🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

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Will the "MMA" fight between Gabe Hoffman and Ethan Ralph 🐷 happen?

  • YES!

    Votes: 26 7.5%

  • lol no

    Votes: 319 92.5%
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We've a whodunit mystery on our hands, of these candidates who killed/kidnapped Ethan Ralph
whodunit.webp
 
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Truly Rural said:
Can you elaborate on that? Wednesday was drowning in Cancun, Progreso is Friday, tmk at least.

The body of the tourist found lifeless on Cancún’s Chac Mool beach, was identified as Alejandro González. His remains were washed ashore Wednesday, April 23, at around 5:00 p.m.
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From what I can see, two completely different people drowned on two completely different beaches on the same day. One in Progresso that may be Ralph (not confirmed) but sounds pretty close and that Alejandro guy in his 20s who tried to simp/rescue some chick in Cancun, probably after binge watching Titanic thus developing a twisted desire to get life cucked.
2025-04-27 18_46_35-Another tourist drowns in Progreso - The Yucatan Times.webp

https://www.theyucatantimes.com/2025/04/another-tourist-drowns-in-progreso/

2025-04-27 18_49_44-Tourist found dead on Chac Mool beach identified - The Yucatan Times.webp

https://www.theyucatantimes.com/2025/04/tourist-found-dead-on-chac-mool-beach-identified/

The only similarities in each report are:
  • Both news articles are on the same website
  • Both tourists drowned (but on different days)
Does not mean both articles are talking about the same person. So the 40 year old tourist who died in Progresso is yet to be identified.

2025-04-27 18_54_00-Playa Chacmool - Google Maps.webp
 
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Why do people think he was supposed to leave for Colombia on Friday? One of his latest tweets said the event was going to be "next week." Did he actually say he was leaving Friday?
 
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Body washed up in Progresso on wednesday, this person was on the beach with the family. Article
Cancun drowning on wednesday was person with a friend.

I see no indication that this friday article (titled Another tourist...) is about the Wednesday drowning. Looks like 2 tourists drowned, one on Wednesday who was there with family, and one on Friday who was probably alone since he wasn't identified. But then again it's Mexico...
 
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wombat said:
If he did die in a South American prison, maybe it will cause an international stink and Trump will tweet about it. "Beloved, Married, American Father of Two Dies in Colombian Prison Under Suspicious Circumstances." Could lead to Trump finally tweeting about Gamergate.
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Beloved, yeah that's a good start. But maybe written by the journalist Taylor Lorenz. -

Beloved Virginia man colloquially know as Gunt, loving father of two, brutally assaulted and hospitalized Thursday evening by the dreaded Merida Sushi tuffs who remain on the loose.
Ethan Ralph known for being a kind soul, a giver never a taker, cat lover and Roman history and general art/architecture aficionado. Succumbed to his injuries Friday morning deprived unfairly in those last moments of life the love, reassurance and comfort of his ex-wives.
When I informed them of the grave news both beautiful women responded in what could only be described as restrained jubilation in the knowledge the "patriarch" will now join his mother and father in the great unknown.

Gunt, with his Mexican nurse by his side, in those last moments and dying breath managed in his best broken Spanish his wish for his beloved children - his vast collection of sunglasses, Mexican jerseys and ballcaps for them to shit on. Always and even to the end that wry sense of humor.

As his best friend in life Godwinson so elegantly reflected when reached for comment - "He was the best of us, he was the worst of us. But one thing's for certain, he'll not be forgotten.....ummm, what were we talking about again?"
 
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It's absolute lunacy to suggest that he drowned, 1. His blubber would keep him afloat in even the toughest of waves, and 2. he is always filled with enough alcohol that his body temperature would counteract any possibility of hypothermia.
However if he does turn up dead on a beach then I hope the paramedics know to stay away from the body so they dont get hit by debris when he inevitably blows up like a beached whale.
 
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ShootyPee said:
He's been missing for three days
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For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Gunt of Ralph be three days and three nights in the drunk tank of the Mexican jail.

"MY ARRIVAL IN COLUMBIA IS IMMINENT! THREE DAYS IN A XANNIE COMA AIN'T GONNA KILL ME BISH!"
 
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Laquisha Guntermensch said:
For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Gunt of Ralph be three days and three nights in the drunk tank of the Mexican jail.

"MY ARRIVAL IN COLUMBIA IS IMMINENT! THREE DAYS IN A XANNIE COMA AIN'T GONNA KILL ME BISH!"
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I vote for the drunk tank. Ralph predictably gets drunk every time he travels and he’s loud and belligerent when drunk. This has gotten him kicked off a flight, kicked out of restaurants and strip clubs and beaten up in Portugal, among other mishaps. He’ll reappear on Xitter sometime tomorrow when he gets his phone back with some story about how he OWNED those messican cops.
 
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Truly Rural said:
My strongest argument and hope that Ralph is not the drowned man on the beach comes from the fact that at the time he was supposed to be going in other direction
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His booze stricken mind probably confused Colombia with the District of Columbia and he was trying to swim there since he couldn't afford the plane ticket.
 
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