket and went on teaching as usual.

Oddly enough, the next day the kid was back in school, and for the rest of the year he vehemently denied that it had ever happened.
 
One time I took a wet floor sign and put it atop the wall of the bathroom stall and somebody slapped it into the stall as somebody was taking a shit in there and when we heard him we both ran off.

Another time I got caught doing this prank that involves putting ketchup packets underneath the toilet lid, but Idid it the wrong way and the janitor lady burst into the classroom telling me to remove it after I thought I got away with it.

Yeah, middle school were some interesting times.
 
WinterMoonsLight said:
Went to high school with a super religious girl who basically took the Jack Chick approach regarding my friends and I playing D&D.

Early one morning, my friend and I were called into the principal's office. We were confused as to why, as we weren't prone to being troublemakers or bullies. The principal didn't say anything for a moment, just looking at us, then said "so, you boys are into black magic, huh?"

We were flabbergasted, not really knowing how to respond at such a wild accusation. He elaborated, saying someone had informed him that yesterday during lunch, we were "chanting" from several books on the occult and "casting runes" from a silk bag.

I opened my backpack and got out my D&D books and dice and said that these are what we were playing with, nothing to do with black magic and wanted to know who had accused us of being edgelord Satanists/warlocks/whatever.

He told us to hang tight, called the girl in with us, had us show her the D&D stuff and asked her if this was what she reported. She started sperging out, confirming yes, that we were "basically allowing ourselves to be voluntarily possessed" by demons simply by playing the game and that "the game teaches players how to use actual sorcery" and she was scared.

Principal dismissed us, told us to wait outside in the office while he spoke with her. After awhile she came out crying and he brought us back in to apologise. Said he used to play D&D back in the day and he's had issues with her going hysterical at other students over trivial things in the past.

She didn't let it go, even wrote a paper in a creative writing (appropriate...) class we shared called "Dungeons and Dragons: Satan's Little White Lie" and read it aloud, giving me a death glare the whole time.
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Rural high school in the south?
 
Had a friend who would vomit with the slightest provocation. The most memorable example was when somebody put a big booger on a table. I pointed it out and he immediately vomited. In the same school a kid had some kind of anal explosion in a toilet cubicle. Shit speckled walls, as if he had been doing cartwheels in there. His trousers were destroyed, so the caretaker had to wrap him in a blanket and carry him down to his mum's car.
 
My fourth grade teacher was a garbage human who I'd probably confront if I ever saw again and tell her what a terrible person she was. My mom had conferences with her and the principle, that was how bad it got. She got mad at an assignment a girl did, crumpled up the paper and threw it at her, stuff like that. The way she would punish you was to not let you do anything but sit and do work, write sentences, copy the dictionary, etc. It was a rough year for me. She also gave literally hours of homework a night. There were a few fourth grade classes in the school and my best friend was in one of them and literally never had homework and got to go outside every day that it wasn't raining (it was later revealed to be a remedial class so I think that's probably why; said best friend had some kind of learning disability.)

The fourth grade classes all got to go to the zoo for a field trip and the day before our awful teacher reveals it will not just be a fun field trip but that we'll have to carry around a packet of four pages of questions we'll have to fill out during the day. Even worse was the next morning when she said the remedial kids were all "smarter" than us because they all brough clip boards for their packets. For all of them to bring them it would have had to be assigned, not something they each individually thought to do but she made us feel like it was because they were smarter even though they did practically no work.
 
One time a couple of friends from the class above were wronged by some guy. I and them then stole his bag and defaced all his binders and jotters.

I remember clearly writing nigger all over his school diary (He wasn't black btw). On his geography binder I drew a giant swastika on one side and wrote in HUGE text "I WANT TO FUCK MR. (Geography teacher's last name)" on the other. I guess he got to pick which side to show. We broke the pens we used and stashed them to hide the evidence before putting the bag back from where we stole it.
Apparently when he came in the next day he had all new binders. LMAO.

Shock sites were a pretty big thing between me and a couple of friends. We traded them, I used them to freak out a dude and his GF who I hated (Who later ratted on me and got me in deep shit for downloading goatse and tubgirl to the school computers. All I got was a suspension though which was fine cuz it was basically a holiday)

I also made a giant pink poster in microsoft publisher proclaiming a couple of friends of mine to be gay (I used their school photos in it and added text to say it was made by them to come out).
I didn't put it up though because I thought it would be too mean. I showed it to them though and they thought it was hilarious (as well as the rest of the class) so it all turned out OK.
 
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