random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Crex Crex]

So there's a guy out there whose job it is to literally masturbate female dolphins and pretending he's not some massive pervert and he's doing it for science or something.

Women are faggots.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

It seems the human mind sees a quantifiable score differently than 10 different people telling you you are retarded

I HATE that blurred thing so goddamn much. "Oh I don't want people to see THE PUBLIC EXTERIOR OF MY HOUSE THAT ANYONE WALKING PAST COULD SEE, so I'm going to ask Google to blur it on their map, that way it'll stand out from every other house in the fucking city that ISN'T blurred out, leading people to therefore think about my house and why it's blurred and what I must be hiding inside of it. THAT will be inconspicuous!" You fucking retard. You absolute dogshit cretin. I'm gonna catalogue a list of blurred houses on Google Maps and go on a road trip breaking into them and stealing all their shit. Fuck you

Anything below 75f is for whales or other chunky sea mammals!

One of my favourite things to do on a train journey is when I’m sat opposite some guy in a metal T shirt and I have to figure out what the band name is without asking them.
This has literally kept me amused and mentally occupied for half the west coast line before

I got an immediate warning for calling someone a "wonder bread wop" on /r/thesopranos

It's just a Cyrillic spelling of the Western word "semen". In the Ukraine, Semen is actually a first name and there was a semi-famous Jewish soldier from the Ukraine named Semen Hitler. Wikipedia likes to try and spell it differently in the same way some people try to pretend the planet's name is "your-rann-us" not "your anus", but his name was exactly as in your picture. But with extra Hitler

It'll never be settled since God made both buttocks and breasts in pairs. Had he made one and only one of them in triplets, though, it probably wouldn't be better, since there would be those arguing that asymmetrical motorboating isn't as satisfying versus those arguing that three is better than two.

 

[Gentlebastard]

What a niggerlicious opinion. Thanks Tyquon

Are these real people? They look like if you gave some racist caricature or soyjak to ai and told it to make it realistic. The fucking left one looks like you told an ai to make the pot of greed into a woman.

his bread and butter has always been giant gaping assholes

 

[Eternal Gopnik]

Pedopig wants to be a coastal elite liberal so bad, but he’s a fat rube bum nigger.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I would like to personally thank myself for this outcome

 

[Crex Crex]

So Jack is telling us that a chicken supplier supplies chicken to a chicken restaurant? Give this man a pulitzer prize

There are men who would gladly fuck an anthropomorphized airplane. And men who find worse things attractive, I will remind you.

 

[Cnidarian]

you're preaching to the denizens of the depths of hell rn