random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Tom Arnold Schwarzenigger]

@Zeus Blue Thunder You're still an asshole for not answering that by the way, shithead

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

I actually went inside this guys ventilation system to spy on him for The FSB Kiwi Farms, and hes lying, he doesnt have an eye infection he just fell face first onto the dirt, so embarrasing!!!

"Cyclists could be here" he thought, "I've never been in this neighborhood before. There could be cyclists anywhere." The cool wind felt good against his bare chest. "I HATE CYCLISTS," he thought. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" reverberated his entire car, making it pulsate even as the $9 salt licks circulated through his powerful thick veins and washed away his (merited) fear of the bicycle after dark. "With antlers, you can go anywhere you want" he said to himself, out loud.

Barnum was right. There's a sucker born every minute.

Y'know, I find it absurdly humorous that in the same post you both call out someone for thinking like niggercattle and then immediately use a niggercattle argument yourself

Redditors are so pants shittingly braindead that most times you can just ignore Poe's law and assume they're being earnest with their retarded takes, even on circlejerk subreddits.

The prolapse and shit-related tags sums up the state of the site.

It's just all gay now. Fags killed nerd culture and we're supposed to pretend it wasn't fun before they did so.

Bringing up Dan Schneider in an anime thread is the pot calling the kettle Nigger.

Nigger, she's literally retarded. Are they pretending Down's syndrome is only skin deep?

Yo this autistic dude out there dickin down two women at once without even speaking the language? Bet you he even took a train to and from the shoot.

And you're gonna tell me with a straight face Nippon isn't the land of opportunity?

No telling if we'll be seeing beheaded Africans anytime soon.

The 50s were the good old days precisely because of racial segregation

Nothing gets a true Dutchman more mad than a foreigner complimenting his country.

Living like this sounds miserable, and they want to force everyone to have to think this way.

My future kids will be severely autistic and endlessly bullied, and 80% of the blame lies on this pointless diatribe.

Seven months later, I just want to say I'm glad Kiwi Farms is a thing. If I had tried to make the izzat post anywhere else, it either would have been buried under bots or brown drivel on /pol/ (zuttposting was in full swing at the time), some seething Bharat supremacists on Reddit would have downvoted me into oblivion or some Indian janny would have banned me for le heckin' racism. This is the only place it could have been discussed in depth.

So, thanks guys.

Oh Fatpacks, always so negative! Couldn't you just drop by the thread to make fun of Jeets?

I assume Elon is dumb enough to use Gay-I moderation and Grok decided that suspending a large fraction of the userbase would free up resources that it could use to post Will Stancil rape fanfiction.

Speak for yourself, weakling. I, Prince Vegeta, shall challenge this Amazon to a deathmatch under the covers. Whoever loses, both of us win.

Were you the first one to nut to a Kiwi Farms thread. If not, who was?

4 cm is about 1.6 inches.

Its almost unfathomable. Why would anyone post that on the internet.

I remember hearing an old story about someone who got their cock cut off in a workplace accident. A doctor used one of their fingers as a replacement dick, don't know if its true tbh.

But a 1.5 inch, thats kind of the point where a finger cock would have to be an improvement right?

I mean it's really only ever been funny in a post-meta-ironic sort of way

Oh, you're alive. Huh. I was considering asking Null to mark you Deceased.

Quick dox yourself so we can send you booze

 

[Althalus]

When I first benched two plates, I immediately said "YAYYYYYY!" - Pulled out my wieiner, and proceeded to just slap it against the bar while screaming nonstop. The only problem was that I forgot I was at Planet Fitness and that they only have Smith machines, so it didn't count. Also, I was banned from Planet Fitness. It was then, at that moment, I knew America was decaying and not rewarding real heroes.

 

[Potato Burrito]

The point is that even people with disabilities feel superior to trans people, and just because someone is a cripple, it doesn't mean they have a good heart.

 

[Nickel Silver]

I'm a oldschool coomer, I don't use accounts I save everything locally.

 

[San Marino]

i KNOW you aint reppin 67 like i do nigga. boi u better shutcho goofy ass up when the REAL 67 niggas is talkin. this shit aint no muhfuggin joke, this is SIX SEVEN nigga

 

[Cun75p4rkl35]

"70 year old attempts to drown crippled 21 year old" is a perfect encapsulation of modern times

 

[monstrous bubo]

Hopefully head fucking is kept to a minimum during his travels.

 

[30+GameOvers]

Don't need a condom if you're cumming in a male cat's asshole.

 

[DickMain]

Indie studio, guys, Glitch is just a widdle ol' indie studio, this is what indie studios do guys they collab with the biggest merchandising whore in existence like it's no big deal okay, indie studio, ignore how they are funneling everything into a shitty show made by egoraptor that is thriving off furry porn with only a single pilot, indie studios do this, they have tons and fucking tons of merchandise ready to go ready to shove in your face at all times ok post credits merch drop limited time only, INDIE fuckin STUDIO asshole you got your v-bucks ready, you ready for pomni to fight adam smasher and goku and peter griffin, you got your magsafe charger on your phone right now ready for it, INDIE STUDIO that's what they do man they aren't using the same outsourcing as disney is right now 100% real all natural all INDIE STUDIO, JAX IN A MAID DRESS DOLL KIDS LOVE IT KIDS WANT IT BUY THE SUPER SECRET QR CODE POPCORN BUCKET RIGHT NOW INDIE STUDIO NEEDS YOUR FUNDING

 

[CEO of Gay]

I like to play with model trains so i'm going to take it as a serious question anyway.

You're a coon if you don't see black dick havers as women

 

[Tablet County]

From rubbing elbows with international superstar Rich Evans, to wearing a PVC pipe contraption for Sony.

Pasteurization was first done by a Frenchman which makes it an African invention.

nerd ass nigga talking about some female-to-seconds trannies

Einstein also wasn’t a fat faggot with bitch tits which helped him out in life immensely.

 

[Media Consumer]

Child, you have spent countless hours watching lesbian MILF porn and calling people online niggers over and over. We have seen you watch a 3-hour lecture from some guy discussing a retard named Ethan Ralph. Why are we cursed in this form of immortality?

It was too long. Every morning, I'd go greet my grandmother, pay my respects to those desiccated elders with a false, insouciant smile and… hah. And jack off to MILF porn nonstop. Now, I shall double my MILF porn and forum posting.

 

[Jimmy Dean Bowl]

Don't you besmirch Hitler by tangentially comparing him to the poopy pants hambo

 

[Speedrunner]

Hitler is dead and everyone celebrate the death of Adolf Hitler.

 

[Potentially Criminal]

The KillStream often becomes this ethereal and avant-garde experience that is totally unintentional.

 

[Gentlebastard]

I want to punch this guy in his face, don't know why but I just want to.

She's not at the cup size of consent, you sick fuck!

Looks like the syringe is filled with melted butter. Niggerdom of this magnitude should be considered a type of fraud for the strain they put on the American healthcare system.

the sword of Dame-o-cles now hangs perilously over her head

(Pun not intended but also not avoided)

 

[The Nothingness]

'Assblast a toilet for pride month!' - HelloFresh, literally

Being gay is about getting your ass blown out.

Stop mentioning butt–sex during Holy Buttsex month! You are making the virtue signaling straight women feel uneasy!

 

[Secret Boots]

It's not plagiarism if you jerk off to it.

 

[Guns of the Gaytriots]

"It is very clear that not one single decision in this case has been made in favor of Defendant, Frank Tufano"

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