OpenXcom: The Queaky Defense

[Tavern Explorer]

Ladies and gentlemen of da Queaky Farms, as you know there have been a series of extremely unrealistic events taking place around the world as of late. People have gone missing. Cows have been mutilated and in some cases taken completely. Video evidence has been continually surfacing of strange and inhuman creatures walking around urban and rural areas alike. Basically and essentially, it's been FUCKED UP dude, just FUCKED UP. The nations of the world have agreed that we need to unite, okay, unite and basically take out the tangos dude.

And that's where you all come in. After a long and stressful search our scientists have deduced that the denizens of this farm are just what we need. The colorful variety of skill, wit, dexterity and autism are just what we are looking for in our new world defense force's operators. A periodic draft will begin effective immediately. Special positions will be given to those who take the oath voluntarily, but one way or another you all will be required to do time on the ground, fighting these strange new enemies, okay.

Good luck, soldiers-to-be. We will be the dream, and always remember our motto:

JANUARY 1, 1999

The first team's all lined up and the gear's been purchased. I may change around a few of the rankings once I have a feel for who will be what role, but this is fine for now. A heartfelt thank you to the first brave gamer-Muhreens to join our cause!

 

[Ronald Gaygun]

Everyone is going to die.

 

[OtterParty]

Everyone is going to die.

of fun!

 

[EI 903]

 

[LM 697]

Everyone is going to die.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

GET OUT OF HERE THERE'S NO PLACE IN THIS WAR FOR HIPPIES

 

[Dr. Meme]

I am crazy and i want to kill all other soldiers we arent gonna make it out of this alive

 

[John Titor]

Let's do this thing!

 

[EI 903]

GET OUT OF HERE THERE'S NO PLACE IN THIS WAR FOR HIPPIES

 

[Tavern Explorer]

JANUARY 2, 1999

, all the gear I ordered came in! With colored and varied gear my specialists will be able to be color-coded based on role, with A.N. Armor used for medics, Urban Armor used for heavies and Woodland/Forest Armor used for my sharpshooters.

No reports of tangos yet, but when they come they'll be meeting some tactical motherfuckers, tahaaaa!

 

[Dollars2010]

Send me in.

 

[A-Stump]

 

[Tavern Explorer]

FINE

Send me in.

FINE OKAY FINE, OKAY

 

[exball]

I will be the dream.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

JANUARY 6, 1999

Okay this is FUCKED UP okay, apparently one of them landed in our radar space without us even noticing him. We're gonna show these tangos what happens when you try to pull the fast one on the old commander's eyes, okay, I WROTE THE WOOL BOOK OKAY, I know alllll about this little game and our squad's about to play the checkmate checker-move.

 

[Hyperion]

Send me in.

Dogs can't see green so good luck with those NODs

 

[Tavern Explorer]

Oh WOOOOOW, they just flew away. Gay and unrealistic. Huh, I guess they like, couldn't TYCE their loose ends back home, tahaaaaaaa

 

[Mr. 0]

Oh WOOOOOW, they just flew away. Gay and unrealistic. Huh, I guess they like, couldn't TYCE their loose ends back home, tahaaaaaaa

They still managed to get in your radar space without you noticing.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

JANUARY 10, 1999

YOU WERE SAYING SOMETHING BIATCH?! #ShotDown #SquadMovingIn

EDIT: COMBAT REPORT

Spoiler

Keeping to their Muhreen-trained tactics, CWCissey and Tubular Monkey are the first ones out. The tangos' ship is right in front of the squad, so they take cover behind the wheels.

When he gets off, Mr. 0 fucks around like an idiot and wastes his rocket, only spotting the tango on the roof after he's made himself completely helpless

Strewth unloads quickly to fix the rookie's mistake, opening up with the SAW. He misses every shot.

Pikonic rushes off the ramp and drops to a knee, but he's basically like a tactical sniper of the battlefield so he needs more time to line up a shot.

Shit, the tangos are firing back!

Tubular Monkey has a hole through his chest before he can say "die Chris." Dammit that's FUCKED UP, so much for no losses...

Strewth paid the little muslim back nicely, though.

And Pikonic got his shot off, too.

Okay we've got the momentum okay, just like we planned. Connor takes Tubular's place as number two for the ship breach with CWCissey while the others move around the area.

Dammit you two stahp flirting, there's an op to finish!

The corg spots another tango nearby and--big surprise--she misses

Thank god SOMEONE on the team's like tactical and a good shot.

Meanwhile, the breachers are being like totally tactical checking their corners. CWCissey's corner is fine, and Connor's--shit!

Dude, he actually got the tango Dude that's sick, someone's got some will to live here.

 

[Tavern Explorer]

COMBAT REPORT CONTINUED

Spoiler

Dammit corg! She got in a firefight and missed every shot again. Thank god the tango sucks too, the only thing it hit was Mr 0 so no big deal.

Strewth cleans up yet another newb's mess.

Framer and CatParty stahp their cuddling long enough to join the breachers. I'm nervous having them in here but it's a risk they'll have to take.

The breachers equip their stun rods. There's most likely just one tango one, and heh, we want one ALIIIIIVE YOU KNOW, TAHAAA

WOW, unrealistic. But if it's not in here, then--

Damn!

Phew. Dropped with tactics and grace.

Dude, the fuck?! Pikonic's been sniped from the bluff-side okay, that's FUCKED UP! Corg, get that fucker!

For once the corg soldier pulled through, and we got our first win. It's a good start, gamers.

For his totally chill and tactical work, Strewth has been promoted. He earned this, hardcore. With a little luck, I can see this soldier going far.

And to complement the promotion, a certain two soldiers got medals