Chapter 4 Jeopardy of a Fellow
Ugh God what the fuck am I doing with my life. We have a change of pace here though. One would think OP would have rather wanted to write a fantasy setting than whatever that abomination above was.
I’m going to be really tone-deaf to troll fic elements here if there are any since I was not a Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts kid at all. If there are a bunch of JRPG memes I’m going to miss like, almost all of then.
I liked the idea of a post-apocalyptic movie filled with demons and fantasy creatures more when it was called Wizards.
Right dipshit, and fairies are mentioned all the time in the Bible. Then again, this is a Catholic wank setting. Jacob III probably isn’t allowed to read the Bible himself. Also, aren’t those things extremely bad news to dick around with in traditional folklore? If I had to accept the light for any reason it’d probably be so some monster doesn’t turn my kid into a goblin when they’re out playing in the woods.
Pales is an obscure Roman deity relating to shepherding.
Don’t do it bro, I know how these stories end. Also, aliens? Really? I was under the impression traditional religion and theories of alien life weren’t supposed to mix. I’m aware there was that offhand comment by some Pope or other than if the human race discovered alien life they’d be happy to go forth and blesserize them but I figured that was just made out of politeness.
We get a break here. Truthfully the story could probably use more of them, it’s an unfocused mess. Also, missed opportunity to swap out an obviously sci-fi term for a more fantastic one like Fairy Ring.
Dude, your Dad lived through an era where demons smote 3/4ths of the population. Jacob III should have shouted out something like “Begone Satan!” before hacking away, that would have been a much less idiotic way to trigger this exposition. Besides, the fairy already told him Pales was from a race of aliens (assuming Jacob III even understands the idea of life on other worlds. Or heliocentrism).
I’m pretty sure the story is really beneath a twist like this, but if I were writing something like this I’d absolutely have the fairies be deserving of getting their shit set on fire and the friendly one is just using our human chump here as muscle. I’ll give a round of applause if this occurs later.
This is what I mean about the JRPG shit. I have zero idea if this is an obvious lift from some weeb shit. It sounds like weeb shit to me. The vague term “Lesser Titans” also sounds like weeb shit, since these minions are already quite different from the Greek depiction. They also sound like they suck at fighting if this weeb kid can hold off five of them with a random drop from Monster Hunter with very mild wounds.
Look, either have the dude act as quick as lightning and pounce in, or have him just use the lightning bolt attack. Taken literally, saying he acted as quick as lightning using his lightning bolt is like a bad pun. Score another one for the troll counter. Also, come on, I don’t remember an enchanted blade in Christian mythology being able to fire lightning bolts. Hell, our hero has God on his side. How about he can use the sword to say, call down lightning from the sky instead. A lot more dramatic and Biblical that way.
This is a mildly competent attempt at a fight scene I suppose. It’s very showy though, and says less about the skill of the character and more about the abilities of the weapon. Pretty common stumbling point. The idea of a weapon having a healing component may sound overpowered, but I don’t immediately hate it. Kind of reminds me of survival knives that have a compartment in the handle where you can store a pinch of extra supplies. Its again very showy though.
Also, did anyone catch that? Clunkers. So are these things mechanical or what?
Jacob is taking this in rather well for a guy who is supposed to believe there’s no God but Yahweh and that magic isn’t real. Yes, I’m fully aware of decades of rumination from the likes of people like Tolkien, CS Lewis and even GK Chesterton on the idea of Christianity and fantasy elements being compatible, but here it’s so blatant that you’d expect Jacob III to be at least a little standoffish about the origin of this stranger’s powers.
Wow, what a dick. Given the average size of a fairy, I’m impressed their King isn’t small enough to fit in a breadbox. I checked up on those two names briefly. Didn’t find anything right away. Again, I smell weeb shit, but I guess I’m gonna have to stop harping on that. Clearly the author has a vision here
Could have had a scene of them walking through the woods. Show us the devastation maybe? Give us some exposition on how things got so bad if Tamerin is such a dangerous opponent? No? Fine then, how about a little recon? This is the base camp of a set of alien minions. What kind of weird defenses do they have? Do they have any symbols? Is the camp laid out and organized perfectly because they have no will of their own? Is this just an outpost or something a lot bigger? If this even worth attacking? A little more detail perhaps?
Guess not.
It seems Jacob can indeed call down lightning with his sword. Admittedly the idea of there being a thunderclap every time the sword connects a blow is a lot more entertaining than it just being another sword that can shoot beams like its bloody Zelda or something.
Is there a particular reason why a lethal field of flechettes around you isn’t infinitely more useful than just a sword, Tam? The scene makes a big deal about Tamerin being poorly armored and ill-equipped, but you’d think he wouldn’t need much else if his enemies can’t close in on him anyway. Could have solved this by inserting a line about how the flechettes aren’t strong enough to kill the Titans, but it clearly says he cuts a few down as they try to gang up on him. Why can’t he just keep the field up the whole time during battle? Does he need a mana potion? Does the thing need batteries?
So evidently this encampment was everything the enemy had. The battle could have been a little more exciting if the camp had some geography our heroes had to maneuver around, unless it’s literally just a bunch of enemies sitting around a camp fire roasting a pig or something. We’ll never know, because we never had an idea of what the camp looked like in the first place.
This bit was written completely differently from the rest. Either this is what OP wanted to write in the first place, or this is lifted from some bad fan-fiction site somewhere. Pretty dick move if it’s the latter. But at the same time, I have no better explanation for why a story about the End Times suddenly decides to cut to weeb fanfiction out of nowhere.
@Jacob Harrison might want to interject here otherwise I'm probably gonna admit that I got trolled and slink off.
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