Motherhood & Parenting Thread - AKA: Why is my daughter eating my chapstick?

[Otterly]

My daughter just turned 3 months old and is sleeping for one 5 hour stretch at night. No more waking up every 2 hours. She smiles a ton now. I feel refreshed and alive for the first time since the third trimester. Life is good.

Oh that’s amazing. It took mine until they were about five to do that and I am a shambolic mental wreck from sleep deprivation. Hurrah!

 

[A Pleasant Disposition]

My daughter just turned 3 months old and is sleeping for one 5 hour stretch at night. No more waking up every 2 hours. She smiles a ton now. I feel refreshed and alive for the first time since the third trimester. Life is good.

You got lucky! Currently, I have a newborn, as well as one a few years older. The first took two years to sleep consistently, while the newborn is already going for minimal night-time wakeups. It simultaneously hurts and feels wonderful to regain autonomy.

 

[PandaChai]

My nephew technically first cousin once removed but family is family y'know? will be turning one soon! Now my question is should I go for building blocks or quatro/duplo? Blocks are probably easier for sticky little mitts to play with, but do have a higher chance of blunt force trauma

 

[A Pleasant Disposition]

My nephew

I grew up on legos, and noticed with my kids that it takes a few years to really start getting the idea of how the connectivity of the blocks work. A recent fun one is "Magnatiles" (lots of knock offs exist, too) that has a slightly lower barrier to entry, age wise, and is still quite fun.

 

[Battery Low]

Mine struggled with the strength necessary to connect/disconnect duplo.

+1 for the tiles. Mine was gifted some and they love them so much i bought more to extend what they can build (ebay was my friend here as they are pricey as new imho) Besides, magnets feel like magic and mysterious when you first encounter them.

However she was a bit older when she got her first set (3.5) so I would temper it based on their co-ordination and tolerance for frustration. It's very easy to collapse and disconnect the whole structure.

Mine was never fussed by megablocks but they're a good "first building toy" alongside the classic stacking cups (bonus points for being able to play with them in the bath!) if they don't have those already.

 

[Otterly]

@Castoreum here’s the mothering thread.

 

[Snusmumriken]

I don’t have kids yet but I work with kindergarten through elementary school and I would sure love to know what compels children to blast their snot all over you. Last year during playtime a little boy climbed into my lap, grabbed my face between his hands and coughed right into my open mouth, then went to go play with blocks. I had the flu for a week. Just…why.

 

[Otterly]

I don’t have kids yet but I work with kindergarten through elementary school and I would sure love to know what compels children to blast their snot all over you. Last year during playtime a little boy climbed into my lap, grabbed my face between his hands and coughed right into my open mouth, then went to go play with blocks. I had the flu for a week. Just…why.

Ah. There’s nothing sweeter than a toddler saying ‘mummy, I love you’ and then you feeling them sneeze on your eyeballs. Sharing is caring, I suppose.
High dose vitamin D with k2. Wash hands and face regularly.

 

[Castoreum]

Hi. Am new. I have a toddler. I feel like I'm more tired and lonely than during the newborn phase. My body aches by the end of the day and I lay in bed like the dead and often can't sleep... Does it get better?

I'm gonna watch the thread.

 

[Otterly]

Hi. Am new. I have a toddler. I feel like I'm more tired and lonely than during the newborn phase. My body aches by the end of the day and I lay in bed like the dead and often can't sleep... Does it get better?

I'm gonna watch the thread.

Yes it gets better. They do eventually sleep. This is the hardest bit. But you have to sleep. However long the hours your husband works are, he needs to be looking after your child at some point so you can get a solid block of sleep. On a weekend you need to give him the baby and go to bed for a few hours. Doesn’t matter if you’re living in shifts for a bit, you must sleep.
It’s the hardest stage, they’re constantly awake, constantly ‘on’ and you’re exhausted.

 

[Rich Evans Simp]

Hi. Am new. I have a toddler. I feel like I'm more tired and lonely than during the newborn phase. My body aches by the end of the day and I lay in bed like the dead and often can't sleep... Does it get better?

I'm gonna watch the thread.

Toddlerhood wrecked me, too. I had one who ran and climbed constantly. Those were the days of longing for, but dreading, any kind of kid-inclusive social interaction. Left a restaurant in tears more than once.

I was tired with an infant, but for some reason looked great and carried the new mom glow and energy. By the time my kid was 18 months, I looked and felt like an empty husk. Preschool was a game-changer in terms of meeting other moms and the kids developmentally being able to play together and make friends. I didn’t do enough to make mom friends prior to that, but it may not have been worth it since I would have been literally chasing my kid the entire time. Parents of toddlers who are able to sit and enjoy a toy or be distracted with crayons or whatever Do Not Get It. My MIL was the worst with insisting we go out to eat and that pulling treats from her purse would do the trick.

You’ll be fine soon, I promise.

 

[ApeBass]

Hi. Am new. I have a toddler. I feel like I'm more tired and lonely than during the newborn phase. My body aches by the end of the day and I lay in bed like the dead and often can't sleep... Does it get better?

I'm gonna watch the thread.

I developed insomnia during the toddler stage, is that what you mean by "can't sleep?" My nervous system was just so on edge after over a year of getting up in the night multiple times. I felt particularly cursed as my child finally began to sleep through the night just as I started to really struggle. The sleep-deprivation was worse at this stage than during the newborn phase, I felt completely incapable of looking after a toddler or myself. I was lucky that I have a very helpful and present husband, otherwise I don't think I would have coped.
I was too tired to go out anywhere and on the rare occasion I'd see a friend, I spent the entire time wrangling a chaotic child rather than having a conversation.

Have you considered going to a doctor to help with your sleep? You may have a vitamin deficiency. I ended up being unexpectedly pregnant again and the insomnia was worsened by hormonal changes. I found using a weighted blanket and white noise machine helped.

Ultimately things got better with time. My doctor wasn't particularly good at reassurance, he just told me that as long as I get 4 hours a night, I won't die even if I feel like I might!

 

[sperginity]

Hi. Am new. I have a toddler. I feel like I'm more tired and lonely than during the newborn phase. My body aches by the end of the day and I lay in bed like the dead and often can't sleep... Does it get better?

I'm gonna watch the thread.

I was staying at home with small children, so my advice is largely focused on that experience. The things that helped me the most around that time:

Spoiler: SAHM advice

1. leaving the house to exercise in some form, usually walking, every day. If you have a runner or live near high-traffic streets or other hazards, get one of those children's backpacks with a leash handle, I am convinced that product has saved countless lives. If you walk enough, sleep will be easier for everyone. You don't have to exhaust yourself or do too much, 20 minutes of walking may be enough to help.
2. Finding something the kid would focus on for a long time, while I would listen to or watch something adult oriented. Having to mentally live in little-kid land too long is really alienating. It is hard to say what will contain your kid, but there is something out there, some of it seems a little cruel to me like freezing their toys in ice and then telling them to get the toys out, but kids love that kind of thing for some reason. I preferred stuff that didn't require any assembly or preparation, but that does tend to cost more money. I had multiple train sets going (duplo and IKEA) for a long time, and I didn't really clean them up because it was more engrossing as a huge ongoing project than something to pack up every day. I also think that if you become the sole source of entertainment for your child they miss out on the ability to entertain themselves. If you are only having one child this really becomes a big deal, because you're going to be their sole source for a lot of things in life and you have to choose what things you're reasonably able to provide. Love and caring need to be prioritized over entertainment. Let them get bored.
3. taking the easy way out when it made sense to do so. Before I found good engrossing toys, I had to move homes. SO I had my kid watch television while I worked on packing and cleaning for several weeks to make it happen. It was fine. Nothing bad happened. A lot of my exhaustion at that time was putting a lot of pressure on myself to do everything correctly, it may be worth breaking some of your own rules at least a little to see that things will be okay. After watching a ton of TV during the move, I was more comfortable watching a sane amount of television when it made sense to do so. The moms I know who are the most exhausted with toddlers are the zero sugar/no screen types who don't ever give themselves a break. Do what makes sense for your particular situation and don't worry about what other people might say, it literally does not matter. Maybe you need to eat off paper plates for a year for your own sanity, who gives a shit? its fine.
4. Having another kid helped more than anything. I was so locked-in on my focus on the first one that it was difficult to do other things for myself. The moment I had two to worry about, it broke the spell and I had to let go of a lot of things that I was dead-set on before that. It just wasn't reasonable anymore and I relaxed a lot. I have seen that kind of focus in a lot of women who only have one kid, especially those with sons. Ideally your kids play with each other and like each other. I wish that were a guarantee, but for the most part it works out when they are small, and that is when it matters the most.


finding some friends with kids can really help. its not easy, but it can be free. libraries have story times for small kids and it is a natural place to meet other parents. church also tends to be a good place though I don't know if that is something you're interested in. If you have extra money and don't mind spending it you can do daycare type programs for half a day here and there, if you do not have anyone to help you out (like you live far from family or whatever) then it makes sense to do that. If you have family nearby you have to get them to help you on a regular basis. I had zero help and it made things much more difficult.

Things will change a lot over time, and every age will present you with a new challenge. Every age won't be insomnia though, and that compounds the difficulty of every other thing. When your kid starts being able to have actual conversations with you, it is a really nice change. You also end up carrying way less shit around every year the kid is alive, which is so nice. Eventually you will be able to just get in the car and go somewhere without remembering or packing anything. After that you can just tell them to get in and they'll do it. Hard to imagine when they are small but things will come together and they'll do more and more for themselves. Eventually you'll be able to say "go play outside" and they will.

 

[Castoreum]

Thanks frens. I'll try out some of your advice.

Hardest part for me is the loneliness. If I just posted rants here, I'd be a blubbering, incoherent mess. Guh.

 

[The Mighty Banth]

feel like so much stuff aimed at little girls casts them as a lesser being, and I hate it

Did you ever notice that they always used the word "magical" when describing girls toys in ads during the 90s? As in, barbie spins when you hold the magic ring or use the magic spoon to feed the baby doll. Once I noticed it I couldn't stop. Couls have been benign in the sense that focus groups said "girls like the word magic! " (guilty as charged) but I never heard it for boy toys and I paid attention to those as a tomboy with brothers.

 

[Castoreum]

Ladies, I have officially broke my foot like a clumsy moron.

 

[Otterly]

Ladies, I have officially broke my foot like a clumsy moron.

Oh no! What did you do??

 

[Castoreum]

Oh no! What did you do??

I fell down the last two steps of a staircase. It's minor but still sucks.

Gonna be watching lots of movies.

 

[Common Krait]

Thanks frens. I'll try out some of your advice.

Hardest part for me is the loneliness. If I just posted rants here, I'd be a blubbering, incoherent mess. Guh.

That is a lonely time. They aren't babies who need you all the time and they aren't big enough to do anything by themselves. Husband's tend to be more involved as they grow up but I also remember a time when I felt like the only person alive. It WILL get better. I promise. Being able to hop in the car and go to the store without extra shit is a relief in itself. Kids come back and forth to mom. What REALLY sucks is when they start growing up more and want basically nothing to do with you.

 

[Otterly]

I fell down the last two steps of a staircase. It's minor but still sucks.

Gonna be watching lots of movies.

Are you mobile and able to deal with toddler?
Man that sucks. Can anyone come round and help you? This is what grannies live for btw. If you have a competent MIL and mum, let them help