Polyamory General - Polyamory drama from Facebook, Reddit, and more

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A tale in two parts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9k4kfc/question_about_sleepovers/ (http://archive.is/2NPKj)
My partner and I have been cohabitating for 10 years. Recently we opened the relationship - Posted 16 Days Ago
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https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9olhdl/my_partner_isnt_listening/ (http://archive.is/G2qjn)
Writing this out, it feels like I should just get rid of this loser ... It's been happening like this for 6 months - Posted 9 Hours Ago
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10 years dissolved in 6 months or less.
 
Also, a weird cross over of r/polyamory and r/nicegirls right here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9ohmhe/always_the_friend_never_more/ (http://archive.is/ns3em)
I have been actively Poly for 5 years now. I have a non-romantic husband partner of 20 years (2 years N/R) I also have a live-in boyfriend of 3 years (living together a year and a half)
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Good god that husband is cucked. If you do the math, as soon as she got a boyfriend she stopped being wife to her husband and he's a glorified roommate now.
I have found myself being so Sapio-sexual that the pool of possibilities is almost nil.
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You need to have a really high IQ to appreciate polyamory.
I am also sad because I really liked my new crush and well today he chose my boyfriend's friendship over me and I just feel really discouraged, like why did I do all that hard work in the first place?
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Who wouldn't want to be the third guy in with a 43 year old crazy lady with a cucked husband and controlling boyfriend?

But, why would he be untrusting or controlling?
The last time he was out of town, the night/morning before he was coming home, I got super drunk and brought someone home and we had sex. This is not inherently a bad thing, but I broke 4 of our 8 agreements in the way I acted, not to mention putting myself in harms way
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Oh.
 
Tanner Glass said:
A tale in two parts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9k4kfc/question_about_sleepovers/ (http://archive.is/2NPKj)


https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9olhdl/my_partner_isnt_listening/ (http://archive.is/G2qjn)


10 years dissolved in 6 months or less.
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They keep saying 'New Relationship Energy thing is a bitch! It'll be fine!'. NRE is just the super special poly term for honeymoon phase I assume. That honeymoon phase is a really key bonding moment for couples usually. With a lot of physical attraction and affection building up.

It honestly sounds like this dude is already one foot out the door and this chick hasn't realised it yet.
 
It's amazing how they debase the most passionate phase of a relationship, because that gets in the way of maintaining multiple low quality relationships.
 
Tanner Glass said:
Sounds like the little kid needs to learn about compersion and stuff that jealousy deep down inside like a good metamour.

This might be the first mother/child or father/child relationship destroyed by polyamory, instead of the usual Boyfriend/Girlfriend or Husband/Wife relationship.
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You clearly missed the one where the dad slapped his teenaged daughter for “overreacting” when she walked in on him and his “meta”
 
Boss Bass said:
You clearly missed the one where the dad slapped his teenaged daughter for “overreacting” when she walked in on him and his “meta”
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Were I that girl's mother, I'd have beaten that man until he couldn't crawl, see, or cry.
 
A bit of a retro look at a r/polyamory poster with another r/nicegirls crossover.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/97zett/do_i_have_a_right_to_be_upset/ (http://archive.is/1URBK)

my partner (22M) and I (23F) have not said we are in a polyamorous relationship yet, but I have told him I am poly and would like to have a poly relationship. He doesn’t know much about what it means so I have been educating him.
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(I am seeing a girl completely separately from him and he knows about her)
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We’ve been attached at the hip for like 3 weeks. Until now. When I first started talking to him a month ago I was aware he had a long distance open thing with a girl from London for a year
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I told him I’d leave him alone and give him space with her.
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All from two months ago, not sure why she is unsure if she's poly because she is clearly in a poly relationship. She is this guy's secondary and she's got her own thing on the side. Seems poly to me (and I've become a bit of an expert now). Let's look forward a month and see how it worked out.


so fucking sick of being a poly person dating mono people that aren’t actually mono because they’re seeing other people but aren’t poly either cuz they arent doing it fucking right

seems like i’m the only person that believes in full transparency honesty and communication

sick of putting myself out there only to be treated like a fucking side chick when i’m the one that’s here for them
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Oh.

I wonder why our unnamed protagonist seemed to choose the London girl over our storyteller?

my bpd life in a nutshell - here let me just shower you/overwhelm you with compliments, love, and affection !! i have a constant need/desire for sex, attention, and validation !! let’s get married !! right now !! if you don’t give me those things in return for everything i do for you i’m going to fucking kill myself tonight !!
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I got my thyroid levels checked and... Everything is normal. I’m absolutely shocked. I have so many of the symptoms. I so badly wanted this to be what was wrong with me. Guess I’m just fucking crazy. I feel like I’m going to be broken forever.
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i had to delete instagram. It gave me so much anxiety. Every time I lost a bunch of followers or didn’t get as many likes on a picture I’d spiral and want to kill myself
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if we’re not too floored by the molly.
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Oh. I guess he didn't want to be with the BPD, anxious, crazy, suicide threatening, drug using, maybe poly chick? I'd love to hear his version of this story about how off the rails this girl when when they were only casually dating for three weeks.
 
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https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9olhdl/my_partner_isnt_listening/

It's pretty clear that Polyamory is just code for "I'm a horrible person"
 
Alpha Loves You said:
It's pretty clear that Polyamory is just code for "I'm a horrible person"
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I was going to rate you :late: because we hit that one last page, but I saw this comment and figured it would be a good segue into one of the more unabashedly awful posts I've seen on that subreddit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9oyixa/cheating_partner_wants_only_poly/ (http://archive.is/DQlWv)
I recently found out that my husband has been cheating on me for over a year. Upon being exposed, he stated that he will not be monogamous any longer.
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To back up a bit, summer of 2017 I was pregnant and he was desiring more sex than I was able to give due to general pregnancy discomfort.
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We have occasionally opened up our marriage on his side only, and I have gone along with it to make him happy (and have since discovered as a way to punish myself - which my husband is very much aware of)
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After a month he suggests that I join them in a threesome, and he makes a promise to buy something I have been wanting if i do it. So we end up having a few not enjoyable at all threesomes.
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... extra anxiety meds just to get through the ordeal. Suffice it to say I did not enjoy them at all.
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I ask him to call it off. He does.
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He tells me once I find about a weeks worth of texts that he had only been cheating with her for two weeks
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I come across more evidence that he has actually been lying to me the entire time
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He bought her a house last winter
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They have grown very close despite her being half my husbands age
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he also says he loves her and he will not end things with her no matter what. He says it is my choice if I want to leave the marriage
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we have kids and have been together 20 years
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I ask him if he sees us as equals and he says he doesn’t
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He also did something (certain kind of threesome[Tanner Note : Probably a MMF threesome]) with her that he told me he would never do with anyone but me. He had not done it before and never has with me.
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He gave that experience to her even though I had been there for him through all of his struggles surrounding that. That betrayal is one of the worst
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TL;DR - Wife of 20 years (while pregnant) gives husband a temporary and conditional hall pass with what is basically an escort half his age because she feels bad she cannot have sex with him due to the pregnancy. She asks him to call it off and he says he does, but he never actually does and goes so far as to buy the escort a house on the side while lying to his wife the whole time - a year and a half. Husband turns around when finally caught and basically "I'm not going to leave her now, take it or leave it" to his wife of 20 years and at least one very small child.
 
Alpha Loves You said:
View attachment 569291
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/9olhdl/my_partner_isnt_listening/

It's pretty clear that Polyamory is just code for "I'm a horrible person"
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Saw this one upthread already. However, this is another thought:

Someone who turns his bad acts around and blames the person on the receiving end is not someone you want to be with. Additionally, it is not possible that he hasn't already acted this way, repeatedly, toward her in ten years.
 
Vorhtbame said:
Saw this one upthread already. However, this is another thought:

Someone who turns his bad acts around and blames the person on the receiving end is not someone you want to be with. Additionally, it is not possible that he hasn't already acted this way, repeatedly, toward her in ten years.
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In the same vein, re-reading that post and several others.

Polyamory sure looks like the relationship version of staying in a job while the company is training your replacement.
 
Tanner Glass said:
goes so far as to buy the escort a house on the side while lying to his wife the whole time -
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The grossest part, to me, was that he was trying to pressure his wife into unwanted threesomes with the reward of buying something she's wanted for a long time, yet bought the other woman a fucking house.

It's evident that he doesn't allow his wife to know the family's finances, uses money as leverage. That is the type of shit they put in those "is your husband abusing you?" pamphlets as examples of unacceptable behavior. I guarantee his wife hardly buys anything except for food and essentials.
 
I'm willing to be charitable and accept that polyamory might work for some people, but there is a very crucial reason why it is not optimal for relationships, and it all comes down to an issue of focus and dedication. If you commit yourself to an intimate relationship with one person, then all of your focus and dedication will be spent on making the relationship work between you, but if you commit yourself to a relationship with more than one person, your focus and dedication has to be divided between them.

This raises two problems: 1) Humans have a limited capacity for intimacy, and the fact that the intimacy has to be shared among multiple people means that the experience is diminished for each new person. 2) Humans are naturally envious, and if the perception arises that the intimacy is being shared unevenly, then jealously will creep in and ruin the experience for everyone.
 
I think you've got a critical detail wrong. Poly people focus not on their many partners, but on themselves. They seem to care only for what they want in the moment. No relationship can survive that.
 
AprilRains said:
I think you've got a critical detail wrong. Poly people focus not on their many partners, but on themselves. They seem to care only for what they want in the moment. No relationship can survive that.
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I think the their focus on their partners is just enough to keep them on the hook for sex and whatnot. It's just the bare minimum of emotional investment with a nice dose of gaslighting to keep their partners around.
 
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