random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Cnidarian]

My dog tries to trade toys to the cat for the bed.

She brings things drops them and stamps her foot to get the cat to acknowledge the trade.

So far it hasn't worked but it's such a bizarre and interesting behavior

 

[demicolon]

This shit is gayer than Groyper hot dog eating contest.

 

[GunCar Gary]

we will interrupt you with our classical instruments. You have been warned

 

[Gentlebastard]

The only reason his despair is crushing is because it's contained in his enormously fat body and gravity is no respecter of persons.

GUYS, AT THIS RATE THE STRATEGIC PARMESAN RESERVE IS RUNNING OUT IN 2 WEEKS!

Beautiful, all it's missing is a scooty puff and a shit ton of dandruff.

Most gay men never swallowed the koolaid that they should pretend frankendick is real dick, and they are very upfront about saying they want real dick.

You opened with these words on purpose. That purpose was both humorous and sexual in nature

Your dog needs to get on the level of the stone-trading otter. This little guy knows how to close the deal. Tap the rock to show how strong it is for smashing clams, and the humans will give up a fat fish for it every time!

 

[a kiwifarms user]

[While talking about the Reddit "snoo" logo] Fuck this smug little nigger I want to beat it to death with a tire iron.

Posted this before but it's funnier with the context of it being the Reddit snoo.

 

[Betonhaus]

You had me at woman.

 

[Aunt Carol]

"Just wrote my senator to tell him he deserves to be force-femmed and anal vored #girlboss"

(due to shrinkflation I've lost both height, girth and some hair but I still have the toaster)

If I were a black Palestinian with long covid this is the worst ally I could possibly ask for.

What the fuck is a Russian-style blowjob? Is it just depressing and dry like Russian literature?

Being opposed to fashion, do I propose than men go around naked? No, I want them to cover as much of their gross bodies as possible.

I want to throw stinky food at these people. I want to take away their retard porn. I want them digging the earth for the cure for autism.

I'm hauling my own fat pregnant ass to the fridge to eat brie right now out of frustration.

I don’t think she’s deformed, just weird looking. Smooshed face and spooky eyes.

"Femboys DNI" is the literal only reasonable thing this Mohammadean rapeslave has ever thought or said.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Remember, never hire an Indian, never give an Indian a good hiring interview rating, never give an Indian a good performance review, never give an Indian the correct time of when a meeting is, never let an Indian know if a manager or coworker is looking for him, never accurately tell an Indian the information he needs to do his job, never speak positively about an Indian behind his back, never invite an Indian to lunch, never help an Indian with an IT issue, never help an Indian format a deliverable, never tell an Indian about every problem you find in his code review, and, basically, gaslight and undermine Indians whenever possible.

Hold him down and record his screams, for science.

b r e a d y i n s i d e s

i can also poop anywhere but nobody ever compliments me about it

That sounds insane. But if it were actually true, I would follow it. Can you imagine how amazing it would be to have no wiper after no wiper?

if they want to see the bong tree I will not prevent them

Economies of scale.

Even the aforementioned sex dungeon weirdos who have one of those at home don't know how to install them, because why make it a functioning toilet when that hole could be used for surprise fucking machines instead?

Then I stared into the abyss (the squatty void) too long and realized there's no need for a hole in the wall when the target is already squatting over a hole. And that was messed up enough to bring to mind the stories of the people who seem perfectly nice until you find their brain tumors and secret basement.

Do you think any of these boring, broke perverts will want to house you and your army of neglected toys and literally unfuckable body since your gross butt is off limits?

The only thing I got from this detritus of an article is C.S. Lewis would have loved My Little Pony.

I rediscovered masturbation

 

[Sneed's Feed n Seed]

"He's a 7000 year old demon disguised as a brutal rapist"

 

[capitalBBustard]

you have troon faggotry power which makes you a virgin troon

 

[Autistic Joe]

Imagine being black and not commiting suicide by cops. He isnt going to Nighalla.

Former Cambridge University academic Jason Arday don die afta accuse of magomago

His death certificate might be his only award he received legitimately.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Discuss if the British deserve to live in this thread:

 

[Click reply to view]

Guns, explosions, fast cars, monster trucks, martial arts, extreme sports, rock and roll and beautiful women all still kick ass.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

I just don't think he needed to have gay e-sex with the guy.

People like you are why Hunter Thompson killed himself.

 

[desomorphine]

DSP is like watching those 24/7 aquarium streams except the camera's trained on a diaper shitting narcissist

 

[Gentlebastard]

I might as well make man size rabbit snares that Rube Goldberg machine into a burning cross

spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick?
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!
spring loaded niggerbeater walking stick!

The man was accused of magomago. Of course it was a suicide, what other choice did he have?

The answer lies in the holiest of holies, their porn bookmarks

when I saw him throw that salt-coated hunk of meat into the skillet full of butter, my thought was "Well, at least this one might bring on another stroke."

I want a scene where a tranny tries to shoot himself and then slow-mo matrix dodges his own bullets.

I'm glad someone mentioned the psycho lesbians.

 

[Aunt Carol]

No wonder the child can't shit.

Are you autistic? (Genuine)

The Transgender Science Horses that live in Ernest's chemically-pummeled noggin tell him that he must threaten to kill people or CS Lewis wins.

Understandable. One does not wish to incur the wrath of the womb wizard.

When you live in Clown World, you may as well get rich selling rainbow wigs and floppy shoes.

He doesn't fight the cops like his brother does, he doesn't steal Christmas toys and fuck horses like his mom.

I unfortunately do not keep mental track of the number of toes of every online person there is.

 

[Metamorpho]

I've had encounters with this fag about 10 years ago. All I remember was that he was a faggot, wish I could contribute more lol.

 

[SoleniyKraut]

Bees are our friends. Anyone who hates bees is no friend of humanity and needs to be put down like a mad dog. Or put in a Wicker Man cage and have a swarm of Africanized bees unleashed on him.

 

[Ghostse]

I love Mel's Hole.