Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

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my boyfriend had been friends with this fat incel since the 5th grade. one day the fat incel hits him up to hang and i'm down to meet his childhood friend so we invite him over.

you can imagine the type. squat, 5'6", scraggly dishwater hair, fat as all hell, and he had eyes so cold and lifeless i could almost hear the screaming of the void whenever i looked into them. i'm not easy to freak out, but i couldn't even look this dude in the eye.

on the walk home from the train he won't stop sperging about some girl he's dating, i'll call her Ronnie. how she's in the hospital, he can't wait to talk to her, etc... he turns to me and says, "I'm in a long distance relationship with a girl who has cancer." i act interested and profess my sympathies.

throughout the night i learn more details about this "internet girl with cancer." she's a "philosophy professor" (who apparently had a shitty, basic, neckbeard grasp on philosophy). she's totally rich, her dad is definitely a billionare CEO of an oil company in Texas, and she's absolutely going to fly him over to her mansion where they'll get married and live happily ever after, delivering him a life of wanton luxury and sloth. in his spare time he'll read philosophy and become a Great American Writer. he shows me a picture of "Ronnie" - it's a cute skinny hipster girl with a pixie cut.

i'm looking at this fat semi-retarded doofus and shit is not adding up.

the moment he leaves i ask my boyfriend, "has he ever talked to her on the phone?" boyfriend says he's not sure. i ask, "has he ever webcammed with her at least?" the answer is no. i break the news to my boyfriend that he's obviously being catfished. then i ask him what he knows about their relationship. they met on a speakers/headphones sperg forum. the "cancer" struck Ronnie right as they began to speak of marriage. every time they're supposed to meet Ronnie's "cancer" flares up and she's admitted to the hospital, and gosh darn it, she'll just have to cancel this time. and that time. and again.

apparently they have a very unique kink. i don't know the word for this because it's probably not furries. they're into cybering as anthropomorphic dolphins.
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okay, i gotta know about this guy now, so the boyfriend tells me more.

he used to room with the guy and the guy was an absolute pig. he inherited $250k from a dead relative and spent it on retarded bullshit like headphones, diaperfur art commissions, and mountains of fast food. he'd order a pizza and a lava cake and eat both to himself. he'd buy shit loads of alcohol and get wasted playing video games. and he never, ever cleaned. since he was riding that inheritance he never worked. his bed was surrounded by wadded tissues and his room "smelled of semen" and he "smelled like cheeseburgers."

he also spent a lot of money on paying phone dominatrixes to call him throughout the day and harass him about what a sorry piece of shit he is. he was apparently only able to masturbate if he gave them $500. this was when his inheritance had been dwindled to its last dregs, making this even more retarded.

he never changed his socks, ever, and because of the horrible hygiene of the environment the house swarmed with flies. eventually the flies laid their larvae on his socks and his feet were infested with worms, which he referred to as his "little friends" and proceeded to do nothing about them.

after weeks of me being astounded at his putrid existence and wondering how the fuck a person like this could exist (ah, my innocent pre-Kiwi Farms days) we decided to stage an intervention of sorts and disclose to him that he was being catfished. he was having none of it. he stopped talking to my boyfriend.

his diet was so horrible that we don't even know how he's still alive. i was working a temp job at a call center once and lo and behold, who plops next to me? he proceeds to make a big show of trying to get my attention just so he could pretend to ignore me. mommy issues.
 
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There's another guy at work I'll call Iggy who whenever I have a private chat with while we're waiting for the bus always talks about his encounters with the Heartless from the Kingdom Hearts series. He'll go on about how they're real try to attack him and eat his socks. (The guy is 20.)
 
This Guy

He doesn't know how the internet works. Expects people to follow these rules

'RULES ABOUT LEAVING COMMENTS This channel only accepts comments by posters who (1) use their real first and last names on their YouTube accounts. (2) Include a link to either their Facebook, Twitter or Instagram account, to confirm their identity. There should be no hiding behind anonymous social media handles. If you are proud enough to write it, you should be proud enough to stand by it publicly: by using your own name. Any and all comments not using the posters first and last names (along with linked proof) will be deleted. No exceptions.'

I am so tempted to show /pol/ this
 
Martin Van Buren said:
So there's a very well-known dramacow in the Deaf community that would result in a very active thread here but almost all of his insanity is in his videos which are ASL and typically 30ish minutes long. I don't really want to give him the views either.

All of the links below are either text posts or videos with transcripts.

His name is Ricky Taylor but he typically goes by Ridor (his spergy blog) or Ridor9th (protected twitter but I can see his tweets) and his backup Facebook account for when he gets banned on his main one is Krona Duncan.

He's a notorious shit stirrer and does all sorts of "callout" videos where he spews shit about people he doesn't like and airs out all of their dirty laundry. For some reason he's obsessed with outing people as he thinks closeted gays are the scourge of earth. He will go on social media accounts of the people he's trying to out and spam LESBIAN in their comments along with making videos about them. For years, he's been tolerated but he recently outed Nyle DiMarco who is like Jesus incarnate right now for the Deaf community due to his appearance on America's Next Top Model and winning.

Some of the bigger names in the community banded together to start a new hashtag - #BLOCKRickyTaylor and threatened to defriend mutuals. It was a hot mess as some of the people were messaging friends who hadn't defriended Ricky to demand that they do it right NOW or lose them as a friend. Some of the people that he had personally victimized started coming forward and dropping truthbombs.

Here's a blog post about it that talks about the hashtag and the outing of Nyle with the posts and all. He went back to delete the posts when the hashtag started to take off.

He's a SJW too but a really fucked up one who just uses it to justify attacking people. Someone more successful than him and actually liked? WHITE PRIVILEGE DEAF FAMILY PRIVILEGE GALLAUDET PRIVILEGE WAHH WAHH WAHH.

When he's not crying about other people, he's sperging about Green Lantern or college sports. Half of his posts are him posting scans and explaining how it's relevant to his current dramafest or just to sperg about how it's the best. It's the college sports where he gets borderline stalkerish. The idiot you see posting in comments about how they won't support that team? That's him. He worships Israel and has a massive hateboner for Muslims and refugees.

Ricky thinks everybody is out to get him which I guess was true for a bit but it's hilarious to see him yell at them for supposedly trying to spy on him like when he did a massive twitter cull. He googles himself all the time and makes a vlog when he finds a new hit. I cannot wait for the day he discovers this post. The vlog is going to be amazing and I'll actually watch the entire thing.

I'm not even close to done listing all of his shit or even get into the group that he's an admin of on Facebook - Deaf Thought Police. The name says it all. More than enough material in there to get a there on the farms too but it's got the same problem as Ricky since it's almost all personal vlogs.

I'll just leave his photo here for now. Enjoy! More to come later including screenshots if there's interest.

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P.S. Hi Ricky! Have fun culling your Twitter followers again to try find me!
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I have had known about him going back around..say- 8-10 years back when he made a vlog making a personal attack toward a friend that I knew at this college and ever since I've been hopping in and out in this group and to no one's surprise- he is the same as I remember him from back then.
 
Dude on Facebook recently came out as a pedo. He alternates between claiming he's coming to clean to get help, and then posting songs he wrote called "Amber alert" that talk about raping a child while she screams.

It all started when he began posting pics of underage cheerleaders. When someone asked him wtf, He went into some long rant that ended up with him saying that he was the man to "sexually dominate her." It all spiraled downhill from there.

It's been going on for days now and the dude won't delete any of his posts. He might turn into a real lolcow soon
 
MetalParakeet said:
Dude on Facebook recently came out as a pedo. He alternates between claiming he's coming to clean to get help, and then posting songs he wrote called "Amber alert" that talk about raping a child while she screams.

It all started when he began posting pics of underage cheerleaders. When someone asked him wtf, He went into some long rant that ended up with him saying that he was the man to "sexually dominate her." It all spiraled downhill from there.

It's been going on for days now and the dude won't delete any of his posts. He might turn into a real lolcow soon
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He already sounds like a full blown lolcow if you ask me
 
I checked up on my Loki obsessed personal cow recently on Twitter. For context, a video came out recently of a nice Disneyland actor dressed as Loki interacting with a little girl in a Loki costume. This lady decided to do some interesting fanart of this.
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Just some commentary, she used to do very similar imagery of her child self back when she was obsessed with Khan from TWOK. The character she wanted to fuck, mind you. When she did sex RP's with her Khan account, Khan's name for her was "Little One". So there's that.
I do think she's gone a bit nuts with her Loki obsession now that she's seeing his visage in her used tissues.
No, really.
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Other then that she tweets political things all day. Mostly boring but occasionally you get something like this.
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Ok.

I found more content from years ago, but not on this device so stay tuned for creepy pairing cringe.
I almost think she could have a thread but her content is restricted to Twitter since she vanished from all other sites after being chased off by imaginary trolls. I should note that she tweets/retweets HUNDREDS of times in day so you need to sift through a lot of political retweets to find her actual content. And I would probably be the only person who finds her interesting.;)
 
I think my biological mother is a perfect example of a lolcow. Her insane antics have been terrorizing the internet since the early 2000s, her presence brings only negativity. It's honestly a shame that I'm related to her, because I would love to share all that I've gathered on her, but seeing as how a small amount of her insanity actually directed at me, I'd rather keep myself out of it.

What about the rest of you? Do you have any family members, or even close friends, that you would consider lolcow material? Do you ever wish you could make a thread on them, but don't want to risk having yourself identified?
 
Hahaha, I suppose you could count yourself. I guess it depends on where you put yourself on the scale, and if you have a family member that you think is a bit more out of control.
 
To be honest, I wouldn't know where to begin. If I were to actually make a thread about her, I would be putting a lot of time into it (time well spent, really). I guess I could mention how she considers herself to be a large part of ASMR and makeup community on Youtube, and spends some of her time harassing other members of that community. In particular, one woman who usually does tutorials features her two sons in her videos from time to time. My mother accused her of sleeping around with random men, saying she didn't know who the father of her kids was, starting a shitstorm in this womans comment section.
She used to create sockpuppet accounts on deviantART when I was 13, and use them to comment on my work, saying it was an embarrassment to art, replying to herself via multiple accounts so that she could agree with herself. She also gave my name to anonymous and told them that I had bullied a girl I had never met into killing herself.
Those are some brief examples, and in no way the peak of her insanity.
 
buns.in.the.oven said:
To be honest, I wouldn't know where to begin. If I were to actually make a thread about her, I would be putting a lot of time into it (time well spent, really). I guess I could mention how she considers herself to be a large part of ASMR and makeup community on Youtube, and spends some of her time harassing other members of that community. In particular, one woman who usually does tutorials features her two sons in her videos from time to time. My mother accused her of sleeping around with random men, saying she didn't know who the father of her kids was, starting a shitstorm in this womans comment section.
She used to create sockpuppet accounts on deviantART when I was 13, and use them to comment on my work, saying it was an embarrassment to art, replying to herself via multiple accounts so that she could agree with herself. She also gave my name to anonymous and told them that I had bullied a girl I had never met into killing herself.
Those are some brief examples, and in no way the peak of her insanity.
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Does your mom have a good pussy?
 
Oh you, making me feel all wary.
Thanks to whoever moved my thread to the correct place, by the way.

Ms. Cegination said:
Does your mom have a good pussy?
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It's funny you say that, there was a brief time when I lived with her, and while browsing her computer being a snoopy magoo, I found all of her nudes. She shaves it bare. Pretty sure she used to send them to randoms in chat rooms she hung out in.
 
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