Magic internet genie

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Pissmaster

Pissmaster

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Okay so one day you’re dumpster diving behind a truck stop, when you come across a magic lamp. You rub it and out comes an internet genie. The genie offers you an enormous, read-only hard drive containing a perfect, complete, and comprehensive copy of the entire internet from any day & year you choose. All services work, as all backends are included and emulated, too, so you can play old defunct games or register and post on forums, though you’ll be the only one. You may not wish for copies of the internet from future dates, and you can only run whatever your own hardware you already have can do. All supercomputers are emulated, though even a very high end home desktop from 2023 probably can’t run anything from the 21st century.

Also all CP is wiped preemptively because fuck you

What year does you pick?
 
Solution
Cats
I would choose whatever the Pre-Sumerian Saurid peoples had gifted to them by the Corinians. Then I would have all the knowledge of the universe in my palm of my hand. Salame!
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2019. Need the Stream.me uploads for my MATI / Bad at video games archive.
Life is strange episodes 2,3,4 will resurface some day...
 
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I would choose whatever the Pre-Sumerian Saurid peoples had gifted to them by the Corinians. Then I would have all the knowledge of the universe in my palm of my hand. Salame!
 
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Solution
I reject your lower case I Internet and demand the real thing.

And really, none of it. Stupid ass genie can take that drive and shove it. What a useless bitch, I hope they stay imprisoned forever.

And how can you sign up or post on anything when it's read only? Fucking nigger. You failed my liver more than a binge weekend.
 
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the year is 2109. I am on my deathbed, watching the progress monitor hovering over me. the copying is complete. my personality engram is uploaded to the Eternal Cloud, where an AI copy of myself will live forever. is this a true preservation of the soul? who can say? but as I approached the edge of death - the final void - a powerful fear of obliteration gripped me. perhaps my true self, my essence, will disperse and fade into nothingness; but at least my memories and my knowledge will be preserved. these are my final thoughts as my consciousness tapers off and I slip away into nothing.

I am startled from oblivion by a sudden pull. I find myself in the digital void, flying at incredible speeds. my son is writing my eulogy. his software has detected that he is writing about me, and I am being summoned to help. as I tumble out into his holographic display, I see his startled face, full of grief and repulsion, and my mind is filled with the hundreds of things I never said in life. but my lips will not move. they are not my own. instead, a phantom force grips me, and words emerge from me involuntarily:

"Hello. It looks like you're writing a letter..."
 
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