Culture My hot trans boy summer - On re-emerging from pandemic lockdown as a boy

My hot trans boy summer: On re-emerging from pandemic lockdown as a boy

At home, I didn't have to check a gender box. The pressure to check that box only exists in public

www.salon.com

My hot trans boy summer: On re-emerging from pandemic lockdown as a boy​

At home, I didn't have to check a gender box. The pressure to check that box only exists in public​

By CHARLIE NELSON JACOBS​

PUBLISHED AUGUST 14, 2021 7:30PM (EDT)​

https://www.salon.com/2021/08/14/my...re-emerging-from-pandemic-lockdown-as-a-boy/#


Two weeks before the pandemic shut the world down, I got top surgery. In the months that followed, I changed my name and started testosterone. Best decisions I've ever made. But puberty in adulthood is a wild ride. Thanks to quarantine, I got to experience the most awkward stages privately: voice cracking, skin getting oily, acne, hair growing on my butt. The only witnesses to my real puberty — in my 20s — were my best friend Sam and my dog Joni. During lockdown, I could feel like a little boy every day. I would run into my living room shirtless, telling Sam and Joni to look at how well my scars were healing. Because of my contained, loving environment, I was able to enjoy a childlike appreciation of the physical changes I'd always dreamed about.

Then it was time to re-emerge with a new name, a deeper voice, and no tits. Everything that was playful and fun about my gender expression at home was immediately complicated by the way people perceive me in public. All of a sudden, strangers see me as a guy. I wish it were that simple. I know that when people see me as a cis man, they're missing something. At home, I didn't have to check a gender box. The pressure to check that box only exists in the public sphere. In private, I feel like I exist outside of the gender binary. That's my favorite place to be.

Which public bathroom am I supposed to use now? I already know what to be afraid of in the women's restroom. I've been wearing boys' clothes and have had short hair for nine years now. Prior to top surgery and starting T, I got very used to people staring at me, struggling to gender me. Or silently judging me. Men seem less likely to say anything, but I guess they're also more likely to murder me.

The men's room is also filled with unknowns. I asked Sam if he ever pees sitting down. "I mean, what if I go into the men's restroom and I go into a stall to pee and then some guy comes in and we're the only two people in there and he hears me peeing but not at the urinals so he figures out that I'm trans?"

Sam said no one pays that much attention. We laughed about it, but I'm still scared. I hate that I have to consider all of this. It's always a question of which fears are realistic, which problems I should actually be prepared for. I still haven't used a men's restroom. Usually, I just hold it.

I just started driving for Lyft again. Before lockdown and testosterone, women were very comfortable talking to me. Not anymore. They get in the car, I ask them if the air is OK, they answer the question and that's the end of the conversation. I turn up the radio so there's no pressure to fill the silence. I don't consider myself to be particularly threatening. My personality hasn't changed. But my voice is lower now, and I wear a mask when I drive. I get it. I know it can be scary to get into a car driven by a man you don't know. I guess I'm on the other side of that dynamic now — and yet I still need to keep pepper spray in the driver's door, because I also have to be prepared for the danger a strange man can pose to me.

The men I drive feel way more comfortable talking to me now because they think I'm one of them. They call me "man" every other sentence. I wonder if that's just their way of saying "no homo." I'm still grappling with what masculinity means to me. The only thing I know for sure is that I don't need to say "man" all the time.
As I'm re-emerging into the world, part of me is excited to be seen. But I also feel more sensitive and raw, because I'm more myself than I've ever been. Any rejection or judgment feels more personal now. Then again, so does affection and praise.

A few weeks ago, at an art show flirting with a girl I just met, I mentioned that I had gotten top surgery. She just stared at me for what felt like 30 seconds, or a lifetime. Then something clicked for her, and she said, "I never would've known you were trans!" She meant this as a compliment. I guess I felt validated that I passed as a boy. But also, fuck that.

I'm still scared that my landlady will figure out that I'm not a girl. I wonder if she already knows. I had a dream that my dog told her. I hate that I'm afraid people will find out.

Because I love being trans. There's something so magical about the feeling I get when I put on a T-shirt and let it fall down over my flat chest. Or when I'm shirtless at the beach and I look down at my body and it makes everyone else's judgments disappear. Or when I kiss someone and feel their hand on my chest, and I realize this is my real chest, and I feel hot, and I think maybe I've never really felt hot before this moment.

CHARLIE NELSON JACOBS​

Charlie Nelson Jacobs is a Los Angeles-based actor and writer with a TV show in development.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

This seems like a real person just enjoying who they are.

If she was enjoying who she is, she wouldn't be getting her breasts sliced off while doping herself with testosterone.

That aside, while she's not doing any of the things that you mentioned (at least, she's not directly doing the first thing you mentioned), the fact that this article exists-- as well as what it sought to talk about-- is still her seeking attention for mutilating and poisoning herself in the name of a sexual delusion.

That's still pretty bad, since a leading motivation for girls and women to become FtMs is social credit, and this article glamorizes the process.

 

[MagmaStalker]

Why it is never a muscular dyke that becomes a dude? I would genuinely be interested in seeing if shoving that testosterone in them artifically does anything for their muscle definition or functionality, or if it is just getting them ready to receive some rowdy fucking cancer.

 

[Aqua Panda]

The interview screams autoandrophilia to me. Especially with how they keep referring to themselves as a small boy.

Good chance they are the type that get off on having sexual relations with young shota like boys (just like thier anime & manga uwu) but the transitioning is just them trying to cover and going for a deep dive into their fetish. Basically a Yaniv like situation, but starting from a biological female starting point.

In the past, this would likely have been an incident of the older adult woman seducing and sleeing with a early puberty boy. Which is still sex abuse despite large portions of society thinking the boy is "lucky" to experience it. (I remember a case of a 29 year old woman seducing a 14 year old boy in my region about 20 years ago. It went on for months and she got pregnant, yet got a slap on the wrist and no jail time over it.)

I'm not nearly as against transitioning as some are on the Farms (I think legitimate gender dyphoria does exist and can be treated by transitioning) but this case is throwing up all the red flags to me. The doctors involved should have made things a way more strenuous and rigorous process.

 

[HondaRider271]

Kiwis, I think the vitriolic reaction to this person is a little overblown.

This seems like a real person just enjoying who they are. Don't know why it has to be news but nevermind.

They're not fetishising young girls, they're not demanding everybody obey their pronouns, they get nuance and social cues, they're not bitter, sex obsessed freaks. Better this be the trans standard than some psychopathic incel who worships their crater of a 'vagina'.

Because it's not a good thing. I might be a nigger hating tranny basher, but I do have empathy for people even if they are retarded. This individual is going to be mutilated for the rest of her life, and the only reason it was allowed to happen is the attitude you are promoting which is "oh it's just a random person enjoying life, what's the harm?"

A- the harm is to them, and why suicide rates are so high for people like her.
B- the harm is to the rest of impressionable young girls who might read this, consider it for themselves, and the society around them says "that's fine, they are just enjoying life, you can enjoy life too if you want."

If you actually look up the science on this stuff, female "transitioning" is like a cultural virus. Male transitioning does not work the same way, for whatever sociological reason. But if one girl in a group of girls starts acting like a boy, many of the other girls in her group will follow suit. Then if one of those girls is in two social circles, it spreads to another, then another.

This girl is a lost cause, yes. She will suffer immensely for the rest of her life, and may never undo the psychological damage that her "doctors" imparted on her. But the only way to prevent it from happening again and again and again is to ridicule her and point out how foolish and short-sighted she was. As callous as that may be, it is the necessary evil to save other people in our society.

 

[Vect]

Because it's not a good thing. I might be a nigger hating tranny basher, but I do have empathy for people even if they are retarded. This individual is going to be mutilated for the rest of her life, and the only reason it was allowed to happen is the attitude you are promoting which is "oh it's just a random person enjoying life, what's the harm?"

A- the harm is to them, and why suicide rates are so high for people like her.
B- the harm is to the rest of impressionable young girls who might read this, consider it for themselves, and the society around them says "that's fine, they are just enjoying life, you can enjoy life too if you want."

If you actually look up the science on this stuff, female "transitioning" is like a cultural virus. Male transitioning does not work the same way, for whatever sociological reason. But if one girl in a group of girls starts acting like a boy, many of the other girls in her group will follow suit. Then if one of those girls is in two social circles, it spreads to another, then another.

This girl is a lost cause, yes. She will suffer immensely for the rest of her life, and may never undo the psychological damage that her "doctors" imparted on her. But the only way to prevent it from happening again and again and again is to ridicule her and point out how foolish and short-sighted she was. As callous as that may be, it is the necessary evil to save other people in our society.

Right, first of all, mocking one trans person in an obscure thread on a forum everybody apparently hates is not going to prevent anything or save anybody.

Secondly, that's your personal view of trans stuff, and I get it. But the point of the article is that she isn't harmed. Thats why I don't think she deserves the mockery, because the transition, ostensibly, did the thing it was supposed to and made her life better. That might change down the line but then thats just speculation at this point. This is an example of a person who transitioned that hasn't become a bitter, toxic, self-obsessed bitch and in relative terms that is a good thing.

I'm fully aware that transitioning is treated as a trend and its being marketed towards kids and things like that and its very, very fucked up, I've posted elsewhere here saying so. But all I'm saying here is that in this one instance, dunking on somebody who is happy with what they are, delusional or otherwise, doesn't need MATI energy.

It's very easy to get sucked in by the largely justified disdain of trannys on this forum but there are people out there who do benefit from this procedure and just want to live their lives out in peace. I hope this girl/boy thing is one of them.

 

[HondaRider271]

Right, first of all, mocking one trans person in an obscure thread on a forum everybody apparently hates is not going to prevent anything or save anybody.

Secondly, that's your personal view of trans stuff, and I get it. But the point of the article is that she isn't harmed. Thats why I don't think she deserves the mockery, because the transition, ostensibly, did the thing it was supposed to and made her life better. That might change down the line but then thats just speculation at this point. This is an example of a person who transitioned that hasn't become a bitter, toxic, self-obsessed bitch and in relative terms that is a good thing.

I'm fully aware that transitioning is treated as a trend and its being marketed towards kids and things like that and its very, very fucked up, I've posted elsewhere here saying so. But all I'm saying here is that in this one instance, dunking on somebody who is happy with what they are, delusional or otherwise, doesn't need MATI energy.

It's very easy to get sucked in by the largely justified disdain of trannys on this forum but there are people out there who do benefit from this procedure and just want to live their lives out in peace. I hope this girl/boy thing is one of them.

The forum being obscure and hated swings both ways. If it doesn't help anybody because nobody sees it, then it also doesn't hurt anybody because nobody sees it.

In fact, I would say the whole concern of "dunking on" somebody is the risk they will see it and get their feelers hurt. Given that is not a risk here, then that seems to actually make this a much safer target of dunking than say Yaniv who regularly self-searches and can be affected one way or another.

And yes, she was negatively affected. That's like saying "well that heroin addict feels great right now, because they just shot up. So you can't say heroin is negatively affecting them. It MIGHT affect them later, but as of now they are simply enjoying their life and it is rude to criticize their choices."

I dunno what mati is