I’m scared my 9 year old is a danger to my 2 year old. TW:
hildhood assault
My 9 year old at the time of the first situation was 7 and my youngest was under 1. He was rubbing my baby’s arms and legs and ended up moving over the diaper that sits on top of the babies genital area and kept rubbing that specific area. I forcefully told my 7 year old to stop that was unacceptable and he doesn’t want to do it again unless he wants to be in trouble. Maybe less than a week later he went to “hug” my infant goodnight while he was laying on my bed and had to contort his hand and borderline groped his private area (again over the diaper). I yelled more than I ever have in my life to stop which I know was wrong and told him stay away from the baby due to not respecting boundaries. I talked to social workers I know and they recommended boundaries of no touching the baby at all and he wasn’t allowed alone again with the baby. We did this and he started therapy. The therapist said she wasn’t concerned. Fast forward a few months and I let them play while I watched. I checked a message on my phone and when I looked up the oldest who just turned 8 year old (same kid as before) had his hand in a puppet Kermit and the face resting on my infants genital area “while watching tv” again he got in trouble and we told the therapist who again wasn’t concerned. Now he’s almost 10 and my youngest is 2. Last week we were all playing at the baby gate and my 2 year old had his hand on the gate and my 9 year old (almost 10) was stepping over the gate but stopped and looked to me had his genitals resting over my 2 year olds hand.
His dad doesn’t think his son (I’m a step mother but really the only mom he has) doesn’t think he’s showing any odd signs it’s just normal curiosity. I do not. I think it’s scary and red flags he will eventually assault my son more than just over the diaper or through pants. It’s a 7.5 year age gap between them. He has had a bad childhood until I came into his life at 5. I have been told it’s problematic because of the age gap and the fact he’s been informed to stop.
I’m wondering if anyone with experience either a parent who’s child showed signs like this, who’s child assaulted a younger sibling, or a person who’s had an older brother like this can tell me any information on what to watch for, if this is a clear indicator he’s being a predator. I cannot leave my husband because then that means leaving my toddler alone in a household without protection. I cant remove my stepson because his mother is a drug addict and his father won’t allow it. We have discussed if we ever have proof he’s hurting our youngest he will be kicked out. But my husband thinks it’s normal kid behavior and I don’t. In my family, siblings have hurt other siblings like this. So my husband thinks I’m projecting but this to me isn’t normal.
Please help me. Please give me advice. I will protect my child at all costs. As of right now my toddler and I share a bedroom and I plan on keeping that for as long as possible. I’m specifically not having another child because I am scared my stepson is a threat. I should add he’s not a bad kid who shows aggression or anger issues. In fact, he really only cries if he gets a screen taken or something but he’s not a great nor horrible kid in other ways. This is really the most concerning behavior I’ve seen from an otherwise okay child.
Guys I have calmly gone over autonomy and his and his brothers rights to not be touched. I explained why it was wrong. I have gently corrected his concerning behavior multiple times. I understand my original post unedited was quick and flustered but please be a little less quick to being a dick.
EDITING TO ADD I love this kid okay I wrote this angry and fighting with my husband and it bled into this and my comments. I want to help him as best I. Can but I also want to protect my two year old son as well. I can only do so much a the stepparent legally speaking ok. Please stop being so shitty towards me as a mother who is scared for BOTH kids and FED UP watching this happen. Also I yelled very loud a year ago and have tirelessly worked to not yell ever in my house no matter what’s happening so pls chill tf out and find grace and thank god you are not in my situation. Thank you
